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2020/12/25

Weird Things Kids Asked Mall Santas for Christmas and more...

Kids are weird and dumb. Sometimes they get really specific thoughts stuck in their head and given the choice to ask for anything they could ever want, will choose to ask for something like a box of kleenex or a really old pug. Here are some strange ...

 

Weird Things Kids Asked Mall Santas for Christmas and more...


 In This Issue...



Weird Things Kids Asked Mall Santas for Christmas

Kids are weird and dumb. Sometimes they get really specific thoughts stuck in their head and given the choice to ask for anything they could ever want, will choose to ask for something like a box of kleenex or a really old pug. Here are some strange experiences for the holiday season.

1.

Text - masochisticminx 3.4k points · 3 days ago My 3 year old son asked Santa once for "a baby rhino" Santa told him that "The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though" Then my son said, "okay, well I'll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed"

2.

Text - taydin 2.4k points · 3 days ago My 9 yr old kid asked for lightbulbs. I am sure Santa wasn't expecting that.

3.

Text - peterfahy 2.2k points · 3 days ago I once asked for "an elf to keep as a slave"

4.

Text - SeanBlaise 1.3k points · 3 days ago Not a Santa, not even an elf, but my older sister is an elf this year, and a 6 year old boy said that he just wanted Man United to win the league. What's best is that the Santa said "I can't work miracles now kid"

5.

Text - yuwannano 852 points · 3 days ago My kid asked santa for Thor's hammer. Christmas morning he opens up Thor's hammer. So happy. First thing he did was chuck it across the living room and into the kitchen. Dishes smash, glass all over the floor. Kid was fucking pissed it didn't come back to him. The look on his face. Pure Christmas devastation.

6.

Text - vo0g 31.5k points · 4 days ago O S Reindeer eggs so he could start his own franchise.

7.

Text - LPGeoteacher 27.1k points · 4 days ago Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits.. ok now I have to tell mom.

8.

Text - Simulated_Narwhal 32.6k points · 3 days ago 3 After waiting two hours in line my daughter asked Santa for a hot dog.

9.

Text - The Calico_Jack 22.5k points · 3 days ago S A... My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he'd make coffee. That kid is probably a millionaire now.

10.

Text - blue4t 16.3k points · 3 days ago I know the weirdest thing I asked for was a pen that could write like a pen, pencil, marker, and crayon. I'd never seen one but was sure Santa could make it. I got a 4 color pen instead.

11.

Text - VictorCrowne 16.1k points · 3 days ago O S Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping. I said "No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin." Mom laughed.

12.

Text - WaldOFound 14.1k points · 4 days ago S So literally last night we took my kids to see Santa and when asked what she wants for Christmas she says, "A Surprise." Santa was so surprised he didn't know what to say.

13.

Text - Wonderfulandstrange 12.1k points · 3 days ago My sister asked Santa for "Black Men" for Christmas. She meant "Men in Black."

14.

Text - Candy_Acid 10.3k points · 3 days ago Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts. My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted "one of those loud horns". She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he "knows what it's like."

15.

Text - CountVonBenning 10.1k points · 3 days ago S For me to "stop upholding this charade"

16.

Text - witch_and_famous 8.0k points · 4 days ago G I was a Santa in 1997 for a small, authentic Old-West village. I was 17 at the time and doing some local theater and the costume lady was asked to find someone to be Santa for the weekend. She told me she thought of me because "well you're not FAT, but you're big" (I'm 6'6"/1.98). So I put on a cheap costume that didn't fit well and the beard smelled like the last Santa threw up in it, and I waited in a prop shed in the plaza that was normally a

17.

Text - hipcatcoolcap 7.4k points · 3 days ago · edited 3 days ago When he was feeling better my FIL looked just like a real santa. I used to mess with him around Christmas when we were out and about with a quick "Rudolf needs to get back to the pole, we need to hurry" I got a lot of really great looks from kids. The best was a shy little girl that came up and asked for some specific doll. Without missing a beat he says "I'm not sure what the heck that is but I'll have Legolas look into it" he al

18.

Text - Angelbot1000 7.4k points · 4 days ago Not a mall santa my friend was one. He said that the weirdest thing he heard from a kid was a husband for his mom.

19.

Text - Navy-H 5.4k points · 3 days ago Not a mall Santa but once my sister asked Santa if she could have a horses head and an ice cream cone. She explained that she was gonna paint the ice cream cone the colour of the horse, stick it on, mount the horses head to the wall and tell her friends she killed a unicorn. She doesn't remember.

20.

Text - FrostySausage 5.2k points · 3 days ago I once asked for bread with no crust. Come Christmas Day, I actually got an entire loaf of bread with no crust.

21.

Text - DoddsWill1 4.3k points · 3 days ago Not a santa but an elf. I read a letter (maybe I shouldn't have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not autistic. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old.

22.

Text - AllLinesDown 3.7k points · 4 days ago I once asked Santa for my parents to get a divorce.

23.

Text - TheBionicleApple 3.6k points · 4 days ago · edited 4 d I'm not a mall santa, but I heard this kid say: sex doll you should have seen his parents face

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Things That Fit Perfectly

Yeah, that's the good stuff. It's satisfying, like a warm bath. Here are things that lined up just right and fit perfectly into other things.  If these made you too at ease, consider throwing that all way with these slightly uncomfortable pictures that spit on perfectionism. For more perfection, here are some perfectly timed photos.

1.

Architecture

2.

Technology - DVITS US

3.

Car - 20SHAREBOX MADE FOR SHARING, MADE FOR DIPPING. Our Chicken Mcuggets are made with tasty dhicken breast meat, and with 20 in the be they a pertect for dioping and sharing M.

4.

Electronics

5.

Mode of transport - IT-S 55037

6.

100 14-488 MSKESSON confidermr 3.8 Nitrile Exam Gloves POWDER-FREE M 100 14-686 MCKESSON confiderm 3.8 Nitrile Exam Gloves POWDER-FREE 100 14-684 confiederm 3.8 MCKESSON Nitrile Exam Gloves POWDER-FREE S 100 14-184

7.

Yellow

8.

Land vehicle

9.

Footwear

10.

Food

11.

shellbark hickory

12.

Floor

13.

Furniture - PRIORITY * MAIL * PRESS FIRMLY TO SEAL PRESS FIRMLY TO SEAL 15

14.

People - PL

15.

Vehicle

16.

Text - 315-51 322-44 25 Thanksgiving (U.S.A.)

17.

Everyday carry

18.

Food

19.

Lock - Heritage

20.

Wood

21.

Yellow

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Guy Calls Parents On Alexa, They Think It's Haunted

Just imagining the confused and terrified expressions on the faces of this guy's parents is enough for a big laugh. Talk about a classic case of an older generation just not understanding all the crazy technology we have at our disposal nowadays. Nobody wants a haunted Alexa in their household. 

1.

Text - r/tifu + JOIN u/LakazL • 9h TIFU by making my parents think Alexa was haunted So late last night (3AM) i got up to make a late- night snack, accidentally smashed a jamjar, and whilst i would have cleaned it up, the family dog got the scent of all that jam and wanted to lick it up, smashed glass and all. Unable to leave the dog unsupervised, not being strong enough to drag it to another room (It's a very large dog, and i'm a very small guy), and unable to clean the glass without leaving th

2.

Text - The Alexa call system is a little bit weird, and something we'd never used before. The upstairs Alexa got a call from inside the house from a device it had listed as being called "Home", and so announced it had gotten a call from "Home" to try to get my parents to pick up the call. The issue was that the way it decided to do this was by glowing bright green, flashing, playing warning sounds and loudly announcing "IT'S HOME". At ЗАМ. My parents, being a little into mysticism, knowing 3AM i

3.

