Neatorama

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• Renaissance Surfboards
• Funny, One-Star Reviews of Oscar Nominated Movies
• Raptor Training
• Chimpanzees Move from the Netherlands to Scotland, Adopt a Local Accent
• RONALD MCDONALD DUCK- Old Don Is Quacking Up
• Life Inside Jabba the Hutt
• An Elegant Home for Birds with Refined Tastes
• Frozen Paid Tribute to Awkward Family Photos
• Video: Headcam Footage Shows Cops Pulling Man out of Burning Car
• John Deere Pond
• In Alaska, Wood Frogs Can Freeze Solid for Several Months, Thaw, and Return to Life
• A Dog Who Can't Get to the Dog Park Fast Enough
• Inclusivity
• Moon Artifacts Found 45 Years Later
• Tiny Hamster's Tiny, Romantic Date
• World Domination University- Dogs Need Not Apply
• This Waterfall Appears to Stare Right Back at You
• Save the Ice - Twaggies
• The Japanese Village of Foxes
• Brian Williams: The Meme
• Deep Fried Gnocchi
• The 10 Most Extreme Substances On Earth
• Whodunit: The Pre-Valentines Day Murder
• Children's Book Titles Changed to Fit the Downsides of Adult Life
• Ready for Romance? Then Check Out The Gorgeous Hotel Tubs
• Video: Plane Almost Hits Skydivers
• Pugtato - Pet Him, Don't Mash Him!
• Guess Who’s Going to Be Dinner?

Renaissance Surfboards Posted: 10 Feb 2015 04:00 AM PST The Lady and the Unicorn is a series of 6 tapestries woven in Flanders in the early 1500s.  The Garden of Earthly Delights is a triptych painting series by Hieronymus Bosch that allegorically depicts innocence, sin, and redemption. The French art company Boom-Art (warning: NSFW) and the surfboard manufacturer UWL Surfboard (warning: NSFW) together made these images into stylish wave riders. You can buy one for about $2134 USD.

Funny, One-Star Reviews of Oscar Nominated Movies Posted: 10 Feb 2015 03:00 AM PST One can go to any site where critiques of product can be read and find them: reviews from the disgruntled and angry. The reviewers who want you to know what they think of the product — exactly what they think, without mincing words or sparing feelings. Sometimes that person is the sole honest analysis in the entire batch. Yet sometimes they're just having a really bad day/year/life. Whether what they say has merit or not, it's usually good for a laugh, as writers at Buzzfeed thought when they created these images of movie posters to include words of wisdom from one-star reviewers everywhere. See their full collectionhere.

Raptor Training Posted: 10 Feb 2015 02:00 AM PST (YouTube link) The folks at How It Should Have Ended couldn’t wait until the movie actually came out to jump on an intriguing tidbit from the trailer of Jurassic World. Chris Pratt is actually training raptors for a show at the park -isn’t that rather odd? Especially considering what happened in the first movie! Based on that tiny part of a scene, they went ahead and speculated on how it should end. -via Geeks Are Sexy

Chimpanzees Move from the Netherlands to Scotland, Adopt a Local Accent Posted: 10 Feb 2015 01:00 AM PST (Photo: Jonas Löwgren) 9 chimpanzees who grew up in a Dutch safari park would issue what BBC News calls “an excited, high-pitched” sound when asking for apples. In 2010, when they arrived at their new home in a zoo in Edinburgh, Scotland, they found that phrase ineffective. Scottish apes apparently use “a disinterested grunt.” But within 3 years, these chimpanzees were grunting the Scottish way. This indicates that chimpanzees can use grunts as human words--changeable expressions representing concepts: The findings, reported in the journal Current Biology, suggest that when chimp grunts refer to objects, they can function in a surprisingly similar way to human words - instead of simply being governed by how the chimp feels about the object. Indeed, our ability to learn new "words" from our peers might date back to a shared ancestor with chimpanzees, some six million years ago. Of course, we'll only know that they're true Scotsmen if they wear their kilts regimental style. -via Adrienne Crezo

