Comedy Gems From Lawrence Police Department's Twitter and more...

The Lawrence Police Department's Twitter game is on point. They're providing some hilarious commentary about all the maddening times we find ourselves living in. They're doing it with what seems to be a nice balance between being helpful, and maintaining a sense of humor about everything.

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Text - 0 Ô 9 + + 53% 19:38 PM nobile.twitter.com 1) Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Is 20 tubes of disinfectant wipes a reasonable amount for a 600 sq ft apartment? It is not a reasonable amount. You should not buy that many tubes. Maybe just one or two? 3:02 PM · Mar 12, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 267 Retweets 1.7K Likes 20+

2.

Text - 9:37 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD It's been 38 minutes since we told you to wash your hands and you've had your hands all over your germ infested phone reading tweets. Wash your hands, wipe down your phone, and return some TP to the store. And don't crime. 3:16 PM · Mar 12, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 1.2K Retweets 6.6K Likes 20+

3.

Text - O 9 + + 53% 19:38 PM nobile.twitter.com Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Do you really need 12 pounds of ground beef? You having some kind of community taco bar? That violates social distancing standards and health laws on food safety. Just get one or two pounds. 3:09 PM · Mar 12, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 358 Retweets 2.8K Likes 20+

4.

Text - O 9 + 56% 19:45 PM nobile.twitter.com Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD This light dusting of snow in pretend winter is good practice for real winter. If you're having trouble driving in pretend winter, then during real winter you should take the real bus. 10:16 AM · Nov 11, 2019 · Twitter for iPhone 1.9K Retweets 11K Likes 20+

5.

Text - Text - O 9 + + 53% 19:38 PM nobile.twitter.com Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Ask yourself "is this enough toilet paper to last until August?" and then do not buy that much toilet paper. Also, don't steal toilet paper. That violates the no crime order. 2:58 PM · Mar 12, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 624 Retweets 3.1K Likes 20+

6.

$Text - Text - O 9 + + 57% 1 9:45 PM nobile.twitter.com 1) Lawrence P... Following 4,552 Tweets Lawrence Poli... O · Oct 31, 2019 ('_-) <) ) Birthday \('_-) ( (> Suits (`_·) <) )> Aren't (_-) <) ) Costumes 265 27 2K 17 20+$

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Text - Text - O 9 + 56% 9:43 PM nobile.twitter.com Thread Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Sall I want for Christmas iiissss yoooouuuuu- to not criminal tomorrow so ... we can eat food and watch Christmas movies in the briefing room. 3:50 PM · Dec 24, 2019 · Twitter for iPhone 662 Retweets 6.4K Likes 20+

8.

Text - Text - + 55% 19:41 PM Thread Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Got a little twitter dot com science lesson for you. Tomorrow, it's gonna rain. All day. Then at night, it's gonna get cold. Real cold. So, moisture on pavement goes from a "liquid" state, to a "slippy icy oh crap i tapped the brakes and now my car is sliding" state. 6:35 PM · Jan 9, 2020 · Twitter Web A 841 Retweets 6.3K Likes 20+

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Text - Text - O 9 + + 58% i 9:48 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Protecting your family name outside a bar at 1:45 a.m. feels really important at the time, but is actually much less important when you wake up hungover the next morning with a battery citation. KU The University of K... Aug 20, 2019 If you could give incoming freshman one piece of advice for making the most of their first year of college, what would O:50 DM . Aua 21. 2010. Twitter for iDhona. 20+

10.

Text - Text - + 55% 19:41 PM nobile.twitter.com Thread 36 27 341 ♡ 3.4K Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Update: Snow. Snow e'rywhere. And it's colder than @RileyCountyPD's hearts. Please don't crime. It's so cold. 12:52 PM · Jan 11, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 125 Retweets 1.7K Likes 20+

11.

Text - Text - + 53% 9:37 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD To all the ppl @-ing us about all the cow in your freezer that you bought months ago from a farmer. We aren't talking about you. We're talking about the people panicking and spending $600 per household member at the grocery store. Let's be reasonable. Also crime is still banned 3:43 PM · Mar 12, 2020 · Twitter for if 155 Retweets 2K Likes 20+

12.

Text - Text - + 55% 9:42 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Things cheaper than a DUI: -Hiring a stretch Hummer -an Uber to Burrito King, around the city, then -a Lyft to Taco something for everyone in your complex, and tipping the driver $50 buying -buying a round of shots for everyone @ the bar, then walking home #DriveSober 20+

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Text - Text - + 57% 19:47 PM nobile.twitter.com Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Yes, we know your dad is a lawyer. No, we literally don't care. KU The University of K... Aug 20, 2019 If you could give incoming freshman one piece of advice for making the most of their first year of college, what would it be? 10:21 PM Aug 21, 2019 · Twitter for 2.7K Retweets 26.8K Likes 20+

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Text - Text - O 9 + 55% 9:42 PM nobile.twitter.com Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Happy New Year! So excited for the sound of gunshots calls that definitely weren't fireworks because I know what gunshots sound like... 12:06 AM · Jan 1, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 173 Retweets 3.1K Likes I--L Da..--ld. einabina 20+

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Text - Text - 0• Ô 9 + + 58% 19:49 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Don't sell weed out of your apartment. It sounds like an easy way to make money until you get robbed by your customer's friend's coworker's cousin twice removed. KU The University of K... · Aug 20, 2019 If you could give incoming freshman one piece of advice for making the most of their first year of college, what would it be? 9:44 PM · Aug 21, 2019 · Twitter for iP 20+

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Text - Text - O 9 + + 58% 19:47 PM Tweet Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD You may think that stop sign would look great on your living room wall next to your sweet poster collection. It won't, you're drunk, it looks terrible, and that's theft. KU The University of K... · Aug 20, 2019 If you could give incoming freshman one piece of advice for making the most of their first year of college, what would it be? 10:15 PM · Aug 21, 2019 · Twitter for i 20+

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Text - + 57% 9:45 PM Thread Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Lots of people with suburbitanks just read this tweet and for the life of them can't understand it. Let's fill them in, shall we? Four wheel drive makes you go, physics make you stop. Or not stop. This has been a public service announcement from the Lawrence Police Departm 9:32 AM : Oct 31.2019 · Twitter for iPhone. 20+

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Tagged: cops , humor , twitter , social media , ridiculous , funny

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Funniest Historical Facts That People Know

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share the funniest historical facts that they know. The resulting insights paint a picture of just how weird the world is that we live in, and how absurdly worked up people can get themselves, when it comes to warring over seemingly meaningless stuff.

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Text - TruthTeller_Really • 12h 3 1 Award Notorious Pirate/Pirate hunter Benjamin Hornigold Once attacked a ship just to steal all of the crew member's hats. His men had gotten drunk and lost their hats during a party the night before and decided to board a ship to get replacements.