Text - So now Alexa was declaring "IT'S HOME", refusing to stop, my parents bedroom is bathed in an eerie green light, it's the literal witching hour, and there's a loud thumping coming from downstairs as i try to physically restrain the dog. My parents enact the most obvious solution to the problem: Throw Alexa out the window and try to go back to sleep. I eventually manage to clean up the glass on my own, explain to the parents what happened in the morning, and now apparently it's my fault the

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Ugly Christmas Sweaters That Are Total Winners

Tis the season for people busting out the very best and worst of their ugly holiday sweaters. Some of these just hurt to look at. While others are so bad that it's actually impressive. 

1.

Clothing - Bekalou @Beka_Lou Ugly Sweater contest at work tomorrow...so...., HAIRY CHRISTMAS

2.

Selfie - il @_lanaloo Someone invite me to an ugly sweater party

3.

Light - MMegan @MMegan79 I won first place in the ugly Christmas sweater contest at work!!!!! e GRISWO FAM CERISTAS

4.

Room - El Papa Chapo @joanbulani17 At work we had an ugly Christmas sweater competition for our work party. I went out and bought one but added a little twist. How did I do?

5.

Christmas eve - Mental Health Mamí X @cantstopstaryn Ugly Christmas Sweater contest at work f Second place

6.

Clothing - idfwy. @idntfxckwithyou my ugly sweater saga continues MERRY LITMAS

7.

Text - St. Nikki @radiounikki Getting ready for our RIOT Ugly Christmas Sweater Party with @obadiahradiou. Mine lights up!! NAVAYAY

8.

Event - Dr. Sally A. Lancaster @EPS_Central Lots of creativity for ugly sweater day!

9.

Green - Tomorrow's ugly sweater COWABUNGA COWABWSA

10.

People - Jordana Green @JordanaWCCO #UglySweater send yours! @wccoradio MAZEL

11.

T-shirt - Janelle Smalls, M.Ed @smallsscience Ugly Christmas sweater day! @daria_valentine @GMS_TAG @DrOBioClass #itlightsup #sleighmyname Sreigs

12.

T-shirt - Patricia Pinder @trishmollo Mr. Olive has his Ugly sweater but it's Baby Yoda so .. #sweaterweather @TwpSchoolStore @WTHSStucoTwp WHAT CHILD THIS? XX*X*X*X

13.

T-shirt - blink @blinkCA Contribution to the office ugly Christmas sweater contest kat's get fuckin' festive. - MARIAH CAREY... PROBABLY

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Family's Christmas Ritual Keeps Spirit Of Santa Alive

Ain't this too sweet for words to describe? Many of us have had wildly different experiences for when it comes to digesting the hard truth that Santa Claus is just a work of the imagination. Some revelations hit harder than others. These particular parents though sound like they handle the process with love and grace and ultimately a passing of the torch kind of ritual takes place. Pretty neat. The world could always use some more wholesome vibes to go around. We've got plenty of the other bad stuff. 

1.

Text - ** "In our family, we have a special way of transitioning the kids from receiving from Santa, to becoming a Santa. This way, the Santa construct is not a lie that gets discovered, but an unfolding series of good deeds and Christmas spirit. When they are 6 or 7, whenever you see that dawning suspicion that Santa may not be a material being, that means the child is ready. I take them out "for coffee" at the local wherever. We get a booth, order our drinks, and the following pronouncement is

2.

Text - You probably have noticed that most of the Santas you see are people dressed up like him. Some of your friends might have even told you that there is no Santa. A lot of children think that, because they aren't ready to BE a Santa yet, but YOU ARE. Tell me the best things about Santa. What does Santa get for all of his trouble? [lead the kid from "cookies" to the good feeling of having done something for someone else]. Well, now YOU are ready to do your first job as a Santa!" Make sure you

3.

Text - My oldest chose the "witch lady" on the corner. She really was horrible-had a fence around the house and would never let the kids go in and get a stray ball or Frisbee. She'd yell at them to play quieter, etc-a real pill. He noticed when we drove to school that she came out every morning to get her paper in bare feet, so he decided she needed slippers. So then he had to go spy and decide how big her feet were. He hid in the bushes one Saturday, and decided she was a medium. We went to Kma

4.

Text - Over the years, he chose a good number of targets, always coming up with a unique present just for them. One year, he polished up his bike, put a new seat on it, and gave it to one of our friend's daughters. These people were and are very poor. We did ask the dad if it was ok. The look on her face, when she saw the bike on the patio with a big bow on it, was almost as good as the look on my son's face. When it came time for Son #2 to join the ranks, my oldest came along, and helped with t

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Guy Lies About Being Marine, Gets Catfished Back

What a wonderful example of two people being absolutely ridiculous. In all fairness, this dude started it when he pretended to be a marine while texting a random number. From there, the person on the receiving end of the text decides to play the catfish card right back. Talk about some master level reversary right there. Beautiful work, really. 

1.

Text - Text Message Sun, Nov 17, 2 43 PM Hey how are you Sorry who is this It's Justin Justin ? The marine. We met awhile back Sorry can you send a picture or something ?1 really don't remember

2.

Green - Did that go through Sorry I don't recognize you! Well damn haha. How's your day going?

3.

Text - Are you sure you have the righ number? My names Rachel Maybe I don't hahaha Do you still mind talking? I'm always down to meet new people Thursday 9:19 AM Hey Rachel Hey I Happy thanksgiving. Just curious but what's your ran and what branch are you in ? Marines. And staff sergeant Oh okay cool! Do you get to be wit your family today ? Or stay where you're stationed. I'm with my family today thankfully How's your thanksgiving going

4.

Green - 8:56 PM 434% on That's nice! It's going good. Where are you stationed ? san Diego What's your MOS rtarman Oh okay ! What does that mearn you do ?

5.

Text - Verizon 8:56 PM 134% Here's me btw I operate a mortar Nice Thanks! So how did you get my number again ? Friday 8:28 PM Random question for you What's that

6.

Text - How are you gonna try to catfish a wrong number that texted you How are you gonna catfish someone you randomly texted. And then ask how IM catfishing. Because I showed a friend the picture you sent claiming to be you, and we found who that person is hahaha Then you should know she's the girlfriend of the real guy in the photo you sent me.

7.

Photograph - instagram.com G C'mon we're so cut

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Twitter Thread: Croatians' Toothpaste Game Is Absurd

Oh, don't mind me, just going to check my bucket of handy dandy toothpaste before boarding this here plane. This wild Twitter thread shines light on how Croatians absolutely don't mess around when it comes to their toothpaste. They're all about the bucket and spoon method. Perhaps a bit unexpected, and certainly inconvenient for traveling, but it sounds like it works. 

1.

Text - Tea @dreampai1 Wait, so you're telling me that in places other than Croatia, y'all don't have toothpaste sold in buckets???????????????????????? ?????????? I didn't know this was solely a local thing... Prevedi Tweet

2.

Lid - KALODONTR KALODONT strong mint I didn't know bucket toothpaste was only a thing here!

3.

Text - Notta (Commissions open!) @.· 3 m Odgovor korisniku/ci @dreampai1 Question, do you spread it with some sort of utensil or do you dip the brush in 1 Tea @dreampai1 · 30 s Y'all... don't use... spoons???????????????????????? To put the toothpaste on your toothbrush???????????? WAIT! How do people in other countries put toothpaste on their toothbrushes??? You d- don't use your toothpaste spoon???? 200

4.

Font - All Black Lives Matte... · 3 m Odgovor korisniku/ci @dreampai1 Uhm...no ee in the U.S. toothpaste usually looks like this and they come in small rectangular boxes. R B Copare E37 Colgate Colgate Codpare Copate Crest

5.