RONALD MCDONALD DUCK- Old Don Is Quacking Up Posted: 10 Feb 2015 12:00 AM PST RONALD MCDONALD DUCK by BeastPop Donald was tired of playing second fiddle to Mickey, and he wanted to see his face on merchandise and in advertisements far more than it already was, so he set his sights on removing Ronald from the picture. He sent Ron a text asking him to meet up at the old burger factory around midnight, and to his amazement Ronald agreed. Donald arrived an hour early to set his trap, and when Ronald foolishly wandered in through the back door of the burger factory his fate was sealed. Before he could call out for a helping Grimace hand Donald had pushed him into the massive meat grinder, quacking with delight as he flipped the switch... Bring some animated flavor to your geeky wardrobe with this RONALD MCDONALD DUCK t-shirt by BeastPop, it's so deliciously twisted that wearing it will make people want to eat you all up! Visit BeastPop's Facebook fan page, Twitter and Tumblr, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more ridiculously cool designs: ROASTED MARSHMALLOW MAN UGLY LITTLE SPUD INSECT POLITICS BOWSER NEVER LOVED ME View more designs by BeastPop | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

Life Inside Jabba the Hutt Posted: 10 Feb 2015 12:00 AM PST Vimeo Link Documentary filmmaker Jamie Benning has made films onJawsand Raiders of the Lost Ark, as well as three others on the Star Wars original trilogy. This film is a 20-minute long mini-documentary entitled Slimy Piece of Worm-Ridden Filth: Life Inside Jabba the Hutt. With interviews of Jabba's primary puppeteer Toby Philpott, the film traces Jabba's "life" after his initial creation as one of the most expensive puppets ever made. Interviews are interspersed with behind-the-scenes footage of Return of the Jedi that show how Jabba's movements were accomplished. Viewers are also treated to anecdotes such as the following: "George Lucas wasn't as impressed by [Jabba]. I think he would have liked to have done it by CGI, even then, but the technology wasn't there yet, and I'm not sure he was entirely convinced by a three-dimensional puppet. He wasn't satisfied that Jabba couldn't walk around for instance, where I quite like that fact that he obviously was a gigantic slug who rarely goes anywhere and when he does, people carry him, I guess." -Via Gizmodo

An Elegant Home for Birds with Refined Tastes Posted: 09 Feb 2015 11:00 PM PST Ryan Bruxvoort designed a home for sparrows that are ready to set new, higher standards for elegance. He tells Design Boom: my goal is to create a shelter that compliments its environment while at the same time attracting sparrows to inhabit it. ultimately I wish for this to culminate into a form that shows empathy for the sparrow, in a serene, carefully crafted manner. this led to the development of a delicate, almost fragile look that has been constructed in a manner that affords tremendous structural integrity. this light yet resilient quality of the house is to be reflective of the sparrow itself. Bruxvoort's birdhouse consists of maple panels cut into 65 strips for the outside covering and 24 blocks for the interior structure. 2 strips of wood veneer help hold it together.

Frozen Paid Tribute to Awkward Family Photos Posted: 09 Feb 2015 10:00 PM PST If you didn't know already, it's safe to say that everyone here at Neatorama loves Awkward Family Photos -and apparently we aren't the only ones. The creators of Frozen also love the site and the proof can be seen in the new Frozen short, called Frozen Fever, which happens to include the above picture that creators outrightly stated was inspired by AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. If you love easter eggs in movies, you'll want to keep an eye on this short, which will be released before Disney's new live-action Cinderella movie in March. Via Akward Family Photos

Video: Headcam Footage Shows Cops Pulling Man out of Burning Car Posted: 09 Feb 2015 09:00 PM PST (Video Link) On Christmas Day of last year, Okaloosa County, Florida Sheriff’s deputies responded to reports of a car fire. Officers Joseph Trimboli and Eric Keyes were wearing body cameras which recorded the encounter. They found an intoxicated and incoherent man inside a car that was burning and filling with smoke. The cops smashed open the driver’s window and pulled him out of it. Paramedics took him to a hospital, where he was treated for smoke inhalation and minor burns. (Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office) On Thursday, Okaloosa County Sheriff Larry Ashley presented Deputies Trimboli and Keyes with medals of merit in recognition of their work on that Christmas Day. -via Daily Telegraph (warning: auto-start video)

John Deere Pond Posted: 09 Feb 2015 08:00 PM PST In 1989, dairy farmers William and Harold Mann decided to build a pond on their shared wetland area of Vashon Island, Washington. In the shape of a deer. William created a giant grid with string and, in the dead of winter, meticulously plotted the outline of John Deere’s classic logo. Determined to work even after the weather turned on him, and after having already lost two pairs of boots to the endeavor, he laid the final cinderblocks of the pond’s outline wearing snowshoe-like contraptions he created to prevent his feet from sinking in the mud. Some of their closest neighbors didn’t even know about the deer-shaped pond for years after it was built -or even after they started lighting it up for Christmas. The visiting news reporters gave them a clue. Redditor NoLegsOleg posted the picture above that a friend took on a recent flyover. You can also see the pond on Google Maps.