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Text - nicowilder • 13h 3 1 Award Brazil and France almost went to war because they had a disagreement about Lobsters, the event is known as The Lobster War France thought Lobsters swim therefore they were above brazillian soil and could be fished by any vessel and Brazil thought Lobsters crawled on the ocean's floor therefore are brazillian property. Brazil's foreign affairs minister had this to say about it: "The attitude of France is inadmissible, and our government will not retreat. The lobs

3.

Text - Lo-Ping • 11h Julius Caesar had a letter dispatched via messenger while the Senate was in session. Convinced he was sending a message to his collaborators, Senator Cato the Younger demanded that the letter be read in open session to be entered into the annals of the Senate forever. Caesar allowed the letter to be read, and thus the most filthy love letter Caesar had written to his lover at the time, Cato's half-sister Servilia got entered into historical record forever. A burn so big, peo

4.

Text - TheSnappyChicken • 12h There was an actual judge at Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia to process unruly Eagles fans that were arrested during football games.

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Text - PokeBattle_Fan • 8h In the 1976 Montreal Olympics, there was a 14 years old Romanian gymnast who was the first to get a perfect score (10.00) Hoowever, because the score was never obtained, and was considered an impossibility, the screen tthey used could only show a score up to 9.99. So despite the fact that she DID get a perfect score of 10.00, the screen showed a score of 1.00 XD

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Text - WomanNotAGirl • 12h I don't know if this counts since it's a law in UK, but something happened that caused this law to be passed. As of 1313, it has been illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

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Text - -EDGAR- • 11h Napoleon was once attacked by a horde of rabbits. Basically, a rabbit hunt was set up to celebrate the Treaties of Tilsit and they ended up amassing somewhere between hundreds and thousands of rabbits (accounts vary). Anyway, the day of the hunt they set the rabbits in cages surrounding the area that they would be hunting in. They released them once everyone was set, but instead of being scared the bunnies swarmed the hunting party. At first they thought it was funny, but th

8.

Text - Ginger_Chick • 12h It has been all over reddit forever, but the fact that Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was ejected from Jackson's funeral for swearing, will never not make me giggle.

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Text - mrfitzmonster • 12h I don't remember specifics, but a lord in England way, way back.(1600'S?) wanted his people to start growing potatoes. The locals scoffed at the idea, so the lord started his own potato patch and started telling people how expensive and valuable they were. He had guards posted around his potato garden. However, he told the guards that if people snuck in at night, they were to look the other way. Through this method, the people started growing potatoes and, when the bad

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Text - ACrispPickle • 12h British Navy in WW1 had battleships disguised as passenger and merchant ships with some of the sailors crossdressing as women. This was to entice German U-boats to surface as they would frequently attack unarmed and unescorted merchant ships.

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Text - ScoobyTrue • 12h Up until 1945, every single person in New York City was required to move on the same day. May 1st was called "Moving Day," and everyone in NYC was legally required to move their shit out of their apartment/house and find a new one. Movers charged outrageous prices and apartments all raised their rents every year because they could get away with it. People literally HAD to move or face legal consequences. Imagine how stressful moving from one apartment to another is. Now i

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Text - Xandercruisefd • 13h Didn't Caligula start a war with the ocean? Reply 161 tiny_films • 12h I think it had something to do with Poseidon or some other ocean dwelling spirit lol. Ordered his men to stab the water iirc. Edit: to clarify it was Xerxes, thank you for reminding me below lol.

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Text - reejoy96 • 12h Part of Boston was once devastated by a flood of molasses .you could say it was a sticky situation

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Text - Justin_Shields• 10h Back in ancient times, people thought that heavy objects fall faster than light objects. The funny part is, no one really even tried to prove that theory wrong, even though it was so easy to. And then, some guy proved that they fall at the same speed. But instead of praising him, everyone got mad at him for throwing two different size boulders off of the leaning tower of piza. I can't remember his name, though...

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Tagged: humor , history , historical facts , askreddit , knowledge , funny , true facts

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Guy Tries To Write His Name in Baseball Field With Tractor

A dude recently got into Miller Park baseball field through an unlocked door, found a tractor, messed around, and just kinda left. Security cameras caught the attempt. He said he was trying to write his name, but it looks like a fruitless effort.

Submitted by: (via WISN 12 News)

Tagged: news , wtf , tractor , baseball , crime , trespassing , vandalism

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Startup Tries to Get Business to Compete for Bad Job, Soundly Denied

This company tried to turn their lame offer into a competition, but they asked precisely the wrong person to comply. This business owner in particular has had some memorable interactions with folks like this private school that wanted upgrades before their own charity, this treasurer of who couldn't comprehend a payment plan, or this client who refused to understand what having a broken arm means.

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Text - New message via your website, from no-reply@ N to mel 2 days ago Details k just submitted your form: Message Details Name (callsign, handle, prison id): | Email (please): Phone (optional): | Subject (would help greatly): Custom gaming machine Message: love your website by the way! Hilarious and well put together! I've sent a similar email to 4 other

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Text - companies (minus the compliments on the website) I'm looking for a custom bespoke machine for my start up company. I like what you have but I want something a little different styling wise and graphics wise. What I would like from the 5 companies in total is to design me a unique cabinet and artwork. I'm not sure exactly what I want but l'll know it when i i see it.

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Text - If I like your design you have my business and a horde of potential customers. I say "Horde" because my company name is |and they will come in hordes believe me! Before you panic just know that I'm paying for this. My budget is $1400. I would like the following: Custom design of cabinet and at work Full design wrap, front and sides 32" screen Sanwa buttons and controllers

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Text - A good sound system Minimum of an i5 pc, no (Dell systems!) The rest is up to you guys to impress me enough that l'll go with you. The winner gets the business and all the exposure that comes with an exciting new start up company that already has 1k followers on social media. Good luck!

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Text - Inbox to 2 days ago Details Hi No. Good luck! to me 15 hours ago Details Hi Well it's definitely a lost opportunity on your behalf may I ask why though?

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Text - Inbox to 15 hours ago Details No it's not. Yes you may to me 15 hours ago Details Well why? I'm not sure if you're joking?

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Text - to 15 hours ago Details An off the shelf machine at the specs you want is worth $2.5k You want us to spend a day or so designing a custom one for you on a "maybe" and you'll pay $1400 if we win your shitty competition? Can you see why I'm not doing the Electric Slide right now Come up with another $1100 plus design fee and we'll talk about how busy i am and how i can't do it anyway. Jesus man...