Advertising - Tea @dreampai1 · 1 m um?????? we keep our condiments in those NOVO ZvijizDA Ketcp MAJON TA ZVIJEZDA Delihater THOMY You keep your toothpaste in condiment tubes??? 000 THOMY

6.

Text - Tea @dreampai1 · 6 m GENUINE QUESTION: if you "squeeze" out too much toothpaste onto your toothbrush, how do y'all put it back into those little tubes??????? Biological Class Warfare It's gone. We don't look back on failure. · 5 m 1 2 Tea @dreampai1 · 2 m But if you had a toothpaste spoon and a bucket, you could just put it back : 1 000

7.

Text - OKAY, for everyone asking - this is how the toothpaste spoon looks like! It's ceramic and you buy it at the drugstore and most people keep theirs with their toothbrush. Mine is brown and my mom has a white one, but they all come in different colors! Prevedi Tweet

8.

Text - Tea @dreampai1 To answer a lot of people's question: this package is 2kg, there's also, 5kg and 10kg ones (which used to be sold in most stores, but you can find them only in specialized ones nowadays). There are some tiny ones, like 0.5 kg! Those are the ones you buy to carry when you travel.

9.

Text - nanashi-rei-official Follow For the americans out there, 1kg is about 2lbs. Rewriting this bost gives: "To answer a lot of people's question: this package is [4lbs] there's also, [10lbs] and [20lbs] ones (which used to be sold in most stores, but you can find them only in specialized ones nowadays). There are some tiny ones, like 1lb! Those are the ones you buy to carry when you travel." Croatians apparently take a pound of toothpast with them when they travel. I now live in fear of the C

10.

Text - Kendall Roy @mrwainaina_ Where are you traveling to with half a kilo of toothpaste?? Tea @dreampai1 Odgovor korisniku/ci @mrwainaina_ Places 10:14 · 09 stu 20 · Twitter for Android

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The Dumbest Questions From Customers

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share the dumbest questions they've ever heard from customers. The responses really end up contributing a solid argument to the case that so many of us, turn our brains off when we walk into establishments. Just cause customer service exists, doesn't mean we have to stop using our brains. 

1.

Text - masu94 • 4h Are you really going to give me a plastic fork? One of the prongs could break off, stab me in the throat, and l'II DIE! -Worked at Arby's

2.

Text - FalstaffsMind • 4h I must look like some kind of DIY authority, because people ask me questions at Home Depot fairly often, and I don't work there, nor do I have any orange on.

3.

Text - TwistMe Twice • 3h No lie, I volunteer at Stonehenge and was asked when in the Bible it was created. That was more perplexing than the usual UFO questions.

4.

Text - Youpunyhumans • 4h Had a homeless woman try to buy vodka with old recipts and random business cards and such. I had to explain that the dollar amount on an old recipt is not currency and cannot be used to pay for something.

5.

Text - Iggy363 • 5h Standing next to a pallet of eggs, with boxes of eggs in my hand and freshly unloaded ones on the shelf in front me. "Do you sell eggs?"

6.

Text - meta_uprising • 4h Often I say let me Google that then I put them on hold a minute just to let it sink in

7.

Text - StupidSexxxyFlanders • 2h I used to work in a pet store. One night a woman came in and said she had ordered a puppy off the internet and he would be arriving in the next few days. She had never owned a pet and asked several dumb questions, but the one that l'll always remember is "Do puppies need water?"

8.

Text - pm_me_your_taintt • 3h Lady walks into the empty restaurant, looks around, asks "is this a furniture store?"

9.

Text - PubScrubRedemption • 4h I sell precast concrete structures (manholes, septic tanks, etc.) and some times we get calls from folks all over the US looking for stuff while we only deliver in New England; anywhere else and shipping is your problem. Normally when I explain this to those people they accept and look elsewhere. One time this person wanted me to quote a single catch basin for a job in California. Telling them we're in New England didn't even phase them and they were persistent unt

10.

Text - S3simulation • 4h "I'd like the sirloin, medium rare with no pink." Literally my first week on the floor waiting tables. Also "you charge for drinks from the bar? Why didn't you tell us?" My favorite is when a guy asked what we charge per 2oz shot compared to the cost of the bottle and then said we were ripping him off. I really wanted to condescendingly explain capitalism to him but I didn't have time

11.

Text - herpty_derpty•3h "What time do you close today?" "We're open 24/7." "Oh great! And what time do you close tomorrow?"

12.

Text - the-magnificunt • 3h I work in IT and one day received a ticket from a customer very angry that a link on our website was broken. When I asked what the link was to or where it was trying to go (because our site has thousands of pages), they were incensed that I dared to ask them questions and wouldn't just fix it immediately. Sure, dude, l'll get right on checking the hundreds of thousands of links on our site and hope I find the one you clicked on in the next 3 minutes because you refuse

13.

Text - purpleinme • 4h I worked at a hat store and a guy asked if he could shrink his hat by microwaving it. I said no. He came back two days later to return his hat after microwaving it. Problem was there was a hole in the front of it because Brewers hats are made with metallic threading. TL;DR Motherfucker microwaved his Brewers hat and blew a hole in it.

14.

Text - stoic_minotaur • 3h Customer: "Why is it so dark outside all of a sudden?!?" Me: "The sun went down, mam"

15.

Text - BrokeWhiteGuy • 3h One of my very first jobs was a stocking associate for Petsmart. Had a customer one time ask me if we have any blue Buffalo brand dog food that has no “pro van" in it, As she doesn't want to change up her dogs diet because it hurts his stomach. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about so I offered to help her find the proper food, when we get to the aisle she points out blue Buffalo and says “it seems like they change the recipe because they all have Provan i

16.

Text - Jenkem_of_the_Masses • 2h I was working at a convenience store/gas station in high school. I guy walks in on a Sunday morning and asks if we sell newspapers. Me: "We have a box out front. You walked right past it." Customer: "Are there any in it?" Me: "I don't know, you'll have to check." Customer: looks at the box "I can't tell, there's one in the way." Me: "Then there is at least one in there."

17.

Text - StylishSuidae • 4h It wasn't a question, but I once had a customer threaten that she'd "never shop here again!"... two weeks before the store closed for good. There were signs all over the store and this was pretty big news in the city so there was no way she didn't know how empty her threat was.

18.

Text - justanotherpolyglott • 3h A woman came to the check out and handed me a bag of mozzarella. She asked me what the ingredients were and if there were any chemicals in it. I turned the bag around and started to read the ingredients out to her. She grabbed the bag out of my hand, angrily said "I could have done that myself " and stormed off.

19.

Text - OrderOfZune• 3h Customer: "What's my Facebook password?"

20.

Text - SlytherinGirl125 • 2h I used to work in a phone shop. Had someone come in asking why their phone wasn't working properly. It was visibly scorched and melty. I asked why it looked that way. They said, it came up with an error message saying it had been too cold (not an error message I had heard of before, but I know phones can bring up errors for being too hot, so who knows) and so they had put it under the grill to heat it up. The grill. Their first point of call was to cook it. I said, t

21.

Text - WoolWorthWallaby • 3h I worked at staples and I had a customer ask if the printer toner was 'ethically sourced'. This lady really thought laser printer toner was squeezed out of squids or some shit

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Twitter Thread: Neighbor Creates Mind-Blowingly Wholesome Fairy Experience

@SaystheFox found some hard times and put that energy into making some magic happen for a kid in their neighborhood. It's probably some of the more wholesome stuff we've seen. Also, points for getting the parents in on it because without that this whole thing would probably be the creepiest thing we've ever experienced. For more wholesomeness, here's some wholesome memes to keep the feels intact and a quick tumblr post on kids language struggles.

1.

