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2020/08/23

Old Folks Dispense Their Dating Advice and more...

Aileen's giving off those gold digger vibes, for sure! All in all, this is quite the fun collection of dating advice from some old folks that have navigating their own romantic rollercoasters. Maybe there's bits of truth in their jokes. Who knows?
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Old Folks Dispense Their Dating Advice and more...


 In This Issue...



Old Folks Dispense Their Dating Advice

Aileen's giving off those gold digger vibes, for sure! All in all, this is quite the fun collection of dating advice from some old folks that have navigating their own romantic rollercoasters. Maybe there's bits of truth in their jokes. Who knows? 

1.

Text - Jating Advce Name - Aleen Age-90 Moke has a loaded wallet. Sure he

2.

Text - Dating Advice Name-Barl Pick Someone, with good out look on ife. a

3.

Text - Dating Aduce Name - Grahame Age - 86 Find a grl with a good eart

4.

Text - Dating Advice Nome - David Age. 92 Ask her parents firsć, explain that you would ike to vecome a Couple with their daughter and promise to Yook af ier her.

5.

Text - Dating Adice Nome -Bergl Age-86 Alwoye reepeciful. Treal them how you woul like to be treated. be

6.

Text - Dating Advce Nome - Joan Age- 75 Expect your date to be polite to you if" not WALK AWA Y

7.

Text - Jating Advce Nome -cbyce Age- 88 Yes please / would ike to go on a date.

8.

Text - Dating Aduce Nome- Tom Age-87 Treat your grl life royaliy like princess. a

9.

Text - Jating Advce Nome -Marg Age -84 Don't let the bays take adantoge

10.

Text - Paung Aduce Name-Joan Age-21 Behave yourself

11.

Text - Dating Advce Name June Age-87 Donit

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Manager Bullies Employee Till They Quit, Employee Reports Manager

We love a good tale of a nasty manager getting theirs in the end. This particular manager sounds like a grade A bully. The manager exercised zero empathy for an employee going through a heartbreaking loss. On top of displaying zero human empathy, the manager proceeded to make the devastated employee's life miserable by blatantly targeting them for a whole bunch of nothing. Fortunately, the employee was able to get HR involved, and ultimately put together enough evidence that ultimately contributed toward the manager's ultimate downfall. 

Check out another glorious tale of revenge with these naive young business owners that foolishly fired the man with the patents.

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge u/Nubmuffin • 1h + Join 1 Manager bullies me for several months until I finally quit. I made sure to get him fired. Obligatory "english is not my native language, apologies for my mistakes and grammar!" This happened around 2016. I'd (at the time 25/26M) been without a job for a while, looking for a better paying job than I had before and I found one at a camera security company that was looking to hire someone for the servicedesk.

2.

Text - I went for an interview and got a call back later that day. If I wanted the job it was mine. Now, my new manager was an ex military. Specifically ex-army (not american, just pointing that out). He REALLY didn't like having people disagree with or going against him. A thing I was very unaware of when I took the job. For 2/3 months everything was going well. The manager was cordial and seemed to really enjoy having me there. I worked my butt off every day, as the software we were working wi

3.

Text - However, after that period my grandpa, who was like a second father to me, suddenly was hospitalized after a brain bleed. (aneurysm?) He was found in the shower, he had collapsed after he pressed his panic button. (assisted living? Not sure how it's called in English, apologies). This all happened on a wednesday. The family came together in the hospital several times to show support and see grandpa. However, on Friday afternoon, 3pm I was called up by my father (my grandpa's son) while I

4.

Text - I went to my manager and explained what just happened and that I'm going home to be with my family. However, that day there was an event. The company was doing a charity event and this charity was going to be public news. They already announced the amount of people participating and it would look bad if they were a person down. It was basically just for good PR. So he refused to let me go. I told him that by law he me as my contract states I can take a day for a death in the family and th

5.

Text - This all continued for several months and severly began to impact my mental health. I had a talk with my parents and my fiancé (at the time still my girlfriend, l'd ask her to marry me in December 2016) and they basically told me that this was not okay, that I didn't have to take this and that I should give them my 2 weeks notice. I agreed. The following day I went to HR and explained why I was leaving the company and that I couldn't stand the idea of working even a single day more with t

6.

Text - HR showed interest in my well being and even more importantly in what I was claiming about my manager. They had received more complaints about him, but nobody had proof of his wrongdoings. So, they asked me if I had proof. I told them l'd be looking for a new job, but l'd gladly fit in the time to collect all I could. For the next 2 weeks I collected everything. Memo's, emails, voice recordings (when on the phone the calls are automatically recorded and the dumbass was stupid enough to cu

7.

Text - I had one last talk with HR and him at the same time the last day I was there. Before he even walked in, I told the HR person who was mediating: "He's going to walk in, say what he wants to say and l'll be quiet and listen. When he's done, l'll explain my side and he's going to interupt me, tell you l'm lying and talk about completely none related subject matter to drag the conversation another direction.". She looked surprised at my comment, but had no time to respond as mister army man,

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Text - Eventually I got up, told HR "I told you so. Here's the documents you've been asking for.". I placed a filled folder with several dozens of emails, plenty of memo's and a USB containing 3 phone conversations and even video footage of him yelling at me, in both voice and video recordings you could easily hear him cuss me out. I gave the manager a big bright smile, who was smirking victiorously and said to him: "I don't think you'll be smirking like that for long. Enjoy your little victory.

9.

Text - I called one of my old colleagues to ask what exactly went down. My proof opened pandora's box. He was being disrespectful to the female staff, insulted the older staff and on multiple occassions was less than cordial with our external hires. None of these complaints were acted upon, because it was his word against theirs and there was no proof. However, me providing overwhelming proof of his gross behavior towards me made all other complaints now to be taken as fact.

10.

Text - He was promptly fired less than a month after left and they refused to provide him with any form of reference. In a field like his references mean a lot. So not getting one from a company you worked at for nearly a year is a huge red-flag. It's now 2020, 4 years passed and according to linkedin he's still not working in his field. l'l gladly admit that I felt rather wickedly satisified and still do whenever I happen to think about it. TL:DR Manager began to bully me because I went to my f

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Quora User Breaks Down Size Of The Universe

Perhaps the most mind blowing fact about the size of the universe is that the universe doesn't have one size, instead it's just that the universe is literal size. It's also wild to think about the fact that we can see the light from a galaxy that existed long before homo sapiens did. Taking a minute to step outside the mental carousel of juggling our daily obligations and life problems, and to stare up at space to appreciate the beautiful insignificance of it all in the grand expanse of the universe, can work wonders for keeping the ego in check. 