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Tagged: startup , email , honesty , entitled , brutal , company , business , funny , choosing beggar

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Temp Tries To Get Employee Fired Behind Their Back

The real kicker here is that she had the irrational nerve to try and use them for a reference after this whole mess. Sounds like she's in dire need of a reality check.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/ManElegant • 3y A temp I barely knew was actively trying to get me fired behind my back. Jeeprs this blew up. I haven't time to today but I will make it my business to reply to all questions in the next few days. This happened a while ago but decided to post today as she rang a member of the office and used the threat of unfair dismissal claim if she wasn't given a good reference. Not sure if it belongs in here or not. TL:DR An office temp l'd spoken to a handful of

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Text - So, we had a temp covering maternity leave that turned out to be a bit of a nutjob. She was EA to Deputy CEO and seemed to think this gave her some sort of status. We'll call her the temp. I'd spoken to her twice maybe three and was incredibly nice;I make it my business to be nice to everyone. What she didn't know is that from about a week after she started I knew she was sending daily complaints (all unfounded and untrue) to my manager about me. My manager and I get on socially and profe

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Text - What set our alarm bells ringing though was one day I was leaving early and asked her to cover something that afternoon in person, to her face. She was nice about it and said no problem. I have flexi hours and get lots of time in lieu so l'm not always there 9-5 like other staff. Often I'm there late or on weekends so I have hours built up and let my boss know l'm cashing them in. We have an unusually complicated leave system and neither of us wants the paper work so I always need to clea

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Text - My boss rang me that afternoon and said she'd come in asking where I was and who was going to do the job she'd agreed to cover me for? She denied we had a conversation and then she complained about my hours saying I hadn't been there for hours on end and making up days I wasn't there. We had a record of that of course. He explained the nature of my job meant I often wasn't at my desk and am available on a company mobile that she could ring anytime. She deemed this wasn't enough and basica

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Text - Here's where he actual downfall started. In work we supply long life milk only and coffee. Everything else belongs to staff , this is widely known. It was told to people explicitly on their induction, by me. Don't take other people's stuff, what's in the shelf marked staff you can have/share. I order all of our supplies, office and tea coffee for staff and conferences so the few e mails I would get from her would be complaining about all the stuff she was using was running out and not bei

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Text - It kept going and got worse she even took a few microwave diners on me, others were complaining about their stuff walking too. The complaints from her continued and l'd reply (always) by e mail and and say the same thing over and over but no, I was wrong staff were to be supplied with the items she mentioned and I had to replace it and she would be forced to tell her manager if I didn't do it. I told her by all means tell your manager I always ask people to give any complaints they have a

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Text - Of course she never went to her manager, she just kept sending more and more e mails in secret to my boss and now others with her making up conversations we'd never had and doctoring emails, yeah it was getting to this stage. My boss would come over with staff member a print out every time and I would show him my original e mail replies given I never knew when she'd e mail this was further proof I was telling the truth. He trusted me but the independent staff member was us doubly covering

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Text - We made note of it all including incorrect time lines and false claims and all false e mails were verified by other staff to be untrue we then just pretty much ignored her constant complaints. Her boss knew what was going on and admitted to ignoring the stuff she was doing and said to me and my boss to her ignore the temps complaints too. Other staff were now reporting her increasingly odd and vindictive behavior and the deputy CEO apologetically said to my boss and I and several others t

9.

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Text - Now we knew with the increase in complaints and her increasingly hostile behavior to me behind closed door we lined our ducks up. We basically had a running record so we killed her with kindness and waited. The day came and she struck, would you believe it, it started over milk? Even though l'm getting older and should know better, I love milk l'll have a glass with my lunch often more. Don't judge, it is what it is. Anyway, she is in the kitchen and I take my milk out of the fridge to ta

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Text - I texted my manager and said D Day had landed. Sure enough an hour later the HR person comes in (We outsource HR) and didn't even say hello to me coming in. She ALWAYS swung by my desk. My boss has kindly printed out everything and is ready to bat for me. I play dumb when I am called into the room. The new deputy CEO has a thick file that the temp has compiled and she basically starts grinding her axe about all the terrible stuff I've done to her referring to the files, times and dates an

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Text - When I was asked to defend any point I didn't I said I wanted every complaint read out and once we'd gotten through every single thing she wrote would I then put my case forward. They certainly thought this was strange but obliged me none the less. We were there for about half an hour, the temp is crying at how badly I have ignored her and how was it the company and my boss have allowed this treatment of her to carry on? It's getting hard to sit through this absolute character assassinati

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Text - I then said if that wasn't enough I also could provide the list of tape numbers from the back up that could prove my e mails were doctored by her and also the list of staff that were present with my boss when he compared them? Then I finally showed various e mails between the Deputy CEO and I outlining what was going on. The Dep CEO and HR lady just looked at each other and said I wouldn't be needed anymore.

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Text - The temps tears changed to hysteria, she was livid, calling me a liar and that I was only doing this because she'd rejected a pass l'd made at her. the it became that all the staff hated her and it was a big conspiracy to get her fired. She then tried to provide times and dates of when staff members had done social stuff without her and she was being excluded and harassed. She went on screeching for probably about an hour with anything, you name it about how the staff and I in particular

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Text - The last I saw of the temp was as she was marched to get her phone and her other shit at her desk and straight out the door as she wailed like a banshee. Today she rang looking for a reference, she won't get it. I don't care about my managers not doing their job as I don't plan on being here in 6 months time. They are paying for my wedding and I'm going to bounce. If you read all that thanks. To the temp, fuck you, I win. 10.0k 499 1 Share

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Tagged: FAIL , job , revenge , work , ridiculous , Reddit , company

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Student's Super Smash Bros Business Project Spirals Out Of Control

This student's business project that involved people competing on Super Smash Bros really ended up taking on a life of its own. It escalated to such an extent that they ultimately found themselves being shunned, and suspended from school. Pretty wild that it evolved into a "gambling ring." Whoops.

1.

Text - TIFU By starting an illegal money laundering and gambling ring at my highschool. This all started when I was in my second last year of highschool, the FU happened towards the end of the semester. Just an FYI, at the time, I never knew that gambling outside of casinos was illegal.

2.

Text - So as an elective, I took a business class where we learn about entrepreneurship, and for the semester's project- create a business plan, product or service, and sell it in the cafeteria all day every thursday until the end of the semester Me, along with my group decided to bring 2 wii consoles, and bring super smash bros to let students play in the cafeteria for $2. All money made would be taken and given to charity of our class' choice.

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Text - The day before we got to sell our products in the cafeteria. our school admins gave us a policy that to use the cafeteria, we had to rent it out for $200, which would be deducted from our revenue at the end of the year. If you could not break even, then you yourself had to pay for the use of the caf from your own pocket. All money taken from rent would be taken by the school and used for the athletic and art programs. I thought that it was absolutely scummy to do something like that the d

4.

Text - I proposed to my group that in order to make more money, we should hold tournaments, selling for $4, we'd take half of that money, and put the rest of the money into a pool for the tournament winner to take.