In Alaska, Wood Frogs Can Freeze Solid for Several Months, Thaw, and Return to Life Posted: 09 Feb 2015 07:00 PM PST (Photo: Michael Zahniser) The wood frog (Lithobates sylvaticus) is a resilient creature. You can find it as far south as Alabama and as far north as Alaska and northern Canada. It's the only frog that lives in the wild north of the Arctic Circle. How does an amphibian survive the harsh winters of those frozen lands? It freezes. Scientists working in Alaska found that local wood frogs can freeze solid for up to 7 months. When the ice melts, the frogs thaw and, amazingly, are still alive! Deborah Netburn wrote about this phenomenon last year in the Los Angeles Times: "On an organismal level they are essentially dead," said Don Larson, a graduate student at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks who studies frogs. "The individual cells are still functioning, but they have no way to communicate with each other." Larson is one of several researchers who published their findings in the Journal of Experimental Biology. They found that the frogs produce a lot of glucose during the winter, which keeps their cells viable: The researchers also discovered that the frogs don't freeze once and stay frozen. Instead they spend a week or two freezing at night and thawing during the day, until the temperature drops permanently below freezing. Larson thinks this thawing and freezing patterns helps the frogs convert more of the glycogen stored in their liver into glucose. This is essential because it is the high levels of glucose in the frogs' cells that keep them alive throughout the long, cold winter. The glucose's main function is to keep water inside the cells. Frostbite in humans is caused when the water in our blood outside turns to ice. That hyperconcentrates the fluid around the cells and tissues, which in turn draws water out of the cells. Eventually the cells get so dehydrated that they die. Larson offers this analogy: "If you put a potato in salty water, the whole potato kind of shrivels up because all the water from the potato goes to the higher concentration of salinity, but if you add a bunch of salt to a potato, it would retain its water," he said. By making the cells super sweet with glucose, the frogs keep the water from leaving their cells. (Video Link) This clip from the PBS series The Living Edens shows a time-lapse video of the process. -via Oddity Central

A Dog Who Can't Get to the Dog Park Fast Enough Posted: 09 Feb 2015 06:00 PM PST YouTube Link  Jason Ephraim's dog Baxter, like many of his species, just loves the dog park. One day, while getting in the back of the car to go to the park, Baxter realized that a minor, canine-fixable detail was slowing down the process. Ephraim explains, "Baxter loves going to the dog park and realized one day that I couldn't close the trunk with his leash hanging out. My jaw dropped the first time he pulled it in himself. Obviously, he isn't willing to wait for Pluto to come to the same realization." Aw, Pluto. You'll learn the ways and means of traveling to the dog park eventually, buddy. Until then, Baxter has your back. -Via Tastefully Offensive

Inclusivity Posted: 09 Feb 2015 05:00 PM PST Nicholas Gurewitch rarely updates his brilliant webcomic Perry Bible Fellowship. You can go through the archives and laugh, over and over again. But sometimes, at special moments, you can read new, freshly baked PBF. When you can do so, always seize the opportunity.

Moon Artifacts Found 45 Years Later Posted: 09 Feb 2015 04:00 PM PST Some people take stuff home from work, and some people bring back souvenirs of a memorable trip. Those two activities intersect in Neil Armstrong’s closet. Going through her late husband’s things, Carol Armstrong came across a bag of what appeared to be old spare parts. She contacted Allan Needell of the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum, who recognized the objects as artifacts brought back from the Apollo 11 moon landing. After some research it became apparent that the purse and its contents were lunar surface equipment carried in the Lunar Module Eagle during the epic journey of Apollo 11. These artifacts are among the very few Apollo 11 flown items brought back from Tranquility Base and, thus, are of priceless historical value. Of utmost importance is the 16mm movie camera with its 10mm lens. The camera was mounted behind the right forward window of the lunar module and was used to film the final phase of the descent to the lunar surface, the landing, as well as Neil Armstrong's and Buzz Aldrin's activities on the lunar surface including taking the first samples of lunar soil and planting the US flag. Thanks to the Neil Armstrong family, the Apollo 11 purse and its contents are now on loan at the National Air and Space Museum for preservation, research and eventual public display. Get an overview of the discovery at Sploid and an in-depth explanation of each object at NASA. -via Metafilter (Image credit: Lisa Young of the National Air and Space Museum Conservation Unit)