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Text - 8:47 4 l LTE What fact about the universe's size blows your mind? Krister Sundelin · Updated July 30 E-learning Producer (2020-present) Q: What fact about the universe's size blows your mind? A: On a dark night with no moon and a clear sky, go out of town and up a mountain. Bring binoculars. They will help. Then find the giant W in the sky. That's Cassiopeia. Below the W is a stick figure of sorts, a giant Spongebob Squarepants. The square is the square of Pegasus, and the legs are Androm

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Text - Aim your binoculars at it. You may see something like this: That smudge is the Andromeda Galaxy. It's a galaxy 2.5 million light-years away, and it is in fact our closest galactic neighbour (if you don't count the satellite galaxies like the Magellanic clouds. That means that the light that you are seeing right now left that galaxy 2.5 million years ago.

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Human - At that time, Homo sapiens did not exist. In fact, Homo habilis, the ancestor of Homo ergaster and our ancestor Homo erectus, had just appeared. And that's our closest neighbour.

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Sky - Let us widen the scope a bit. You can't do it using your binoculars, however. This is the M87 galaxy.

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Text - It's a bit famous these days, because scientists have managed to capture an image of a black hole at its center. They used a radio telescope as big as the Earth to do it: The "virtual telescope" used radio telescopes as far apart as Hawaii and Tenerife, and Greenland and the South Pole. Those signals have been travelling towards us for 55 million years. The light and radio signals we are seeing now left M87 a mere 10 million years after the dinosaurs died out, and around 47-50 million yea

6.

Text - And that's just 55 million light-years away. The light from this little blob has travelled 240 times further than that. This is MACS0647, the farthest known galaxy from Earth. Thanks to the expansion of the universe, it is now a lot further, but its light has been travelling for 13.26 billion years. It may be one of the first galaxies in the universe, three times older than Earth. 55.5K views · View Upvoters · View Sharers · Answer requested by Bixin Shui 4 1.3K a 55 O 43 000

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The Wholesome Time Two Random Dudes Came to See A New Baby

Back in the good old days, you could get a random text about a newborn baby and just decide to go support the mom and laugh over the wholesome randomness of it all. Wrong number text exchanges have the tendency to get weird and hilarious, and sometimes an encounter with a total stranger just has some magic in it.

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Text - 00 TFW LTE 10:49 AM 1 81% Messages (20) Group MMS Details To: .05 AM We are at the hospital. Having a baby today! She has dilated to between 5-6. Today 9:04 AM Congrats lol but I think someone got the wrong number

2.

Product - O 7 Ibs. 11 oz. Well I don't know Yall but me and the boys will be thru to take picture with the baby

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Text - Well I don't know Yall but me and the boys will be thru to take picture with the baby So sweet! Love his name! Congrats! Lol 0687 you are cracking me up!!! Sorry you got caught up in the baby birthing!! Nah that's okay what's the room number Bainbridge hospital right we have gifts

4.

Green - Lol lol 130 come on and see us. Ttyl see you soon

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Text - I accidentally text a message about Mark and Lindsey having a baby to a number I had in my phone for someone else which now belongs to Mr. his brother came by to visit us and brought the baby a gift! What a blessing these two guys were to our family. They were so sweet and kind to do this! You 2 are great guys and thank you for giving to someone you didn't know! Many blessing I pray for you. I think his brother was D s and he and ,Lindsey, & Mark thanks you. Please share this with anyone

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People - BEENTE

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Ignorant Folks Getting Slammed with Facts

It must be hard being an anti-vaxxer or flat-earther. You have to dodge so much information! Here are some folks getting hit with some satisfying displays of weaponized knowledge. For comebacks with less science and more funny, here are clever comebacks from spicy silver tongues

1.

Text - Your Netflix binge-watching makes climate change worse, say experts. The emissions generated by watching 30 minutes of Netflix is the same as driving almost 4 miles 36 minutes ago A server hour can cost less than 1 cent all included. Netflix can probably serve multiple customers at 1 cent per hour. Even if all that cost is energy bills (it's not, there's real estate, capital costs, and markup included), that's .1kWh. 4 miles at .411kg per milel2l is 1.6kg of co2. .1kWh of electricity at 0

2.

Text - Jessica Meir @Astro_ Jessica My first venture >63,000', the space equivalent zone, where water spontaneously boils! Luckily l'm suited! 10h 0:04 3 84 230 @Astro_Jessica Wouldn't say it's spontaneous. The pressure in the room got below the vapor pressure of the water at room temp. Simple thermo ithelpstodream Some guy just mansplained space to an actual fucking astronaut. tedbroiler tfw correcting misinformation is written off as mansplaining darwinquark tfw when idiots on tumblr who know

3.

Text - Ross Tucker @Scienceofsport 3d However, even without that recent evidence, the biological principles for separation into men's and women's categories in sport are so strong that to overturn it requires exceptional evidence (2/) 95 2767 432 Kaz Self @SelfKaz 4h Are you a biologist? Are you a scientist? Have you got a PhD? Published a paper in a peer reviewed journal? If not then STFU. O 15 Ross Tucker O @Scienceofsport Replying to @SelfKaz and @sharrond62 Yes, yes, yes and yes.

4.

Skin - Was trying to think of the least scary thing I could be for Halloween...so I became the measles d Would you like to accompany me on my rounds? You can tell our measles encephalitis and viral sepsis patients, the ones in comas and seizures and high fevers, that their suffering isnt all that bad and is just being exaggerated by "Big Pharma" and clueless quacks who "HaveNt DoNe THEIR RESEARCH" like me. You can even assist with the spinal tap! Read your favorite vaccine insert to them while t

5.

Text - B.o.B Follow @bobatl The cities in the background are approx. 16miles apart... where is the curve ? please explain this murderedbywords With the circumference of 24901 miles, you are looking at a curvature of around .2 degrees, or a little more than 10 feet at 16 miles away. May I say, that curvature is still significantly higher than your IQ. 4d 4 likes Reply Stitch It!

6.

Text - When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below Freezing to 300 c. The Russians used a pencil. basilton: In the early years of space flight, both Russians and Americans used pencis in space. Unfortuna

7.

Text - I once drank 3.5L of whiskey in one night and didn't get a hangover. I'm convinced I'm immune to them. No matter how hard I try I can't make it happen I just wanna understand why people complain about them. Like Reply 20m You want to know why something sucks? Like Reply 15m >3.5l of whiskey Sure you did Like Reply - 7m | This is one I am calling for 500, Alex. With generous assumptions (ie. assuming low proof whiskey, large body mass, etc.), 3.5L of whiskey at 33% is 65 (US) standard drin

8.