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Text - On the first day of selling, we made $160, the game was selling like hotcakes. Unlike other groups, who had to waste money on expenses to sell their products, we were literally running at 0 cost, and were able to sell twice as fast as any group.

6.

Text - Next thursday we implemented a new strategy, since we had 2 wiis, we used one to play regular game matches for $2 to record on our profits (you had to record students ID and signatures each time they bought ur product), and then hold (what I now know as wagering) tournament matches and allow people to bet as much money as they wanted, the winner would get double of what they paid. To get around paying double to tournament winners, we hired this legit pro super smash bros dude, who used a

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Text - he'd talk so much trash, and "put in" so much money, that we literally had line ups so that people could play against the champ. To give you an idea of what was happening, someone paid $30 in wager, made his way all the way up to play against the champ, lost, and basically lost $30.

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Text - We made so much money that day, we actually split the money between us 4 group members equally to pocket, we still had so much that we spent it on making an actual stand for our station, we bought a whiteboard to display every tournament winner of every tournament played. Everyday people would bring their own remotes to play against this dude, and he'd win almost every time. The games he lost, he'd just double down and win the money back for us. The trade off for the pro was a crowd to pl

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Text - With all the extra money we weren't pocketing, I tried to make it look as "money made" for the group, we bought wii skins, and button grips for controllers for students to buy as to make that money look as if it was earned legitimately, I knew that it was somewhat wrong to be laundering money like that, but our group was set on that A+, we were making good money for ourselves, and I'm 99% sure none of us knew that gambling itself was illegal, because none of us spoke up. Our teacher prais

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Text - I used all the money we were making to start buying new clothes, shoes, and stuff for myself, so did my group members. Our teacher started getting suspicious of this because (According to her) she was tipped off that we were making much more money then we should be. She questioned where we got the money to buy wii remote skins and button grips, that's when shit really hit the fan.

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Text - The head of the business department launched a full on investigation into our group, they found out about our secret wagering matches. They also found out about how we were laundering money to be part of profits in our spreadsheet. A bunch of students came forward tattling on the pro player we basically hired to "fix matches" so that we'd earn more money. I didn't even realize how bad it all sounded until our teacher said all of it out loud. My group was taken to the office and were told

12.

Text - We had in school suspension for 3 days, and were ultimately out-of-school suspended for 3 days. I think the only reason they didn't go farther is because we never admitted to pocketing money that we laundered or the money we pocketed from the wager matches, and since money made off of these factors were never officially documented, they weren't able to really pin evidence on us.

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Text - When I got back to school, they cancelled the project altogether, and instead of the project, we had a test in place of it. Everyone in our class was pissed off at us, and the majority of the school pretty much looked down on our group for the remainder of my HS career. I was only remembered as the POS con man who stole money from students for personal gain. Someone even made an IG page w/ the username "futurewhitecollarcriminals", and had my face and everyone involved in the scandal post

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Tagged: school , FAIL , Video Game Coverage , ridiculous , tifu , education , video games

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Date Has To Pay For Her Own Food, Flips Out

Talk about some wild and outlandish dating etiquette. Real or not, it's unfortunate to consider the realistic possibility that many human beings have encountered a scenario like this while out navigating the dating world. Some people are in fact out there just looking to get a free meal.

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Text - Hey, wann go out tonight? After what you did last time you expect me to go out with you again? Wow What have i done??9 You made me pay for my own food and drink while you paid only for yours wtf

2.

Text - So? You invited me lol, you are lucky you didn't pay for my food too, plus i got a carbonara and a beer while you got lobster and a €80 wine My food was €17.50 while yours was €110 And you were really expecting me to pay that? I'm a student not your sugar daddy

3.

Text - Wow you are so rude!!!! Il'm never going out with you ever again, if you can't pay for a girl's food then why accepting the invite gentlemen ALWAYS pay for girl's food but i guess you are gay Actually, i am a gentleman that's why i stayed and not left while you were talking about how much you like and that you wanted to make out with him

4.

Text - Hey, wann go out tonight? After what you did last time you expect me to go out with you again? Wow What have i done??9

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Tagged: FAIL , cringe , Awkward , relationships , ridiculous , dating

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Tumblr Has Lawyer-style Debate over Legitimacy of Bread Knife

This Tumblr disagreement over whether or not this bread knife is real became a real debate with counterarguments, claims and diagrams. Frankly at first glance it looks like fake bread, but I guess that's why lawyers exist. For some more lawyer Tumblr stuff, here's a tumblr thread on ridiculous court transcripts. For another argument, here's a tumblr user absolutely schooling another on horses.

1.

Arm - whitebeltwriter: dual-destininies: derples: dual-destininies: tf2-fandomstuck: tiniestshorts: Bread knife The french have grown more powerful. Hold it!

2.

Churro - Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor. Notice anything strange about the bread?

3.

Text - I didn't either. That's because.. ..no cuts were made there in the first place! The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

4.

How, you ask? Look to the second photo. While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I'm not sure about the bottom half.

5.

Text - Looks pretty flat, doesn't it? The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness's breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

6.

Gesture - It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I'm sure you're finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger's fingertip? This illustration explains it all.

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Cartoon - While I am... ahem, not the best artist... (Didn't I go to art school?) The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because.. The witness was making space to put the knife's handle! Objection Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

8.

Bread - as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic. if you look at any photo of real bread it can't attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

9.

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Bread - Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don't answer that, I will. Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn't shine on the inside when it isn't buttered. And it isn't too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

11.

Font - Google novely trench breed knife Laura 0 Shspng Imagen Vleca New Mar Safedean 20144 Nom Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread. It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

12.

Bread - Edgeworth, you're asking yourself the wrong question. It's not is there bread like that." You should be asking "can there be bread like that?" Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look. Whlekevaso beom

13.

Finger - Furthermore. there are parts of the witness's bread knife that don't just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look. Google navalty tranah braad knifa +Laura 0 Web Shopping Inges Midece News More Soarch took Selebeurs SEOX 144-haycon

14.

Text - Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself. In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness's photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real! Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle. But... look back at the witness's photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, y

15.

Text - But. look back at the witness's photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration. Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let's have a go.

16.

Text - I'm sure you see it now, Your Honor. The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

17.

Text - The defense has an explanation for this positioning. The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

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Tagged: tumblr , lawyer , debate , knife , baguette , petty , small , bread , disagree , argument , dumb , Ace Attorney , phoenix wright

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Dad Jokes That Went Full Dad Joke

Dad jokes are one of those things that many of us have heard, and have a hard time not loving, even when all we want to do is shake our heads and stomp the ground in frustration. For more funny dad jokes, check out these utterly delightful dad jokes.

1.

Text - Will Rodgers @WillamRodgers 3 year old: What's neglect mean? Me: Shhh daddy's playing video games.

2.

Text - Svenn Amish @amishschool Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.

3.

Text - Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

4.

Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland It's weird how we tell kids not to lie then tell them how good the picture they drew is.

5.

Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

6.

Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 I wear a clown mask to sleep just in case one of my kids has a nightmare and comes to sleep in our bed.

7.

Text - Rodney Lacroix @moooo0og35 I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.

8.

Text - Dad and Buried @DadandBuried I'm at my parenting best when randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.

9.

Text - Justin Guarini @JustinGuarini Hang on guys, I think my toddler is getting to the good part of his four hour long story and I don't want to miss it

10.

Text - Zack @Mr_Kapowski [kid's party] Me: Can we leave? These things take forever Wife: *harsh whisper* Shut your mouth. Watch our daughter open her presents

11.

Text - Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn [finally gets the car seat installed correctly] Me: Where's the baby? Wife: In college.

12.

Text - mark @TheCatWhisprer After becoming a parent you gradually show up later and later to things until you never see anyone ever again.

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Tagged: twitter , kids , relatable , parenting , dad , ridiculous , funny

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Shower Thoughts That Melted Minds

People often get caught up in giving themselves over to thinking about all kinds of random stuff while taking a shower. And amidst that random, sometimes brilliant, glowing, genius shower thoughts arise. The kind of thoughts that really make you slow down, and think about everything, and why it is the way it is.

1.

Text - r/Showerthoughts A u/Marsupilami_316 • 13h + JOIN It's strange how Peach's Castle in Super Mario 64 had a flooded basement despite Princess Peach being close friends with two plumbers.

2.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/leftmostpuddle · 8d + JOIN Technically, your alarm tone is your theme song as it starts every episode

3.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/kpingvin • 14d + JOIN 1 S 3 While we sleep our brain makes up stories and then gets scared of them

4.

Text - r/Showerthoughts + JOIN u/tlacct • 26d Nobody gave us the source code for how our bodies work so we've basically spent centuries reverse engineering ourselves

5.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/therealgold55 • 16d + JOIN 1 3 1 Muffins are to cupcakes as smoothies are to milkshakes

6.

Text - r/Showerthoughts + JOIN u/ritzz2_0 • 11d 1 3 2 It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that you're a nice person.

7.

Text - r/Showerthoughts + JOIN u/--Dopamine-- • 16d Having a toddler in their "why" phase makes you realize how much you know and don't know about things

8.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/baquea • 3d + JOIN After tea was discovered, a lot of people probably died trying to make similar drinks from leaves that turned out to be toxic

9.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/SupaNintendoChalmerz • 20d + JOIN Leonardo DiCaprio is wealthier than the man he played in Wolf of Wall Street.

10.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/chickeni3oo • 28d + JOIN 1 3 1 Dog toys live a horrifying life in the Toy Story universe.

11.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/DankDarkDirk • 13d + JOIN You can't feel every hair on your body, but one hair in your mouth is immediately noticable

12.

Text - r/Showerthoughts + JOIN u/Halituth • 23d There's a good chance that someone somewhere watched The Ring a week before they died

13.

Text - r/Showerthoughts + JOIN u/Cheeto6666 •9d No one has a Brooklyn accent on the show Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

14.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/somerandomperson9999 • 12d + JOIN General Grievous is probably a really good drummer.

15.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/Nikolaideon • 26d + JOIN Cucumbers and jellyfish are 95% water. There is a 5% difference between a jellyfish and a cucumber

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Tagged: wisdom , creative , interesting , shower thoughts , Reddit

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Guy Creates PowerPoint Presentation For Tinder Match

And people say romance is dead? This guy must've been at the forefront of people rolling out PowerPoint presentations on Tinder to try and impress their matches, because this particular presentation is A+ work. He really sealed the deal when he brought up the fact that his cat might not be able to handle her leaving.

1.

Text - I live in Chicago D: noooo0o You don't read people's little profiles do you? Hey.I do. just forgot lol I look dumb now loi lol Haha I'm sorry

2.

Text - So, here's what we are gonna do... Lose your plane ticket, let's go on a date or two, then you fly back if you still want to lol Lol you're cute Thank you! :D No can do unfortunately. On the company's dime

3.

Text - I have plenty of dimes if that's what this is about Also have to go to work tomorrow Playing hard to get O 6 Haha yeah that's how it works Can I at least give you a PowerPoint on why you should move to Austin before you leave? Yes I welcome that How much time do I have

4.

Product - Flight is at 245 Oh, then prepare your heart to be melted

5.

Mammal - Do you need my email Of course. But, lemme earn it first by finishing this

6.

Text - PowerPoint'ing on an iPhone is just a blast btw Anxiously awaiting this Mar 14, 2016, 1:19 PM Ok, what is it It has been sent

7.

Violet - LEAVING AUSTIN?! WTF e SEE SEE SFE PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT POWERPOINT YOUU EVER READ. 122 255

8.

Text - I went to Austin once, came back to Chicago and just hated life. -You, later today if you get on that flight. It's not pretty to read is it? Hell, it hurt to type that. I don't want you depressed, no one does. Ok, maybe an immature ex or whatever does, but this isn't about him is it?

9.

Text - DID YOU KNOW.... Approximately 50% of Chicago's population is considering moving here? This increase is basically due to me moving here in January. I'm basically the perfect gentleman. I'm an intriguing mix of comedian, slight immaturity, amazing cooking skills, and meme/pop culture references that basically makes me unforgettable. You swiped right for a reason.

10.

Text - 'BUT HUNTER, WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?' • I went over some of that in the previous slide, pay attention. • You basically get to have the best date of your life. • I could end up touching your butt. • ASeriously, this can't be stated enough

11.

Purple - DID I MENTION I TOOK IN A CAT A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I MOVED TO AUSTIN? HER NAME IS DALLAS AND I LOVE HER. OH BUT I'M ALSO A DOG PERSON.

12.

Font - NETFLIX I'M NOT AFRAID TO OPEN UP MY WALLET thave a Netfix account

13.

Blue - REFERENCES • Best friend since Pre K • Other best friend since Kindergarten • Is one of my roommates • Is my other roommate.

14.

Photograph - IF THIS ISN'T A TOTAL "CASABLANCA' MOMENT Then I don't know what is. This could be us IRL in an hour,

15.

Cat - IF YOU LEAVE, MY CAT WILL GO INTO A SEVERE STATE OF DEPRESSION.

16.

Text - You know what.. This has been life-changing. What is your phone number?! -Your mind right now I'll be happy to give it to you. S

17.

Text - ( Messages Amanda Details iMessage Yesterday 1:36 PM I think you should come with me Oh yea I guess that could've been an option this whole time I have no words for the PowerPoint I'm rofling, l'm crying, l'm laughing. Causing all types of scenes at the airport

18.

Text - Well...if your behavior keeps you from boarding I technically win I must prevail So when will you come to Chicago Well, let me burn some bridges here and l'll start packing Actually if l'm being honest I haven't liked Austin all that well. I've been thinking of moving back to Dallas... Or if Chicago makes a tempting offer I just can't refuse....