Tiny Hamster's Tiny, Romantic Date Posted: 09 Feb 2015 03:00 PM PST YouTube Link The latest video in the tiny hamster series finds our tiny hero escorting his equally tiny date to a romantic restaurant for a tiny Italian dinner. A not-so-tiny chef waits and watches anxiously, at the ready to ensure the couples' satisfaction with their dining experience. Single guys without a Valentines Day date, have hope: if the tiny guy can score a babe, so can you. -Via Laughing Squid

World Domination University- Dogs Need Not Apply Posted: 09 Feb 2015 02:00 PM PST World Domination University by Fishbiscuit It totally makes sense that the ones they call Grumpy and Little Bub decided to start their own online university, because they were constantly being praised and worshipped by humans online. Humans hung on their every word, memorizing and repeating all those bits of feline wisdom they shared with the virtual world, so they figured founding a college would be the best way to increase their influence. Soon people were signing up for classes on snubbing dry food, how to hide furballs and curtain climbing, and slowly but surely all the human students began to lose sight of their humanity, and their meow-ster plan was a smashing success! Show the world you're a student at the most purr-fect college on the planet with this World Domination University t-shirt by Fishbiscuit, and declare your allegiance to our feline overlords. Visit Fishbiscuit's Facebook fan page, official website, Tumblr and Twitter, then head on over to her NeatoShop for more inspirationally geeky designs: Eating Pants Legend of Hot Sauce Star Wars I Know Kawaii Nintendo Pocket Player View more designs by Fishbiscuit | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

This Waterfall Appears to Stare Right Back at You Posted: 09 Feb 2015 02:00 PM PST This natural wonder is located in Silver Falls State Park in Oregon. I think that it is specifically the 177-foot South Falls, one of the 10 waterfalls in that park. Photographer Jared Decker climbed inside a cave behind the waterfall and snapped three shots, which he stitched together into this beautiful image. It is as if Nature herself has an eye and she gazes back at you. You can buy a print of this photo at Fine Art America. -via Colossal

Save the Ice - Twaggies Posted: 09 Feb 2015 01:52 PM PST We've teamed up with Dailymotion and will be bringing you animated Twaggies cartoons each month. Today we've got a great, new episode featuring the brilliant @BlindChow. And don't forget to follow us @Twaggies!

The Japanese Village of Foxes Posted: 09 Feb 2015 01:00 PM PST Japan has a Cat Island and a Rabbit Island, and now it also has a village of foxes! Zao Fox Village is a sanctuary with six different breeds of foxes, and is open to the public in case you want to get up close and friendly with the inhabitants. However, the staff does not recommend touching them, feeding from your hand, or bringing small children. After all, foxes are wild predators. You'll still find some folks bending the rules. See a ton of pictures of Zao Fox Village at Kotaku East. -via Fark (Image credit: moke_x2)

Brian Williams: The Meme Posted: 09 Feb 2015 12:00 PM PST The public, particularly on the internet, never lets a scandalized person forget their troubles. Par for the course, once NBC News anchor and managing editor Brian Williams was caught "misremembering" events, including when he was in Iraq in 2003, a meme was born. Hashtag BrianWilliamsMisremembers is on a roll and some amusing images emerged. A few examples are shown above and below. Visit here and here to see many more.

Deep Fried Gnocchi Posted: 09 Feb 2015 11:00 AM PST (YouTube link) Gnocchi are dumplings, normally boiled and then pan-fried. But Steve here decides he’s going to deep-fry them. He mentions that they popped a little last time, so he’s going to turn the fryer up a little hotter. What? When he removes the gnocchi, you’ll see why that might not be the best idea -unless you are looking for a laugh. Steve, the video host, came to reddit to address some questions about the situation. Be aware that the audio is only in one channel -your equipment is probably fine. -via Viral Viral Videos

The 10 Most Extreme Substances On Earth Posted: 09 Feb 2015 10:00 AM PST Remember in Aliens how the xenomorph's blood was acidic enough to burn through the ship? Yeah, well that's not even as bad as fluoroantimonic acid. If the aliens had fluoroantimonic acid in their blood -well, it would dissolve their whole bodies, but if it managed to stay in their bodies until they were shot, it would not only eat a whole through the thickest panels in the ship, but the potent vapors would also kill pretty much everyone on the ship. While fluorantimonic acid is the most acidic substance on earth, it's only one of the ten crazy substances included in this TopTenz list of over-the-top insane substances. What's the most deadly poison? How about the most flammable substance? Or the most radioactive material? You'll have to find out at the link.