Text - Text - r/flatearthsociety u/KrishnasProphet ly + SUBSCRIBE æ—¥ A Question for Ball Believers: Why Do You Believe The Earth Is Round? When everyday observations constantly reaffirm that it is Flat? Why do you believe in science without question? As a Planar Theorist, I'm genuinely curious... Edit: Given the paucity of responses so far, my suspicions that ball believers DO NOT KNOW why they believe the earth is round seem to be confirmed... 10 57 1, Share BEST COMMENTS DrDeboGalaxy • ly Gernb

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Text - Tweet Good perhaps ppl will realize that you won't die from the measles and it strengthens your immune system organically and not in some unnatural way. Ethan J. Lindenberger @ethan_Joesph16 Replying to @Nards649499551 and @FullFrontalSamB Oh man. I'm so glad 158,000 people have stronger immune systems. Oh wait...actually that's the death total of measles from 2011. 08:50 4/5/19 Twitter for iPhone ili View Tweet activity

10.

Text - shared post. 39 mins - ADDERALL CRYSTAL METH esteivay ar oopm For those of you who take adderall & swear you aren't a meth head. e Like Comment Share 3 As a biochemist, I have a duty to point out that the extra methyl group sticking out could increase affinity for neurotransmitter receptors by a factor of 100. possibly even in the 1000x-10000x range. That's a huge thing to consider It's this kind of affinity difference that causes carbon monoxide to kill you if it's in high enough concent

11.

Text - Alexander J.A Cortes @AJA_Cortes Unnatural hair colors in woman are a warning signal to stay away, Its an example Aposematism-the phenomenon of poisonous animals in nature advertising their toxicity and lethality JulieG @stringy Replying to @javafour and @Ennaaseret7 Aposematism is there to warn off predators, not sexual partners. If you're repelled by it, it's working.

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Text - Here is my completely unvaccinated boy so happy and content. With a fully functioning immune system working how it should without being compromised #vaccinefree 02 Repiying to That's a nice immune system he has there. It'd be a shame if Measles infected his macrophages, silenced his dendritic cells, and killed his memory cells wiping his learned immunity.

13.

Text - 65% 4:18 PM Replies ginganz13 7 months ago g Foxes are Lupine, not Canine - completely different species. The problem with putting more effort into sounding authoritative than being accurate is; you reveal that you are an idiot. 1.8K TierZoo • 6 months ago (edited) "Canine" is the layman term for all animals in the family "Canidae", which includes every animal in this list plus a few more (like the bush dog and the raccoon dog.) The problem with putting more effort into sounding smug than

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Text - Fact- if the earth was 10 ft closer to the sun we would all burn up and if it was 10 ft further we would freeze to death.. God is amazing! Sunday at 11:04am via Text Message Like Comment and 4 others like this. Wow..that's crazy! Sunday at 11:07am via Facebook Mobile Like I knooooow! Sunday at 11:08am-Like Amen Sunday at 11:08am Like to anyone wondering, that's not true. 1)Earth's orbit is eliptical and the distance from the sun varies from around 147 million kilometers to 152 million kil

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Text - + Replies + Replies п-пехапог Luke Z-Hex-3-enol This is a standard vaccine E-Hex-2-enol composition. Which of these chemicals do you object to having in your body? n-Hexyl-2-methylbutanoate n-Heptanol Camphor n-Octanol Ethanol Propyl acetate 2-Methylpropyl acetate Propanol n-Butyl acetate 2-Methylpropanol 2-Methylbutyl acetate n-Butyl propanoate n-Butanol n-Oct-2-enol 1-Methoxy-4-(2-propenyl)-benzene 24 m Like Reply Truly. Luke all of them 3 m Like Reply n-Pentyl acetate 2-Methylbut-3-eny

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Text - Your generation invented the "need" for expensive pills and potions with nasty side effects rather than taking responsibility and living with your problems. 1h Like Reply D 17 The Credible Hulk "Your generation invented the "need" for expensive pills and potions with nasty side effects rather than taking responsibility and living with your problems." - There are so many things wrong with this statement that it's difficult to know where to start. 1. The term "need" is utterly meaningless w

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Text - alex e @bahayogi Actually, soaps do help. The virus is a self-assembled nanoparticle and the weakest link is the lipid bilayer. When you wash your hands with soap it dissolves the fatty membrane and the virus falls apart thus becoming "inactive". Please wash your hands. TheeSkinnyLegend TM @MyLifeAsR.. · 1d Fun fact: antiBACTERIAL soaps that kill 99.9% of bacteria, do nothing against VIRUSES. And corona is in fact a VIRUS.

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Text - l 2degrees ? 12:14 AM Tweet Kind reminder. The X chromosome contains 1098 genes. The Y chromosome has only 78 genes. The X chromosome is over 5 times larger than the Y. Its science. Female are superior. By far. Hence hundreds of years of chauvinism to try suppress her. Goodnight. 19/02/18, 10:34 PM 19 Retweets 75 Likes Mh Replying to Onions have more DNA than humans Tweet your reply Q

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Lip care - It contains more than 4,000 chemicals and it has spread into every human body on Earth. Among its components are formaldehyde, acetone, ethanol, ketone bodies, dihydrogen monoxide, tryptophan, urea, Dehydroepiandrosterone, Hexosephosphate P, and at least 20 kinds of acids. Nearly every chemical constituent will, in certain concentrations, kill children and adults. Chemical compounds within it are also used in yoga mats, explosives, warfare, and industrial applications. It is now so pe

20.

Text - Dr. Phillip Binzel found an 81% cancer cure rate using liquid laetrile in apricot seeds. When he ordered this, the FDA tried to block the import of liquid laetrile in the United States. Liked by Course, pharmaceutical companies just wanna make more money :. more View All 25 Comments It was banned because ingesting it causes cyanide poisoning Imao

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Lazy Truck Driver Fakes Broken Arm, State Trooper Swarms Him With Tickets

Man, oh man, this truck driver sounds like a lazy nightmare. Fortunately, one of the guys who was exposed to his BS, had enough, and got a state trooper involved. From there, the state trooper had no problem writing the truck driver multiple tickets for faking an injury to get out of the job he was being paid to do. 

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/dachord • 22h Fake a Broken Arm? I'll Get You Dead- Lined. Years ago back in high school I worked in a retail hardware business, along with a few part time guys going to college. One of our jobs was accepting deliveries from the corporate warehouse. Because the truck was full of merchandise, some for our store, some for other stores, we weren't allowed to go into the trailer. The truck driver was responsible for going into the trailer and pushing the boxes of merchan

2.

Text - smoking. And he was lazy. The first time he arrived, he told us to unload the truck ourselves, went into the crapper, and stayed there for over thirty minutes. I unloaded the truck, it took far longer than normal, but I was diligent and did not remove any items that were not ours. This continued for several weeks and the unloading process took away time that we could have used putting merchandise on the shelves. The boss finally had enough and called corporate. The driver must have been r

3.

Text - boss, and explained. The boss told him no one was going to sign off until every box was opened and inspected. Bear in mind the average load was around 200 boxes. The truck driver got pissed and drove off without finishing the unload. He was hurting himself by doing so, because boss called corporate right away. We closed at 6 every evening. The truck driver knew this. He showed back up at five minutes before closing time and made many asshole remarks while slow-walking the unloading. One o

4.