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Tagged: tinder , awesome , apps , relationships , win , dating

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"And Everyone Clapped" Stories

Sometimes strange things happen that just plain old defy people's expectations, and the result is a steady round of applause. These stories might just put a grin on your face, and make you feel better about any moments you've had where you did something silly, and everyone around you proceeded to clap about it. I mean, hey, just take the applause and roll with it.

1.

Text - aveave5 • 14h My high school hosted a talent show every year and each act had a limit of 3-5 mins. One kid was doing karate and this whole dance routine with it. We all loved this because before him there was about a million people singing and we were all very bored. We all thought it was good and enjoyed it but then his music stopped and he motioned for them to keep going. (He had already been at this for about 5 mins). Teacher and stuff were trying to tell him he needed to leave and get

2.

Text - b_wald81 • 15h I was driving some friends home from a christmas party when we hit some black ice, sending the car careening sideways down a 180° offramp. I saved it, and got the damned thing stopped, pointing in the right direction and in our lane, by the time we got to the bottom of the ramp. There was no clapping, but there was cheering.

3.

Text - sethmod • 14h Was being inducted into the national honor society in high school, and had to sit in front of the whole school during the ceremony. I was so nervous I didn't want to move, so kept my legs crossed. Leg fell asleep, they called my name to come up. I nearly fell down when I tried to put weight on it (again, in front of the entire school). I manage to stumble to the front, where a senior is ready to read off my accomplishments. He puts his arm around me and literally holds me up

4.

Text - father4future • 14h Took a small role in my high school production of West Side Story to get over my fear of public speaking. Show night comes and one of the gang members (Shark or Jet - I don't remember) gets down on one knee to deliver his line to me with his fly wide open (unbeknownst to him). He had a dumb look on his face because he was mocking me (Officer Krupke) as part of the scene. The whole thing got the better of me and I lost it (laughing) when I tried to deliver my 2 simple l

5.

Text - Dum_Cumpster • 14h I was at a "lock in" at my fencing center, and to pass the time we had a bunch of video games to play, typically we just played SSBM but Rockband had recently come out and everyone was still infatuated with it. I had been playing guitar hero for years before RB ever came out so I was relatively proficient, could play all songs comfortably on expert. We played a bunch of different songs with varied results, no one was doing anything that impressive though. At some point

6.

Text - pmmeurmoney • 15h I was at mass last sunday and an announcer at the beginning was like "please stop clapping at the end of the mass, please respect the solemnity of lent", but at the end of the mass almost everybody still clapped.

7.

Text - marriedwithpets • 12h Did a 5k race dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz last October...everyone (race volunteers, people that have already finished, and spectators) were all mildly cheering as folks approached/crossed the finish line, but about two dozen feet from the end I started skipping like I was on the yellow brick road and off to see the Wizard! It was like a Munchkinland farewell| because the vague cheers turned into ROARS AND THUNDERING APPLAUSE. I was Dorothy Gale and I jus

8.

Text - TorrontesChardonnay • 15h 3 2 Awards I was bullied fairly badly at school, one day while playing table football at break time one of the twats started on me. Basically started shouting at me till he went red, threatened to beat me up so I told him to go through with it. He pushed me, so I picked him up onto my shoulder one handed. Walked out the door threw him to the floor, locked the door after and he had to walk the whole way round the school. Pretty much everyone around me cheered, he

9.

Text - StrangePondWoman 12h I was at a showing of Rocky Horror at a friend's college; it was my third time at one, but my first time at THAT one. I quickly learned the things you yell at the screen during the film may be regional. As the movie's (arguable) climax, a character is turned into marble statue where one breast is noticeably larger than the other. Prepared from my past two showings and confident from my success shouting in unison with strangers, I bellowed 'NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A BLT

10.

Text - Freeagnt • 11h Many years ago, I was at a SF Giants game at Candlestick Park. This was back when they were owned by a man named Bob Lurie, who was trying to sell the team to Florida. The game went into extra innings and ended up tying the record for the longest extra inning game ever played there. It was so late in the evening, they were showing "Late Night with Dave Letterman" on the big screen, in between innings. Seeing Letterman reminded me of this bit he once did involving the owner

11.

Text - JamesofBerkeley • 14h We had to do an end of the school year speech in my 12th grade English class, and I wrote a very cliched "time to grow up" -style speech and actually practiced it, so it wasn't an 'um' filled presentation and then at the end people clapped, about 10% more than the obligatory applause that everyone's speech got. And I still talk about it, 19 years later, for internet points. Now I get paid to talk to people. "Sir, this is a Wendy's"

12.

Text - Jakov_Salinsky • 15h Me and 3 friends performed "Chop Suey" by System of a Down for a school talent show, finally giving me the opportunity to show off my awesome drum skills. We were only an honorable mention but we still got a standing ovation and pretty much became the fan-favorite performance of the night. Plus, everyone clapped again when our band boarded the bus to get pizza.

13.

Text - bighonkinstiffer • 13h In trucking school this past month I struggled to learn manual... got frustrated as fuck and started getting depressed that l'd never get to truckin. After a few days of grinding and frustration I went to sleep... woke up next morning and got back in. The other student learning with me was in back... i shifted, next gear.. next gear, button flip 6th gear.. downshifted revved and did a double down made a turn and went back to shifting... round and round I went... ins

14.

Text - Freshman year in college, life is good, oldest professor in campus (50 years teaching) was a serious hardass and I handle stress with humor, so one day he comes into the classroom with his zipper down, people start chuckling and he proceeds with his class up to a point where he puts his foot on a chair to rest his leg, making the zipper gap wider, chick on the seat closest to it turns red as a beet and people chuckle again. I raise my hand and he points at me, I ask him to come closer, he

15.

Text - SeriousPomegranate • 15h I went to a wiggles concert and they sung rock a bye your bear. And everybody clapped.

16.

Text - DarkHoneyPot • 15h True story: I used to constantly cut class in high school. One day, for whatever reason, I showed up to English class. Just my luck it's midterm time. I take the test. The next week when I showed up, late of course, I walked in and everyone started clapping. I'm like wth. Turns out I not only got the highest score in the class but also the whole school. My teacher was so proud and really took a personal interest in me after that. He would give me books to read all the t

17.

Text - llcucf80 • 15h I work at a hotel on the Florida coast. While they don't do the shuttles anymore, back in the day they used to, and we were close enough to the Space Center where you could see them lifting off from the beach. It was so cool to see, especially the night launches (they'd light up the entire sky), and everyone would clap, applaud, cheer, etc.

18.

Text - imafuzzyblanket • 15h Our musical director had my friend practice pronouncing a word correctly in front of the entire cast. It took a few tries. We all waited. He finally got it. And everyone clapped.