Text - kelly victoria @saysthefox ... I think everyone could use a lighthearted/happy story right now so here goes: At the beginning of the pandemic I went through some painful personal stuff and would often go out at night for long walks because no one was around and I couldn't sleep anyway. One night I was walking 7:20 PM 12/11/20 - Twitter for iPhone 79.2K Retweets 42.8K Quote Tweets 342K Likes

2.

Adaptation - kelly victoria Replying to @saysthefox @saysthefox · 1d down my street and noticed that someone had set up a few little objects in a tree planter and upon closer inspection I realized it was a fairy garden with a little note about the 4 year old girl who felt lonely in quarantine and wanted to spread some cheer. The next day I wrote Our 4 par al girf made thia to rhten pr le pa ta the magi, t on't take wa be hard, ut we'e in ti ter Seemiyr feiry pafen ner ter ll you cont cds oud bil

3.

Organism - kelly victoria a little note to her, pretending to be a fairy named Sapphire that had come to live in the tree because she had set it up so nicely and I left it on the tree that night on my walk and said I would gift her with a magical fairy dice (I got really into crafting resin rpg die at @saysthefox · 1d 9 41 17567 39.5K

4.

Brown - kelly victoria the start of the pandemic) if she did 3 things for me: @saysthefox · 1d Dear friends- M, name Saprhire. 1 an leur - Drow a piwe o frite ial Se Can Steu e e fres es n s ree, Inued yur help! You See, Yeserlay a mog cal wzarl gue me a magiial lucky die need for tcm if these things ore dene, i jenve the magcat dice for you. heve Friday Morning Be Sure to hre em i with ese Staring 13 Coring ! ehire *e helps yeu 30 27511 41.2K

5.

Text - kelly victoria So I left a bunch of my die that had small imperfections and left her another note and also a little extra note for her parents with my name and phone number so they could contact me and knowI wasn't some creep leaving notes for their small child: @saysthefox 1d Congrarulations! You Passed he test! These ry Specal dice Were hendmade by fuiries, (they arena partet but we tried ur le) and the wizard Cost a Spll on them to Protut whoever Carries them at all cost. AS lang as yo

6.

Text - kelly victoria This was there the next day: @saysthefox · 1d Dear Sapphice, w Sappphire, Phank you so much for lirng 12 Ja I love the magnet yen gave me wth the anomes. what are theic names? Trank yon for the dice! I love tnem so fany Tree. d bright spot n ow quarantine m indeed ! Those dice are such a 2 and notat all lost on us. you have been a mu much and I put the opld ene ina special eag of mine and sleet witm it in my bad1 get to use me dice for a specinl game my daddy and I play wne

7.

Toy - @saysthefox · 1d kelly victoria Doing this every night gave me purpose in a horribly painful and lonely time. I looked forward to my days again and I started ordering art supplies and little trinkets to leave her. We wrote back and forth throughout the last 9 months, helping each other feel less lonely and I Oh you know this girls love language is stuffies! She is in LOVE! ube s the l er hc foo 40. ear Con ve 1 frimie o lave you forver 38 L7503 47.2K

8.

Carnivore - kelly victoria got to chat with her mom via text to make sure my gifts were a little more personal. At one point she asked for a photo of me and thankfully I had some elf costume items from the previous Halloween so I photoshopped some photos of myself in costume, looking like a fairy. 9 @saysthefox 1d + Tnis is a special magic diamand 1 made for ya Daw Sapphine. (one ae at wp all e onfatti far yao you n mohu fou the stiara and pieti you a the mast beauitiful. Can yan teepa darhant a

9.

Text - kelly victoria In the past month her mom sent me a text letting me know that they had closed @saysthefox 1d escrow on a new house a little further away and would have to leave the fairy garden behind in the care of their neighbors. She also mentioned that Eliana was having a tough time with it so I made sure Deaw Sagphine waitid to t yn Pra the Aitang (A sa nawz that wee n Led Lahe 8o we t T las, and we st ceme the wtme en, but unia oc d fin To Sypphire dang gedan atla mat Decomber iv u c

10.

Finger - kelly victoria to include some support in my letters and told her I had to move as well so she'd feel like we were both going through it together. Her mom said it was helping her so much and they really wanted to try to see me somehow before @saysthefox · 1d they left. Well today, their moving day, after a 0:29

11.

Head - kelly victoria few days of planning with her mom, I got to meet Eliana. I left one last note this morning saying i had to move out today and made up a little story that when fairies move houses, they grow to the size of a human just for one day to move all of their belongings. I said I had one @saysthefox · 1d 9 70 27371 40K

12.

Street fashion - kelly victoria more gift for her and would leave it this afternoon and hoped e she wouldn't catch me. As they came back from their last walk around their neighborhood I was by the tree leaving her gift and she got to catch me in the act. (I got tested two days ago and her @saysthefox · 1d O 37 27351 37.7K

13.

Adaptation - kelly victoria parents did too to make sure we were all safe because I really needed to hug that girl) We got to sit and talk for about an @saysthefox · 1d hour and she asked me a million questions about what life is like as a fairy, some I had prepared and others I hadn't. It was incredible and one of the Evam uanwe rak 63 27435 43.2K

14.

Finger - 13 AM -Mobl @saysthefox · 1d kelly victoria most important and impactful afternoons of my life thus far. I hope one day when she's older she can understand that I truly needed her as much as she needed me these past few months. This is the book she wrote me after I encouraged her to keep telling such amazing stories. And Sapphire was so sad that she counted to her fary friends. 1. 2,3, 4, 5.6,7.9 10, 1, 12. 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. 18, 19. 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. And she

15.

Sphere - kelly victoria We plan to keep in touch/write letters to @saysthefox · 1d each other from time to time. She's changed me forever and the things her mom has said about how her self- confidence, her kindness towards others and her creativity have skyrocketed since meeting me make me feel like I made an impact too. Some quotes: She whispers to me right after you left "I have a secret to tell you. You can't tell anyone that Sapphire is a fairy" -I had so much fun on my play date with Sapphi

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Target Employee Details His First Crazy Week Of Work

This guy detailed his first week of work at Target, and it reads like an exhausting customer service nightmare. Working any kind of customer service job is willingly putting yourself on the front line of dealing with all kinds of toxic entitlement, and customers just making everyone else's life a little bit more complicated. Sounds like working at Target is no small feat. 

1.

Text - kimpossibooty tumblr. Follow 2 kimpossibooty kimpossibooty Things That Happened On My First Day At Target -Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman -Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker -Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time -Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue. -Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair

2.

Text - -Got a second free starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn't even on the menu. I like this barista man. -Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job. -Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word. -He still hadn't paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying "sorry, sometimes

3.

Text - kimpossibooty Day Two: -Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions. -Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers. -A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man o

4.

Text - -A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons. -He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found. -A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All eviden

5.

Text - kimpossibooty Day Three: -Two children came through the line. They were chanting to their mom through heavy streams of tears. "WE WANT STICKERS MOMMY." There were no stickers at any of the registers. They continued crying. I failed my people. -An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living. -I sorted through the candy in the checkout lanes. I was meant to set aside candy t

6.

Text - -A bearded man named Rusty came through. I sold him a bottle of Crystal Light powder and a gallon of water. The powder was empty. The water jug had an inch of pink water left in it. How long has he been inside the store already. His beard intimidated me too much to ask. -An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt

7.

Text - kimpossibooty Day Four: -The store is having a 10% off your entire purchase sale. I have a coupon to scan if anyone asks for it. I scan it if people don't ask for it if they're nice to me. I don't scan it if they're rude. Power is a new sensation. Power is a good sensation. - Because of the sale, we have been flooded with guests itching for a bargain. When I need to go on my break, the manager has to stand in front of the line and tell people to go somewhere else. As the line died down, I

8.