Text - forward to December. It was cold and the delivery was twice the normal size (Christmas season). He parks, gets out, and informs us his arm is broken and therefore he is not going to help with the unload. I was ambivalent, but my big country co-worker was tired of this man's nonsense. What the truck driver did not know was there was a State Trooper in the store shopping. He was a close friend of my co-worker, who had gone out front to find him and told him about this truck driver. Little d

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Text - after he left, the Trooper took the truck driver's license and paperwork, stuck it under the windshield wiper, and left. The truck driver came back 3 hours later with paperwork. We can only assume that he had to go to the emergency room and get x-rays. He was extremely pissed when he learned what the Trooper did. He was even more pissed that we were laughing at him and stood in front of the store, waving at him as he drove off. We never saw him again. He either demanded a different route,

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Man Crank Calls Friend, Gets Served Fake Paternity Suit

Just picturing the look of pure devastation on Mike's face when he was served that (fake) paternity suit is enough to get the laughs rolling. Goes to show that the devil or saving grace is truly in the details. Gotta feel for Mike's poor mom too that underwent quite the shock upon discovering that paternity suit in his car, when she was cleaning it! 

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/tremendothegreat • 14h 1 1 1 2 2 1 Friend crank called me at my job, so I had him served with a fake paternity suit at his 10 years ago a friend of mine crank called me several times in my office over the course of a day. I decided in that moment that 1) this would not stand and 2) rather than entering into a long, protracted quagmire of a prank war, I would use the nuclear option and end it immediately. My friend "Mike" was a well known local bartender (I worked at

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Text - So, I compiled a ton of free online legal documents - not just for the "paternity suit" but also income disclosure forms, statements of parental rights, and suggested visitation schedules pending "demonstrable proof of sobriety." I filled out all the forms, then smeared what looked like date-received stamps as proof they had been filed and ran copies to make those stamps even more illegible. From there, I crafted a back story to be included in a cover letter from the fictional mother's fa

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Text - I enlisted another friend not known by Mike to serve the documents and instructed him to do so around 10pm on a Saturday evening. I told him to keep the interaction very simple. I wasn't able to be by the back bar because I knew I would be laughing too hard, but based on eyewitness reports it played out like this: FRIEND: Are you Mike [last name]? MIKE: Yes FRIEND: Michael [middle name, last name]? MIKE: Yes FRIEND: [drops folder on bar] MIKE: What's that? FRIEND: Paternity suit. You've b

4.

Text - Mike read through the packet, shakily poured himself several drinks, and then ran over to the bar owner (who was aware of the prank), to ask what to do. He also called the number on the letterhead but sadly did not leave a voicemail. After a solid 10 minutes of intense psychological revenge, the owner finally told Mike he should closely read the last page of the packet. On it, in size 2 font it read "Go fuck yourself, Mike." At which point, Mike ran to the front door and punched me in the

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Tumblr Thread: Bilingual Struggles Inspire Hilarious Blunders

What starts as a funny observation about what to look for when identifying a bilingual character who was clearly not written by a bilingual person, evolves into a wonderful Tumblr thread about various struggles experienced by bilingual speakers. It's clear that our brains are doing the best they can, and when you task the brain with hopping between languages inevitable brain farts can occur. 

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Text - mothman @LEVKAWA how to tell whena bilingual character was not written by a bilingual person 101 "Hola ¿Qué pasa?" Lance said. "Uh...what?" "Ah, sorry. It's hard to switch back sometimes. What's up?" He corrected.

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Text - gunvolt im going to have a stroke prideling Instead try... Person A: You know... the thing Person B: The "thing"? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! "mutters under their breath" Como es que se llama esa mierda... THE FISHING ROD

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Text - artykyn As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed: • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity. Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idio

4.

Text - Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English. • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word "préservatifes." Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms. • Defined a

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Text - Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said "I don't know" and turned to me and asked "Is there an English equivalent for Hymn3maTnyeCKUň?" and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back. • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned "How stressful!" into "What stressing!" Bilingual

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Quick Tumblr Post On Keeping A Level Mindset

Got to love it when the Tumblr community takes a break from the random rabbit holes to offer up some helpful mental health advice. This particular advice definitely makes sense. It's easier to get over one thing that you're preoccupied with getting over, by throwing your attention into a completely different activity that you enjoy. Check out some more random Tumblr gems to tumble through over here.

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Text - anxietyproblem Follow Seneca @CryptoSeneca Easy to spot a yellow car when you are always thinking of a yellow car. Easy to spot opportunity when you are always thinking of opportunity. Easy to spot reasons to be mad when you are always thinking of being mad. You become what you constantly think about. Watch yourself.

2.

Text - A shinnegamitensei Follow #hm. time to constantly think about getting |by a pack of werewolves. this site has one setting jenroses Follow I'm laughing, but there's a super useful corollary, which my husband calls “the Red Balloon." He was a defense lawyer and had a fair number of drug addicts come through, and there is a thing where if you're like, on your first offense, they'll do a thing where you can go to treatment and if you complete it they'll take the conviction off your record.

3.

Text - And he would tell his clients, “Look, everyone's going to tell you not to do drugs. They're going to say it over and over again. And it's like, if people tell you not to think of a white elephant, you're going to think of a white elephant. But the trick to not thinking about a white elephant is to think of a red balloon. So you need to find your red balloon. For some people it's yoga. For others it's woodworking. For some people it's scrapbooking or gardening or any of a long list of thin

4.

Text - So yeah, "watch yourself" is one thing... but the better idea is to watch something else. (Even if it's fanfic about werewolves It's a form of productive dissociation, and is super, super helpful. It's easy for me to get bogged down in how much pain l'm in... but some of the most painful periods of my life have also been the most productive, writing-wise, because writing is one of my red balloons.

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Twitter Thread: Dad Has Zero Video Game Logic

This wonderful story about a dad's experience being presented various video games by his kid has us thinking that dad could've been trolling all along. Some of the reactions carry a strong scent of the typical dad joke. Either way, a big thanks to @MarcStraight for sharing such a funny series of reactions with their dad. 

1.

Text - Marc, for now. Follow @MarcStraight My dad is starting to get into different kinds of video games. He tried out No Man's Sky today and said "So it's like doing yard work but in space" and I honestly have no rebuttal he's absolutely right.

2.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Tried to get him to try the new God of War. He said "That game takes too long to play. I just bought a grill I don't got that kinda time on my hands." My sides hurt omg. t7 101 6 1.9K Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me "Want to try Overcooked?" Dad "What's that" Me "You're a chef trying to fill orders in-" Dad "Why would you play a game about making food? That's called a job. Is this why your friends don't have jobs? If I want to make food, l'd

3.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me: "sigh* l'm running out if ideas. Want to try Dark Souls 3? Dad: What's that? Me: Everything sucks, you're dead but still alive an- Dad: So l'm middle aged go in Me: .You're trying to fix the world because everything sucks Dad: middle aged in 2018 got it Me: oh my god why. t7 287 2.3К >

4.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: You play games on the computer too right? Me: Yeah Dad: Okay show me some games on there. Me: You will hate all of them. Dad: You don't know that. Moments later Dad: What is Huniepop? ohno.