19.

Text - mallardmcgee • 13h My wife was due to give birth while i was still in my last round of apprenticeship schooling (2 month blocks of schooling every couple years). She was induced on a friday and my daughter was born shortly after. Monday morning i stayed home from school so my wife could get some sleep. I messaged one of the guys to let them know i would be there around lunchtime. I arrived at the college, my whole class was in the cafeteria (about 20 guys). I got a round of applause when

20.

Text - Justin_Shields • 14h Not much, but I was taking a foods class (a class I'm actually still taking) and each unit had different assignments for foods they'd make. Well, the unit next to us made one of those cakes that pull apart in chunks and the ingredients were that of a cinnamon roll. Me and my unit started clapping as a joke, since the cake actually looked pretty good. Well, not only were we clapping, but the unit next to them were also clapping. Within about ten seconds, the entire cla

21.

Text - Dre4mTech 15h It was 70's Day during Spirit Week at high-school, and I went all out. Braids, my mom's 70's vest, long ombre hippie skirt, peace necklace, all of it. I walked in the cafeteria and someone shouted "wow!" and there was a lot of cheering and some clapping.

22.

Text - Scared_Pumpkin • 13h When I first started doing CrossFit, I was struggling during a workout and was the last one trying to finish. Everyone gathered around for my final set to support me. I did my final rep and everyone clapped. Then I laid on the floor until my heart rate went back down.

23.

Text - Winterlight8044 • 12h A girl in my class accidentally farted during a test. All the cheerleaders laughed and started to point and talk about her. Me and my friend nodded, got up to walk out, and let one RIP right in front of them. It stuck so bad they left with tears in their eyes. The rest of the class clapped, but quickly stopped when the smell hit them. There were a few people who were sick and couldn't smell it.

24.

Text - youhaveonehour • 14h A friend threw a bottle of soda at me from like forty feet away & I reached up & caught it as it whizzed past my head. There were a lot of people around because it was between bands in the parking lot outside a show, & yeah, everyone clapped. Pretty dumb.

25.

Text - Mason_Yo • 11h Friend and I saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets at the cinenas when we were teenagers. Said friend started to fall asleep during the movie. At the end of the movie everyone in the movie started clapping. My friend woke up and just instinctively started clapping along with the movie while looking confused. I followed suit and was like "if he's clapping l'll clap too i guess". Next thing I know the entire audience started clapping along, thinking that we just really

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Tagged: embarrassing , cringe , askreddit , ridiculous , funny , win

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People's Laziest Moments

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the laziest things that people have ever done. At the very least these moments when people embraced their inner sloth will make you feel better about the time that you might've been so lazy, you just didn't eat. At most, they might leave you feeling inspired to see how much lazier you can be in a world that insists on perpetual hustle, getting on the grind, participating in the rat race, etc.

Check out a truly historical lazy moment with this story about the naval officer that displayed an act of bold yet lazy genius.

1.

Text - Daft-CJ • 18h 1 Award Didn't want to make lunch, so I just... didn't eat. Reply 1 2.4k ...

2.

Text - frownface84 • 15h 2 Awards When i was about 7 or 8, i had a small piece of paper (think it was a candy wrapper) which i had to discard. I was too lazy to walk to the kitchen to throw it into the bin so I ate it. Reply 810

3.

Text - stickyWithWhiskey • 18h 2 Awards I once put instructions to go to the right side of the house and deliver a pizza to the first window (my bedroom). I didn't feel like walking to the front of the house to get my pizza. Driver obliged, and got a very nice tip. Reply 1.4k

4.

Text - lostmyaccountsoyeah • 16h I never like to go to bed without brushing and flossing my teeth. However, I despise the actual process of brushing and flossing even though it takes all of a few minutes. And so the number of times in the past that I've stayed up several hours later than I meant to just because I didn't feel like taking a few minutes to brush and floss is just sad. (I don't really do this so much anymore though. I till hate it but I just kinda just grit my teeth and go for it so

5.

Text - OffshoreTaxWankersFC • 17h Waiting six months instead of changing the clocks for daylight savings. Reply 465 ...

6.

Text - writergeek a• 14h I got a membership but only to sit in the hot tub. I bring just a little wine in an insulated water bottle. Great way to unwind especially in winter. Reply 1 117 ...

7.

Text - dafaqisgoingondud • 18h When I was younger I was a real brat (15ish) and asked my mum to bring me crackers. Clearly I was too lazy to get off my arse and get it myself. A few minutes later I tried to shut my door but couldn't reach it with my hands so I kicked it with my feet. Unbeknownst to me my mum was waking in with the crackers at that exact moment and slammed the door into her and the crackers. God l'm an awful person Reply 504 ...

8.

Text - YellowStar012 • 17h My dad was infamous for this but I learned a lot of Latino dads did this. I would be in my room and he would call for me like if he's getting attacked. When I meet him in the living room, he would ask me to hand him the remote...that's on the same couch.....a little more than arm's reach.

9.

Text - pifor • 13h When I heat something up in the microwave, for say, a minute, I never enter 1:00 because I don't want to move my finger over to the zero it's always 1:11. Or like 33 seconds rather than 30... don't want to wear out my microwave finger. Reply 120 ...

10.

Text - zomboromcom • 17h I've definitely spent some hours playing a video game I wasn't really in the mood to play because that was the disc that was in the console. But my SO has me beat: she will avoid taking a juice glass from the cupboard if there is no single, unstacked glass available. I'm impressed by that level of laziness. Reply 39 ...

11.

Text - marques33 • 17h Brother: "Hey, I gotta tell you something." I come to his room. Brother: "Turn off the light please." Reply 239 ...

12.

Text - Daerys82 • 16h My wife once asked me to come do something. I said I can't. She asked why not. Isaid "I'm sittin..." Reply 108 ...

13.

Text - zarina112 • 17h 2 Awards Used to have one of those 'clap on, clap off' lights in my room. I hated clapping so I just made an audio recording of me clapping and mapped it to one of the programmable keys on my keyboard. Reply 997 ...

14.

Text - Live in the same building as a pharmacy but I was to lazy to go the store so i ordered it home. Had to wait two days for some magnesium that i could have gotten in less than 5 minutes. Reply 16 ...

15.

Text - Hamburglarsdad • 15h I use fast travel in video games because I don't want to walk all the way back. Reply 14 ...

16.

Text - Aran909 • 15h Texting my wife to come to the bedroom to grab my cup and take it all the way back through the house to fill it. I really do love her. She's done it more than once. Reply 14 ...

17.

Text - evelynmtz821 • 15h Purchased a movie that was on Netflix because I didn't wanna get up and turn on the TV (don't have Netflix on my phone) Reply 35 ...

18.

