The best Overheard in New York quotes from last week, by your votes:
Your Real Parents Are Never Coming for You, Kid
(family stands facing the empire state building)
Tourist son: Mom, which one is the Empire State Building?
Tourist mom: I think it's the one with the circley top. (points to the Chrysler Building)
Tourist dad: No, honey, it's the one way out there, on the water.
Tourist son #2: That's the Statue of Liberty. (to no one in paritcular) I can't believe I'm part of this fucking family.
--Top of the Rock
Overheard by: Melissa
What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
--8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
--42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
--Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
--Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss... Not to seem rude, but to be honest...for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
--5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club...never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
--A Train
California's Almost Far Enough
Hippie woman: Ma'am, what did you just feed my dog?
Elderly woman: A treat.
Hippie woman: What was it? Was it meat?
Elderly woman: Well, not really, it was a sausage.
Hippie woman: What is wrong with you?! My dog is a vegetarian! What if he had a food allergy?!
Elderly woman: Right. Go away.
--Thompson Square Park Dog Run
Overheard by: Klayton
Interestingly, Not All Were Bad Motherfuckers
Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker... (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know...not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.
--LIRR
Overheard by: bill
So, Wanna Fuck?
Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this--let's say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let's say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that's a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them--that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me--I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me--maybe, if I'm lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don't know. Aside from that, I'm looking at 2-3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That's why it's easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It's simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies
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Keep a civil tongue.