5.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me: HuniePop is. uhhh. It's about this guy that meets a fairy. thing that helps him get laid by playing bejewled. Dad: Do people that actually have sex play this game? Me: I mean. prob- Dad: Can you see how long you've played it? Me: PICK A DIFFERENT GAME. t7 106 O 1.4K

6.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: Why do you have a game about having a boyfriend. Me: It's not about having a boyfriend it's about pigeons dating and Dad: Nevermind, l'd rather it be about having a boyfriend. Next. 4 t7 154 1.6K >

7.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: What's Amnesia? Me: It's about being stuck in a mansion with monsters and you're slowly losing your mind. Dad: Oh. Long pause. Dad: Dad: What's Amnesia? Me: I just tol- WOW REALLY? t7 232 2.3К

8.

Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · 12m By request, my dad tried Fortnite Dad: I played it a bit while l'm at work Me: What do you think? Dad: It's like if the guy that made The Purge was also the one that made Family Guy Me: That's HARSH wtf Dad: I GOT KILLED BY A LITTLE GIRL AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING

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Twitter Thread: Woman Discovers Boyfriend Has A Kid

Well, this conversation definitely took an unexpected turn. Can't imagine being in the room and in this couple's vicinity as they were talking through this. 

1.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Omg. The couple date beside me just took a turn. Her: You never told me you had a child! Him: He's little. Her: How little? Him: 12.

2.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA This is an established couple. They've been going out a while. He explains that he never told her about his kid because it's "complicated."

3.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Now he's explaining about how the mother of his child is crazy. Oh, the look on his girlfriend's face is stony right now.

4.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Dude thinks he can casually eat his mussels now, but his girlfriend is not happy. Now he's explaining that his kid doesn't need a dad.

5.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley K.f. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He says his kid will "work it out." And his girlfriend is like: "how. How did you decide not to mention that you have a child?"

6.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow H.F @MARIADAHVANA Girlfriend is just shaking her head back and forth and saying nope. "Do you send money" she asks. I know the answer.

7.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA "That would just make it more complicated," he says. "It would confuse him. I mean, I was | 17 when he was born. I'm barely his dad."

8.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Yo Follow @MARIADAHVANA Nope, nope, nope. Now it is the song of nope in this bar. He still thinks he can slowly eat his mussels and say they're tasty.

9.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA "Trust me," he says. "I'm a good guy." Girlfriend says "Why, then, do you live here and not in California where your son is?"

10.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA They've been going out for a year and he just tried to back channel pretend that she just forgot he had a kid.

11.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Because that's the kind of thing you forget. "Excuses," she says. "Weak, weak excuses."

12.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Him: Should we get another glass of wine?? This isn't that big a thing. It's complicated. Love is complicated. Her: WEAK.

13.

Text - To AL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA And suddenly the soundsystem goes full blast playing a Senegalese happy birthday for someone else. Whole restaurant has a dance break.

14.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA The whole restaurant had to have a dance break because the soundsystem went on blast for a birthday. Except them. They didn't dance.

15.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He just told her that she is "unexpectedly judgmental." "NOPE," she said. "Expectedly judgmental.

16.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "Well," she says. "Before you said that, I was going to tell you that my gay friend offered to marry me for citizenship, but I said no."

17.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA "But now I think I can do whatever I want. Maybe l'm married right now and forgot to tell you.

18.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He ordered dessert.

19.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA I'm gonna send this woman a drink.

20.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I mean, I was a junior in highschool. It's like it didn't happen," he is telling her. I am ordering her a drink.

21.

Text - To FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Side bar: this guy's logic is why I regularly run in circles shouting about why the patriarchy is evil.

22.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA "It never felt like the right time to have his conversation," he says. She is just turning him to stone with a straight Medusa gaze.

23.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I don't know why you brought this up," he tells her. "You did," she says. "You accidentally mentioned your child you'd never mentioned."

24.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He is now listing the reasons he felt uncomfortable disclosing "intimate" things to her, such as the fact that he has a child he forgot.

25.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "Oh, now you're listing the reasons it's not your fault you have a 12 year old you abandoned? Are you? ARE YOU NOW?"

26.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA This dude is 29 years old and he is trying to talk his way out of this using 5 year old tactics.

27.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.E. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Her: "I don't judge you for having a child. I judge you for being a liar. As should be obvious. That's basic."

28.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I am thinking about a little kid in bed wondering where his dad is, and it turns out I'm looking at his dad. NO."

29.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He just suggested she has PMS. Now maybe I'm going to come for him.

30.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Him: The way you're reacting? I'm just working so hard on myself and I feel like you don't respect that.

31.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA I mean, folks. I have the whole bar in front of me. Alcohol is antiseptic. If I break it over him, it's cool, right?

32.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Because this badass woman who is a billion times better than this tool just hugged him.

33.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA He said some shit that convinced her she is the wrong one. He just explained how hard it is for men to have emotions.

34.

Text - To FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA The last time I got involved in a scenario like this - the guy asked my opinion while his date was in the bathroom -I almost punched a bro.

35.

Text - Yo FaL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA I still want to kill him. OMG. Now he is showing her pictures of his son snagged from Facebook.

36.

Text - Tou ALL Maria DahvanaHeadley K.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA She's decided to do this thing. I can only hope that it ends with her dumping him into a little pile of twigs and thorns.

37.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Sometimes you choose to be with a ninnypawed toddler. It's her choice. We've all been there. But ohhhh I want her to fling him over the bar.

38.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA Oh...she has remembered that he mentioned a "nephew or something" and her rage is back.

39.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA The bartender, who is a woman, and I have been discussing this disaster. Both of us threw fists of wrath in the air.

40.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA "He's not all that," says bartender. "He's none of that," says me. But the heroine of this story has left with him. II

41.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Before she went, she said "I'm gonna need more drinks." Tomorrow, she will tell this to a friend who will say Hell No.

42.

Text - You FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA I wrote her a note. I didn't give it to her. We all have to make mistakes. Maybe she will drop him tomorrow. Hi Casunt observee here Merthin his Kid?! Thuo thin Your dule "s A HK. You Ane way bette then Ire bean you Pot Will Net Rock, Kver. Mad be you how PASE Yani and be this sucks.

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Twitter Thread: Man Writes Titanic Sequel For His Crush

Daniel Dockery's story about writing a Titanic sequel for his middle school crush might bring those memories of all the silly things you did for old flames, rushing to the forefront of your mind. When we're young and fearless the limits that we'll go to to impress those people that have caught our fancy, are seemingly boundless. 