Whodunit: The Pre-Valentines Day Murder Posted: 09 Feb 2015 09:00 AM PST The following is a Whodunit by Hy Conrad.  These mysteries are from The Little Giant® Book of Whodunits by Hy Conrad and Matt LaFleur. Can you solve the mystery before you read the solution? (Image credit: Flickr user Sean) It was the day before Valentine's Day and the police in the small college town were unprepared for any crime beyond the amorous escapades of a few undergraduates. Late that afternoon a patrol car canvassed Oakview, a small off-campus apartment building. The officers found the body of Gilly Tarpin, a homeless drifter. He was a nondescript man of normal build, lying in the shelter of an open garage bay. The officers made an inventory of Gilly's possessions: a wristwatch (looking new, except for a vertical crease on the leather band inside the clasp), a box of chocolates (with half the contents eaten), and a crumpled pre-printed note saying "Be My Valentine." The authorities assumed it was a natural death, caused by exposure to the February chill. But then the mandatory autopsy came back. There was poison in the homeless man's system. An identical poison was found in the remaining candies. The police interviewed three Oakview residents, hoping for some clue as to why anyone would poison a homeless drifter. "I used to talk to him," said Brick Darden, the school's star fullback. "He was always hanging around, bumming cigarettes and loose change. The guy had absolutely nothing, but he was harmless." Sawyer Prescott III had a less charitable opinion. "He was a thief," sniffed the heavyset millionaire student. "A ring disappeared from my apartment. The very next day I saw it in a pawn shop. The shop owner said he forgot who sold it to him, but I know it was that Gilly character." Peter Peaver held the opposite opinion. "Sure he begged money," said the featherweight math major. "But Gilly was basically honest. We often forget to lock our apartments, and I never found anything missing." "A homeless guy is poisoned with candy chocolates on the day before Valentine's Day," the homicide captain thought aloud. "I have a hunch how it happened—and a pretty good idea who did it." Whodunit? And what made the captain suspicious? Show Answer If the crime had occurred on Valentine's Day or after, there would be several possibilities. But since it happened on the day before, it's safe to assume that this man who "had absolutely nothing" stole both the candy and the watch. On examining the crease on the watch strap, the police determined that it belonged to a man with a narrower wrist. Peter Peaver was the only student to fit that description. Peter had been planning to send the poisoned chocolates to a girl who had spurned his advances—until Gilly sneaked into his apartment and carried out his deadly theft. The whodunit above was provided by American mystery fiction author Hy Conrad. In addition to his work in mystery and crime puzzles, Hy was also one of the original writers for the groundbreaking TV series Monk. Currently, Hy is working on mystery novel series "Abel Adventures" as well as the Monk series of novels, starting with Mr. Monk Helps Himself (published by Penguin, order from Amazon here) Check out Hy's official website and Facebook page - and stay tuned for more whodunits puzzlers on Neatorama from the master of whodunit mysteries himself!

Children's Book Titles Changed to Fit the Downsides of Adult Life Posted: 09 Feb 2015 08:00 AM PST College Humor's Nathan Yaffe re-titled children's books intending them to resonate with twenty-somethings, yet adults of all ages may be able to relate. There are some sudden epiphanies that fly in the face of young adults as soon as they leave the nest, some of which they didn't see coming. This humorous look at a few of the harsh realities of life over 18 is capable of making one yearn for times in which the biggest worry was how late we could roam the neighborhood with our friends on summer nights.  See more of these parodies of children's book titles here.