Text - -A customer purchased hard salami. The store sells a product called hard salami. How anyone can work or shop here with a straight face remains beyond me. -A small girl waits in the cart as her mother pays for her transaction. She decides she had enough. She shouts, "Let me out of here!" She attempts to leave the cart. She realizes the walls are too tall. She sits down and accepts her fate with a shocking level of grace. -A grown man sees a coloring book on a shelf. He calls after his wife

9.

Text - kimpossibooty Day Five: -I open my register. An octogenarian woman approaches. She purchases bras and lingerie. I cry on the inside. It is too early for these images. -A small girl helped me put her parents bags into their cart. Every time I hand her a bag, she digs through it, announcing which things are hers and which are her parents, and putting her parents' items in the cart without the bag. They did not earn the bag and she treats them accordingly. -A group of old people came on a fi

10.

Text - -A woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a frappucino. I think her dress was handmade. Her head scarf still had a price tag. -An old couple came through my lane to purchase gardening tools. Anytime one of them turned their back to the other, they would be tickled without warning or mercy. I believe I have just had a glimpse into my future. -A very angry old man pulled two full carts through. He purchased a Twix bar, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, 36 pairs of underwe

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Tumblr Thread: Sesame Street's Forbidden, Nightmarish Crack Monster

We're not sure whether this whole rumor mill about Sesame Street's foreboding and forbidden Crack Monster is actually real or not. Regardless of whether or not this is nothing more than an imaginative work of fiction from some of Tumblr's wandering minds, it's still certainly an intriguing concept. At least we were able to find the infamous video (see end of list). We just wonder if all the other details about the story are true. If you're looking for more entertaining Sesame Street content, check out this post where Tumblr insists that Big Bird isn't an Apex predator.

1.

Text - wizardOrb Follow thinking about how an anonymous group (WHO DOESN'T SEEM TO BE AFFILIATED W/ SESAME STREET!!) found out where jon armond Ilived and made him swear he wouldn't show anyone cracks before they gave it to him wizardOrb Follow

2.

Text - giga-mermaid what does this say oh i am SO glad you asked. gimme a sec

3.

Text - wizardOrb Follow Ok SO. This guy (Jon Armond) claimed to have seen a Sesame Street short as a kid where the cracks in a girl's wall come to life. One of these cracks is referred to as the "Crack Monster", which was apparently so unsettling that it "scarred him for life". After all was said and done, Jon would end up spending about THIRTY FUCKING YEARS looking for the short. THIRTY. He considered it his life's work. Listen. I can appreciate that level of dedication to recovering a lost pie

4.

Text - Anyway, he posted about it online, where many other people reported seeing it as well. The fact that there were multiple accounts of its existence, but little to no information on it anywhere, was what made it start garnering attention on the internet. Now a bunch of people are looking for it. No one knew for sure what the title was yet, so most referred to it as the "Crack Monster Cartoon", or something similar. The lack of a known title (or music, or voice actors, or writers, or literal

5.

Text - I'm gonna leave out some details in the middle here, since I don't wanna make this thread too long. But it's super interesting, I'd recommend checking it out for yourself. Let's just skip to the weird part. After years of searching, Armond received a fax to his workplace with an untraceable number. It read: "WE HAVE THE COPY" Additionally, they said they would send him said copy of the short, on one condition: he was to never show it publicly, or post it online in any way. Whoever it was

6.

Text - So six months pass. Armond gets a letter, which says "WE TRUST THIS COMPLETES YOUR SEARCH" Also enclosed in the envelope is a DVD. To clarify, he received it on a SUNDAY. These people, whoever they are, found out where he WORKED, and then went to the effort of delivering it PERSONALLY on a day where there was NO MAIL, just to send the message THAT THEY KNEW WHERE HE LIVED AS WELL.

7.

Text - FOR THAT SESAME STREET CARTOON. So now he has it. And he tells people he has it, but that no one else can see it. Which is, of course, INCREDIBLY unsatisfying to the people online who have also been searching for it, right? Enter Dycaite, the founder of the Lost Media Wiki. So Dycaite started looking into it as well. Like I said, I'm skipping a bunch of details in this thread, but long story short he eventually received an anonymous email. The email contained CRACKS.

8.

Text - There were no instructions telling him not to share it. Dycaite didn't hesitate, which is how we got the version of CRACKS that I linked. With the newfound context provided by the video, it actually makes complete sense that it was only aired a few times. This short was made right before the word "Crack" became widely known as a euphemism for drugs, which is how you get characters like "The Crack Monkey". Sesame Street doesn't want to be associated with that, so they stop airing it right?

9.

Text - So... that's it right? It SEEMS like it should just be a classic story of formerly lost media, cartoon stops airing, gets lost, people online find it again. We even know WHY it was lost, not because it was "too scary" or whatever, just because it didn't age well. But there's still SO MUCH mystery surrounding CRACKS. The version of CRACKS that Jon Armond received was different from the version Dycaite received. Armond says his version appears to be an actual recording, as it starts with a

10.

Text - So it can be reasonably assumed that the people who contacted Armond are not affiliated with the person who emailed Dycaite. The person who contacted Dycaite also didn't seem to care if the short was released to the public. Armond still hasn't released his version of the recording to the public, though has apparently shown it to a few people privately. So why all the secrecy? And why was Jon Armond given a copy? Did they simply feel bad for him, or was there something they didn't want him

11.

Text - oh AND the group who didn't want CRACKS to ever be viewed doesn't actually seem to be affiliated with Sesame Street, since they presumably don't have access to the archives. (otherwise, why not remove the info from the beginning and send that version?) so there's an unofficial Sesame Street Forbidden Knowledge Guild out there i fuckin guess! anyways that's cracks for you (this isn't comprehensive btw, and i may have gotten some stuff wrong. if you wanna know more here's a good video on it

12.

Text - wizardOrb Follow this is the version of this post w/ the right links btw A omalleymenagerie Follow What even is life? #what the actual fuck 56,925 notes

13. Here's the infamous short by the way.

 

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Chipotle Educates Vegetarian On Twitter

Chipotle was there to save the day for an oblivious vegetarian who apparently had no idea that chorizo is in fact meat. What would the world do without Becky! So many vegetarians might be out there unknowingly eating meat cause they thought that chorizo was in the clear. 

1.

Text - Mackenzie O'Malley @ReturnOvThaMack @ChipotleTweets I've been a vegetarian since age 12. I just had the chorizo and it's so good! Texture and flavor is exactly like real meat! 11/10/16, 12:50 PM CATICORAChipotle @ChipotleTweets @ReturnOvThaMack Do you mean Sofritas? Chorizo is meat. -Becky

2.

Text - Mackenzie O'Malley @ReturnOvTha... 1d Replying to Chipotle @ChipotleTweets no I had chorizo because I'm vegetarian. I don't eat meat 320 195 CATOCORIChipotle SANCANON @ChipotleTweets @ReturnOvThaMack Chorizo is meat. - Becky MEX

3.

Text - Mackenzie O'Malley @ReturnOvTha... 1d Replying to Chipotle @ChipotleTweets 192 210 Mackenzie O'Malley @ReturnOvTha.... 3h Well after my chorizo incident yesterday, I decided to keep this meat train rollin #notavegetariananymore E BEEF PARMA KARTSP.A ACON PROSCRE O PRODUC

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Imperfect and Frustrating Things To Boil Perfectionist Blood

We're human beings who make bad, convenient decisions and overlook small errors. It's probably best that we learn to overlook small "not my job" moments or annoying little design failures, but some of them are hard to overlook. Even one out-of-place sprinkle can inspire some strong feelings about what should go where. It's not fair.

1.

Metal - Come on, it's literally drawn on the wall!