1.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock When I was in middle school, I had a crush on a girl whose favorite movie was Titanic. So, to impress her, I wrote an outline for a sequel called Titanic 2. And for every like this tweet gets, I will reveal another awful detail of this story.

2.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I had never seen Titanic before writing Titanic 2. I had read the plot synopsis, and learned the two main characters' names. I figured that was enough.

3.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I had spoken to this girl twice. Once to learn her name, and once, during gym class, to learn her favorite movie. That seemed like plenty of time to establish a solid relationship and then throw fan fiction at her.

4.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock The name of the boat in Titanic 2 was Titanic 2. This went through a number of revisions, including calling it just "Titanic" and "Goliath," but in the end, the producers (me) went with "Titanic 2."

5.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I knew that Rose was telling the story, but because l'd just read a brief synopsis, I had know idea of her exact age. So, I made this a time travel story as well.

6.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock In Titanic 2, Rose travels to the future, where they have a procedure that makes people young again. She undergoes it, and then finds out that there's a procedure that brings people back to life. And so she resurrects Jack.

7.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack is back. Again, due to never seeing the movie, I didn't know what his old self was like. His only attribute was that he loved Rose. This was fitting, because my only attribute at the time was devising awful stories to impress women who didn't know my name.

8.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock For drama, I invented a thing where you're given two "life packs" to survive in this new world. Lose both of them, and you die, somehow.

9.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock They find Jack's intact corpse at the bottom of the ocean near the Titanic 1 and dredge it up along with the boat.

10.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock They decide, despite it being historically and ridiculously unsafe, to ride the Titanic 2 up and down the coast of North Carolina, my home state.

11.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Now, I knew what the Titanic looked like. As a kid, I was obsessed with anything that could be considered largest or heaviest in the world. My fave animal at the time was the Saltwater Crocodile, and my fave building was whichever one was tallest in 2002.

12.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Now, due to the immense creative pressure that writing the outline of Titanic 2 put on me, I wasn't able to really devote any energy into talking to my crush. I did tell her once that I liked her t-shirt, and she responded by not hearing me.

13.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock But if you're thinking that the Titanic 2 is a futuristic ship with sci-fi doodads and such, you'd be disappointed. It was the same ol' boat.

14.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock And here's where the villain of the story enters: The unscrupulous dude who wants to steal Rose from Jack! His name was a subtle homage to my favorite Star Wars character: Bob Fett.

15.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock So Rose drops one of her life packs off the side of the boat. Why? 'Cause I'm dumb and bad at writing.

16.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Then, in a confrontation with Bob Fett, Jack gets one of his life packs ripped off. 0000OH. DRAMA.

17.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I had Bob Fett gain a knife hand because l'd seen something similar in the cinematic masterpiece The Wild Wild West.

18.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock When Jack and Rose aren't dueling a man with a knife for his fuckin' hand, they're mostly just making out in different areas of the boat. The Titanic 2 was Make Out Central and that was all there was to do.

19.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock OH SHIT. I totally forgot to mention that Bob Fett has a knife for a hand. That will come up again later.

20.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Now, I'm sure you're thinking "Daniel, you probably had the boat sink again, didn't you?" And you are too correct, my friends.

21.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock The Titanic 2 (which to remind you, is sailing off the coast of North Carolina) strikes another iceberg.

22.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Rose was on one section, Bob Fett was on another (He killed the captain, by the way, for reasons that I didn't bother to invent), and Jack was on the last one.

23.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I shared this story with my friend named Nick. And I've never seen a person that i considered my best friend look so amazingly uninterested in something.

24.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock The boat begins to sink. I knew that the Titanic split in half, but in a stroke of inspiration, I had it crack in THREE PLACES.

25.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock So, Jack manages to run into Bob Fett and they have a long, drawn out fight on a section of the boat. Jack knows many martial arts, but Bob Fett has a knife for a hand, so the fight is pretty even.

26.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Eventually, Jack manages to knock Bob Fett off the side of the ship, and thinks he's dead. BUT WAIT. Bob Fett stuck his knife hand in the side of the boat and survived!

27.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I had planned to deliver this story to the girl I had a crush on in actual book form. But, because I had no means of making that happen, I simply decided to hand her the legal pad that I took from my Dad that I was writing this on.

28.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack knocks Bob Fett off the boat again, but Bob Fett sticks his knife in the side of the boat again. But Jack kicks him off, leaving the knife hand stuck in the boat. I thought that would make a cool visual.

29.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack reunites with Rose, and they make out some more. But Bob Fett RISES FROM BEHIND THEM AND SLASHES ROSE'S LAST LIFE PACK.

30.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock So Rose is bleeding out of her life pack. She doesn't have much time to live. This is also due to the fact that a giant boat has know been divided into three pieces, but ehhh. Logic can wait.

31.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack and Rose manage to find a doctor, and Jack, making the ultimate sacrifice, says "Give my last life pack to Rose."

32.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I don't remember how Rose makes it back to the shores of North Carolina. Did the Titanic 2 totally sink? Or did she make it back on a piece of the ship? l'd just seen JAWS, and considering my obsession with that movie and its end, I imagine she probably just paddled her way back.

33.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack gives Rose his last life pack, and she is revived. Despite losing both life packs, Jack still has time to deliver a monologue about love to Rose.

34.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Jack dies and Rose pushes his corpse off the Titanic. Looking back on it, this is kind of a funny choice.

35.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Credits. That's the end of Titanic 2. Now, to actually deliver the story to my crush.

36.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I remember it clearly. It was the day that we were supposed to pay for yearbook photos. I was armed with with a few dollars from Mom and a legal pad with Titanic 2. I was ready.

37.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock After some chit chat, where I told her that I wanted to make movies when I grew up (or be a pro wrestler, whichever happened first), I told her that I had written Titanic 2.

38.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I should've just handed her the legal pad. I should've done that. But instead, I decided to tell her the plot, starting with the life pack stuff and focusing only on the life pack stuff.

39.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I told her also about the "Give my last life pack to Rose" thing, and I expected tears, tears over the beautiful work that I had conceived. She, on the other hand, was concerned about how there would be a second Titanic in the first place.

40.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I opened the conversation with the delightfully tact "Hey, umm, do you remember Titanic?"

41.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Eventually, though, I decided to ask her what her thoughts were. Let's brainstorm, ya know? Give me writing tips and then I can ask you out for Taco Bell.

42.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock So, I ended up just handing her the legal pad. She immediately asked me if I wanted it back, and I said "No, read it." And then I walked away. Ya know, like James Bond would've done.

43.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I waited two whole weeks for her to finish what was a three page story. What did she think? Was she enamored? Was she reading it over and over again? Did she want to....keep it?