Ready for Romance? Then Check Out The Gorgeous Hotel Tubs Posted: 09 Feb 2015 07:00 AM PST Whether you're eager for a romantic night with your sweetie or just want to forget about all that romance stuff and enjoy time alone, a tub is a great place to relax and unwind. Over on Homes and Hues, we compiled a list of the 15 most romantic hotel bathtubs in the world and you won't want to miss these sexy soaking spots. While it's probably a little early to book a night at one of these rooms for this year, the list is a great place to inspire your fantasies for Valentine's Day and a wonderful source of inspiration for those who are ready to book ahead for next year. Don't miss all the beautiul baths ove at Homes and Hues: 15 Romantic Hotel Bathtubs We're Dying to Soak In

Video: Plane Almost Hits Skydivers Posted: 09 Feb 2015 06:00 AM PST (Video Link) Last October 19, skydiver Forest Pullman and his passenger jumped out of an airplane at 13,000 feet of elevation over Thailand. They were having a good time for a few seconds. But right after they jumped, the pilot turned the plane around 180º and flew right at them. At the 0:15 mark in this video, the plane hits part of their chute and comes within a few feet of hitting them. Pullman captured the entire event on a GoPro camera. His passenger seems unaware of how close they came to dying. -via Daily Telegraph (warning: auto-start video)

Pugtato - Pet Him, Don't Mash Him! Posted: 09 Feb 2015 05:00 AM PST Pugtato by Sophie Corrigan You say po-ta-to and I say pug-ta-to, you say to-ma-to and I say pug-ma-to, but that's probably just because I'm living that pug life yo! Pugs keep running through my mind, playing and drooling and looking all cute in a smashed face kinda way, and everywhere I go I see something that reminds me of a little pug, including those brown and wrinkly potatos! It's too late for me but do yourself a favor- don't give your mind over to the pug life, or you'll never escape the cuteness! Are you a pug-aholic? Think they're the tastiest breed around? Then you really need this Pugtato t-shirt by Sophie Corrigan, it's the cutest way to show you're living the pug life! Visit Sophie Corrigan's Facebook fan page, official website, Tumblr and Twitter, then head on over to her NeatoShop for more deliciously geeky designs: Elephant Totem Black Forest Cateau Anatomy of a Grumpy Cat Dam View more designs by Sophie Corrigan | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