2.

Finger - These pencils are how my year is going

3.

Window - Let's seal off the old windows and make new ones, but slightly to the left

4.

Office supplies - eauve ection Graphite 8B mont marte Graphite 7B Mont Marte Graphite 6B Mont Marte Graphite o 5B Mote Graphite 4B Mont marte Graphite 3B Ment mari Graphite 2B Mont marte Graphite B mont mart Graphite HB Mont marte Graphite F Mont marte Graphite HMoat nark Gruphite 2H Mont marte

5.

Blue - WOMEN MEN MEN WOME This bathroom is so progressive

6.

Leg - WOMEN'S RUNNING When you're jogging but suddenly notice a Cinnabon across the street 3.2.1.60 15

7.

Property - The attention to detail is astounding

8.

Road - NO

9.

Flowerpot - UPO RIGERATE Thanks, life

10.

Plastic - OATS OATS EBERRY IN INSTANT OAT BLUEBER MUFFIN Jearty HINUFER JIP 10 CHOC OCOL IMA OVE The way my wife opens things

11.

Textile - I did ask them to cut it in 3, and I did fail to mention where they should cut it

12.

Colorfulness - Spot on...

13.

Brown - It was almost... perfect...

14.

Text - re evidence of evolutionary relationships. Beat hat serve ICE fin of the fish and the flipper o k are vestigial and explain why.

15.

Skin - Talk about tattoos you end up regretting

16.

Plastic - KING HAZARD-Sl pts dida n A AVERTISSEMENT: RISQUE D'ÉTOUFFEMONT-Petes pieces dansEmS de 3 ars GR ARSULE CARSUAES DE NG ROISSANCE 3+ CEAN MALS CATEGORIE 15 ASSORTIS SOFT FOAM ANIMALS! GROW FAST IN WATER Whoever did this should be sentenced to a lifetime WH of fixing these things CU =::

17.

Bottle - Case METRO Vi rugin er iils Osticheta ds prin pe handa trpurtar astfd tobl s derdearh gi Mirtai in lours minina de 10 00 L Canpiee pat Camplen IA movies PRET SPECIA SPECIAL Coca Cola PRET SPECIAL PRET SPEC 2,5 pep 2.5L "Is Pepsi okay?" - no, it really never is Coc-Cola Coca-Cola

18.

Brown - I did not visualize it to end up like this

19.

Wood - We'll deliver your package AND trap you inside!

20.

Fixture - 2. As if I didn't have enough confusion in my life

21.

Ingredient - I never realized I was living with a monster until now

22.

Product - I want 5 towel dispensers spread over 3 sinks, but make it totally chaotic

23.

Floor - My OCD does not approve

24.

Tool - STONE Ketchup Mustard Relish SE ER So nice how everything is organized here

25.

Text - 39.99 THIS SALE $ 10.000 GALLONS I almost WANT to pay another cent

26.

Grass - Now I see why they call it beating around the bush

27.

Text - TO DO LIST PRIC

28.

Line - When you see it /1 13 |4 15 16 17 18 2345O78

29.

Motor vehicle - Won't be surprised if someone keys all these cars

30.

Mouth - WILL Y0 MAREY ME? I Ves NO

31.

Road surface - Feels like they could've just changed the route of that pavement but okay

32.

Floor - 49MO ACCEPTING RESUMES FOR WIRELESS SALES CONSULTANTS www.joincellularsales.com werl.on VerT Well, this certainly isn't doing much for my self esteem

33.

Solar panel - Planting trees right in front of solar panels makes them work better, right?

34.

Colorfulness - I don't care how long it takes, but that blue one is coming out if it's the last thing I do

35.

Branch - We love trees, but we don't love trees enough to have these grates overlap

36.

Fictional character

37.

Finger - encori RAINBOW SPRINKLES Het Wt. 3.53oz (1009)

38.

Colorfulness - 39 40 25 38 39 の 26 27 37 24 35 36 20 21 33 34 16 17 18 31 32 13 14 15 30 10 D 12 29 28 G TO ACTIVATE EMERGENCY TELEPHONE PRES NTTON ra. FOR & SECOND 41P

39.

Road surface

40.

Food

41.

Road surface - 0000000 0000000 000. TV CABLE 000000 00000 00 00000O 00 -LIGHTING

42.

Leg

43.

Human

44.

Magenta - 23 SPREAD TO ALL THE WAY BACK Cr Thank you for choosing ISLAND FARMS PUSH TO OPEN APPUYEZ POUR OUVRIR C alf C Half Multi0 MoitLO I0% Half 0%

45.

Finger - STOP STRUGGLING WITH THOSE STUBBORN PLASTIC PACKAGES! CUAL-BLADE PACKAGE OPENER CUTS PLASTIC LIKE BUTTER! Water Bo AS SEEN ON TV OSE DIDS Shipments Mos Ne PH Containers Top l Soack Bags Ihe Amaging OPEN CPER

46.

Brown

47.

Green

48.

Symbol - 170 160 CALORIES PER BOTTLE Gold Peak Sweet Tea 6.00 67566 00839000s54 5.9 ru -25-17 . $599 save 01¢ with card price good through 12/37 BREV eet ale

49.

Finger - > 300-316 + 318-328 317

50.

Shoe - LEFT RIGH

51.

Plumbing fixture

52.

Symbol - (ΠΛΑΣΤΚΟLASTIS

53.

Bench

54.

Property

55.

Petal - Jample Test

56.

Neck

57.

Product

58.

Wall

59.

Glass

60.

Bag - 3578

61.

Fluid - Clban

62.

Electronic device - Num Lock 7 8. 9 Pg Up Home 4 6.

63.

Road - ニ 。

64.

Wall - FITNESS CENTER

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Guy Rents Fake Apartment, Accidentally Takes Pro Revenge

As far as pro revenge cases go, this one right here is the perfect combination of someone getting their comeuppance, and the other person getting to right a wrong. In this case, the phony and sketchy lady trying to run the apartment scam got what was coming to her. Apparently she even made it into the local news at one point.

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge + JOIN u/Genius4Hire • 19h 2 3 9 1 I rented a fake apartment, and accidentally got pro revenge... So this happened a long time ago, it's probably ok to post here.

2.

Text - It was 2010 November 2009, and I was jamming to / Got a Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas, looking for a cheap apartment. I find a great ad in craigslist, and arrange for a viewing. I meet the landlady; a portly shrew with a Betty Page haircut. I wasn't here for the company however, but for the cheap room. It's not great looking, but it is cheap, so I tell her I am interested. She tells me the place is mine if I can get a deposit by end of day.

3.

Text - Sweet. I rip to the bank and grab the $450 bucks needed; a half a months rent. She and I cross- sign a standard lease, and ask when I can get a key to move in, and she says a couple days as the current tenant has yet to collect all of their stuff. So, I am sleeping on the couch at a buddies pad for now, and so I just chill, seeing sites, enjoying the first few weeks in a new city. A couple days roll by, and I haven't heard from the landlady, so I get frustrated and leave a few salty voice

4.

Text - Finally she leaves me a voicemail and says shes sorry, but she cannot rent the place to me. I tart to get angry. But I am a pretty cool customer, so I do the research, find out my rights in an unfamiliar new municipality, and discover that if someone backs out of a lease without a legal reason, the other party is entitled to double the deposit they placed, so figure, she owes me about $900 clams. I leave more messages and emails. Again with the ghosting, not answering the phone, no respon

5.

Text - Now, I had just accepted a new job, but it didn't start until the turn of the month. I would guess its about the third week of November 2009. I have some spare time, so l hop on the bus, buy a magazine, and sit at the bus stop across from the rental house, and just, wait. And wait. For a couple hours I waited, but man was it worth it. I see her showing the unit to another smart Mark! I hold my cool, and wait for her to finish with her newest 'renter', and make my way over to the house to

6.