44.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I asked her where the story was and if she liked it? Her response? "Oh, I left it on the bus."

45.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock I know. Me, too.

46.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock She did say that she'd read it, though, and found that she couldn't tell what was really going on sometimes. Still, she'd read it, so two thumbs up.

47.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Years later, I met her in a pizza restaurant and we had some drinks and laughed about old times. I asked her if she really read Titanic 2, and then that l'd done it because I had a crush on her.

48.

Text - Daniel Dockery Follow @dandock Her response was a firm "Oh, I never would've gone out with you, but that's funny." The end.

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Best Comebacks To Insults People Have Heard

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the most clever comebacks to insults that people have ever heard. There's nothing as deeply satisfying as clapping back against that spicy insult with just the kind of razor sharp wit that leaves the recipient utterly speechless. Sometimes you just nail it with the clever comeback .

1.

Text - ItsTime4you2go • 2d A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn't the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: „Well you know what the say about you? Nothing, nobody fucking cares." Reply 4.7k ...

2.

Text - Mike-Drop • 1d It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me. Hudson: "Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?" Vasquez: "No, have you?"

3.

Text - wabixx • 2d 1 Award I asked my mother why she always wears makeup despite being in her 40s. She told me she wears makeup so she doesn't look like me

4.

Text - intrepidsteve • 2d 2 Awards I used to work with this like 70 year old woman, she was our supervisor, and one day one of the ladies who worked with us told this old lady to "kiss my ass" and the old lady replied "where do I start, you're so fat your crack goes all the way up your back" Reply 36.3k ...

5.

Text - emzirek • 2d Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader. When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, "Congratulations!" The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus. Reply 1 5.5k

6.

Text - sourdoh3631 • 2d 1 Award Someone yelled out in a Walmart , "I'm not ashamed of who I am". Another voice echoed back, "that's your parents job" Reply 41.6k ...

7.

Text - bugfish03 • 1d 1 Award Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace) JO: And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you? SH: There may even be a universe where you are funny. Reply 14.2k ...

8.

Text - lamstillnotyourmate • 2d 5 Awards 18th Century British radical politician John Wilkes was told in parliament by a political opponent "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox". Wilkes shot back with "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress." Reply 66.5k ...

9.

Text - BiffDebris • 2d 5 Awards Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa Joe: "I guess your long hair makes you a woman." FZ: "I guess your wooden leg makes you a table." Reply ↑ 83.0k

10.

Text - BanterBear • 2d 1 Award A friend of mine was getting bitched at by these 2 identical twin girls in a class I had once, he replied with a troubling look on his face and said "if you two are identical, how come only 1 of you are hot?" That dude played the long game as those two girls looked rather perplexed for the rest of the session. *fixed Reply 17.2k ...

11.

Text - seahawk2020• 2d Many, many years ago, when we were about 18, a friend of mine was arguing with another person we knew. This person was trying to be a badass and intimidate my buddy. He says"my feet are registered". Without missing a beat my friend replies"Where? Health & Sanitation?". Forty years later I sill crack up at this when it comes to mind. Reply 1 5.1k ...

12.

Text - Back2Bach • 2d 3 3 Awards "Easy, now ... don't let your brains go to your head!" Reply 12.6k

13.

Text - adnanoid • 2d David Letterman: I'm not as dumb as I look. Tina Fey: How could you be? Reply 10.1k ...

14.

Text - TheXMan4321 • 2d The classic: "You're adopted" "At least my parents chose to have me" Reply 13.0k ...

15.

Text - wuesteworld • 2d I have a bunch but one of the more memorable ones was back in 8th grade. For context I didn't make the basketball team 7th grade, but I made the team in 8th grade. This kid that was on the team the previous year but didn't make it currently was really upset and telling me how bad I am and blah blah blah. I told him that if he is better than me then why didn't he make the team, and he replied with "it's just cause of my grades bro". So I replied with "oh so you're just fuc

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Twitter Thread: Minerals That Look Like Food

The mineral world is vast and full of diverse colors, shapes and textures, and it just so happens that a few of them end up looking like desserts, meat and fried food. It's uncanny how something that could look so much like a nice piece of food could literally break all your teeth. There's tons of things that look like tasty food but aren't. 

1.

Mineral - GarlicPowder @fartpowder EX CRYSTAL THAT LOOKS LIKE CHICKEN TENDER ALERT O 281K 5:14 PM - Jun 27, 2020

2.

Food - incredibly fitting 2 @Thetaelizabeth Replying to @fartpowder And key lime (stone) pie for dessert O13 10:51 PM - Jun 27, 2020

3.

Rock - Father Lo-Fi @Realfathercoin Replying to @fartpowder Watermelon tourmaline pairs well with this 9 2:42 PM - Jun 28, 2020

4.

Rock - Hunter Doradea @HunterDoradea Replying to @fartpowder @aniceburrito Crystal that looks like a potatoe O8,272 6:32 PM - Jun 27, 2020

5.

Organism - Steph Davidson @stephcd Replying to @fartpowder check out this ham crystal twitter.com/stephcd/status... Steph Davidson @stephcd the beautiful ham crystal 587 8:31 PM - Jun 27, 2020

6.

Plant - Damian @JellyGuts Replying to @fartpowder @ceo_of_chaos Watermelon gummy? 2 4:19 AM - Jun 28, 2020

7.

Red meat - Demon Lord Rae: @Jubei_The_Goat Replying to @fartpowder The filet mignon crystals O 49 3:57 AM - Jun 28, 2020

8.

Red meat - Skye @BreakingColours Replying to @fartpowder @LiamGranny97 Here's a Crystal that looks like raw meat (#Rhodochrosite) lub O 799 8:49 PM - Jun 27, 2020

9.

Organism - Margarita #BLM @TheMasterAnd Replying to @fartpowder @cordeliammoss Try the grapefruit rock too ♡1,668 8:15 PM - Jun 27, 2020

10.

Sculpture - kikishizuku @kikishizuku Replying to @fartpowder This needs to go in the Taiwan National Museum along with Meat Shaped Stone and Jadeite Cabbage. A full meal. O17 1:36 AM - Jun 28, 2020

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Face - carter hambley @carterhambley Jun 27 Replying to @fartpowder This is how I chip my teeth 17 238 8K

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Tagged: rocks , wtf , lookalike , minerals , lol , science , food , funny
       
 

Tumblr Thread: Darth Vader is the Queen of Drama

Vader will do anything for drama. He'll turn off his own life support, stand on top of a god damn tie fighter, and make double puns while choking an employee. These Tumblr users are pretty sure there's nothing he won't do for the sake of drama. For another interesting Star Wars thread, here's an informative and funny Tumblr thread on exactly what Han Solo was smuggling.