Guess Who’s Going to Be Dinner? Posted: 09 Feb 2015 05:00 AM PST The following is a list from the book Uncle John's Bathroom Reader History's Lists. Be careful about dinner invitations from people you don’t know well- you might find yourself on the menu. 1. BEANES AT EVERY MEAL Some people believe that the brawling, scrapping Alexander “Sawney” Beanes was just a fictional legend, but many more contend that the Scottish character was a real guy. The story goes like this: Beane grew up in the town of East Lothian, in eastern Scotland, in the 15th century. Villagers considered him lazy and a liar, so they ran him (and his wife, who’s described a having similar character traits) out of town. Taking shelter in a deep cave along the Scottish shore, the Beanes turned to a life of crime, attacking travelers and anyone who got close to their home. But pretty soon, everybody had heard stories about Sawney and the missus, so as time went on, it got harder to hide the evidence of their crimes. Plus, times were tough, and famine was a common problem. That’s when the Beanes started to eat their victims (or smoke their flesh to be preserved for later). over the years, the couple prospered and had at least 14 children, who, in turn, grew up to have more children. Eventually, they were all caught by King James’ men, but legend says that before that happened, the Beane family killed and ate about 1,000 people. 2. YOU GOTTA HAVE HEART When Spanish conquistadors first marched across Mexico in the 16th century, they were surprised to find the Aztecs, but they were even more shocked by what they Aztec people were doing. For years, the Aztec nation had been sacrificing humans as part of their religious ceremonies. Much has been written about Aztec religious sacrifices: soldiers, slaves, and captors stoically went to grisly and bloody deaths in which their hearts were removed as offerings to the gods. What’s not mentioned is that the other parts of the victims were passed out to high-ranking citizens to be eaten. Historians estimate that in one year alone (1486-87), more than 20,000 people were sacrificed and consumed. 3. BUTTERFIES IN YOUR STOMACH While on a mission to collect butterflies for the Harvard Museum of Natural History in 1900, German butterfly collector Carl von Hagen was captured in Pupua New Guinea. While the exquisite specimens are still on display in the museum, von Hagen didn’t make it home. It seems he was captured and eaten by cannibals. 4. JOIN THE PARTY In April 1846, a group of 31 pioneers left Springfield, Illinois. Their destination: Sutter’s Fort in California, more than 2,500 miles away. As they traveled, the group grew to include 87 people, among them a pair of brothers -George and Jacob Donner- and their wives and children. They were led by George and businessman named James Reed, who had read about a new way through the Sierra Nevadas that could save 300 or 400 miles. Despite the fact that Reed had been warned about how rugged and untamed the passage was, he and the group decided to head that way anyway. Bad decision. In October, the group separated -the Donner family fell behind, and the Reeds continued on with most of the party. But then came the snow, which wasn’t expected until mid-November. As blizzard after blizzard thwarted the groups, people were stranded in different places in the high mountains. The Reed group built shelters, but the Donner party had nothing but a makeshift camp of blankets, furs, and wagon coverings. First they used up their food rations and then began to eat their oxen. When that ran out, the freezing travelers began to starve. When some of them died, the first survivors broached the idea of cannibalism. They dismissed it… at first. Unable to stand the hunger, several members of the Donner group began to eat the people who’d perished. (The Reeds probably also cannibalized their fallen brethren, though they always denied it.) But even that proved to be little help as the weeks turned into months and they remained stuck in the snow. Rescue finally arrived in February 1847, but the initial rescue party was just a few men who were able to carry little food. So even as they started leading people out of the mountains, those who remained continued to starve. Finally in April, the last of the stranded travelers was rescued. Of the original 87 people, a surprising 46 of them survived. 5. PACKING IT IN Alferd Packer could tell a tall tale better than anyone, so it's no surprise that he was able to convince 20 men that he knew the hills around Breckenridge, Colorado, well (he may or may not have). The group left for the Colorado Territory in early November 1873 on a search for gold. By late January, the group was bedraggled, hungry, and stumbling through heavy snow when the chief of the Ute took pity on them and told the would-be miners that they could stay with his people until the snow melted. Five of the miners were determined to strike it rich, though, and waved some money at Packer, who set off with them to Breckenridge in early February, carrying 10-day supply of food. Two months later, Alferd Packer arrived at the Los Pinos Indian Reservation in Colorado and told a story of being abandoned by his companions. He said they had left him, hungry and frightened. But the men who had remained with the Ute were suspicious of Packer’s obviously nourished physique and reported him to authorities. In May 1874, Packer admitted he’d actually been with the five men until their end- after being stranded in the snowy wilderness, they’d all died one by one of disease, starvation, accidents, and in one case, self-defense. And as they did, he’d eaten pieces of the miners and had even carried some of their flesh around for weeks to stave off starvation. No one knew what to make of the story. Then in August 1874, the bodies of the five miners were found… laid out together at the campsite in the mountains. It appeared that they’d all been killed (one even showed defensive wounds as though he’d fought back). Packer was eventually convicted of murder and sent to prison. 6. A LITTLE MAC(QUARIE) AND CHEESE Irish pickpocket Alexander Pearce should have just left well enough alone. After receiving 150 lashes for various infractions -including drunk and disorderly conduct, and theft- he went back to a life of crime and, in 1822, was sent to Macquarie Harbor, a harsh penal colony in Tasmania. Within months, Pearce and a few of his fellow prisoners escaped. Tasmania was mostly uninhabited, though, so the men had nowhere to go -they hid in the mountains until starvation forced them to prey on one another. Pearce didn’t commit the first murder, but he didn’t refuse to partake in the grisly meal, either. And he had no aversion to killing the next victim for the table. Later, after being caught for stealing sheep, Pearce was sent to Macquarie Harbor again. Soon, he escaped again with another fellow inmate… who he subsequently killed and ate. Finally, in 1824, Pearce was hanged for his cumulative crimes. 7. NEED A TOOTHPICK? In late October 1765, the sloop Peggy was in trouble. Rough weather and heavy seas had battered the little ship and its sails were badly ripped. Discouraged, hungry, and frightened, the crew seized the cargo (brandy and wine) and proceeded to get drunk. The situation got worse when the captain of another ship stopped to check on the Peggy’s crew, promised them a few crusts of bread, and then sailed away before actually giving them any food. After the crew had eaten everything they could -including leather, candles, two birds, buttons, and a cat- they were desperate. They killed and consumed a slave, and then the men drew straws but were unable to sacrifice the friend who lost the draw, apparently because he was well liked. Fortunately, the morning after the aborted kill, the crew was saved by a passing ship, but the man who narrowly missed being dinner had already gone mad from the torturous anticipation of becoming a meal. Bon appetit! ___________________ The article above was reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Bathroom Reader History's Lists. Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!

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