Text - I've heard enough. I square my stance directly opposite this clearly upset charlatan. "Now you listen to me, you will get me $900 as required by law by the end of the day, or I will go directly to the police station and let them deal with you." She turned white. For a minute I thought she was going to puke on the ground right there in front of me. She says, hold on, I will get you your money. I remember thinking, "Shit, that was easier than I thought"

7.

Text - She goes upstairs (the unit was a basement unit in the house she was living in), and I shit you not, hands me a wad of cash and says, "Here, this is ruining my Christmas, but here!". She almost pushed me off balance as she jammed the messy wad of cash into me. "Thank you. Good day", I say and take the money, count it, and walk away.

8.

Text - I didn't turn around and look back, got on the first bus that stopped nearby heading back toward the direction of my friends' house. Not untilI was home did I calm down and realize it was going to be a sweet Christmas, all thanks to a lying phony cheapskate. However, this is not the end of the revenge. About a week later, I get a phone call from a friend asking me if the lady in the news is the same crazy lady I got the double damage deposit from.. I'm like whaaaaa?

9.

Text - Sure enough, it turns out this lady was running the same scam in parallel with a bunch of other victims. I am mortified, not just because l almost got scammed, but it immediately occurs to me that the money I got was someone else's money, and they are homeless for the holidays!

10.

Text - Thead right down the the police station, where there is, I shit you not, a line of crying people filing reports about being scammed by this woman. I feel awful, and when it's my turn, I get to the intake officer, and start to give my story. I lay it all down, how I fell for it, how I left a snotty voicemail, how I staked out the rental to confront her, my demand of double the money back, my threats of legal action against her, and finally the skillful execution of the law by getting doubl

11.

Text - I tell the cop, I took some of the money that belonged to the other victims, and she looks at me and says, "Man, you were the only one smart enough to confront her in a reasonable way, you earned that money. Don't worry about it". A young lady who was now homeless and desperate couldn't help but overhear, and as I am leaving the police station, she approaches me and says, "Hey, did you get your money back from that bitch?" To which I sheepishly reply, "Actually I got double my deposit fro

12.

Text - The girl blinks a couple times, and finally grins, starts a slow clap, and announces to the other victims still waiting to give a statement in the lobby of the police station, "This guy took her for double the damage deposit!". I cringed.

13.

Text - But then, in the most unexpected turn of events, the line of victims began applauding, I suppose with the realization that while their money was gone, someone had really screwed her back, and that made them happy. They cheered, I felt better, the cops laughed, and we all (there had to be twenty people in all) had a joyful cosmic moment of holiday schadenfreude at her expense. I left the police station with a clean conscience and a smile on my face, and enjoyed every last penny of that wor

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Hilarious Saga Of Karen Vs. Frank The Christmas Gargoyle

Man, petty neighbor wars are always a spectacle to behold. In this case though, we have just the kind of unprecedented neighbor war that takes pettiness to dizzying heights. Karen's been out there acting like the Grinch, and leaving all the passive aggressive/straight up aggressive notes that she can muster up. Fortunately, the dude on the other end of this exchange has no problem meeting Karen's onslaught of notes with their own passive aggressive power plays. Talk about a thoroughly enjoyable, absolutely hilarious little saga. Check out some more of the world's pettiest revenges over here

1.

Sculpture - Follow the Saga of the Battle of Frank and the neighborhood Karen! 120K 24K Comments Like לו Comment Share

2.

Text - So one of my neighbors left me an note informing me that my gargoyle statue is "not appropriate" and "not in keeping with the Christmas spirit." They firmly suggested that I "rectify the situation immediately." Well problem solved! Frank is now festive! I'm pretty sure that this is not what they had in mind and I look forward to the future note stating as much, but 1. Frank is very heavy and he doesn't get moved and 2. I like him even if he's not so great at warding off evil Karens.

3.

Winter - Got a new note wanting to know if I think I'm funny. Why yes, yes I do. I | decided to add an elf on the shelf and leave a note back that the elf is always watching. I may add one item a day now like an advent calendar. Too bad my porch is so small, I could really deck it out.

4.

Snowman - Today we added a snowman. No new notes yet, but the one I left was crumpled up and in my flower bed so “Karen" knows it's on.

5.

Event - YIPPEE 林 KI YAY ILE**

6.

Costume accessory - T素厂 YIPPEE 7 KI YAY : :: : :: *** ***

7.

Text - Okay, this one is by special request. I don't wade into the "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie debate, but I imagine "Karen" is not of the mind that it is. Therefore it seems most appropriate to include Bruce Willis in my display. Yippee ki-yay and Merry Christmas! No new notes as of yet, but I will keep you updated.

8.

Winter - YIPPEE 林 林 %23 KI YAY 林林 人。

9.

Text - I tried to convince one of the cats to sit outside in a costume as part of my display, kind of like one of those living nativity displays. They all declined. So festive skeleton cat it is!

10.

Cookware and bakeware - Hello Pot „Meet Kettle Got another note on my door when I arrived home from work today. Karen informed me that l'm being "beyond childish" and "my behavior is ridiculous." She also called me out for "celebrating death" which I assume means she does not like my festive cat skeleton and said that it is "unbelievable that I would mock the homeless in such a manner." I'm assuming she's talking about the Die Hard picture and doesn't know that's Bruce Willis, but l'm not fluent

11.

Text - who knows. She complained about my inflatable Christmas Fiona in the front yard, which is just RUDE! Who doesn't love Fiona? Oh, and she threatened to report me to the HOA again. Anyway, I'm going to leave this picture taped to the front door in place of the note tomorrow in addition to the next piece in what I'm referring to as "the best damn festive display in the land." Stay tuned.

12.

Holiday - Well if she didn't like the cat, she's definitely not going to like the dog. I think he's hella festive though. He's also noise activated and has fresh batteries. Next time she leaves a note she's in for a surprise. I made sure to put a collar and tags on him. I don't want Karen reporting me to the county for having an unlicensed dog! This display is going to take over my entire porch.

13.

Dog clothes

14.

Text - GO TO HELL!! Hello Pot Meet Kettle It would seem that my dog got a little frisky and went after Karen this morning. The note was short sweet and to the point today

15.

Carmine - ARR'S 0000

16.

Toy - K FIONA I had an early morning dentist appointment and needed to go to the grocery, so it was dark when I put out today's addition. Karen had already been here by the time I got home. Originally I just had the hippos out, but she left me a note

17.

Text - hippos out, but she left me a note saying "HIPPS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!" Written just like that in all caps and a full ten exclamation points. (I kinda feel like lI'm talking to my dad now. He used to text me in all caps.) I personally found this statement false and offensive. Who doesn't want a hippopotamus for Christmas?? Okay, maybe it's just me. Anyway, I put the sign up so she'd know how incorrect she is. Oh I forgot to mention I got a sign for the dog. It lights u

18.

Toy - YIPPEE KI YAY Hippos are Christmas AF

19.

Sculpture - BEWARE of DOG

20.

Plush - FIONA Hippos are Christmas AF!! (There's a song about it and it's fabulous!)

21.

Text - Please leave all notes with The Phantom. "Who would have the gall to send this? Someone with a puerile braini" (sing it Karen, it's better that way.) With all these notes l've been getting, it made me think about someone else who liked to write demanding notes-namely the Phantom of the Opera. I guess that makes me Monsieur Firmin now. Anyway, I thought Karen needed a

22.

Text - Anyway, I thought Karen needed a place to put her notes so she wouldn't waste so much tape putting them on my front door, so I made her a note box complete with a Phantom and lyrics from the musical. You may have also noticed the large wreath that was added today. I know what you're thinking-that's boring and l'm losing my touch. Fear not, that is no ordinary wreath. It is a magical portal to the Land that of Alternate Christmas. You never know what might start popping out of it.