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Text - officialbridgetroll I honestly never thought anyone could outdo Anakin-'you-underestimate-my- powers'-does-a-triple-backflip-and-gets-all-his-limbs-cut-off-Skywalker in being ExtraTM but creating a bucket of your enemies ashes to angrily slam your completely unnecessary helmet into in front of prisoner company just for the villain aesthetic comes pretty damn close giaffa I'm sorry but nothing will compare to Darth-i-have-to-make-the-most-extra- supervillain-entrance-standing-on-a-tie-figh

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Text - erisdarfanfic "Be careful not to choke on your aspirations." THAT THERE IS NOT ONLY A DAD JOKE AND A PUN BUT A DOUBLE PUN Obviously there's the obvious first pun but then you realise "aspirations" not only mean dreams and ambition but also medically means things you are not supposed to inhale but do So Vader is subtly ne it's reallyAet it's so extra saying, "Be careful not to choke on your own saliva" ANAKIN SKYWALKER, THE DOUBLE-PUN DRAMA QUEEN

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Text - sohaliatalitha okay but Vader literally turned off the lights on his chest panel to make an impression on the Rebels. That whole emerging from the darkness by the light of his saber thing? That was intentional dramatic effect. What a drama king. Leia got away because he wasted 30 seconds scaring the crap outta those poor rebel mooks. lunacyandlovliness And since they're indicators, he would have had to turn his life support off. So he nearly died for drama. fuckyeahdiomedes Vader lives on

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Text - drthcaedus favourite Extra™ things darth vader has done, ranked - killed a guy, then gave his job to the guy right next to him did a triple front-flip over a stream of lava, only to get most of his limbs cut off - took on an entire army of rebels by himself, and when told he was surrounded, said "all i'm surrounded by is fear and dead men". talk about edgy - announced he was luke's father, barely seconds after amputating his hand, then was disappointed that luke wanted nothing to do with

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AskReddit Thread: Movies People Would Delete From Reality

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the movies that people would wipe clean from reality. Many of us have struggled through those cinematic experiences that just didn't sit right. You know, the ones that you found yourself question how they were made in the first place? You might connect on a deeply painful level with these picks. 

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Text - omegakronicle • 3h 3 1 Award Artemis Fowl. There are enough issues with the film to make even a casual watcher hate it, forget about those who read the books. They went beyond screwing up. Reply 4.5k ...

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Text - wretchedholiday • 4h 4 Awards the live action avatar the last air bender Reply 10.0k ...

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Text - bluey_1989 • 1h The live action dragon ball movie, it's just sad. Reply 1.1k ...

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White - DudeFromSaudi • 4h A Serbian Film. Reply 837 ... +3

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Text - bruhmoment694207 • 2h Kissing booth. No kissing booth, no kissing booth2. Fuck that movie. Reply 833 ...

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Text - Copiz • 3h Can I delete season 8 of Game of Thrones instead? Reply 923 ...

7.

Text - JoelxE • 3h 1 Award Eragon. One of the most disappointing movies of my lifetime. Reply 1.8k ...

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Text - theonlythingissufjan • 2h After Earth, starting Will and Jayden Smith. Worst movie ever. It was so bad, I walked out and asked for my money back. Reply 264 ...

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White - ananaskalja • 4h Cats Reply 3.3k ... +3

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Text - OCTOPUSCRIME • 1h The 4th Harry Potter so people will wonder why they made all the movies but just skipped the 4th. Reply 40 ...

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Text - brokendowndryer • 3h The Rise of Skywalker... Just so they can re-do it. I liked the sequel trilogy up until that movie. I even liked most of the movie. I hated the ending. Reply 736 ...

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Text - PellucidlyNebulous • 3h Only 1? But I need to delete all the live action Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.

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Text - maurocastrov • 4h Friday 13: Jason goes to hell. The worst movie of the saga Reply 39 ...

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White - bibbslank • 1h definitely Downsizing Reply 1 17 ...

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Text - ada1010 • 2h Percy Jackson Percy JACKSON PERCY JACKSON!!!!! Reply 30 ...

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White - illman • 4h 1 Award The emoji moive Reply 4.0k ...

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Text - GustavoAlex7789 • 4h A Disaster Movie. The worst piece of cinema I have seen in my life. Reply 171 ...

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White - curtis367 1h Jaws 3D. Reply 8

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White - cpc2027 • 4h Sausage Party Reply 108 ...

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Text - clackingCoconuts • 3h Waterworld was the first movie that came to mind. It was an interesting premise that if we can delete it from the collective unconscious and try again I'm sure we can do better. It could've been Mad Max the pirate edition instead of being the movie TNT chooses when they need to blow away 2 hours of programing. Reply ...

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Text - Cripnite • 3h 3 1 Award The Dark Tower. Well, all realities. There are other worlds than these. Reply 1 562 ...

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Text - -EDGAR- • 4h Joe Dirt 2. The first one was so good and the sequel is just so terrible, my friend and I couldn't make it past like 10 minutes of it. Reply 121 ...

23.

Text - HaElfParagon • 2h Splice currently on Netflix. It was... disturbing. For those who don't mind spoilers, it's about a pair of geneticists who successfully create an animal/human hybrid that can change it's gender.

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Man Takes Revenge On Boss, Steals All Of His Employees

Some bosses turn mean and petty when they realize that their employees are about to hit the road and head for greener pastures, with greener paychecks. In this case, the guy's boss decided to turn into a petty piece of work upon learning that he was going to lose him as an employee. The guy decided to one up his boss on the petty antics, and ended up stealing all of his boss' employees. All it took was offering them a bit better pay. The fact that the boss didn't have any of their phone numbers definitely speaks volumes to the kind of "business" that he was "running." 

For some more revenge drama, check out this lazy truck driver who tried (and failed hard) to fake an injury to get out of work.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Smoe6696 • 1h + Join Don't want to return my tools or pay me? Enjoy losing your business This is my repost from O r/pettyrevenge that might be better suited for this subreddit, anyways... I'm a trade painter that worked for around 5 years essentially running a company for an owner who took a very hands off approach, he was essentially a name and working capitol and not much else. After getting an offer to work for a bigger commercial company and my old bosses realization he

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Text - try and make me stay. Made me run around the world to receive my final pay which I never even got and refused to return my tools spread throughout various jobs. Revenge time. As luck would have it another even better offer from an even bigger company ended up in my lap that wanted to subcontract me a very substantial amount of their work, but Im going to need more employees for that. Hmmm. So I go through and call each and every member of the original company and offer them a 3 dollar an

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Text - was so hands off he didn't even have employees phone numbers to call and ask them Imao. He's essentially without employees and little to no tools to complete any jobs at this point. Fast forward 6 months and his company has now closed, he's lost all his work. His new addition to his house has come to a grinding halt half way though construction, he's hurting big time. I never got my last check, but I did get a great group of workers and a company of my own, so I guess l'll just call it ev

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