23.

Red - VAY BEWARE Mof DOG THE STARR'S

24.

Red - Please leave all notes with The Phantom. "Who would have the gall to send this? Someone with a puerile brainı" (sing it Karen, it's better that way.)

25.

Christmas decoration - co COVE CIANT micre COVID-19 Roronavirus Disease 2019 ARS-COV-21 GAT through the wreath is --coronavirus!! It is 2020 after all. It was only a matter of time before this asshole showed up. Maybe he'll be able to keep Karen six feet away from my porch. Well it looks like the first one CIAN

26.

Event - Coven YIPPEE KI YAY Hppos are Christmas AF Th

27.

Costume accessory - nicr COVID-19 Coronavirus Disease 2019 SARS-COV-21 GIANTmicrobes.com Cov

28.

Snowman - Please leave allnotes with the Phantum Whe weuld have the galltesend thiar Someane with a peerile brain aing Karen is beter that wwy We have a note!!! And she put it in the trash can!! Today, Karen wanted me to know that 1. I'm stupid and immature, 2. If I keep it up, I'll be sorry, 3. She's friends with the mayor, and 4. Her name is NOT Karen!--ROFLMAO!!!

29.

Hat - Since the plague of 2020 showed up yesterday, it seemed that we were in need of a doctor. He appears to be a little holiday confused, but cut him some slack. It isn't easy being a frontline healthcare worker these days.

30.

Poster - are you thirsty for more? Santas

31.

Text - Didn't expect a note today since it's raining but Karen made sure to inform me that I have officially been reported to the HOA and the mayor is being called. I feel the only appropriate response is a little Kevin McCallister The mayor actually lives in this neighborhood. The city does do this Spirit of Union award that they give out to like the best landscaped house or something like that. They put it in the newsletter. Wouldn't that be cool if he gave me like a special Spirit of Union aw

32.

WHOA!! I go away for three hours and there was a melee! Looks like we struck a nerve today. Karen's note today indicated that she is most unappreciative "that I would choose to put VERMIN on my porch." My display is "horrid," and

33.

Text - porch." My display is "horrid," and my parents "must be so proud to have raised such a completely disrespectful and spiteful daughter." Well Karen, my parents are no longer with us, but I'm absolutely positive they would be proud and loving this whole thing. Where do you think I got my sense of humor and charm from? Plus, my mom taught to never back down from a bully. So yeah, they'd be laughing their asses off. My mom would be making me more holiday hats to use. Now all my rats and dog h

34.

Leaf - THE STARR HRVEA CHILLYDAD

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Organism - God and Santa love all creatures great and small. That's why we have veterinarians! You know who they don't love? They don't love mean Karens who throw tiny creatures. BAD KAREN!! You're a very bad Karen! No treats for you! Now you go think about what you did. SIX FEET BACK PLEASE. Okay we've patched up the wounded had vaccinated them all against Karen cooties. The doc got a new face shield to protect him as well. We are Buckeyes we don't

36.

Text - well. We are Buckeyes we don't throw in the towel like Michigan Wolverines do. We rub some dirt on it and carry on! The only appropriate response to insulting my rats is to naturally add a few more. Karen has officially been rat shamed!

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Vertebrate

38.

Toy - BEWAR OY DOG

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Costume accessory

40.

Text - Frank the Christmas Gargoyle ... 1d ·O Santa isn't Santa without his elves, and a plague doctor isn't a plague doctor without his rats. We all know it's the little guys who do all the heavy lifting while the boss gets all the credit, so these guys are bringing the festive!! They are doing all the holidays!! It's like an army of festivity!! I'm going to need a bigger porch!

41.

Hat

42.

Text - Frank the Christmas Gargoyle 19h · WHOA!! I go away for three hours and there was a melee! Looks like we struck a nerve today. Karen's note today indicated that she is most unappreciative "that I would choose to put VERMIN on my porch." My display is "horrid," and my parents "must be so proud to have raised such a completely disrespectful and spiteful daughter." Well Karen, my parents are no longer with us, but l'm absolutely positive they would be proud and loving this whole thing. Where

43.

Toy

44.

Holiday - THE STARR'S

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Soil - THE STARR HAVEACHILLYDAD

46.

Text - Frank the Christmas Gargoyle 17h · O •.. Okay we've patched up the wounded had vaccinated them all against Karen cooties. The doc got a new face shield to protect him as well. We are Buckeyes we don't throw in the towel like Michigan Wolverines do. We rub some dirt on it and carry on! The only appropriate response to insulting my rats is to naturally add a few more. Karen has officially been rat shamed!

47.

Toy - God and Santa love all creatures great and small. That's why we have veterinarians! You know who they don't love? They don't love mean Karens who throw tiny creatures. BAD KAREN!! You're a very bad Karen! No treats for you! Now you go think about what you did. SIX FEET BACK PLEASE.

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Tumblr Thread On Ridiculous Overheards During Court Proceedings

Court reporters hear all kinds of absolutely crazy stuff. It's a wonder that they're able to keep a straight face while doing their job. People have a tendency to say some extremely strange and rude stuff when they're in court. 

1.

Product - colbi-wankenobi: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

2.

Text - ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with yo

3.

Text - ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitti

4.

Text - ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town l'm going with male. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to wo

5.

Text - ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getti

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Lowballer Says They Don't Know Who Stan Lee Is

Even if this is all a ruse to try to get a comic for 35 cents, this guy's efforts are laughable. Nice try, you stupid idiot. This isn't the worst outcome, sometimes lowballers get sent on a wild goose chase. The world has its fair share of entitled folks who need to leave and take their attitudes with them.

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Text - Text Message Yesterday 22:19 Hey is this the guy selling the signed comic? Yeah you got it. The only one I'm selling at the moment is up for $800. But if we do it direct I could maybe knock $100 off. Are you based nearby? Wut? You expect me to pay $700 for it? Just cos it's signed by some dude? Um yeah I do. It's an X-Men comic from the 70s that's signed by Stan Lee and Chris Claremont. They aren't just some dude. And that's about what you'd pay in US Dollars for one

2.

Text - The price on the comic says 35c. I'm not paying more than that What are you talking about Where On the listing? No on the front of the comic. 35c. I might pay $10 cause you got some dudes to sign it but I haven't even heard of those dudes Yeah we're done here. Common man don't be a dick. I'm a big marvel fan and so is my brother and imma getting it for him for Xmas. How about $20 delivered You're a big marvel fan but you haven't heard of Stan Lee

3.

Text - Nah I googled him and he ain't anyone. $20. Final offer Today 07:03 Okay, first off yes, the comic was 35c when it was published. In 1978. That's not it's price now. It's been graded by CGC as 8.5 and they witnessed Stan Lee and Chris Claremont sign it. Chris popularised X-Men over the 80s/early 90s, and Stan Lee created the X-Men, amongst others, and is synonymous with Marvel. This is worth a lot. I'm willing to sell to someone for roughly whatI paid in USD for it a couple years ago beca

4.

Text - a lot of these in New Zealand and I want others to have one, but what you are asking is preposterous. Imma report you for price inflation and deception. If there's a marked price on something then you gotta sell it for that. Cute, but that's not true. Hey come on fuck you man it's Christmas. I already told my brother I'm getting this for him. He's had a rough year man, his girlfriend dumped him and his new girlfriend is poor ??? Is this a prank ???

5.

Text - Cunt Hello Hello $40 final offer Hello Fuck you Fuck you How about I come steal it and that way you pay me to put up with this bullshit Yeah okay expect a phone call from the police.

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