Text - blackday44 • 13h I am an avid reader and own a lot of books. But I have, on several occasions, downloaded a book to my computer so I wouldn't have to walk to my library room. Reply 3

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Tagged: FAIL , lazy , relatable , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit , funny

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Tumblr Thread: Mundane People Are Important To History

This fun Tumblr thread points out how those mundane and seemingly boring things actually matter too, to historians. Never underestimate yourself, and all that stuff that society might go on saying is boring, and meaningless.

1.

Text - oe just-shower-thoughts Imagine how much historical knowledge wasn't written down because our ancestors thought: "What idiot isn't going to know this?" libertarian--princess So ancient Egypt's best friend basically was called Punt. They traded all kinds of fun stuff with them; ebony, incense, gold, silver,

2.

Text - myrrh, leopard skins, baboons for pets... and the Egyptians wrote a lot about the land, the people living there, what their houses looked like, records of trading expeditions to there (like, robust, oceangoing ships with thousands of men); they wrote down everything imaginable about this place.. except for where it actually was.

3.

Text - We still to this day have no geographic fix on this ancient empire's whereabouts, because what idiot wouldn't know, right? kaitoukitty Until the 1850s British condiment sets came with bottles for oil and vinegar, and three spice containers for salt, pepper and.nobody knows. Potentially mustard, but it's just a guess because no one ever wrote it down.

4.

Text - elidyce And this is why historians love, really love, those incredibly dull people who write in their diary every day about what they wore and what they had for dinner and how many miles away their friend Mr So-And-So's house is in that one village. Because they are the only ones who *do* write down what was in the third spice jar, how many miles away this now-nonexistent village was and so on. Seriously, the diaries of really dull people are HISTORICAL TREASURES OF OTHERWISE LOST MINUTIA

5.

Text - Somewhere out there there is almost certainly a diary that would expose the true contents of that third spice jar because of the one time it was low and this person had to have a quiet word with the butler or something and it was the most interesting thing that happened all week so they wrote it down. And I hope that diary is found someday because now I really want to know.

6.

Text - Xxvioletlovexx That's weirdly heart warming. Like, even if you are incredibly dull and live a normal boring life, you still might be the most interesting person to some historian some day Source: just-shower-thoughts

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Tagged: history , tumblr , awesome , mundane , knowledge , funny , win

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Staff Makes Student Patiently Wait to Report Fire

The hierarchy of school can be strange, especially when there's some miscommunication going on between staff and students. In this case, the staff didn't understand the full scope of what was going on, and had themselves an absurd situation on their hands. Here's a tumblr story of a teacher who underestimated their students in a social experiment, and here are some "that's amazing, but please stop" school stories.

1.

Text - O r/MaliciousCompliance - Posted by u/ArmyMPSides 12 days ago Shut down while trying to report a fire at my high school oc S When I was a senior back in high school in Middle Tennessee, we had a smoking area for the students. This was 1990, so yeah, I'm old. My daughters actually just asked me to post this story here. Anyway, so I was a good student and had a great reputation among the faculty at this school of about 2000 students.

2.

Text - During class, I am running an errand for a teacher when I walk by the smoking area. It is outside of course, but it is against one of the buildings and has a roof over it like a carport. There is a large metal trash can in the middle. And it is on FIRE. Not a rip-roaring fire, but is on fire nonetheless. We have flames starting to work there way out of there and plenty of smoke. I decide I don't need to pull a fire alarm, but clearly I need to get a staff member to put this fire out. Ther

3.

Text - And that's when the Assistant Principal rounds the corner behind Ms. Knight while ripping into me about how we wait our turn in here and how I am being disrespectful and loud and I need to stand there and wait until I am called forward. "Okay" And then I just stood there while Ms. Knight kept helping the other student as Mr. Evil Assistant Principal stood overwatch in the corner like a bouncer.

4.

Text - Finally after a few minutes, it was my turn. I calmly walked up to the counter and said, "Ms. Knight, the large trash can in the smoking area is on fire". The Asst. Principal yells out "WHAT?!?" and then burst out of the room while Ms. Knight just gasped. I calmly turned around and walked out, and went back to class. 15 S 1 7 3 4 8 LO

5.

Text - Diggingcanyons 4.0k points · 12 days ago so did they learn their lesson? or were they the type to never admit fault? ArmyMPSides 3.8k points · 12 days ago Nothing was ever said to me about this event by any staff member. ACanOfVanillaCoke 2.1k points · 12 days ago • Guarantee that Ms. Knight remembered that encounter.

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Tagged: school , wtf , fire , lol , story , report , funny

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People Who Let Their Moms Count To Zero Share The Results

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share what happened after they let their moms count to zero. Sometimes the results were rage-fueled, while other times the moms just bit their tongues and counted it out again. All in all, this thread is just our kind of silly.

1.

Text - KE5TR4L • 9h She was bluffing, but only the first time

2.

Text - CaptainAwesome06 • 7h 3 4 Awards Tried it once. She gave a defeated sigh, then chuckled. Then she said something like, "you're getting too old." That was the day I became a man. I'll never forget my 32nd birthday.

3.

Text - bernieevolution • 9h 1 Award My ears are still ringing. Seriously, I got a minor case of tinnitus.

4.

Text - Dude_wheres_micah • 9h F 9 Awards She reset me to the factory settings

5.

Text - justasadbrokendorito • 8h I never got in trouble, but my sister did. She let my mother count to zero, she just got shouted at. My sister ran upstairs crying.

6.

Text - Exile688 • 8h S 1 Award I woke up in the back of a wagon heading to Skyrim...

7.

Text - Krappola • 10h 1 Award She started counting to negative numbers.

8.

Text - mooandspot • 7h I used to not know what would happen when I counted to 10. My son has let me get there once, and it ended with me literally wrestling him into his pajamas and him going to bed without getting to read any books. He was very upset (and I felt like a terrible person) but he hasn't let me go past 7 since that day.

9.

Text - 4AcidRayne • 9h I'll never know; she got to 7 and, being the resident smartass I said "Oh cool, showing off again, mom?" That went real well for me...

10.

Text - sontrust777 •8h She said my full name and threatened to count down from 5 next time

11.

Text - Jolistic • 10h I'm gonna count again! 5...4...

12.

Text - f4te • 9h she yelled my name REAL LOUD

13.

Text - HeadFullOfBrains • 8h I got a privilege taken away. After that would come immediate buyer's remorse. l'd do whatever it was she had wanted me to do in the first place, cry, and beg. And I never, ever got her to reverse her decision. My mom's a tough cookie. And it took me way too long to catch on lol. I guess I wasn't exactly the brightest child.

14.

Text - cat_respecter • 9h She smiled and embraced me. "You've passed the test", she said. "You are a man now." The next day I woke up and I was a plumber with 20 years experience.

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Tagged: kids , askreddit , parenting , ridiculous , Reddit , funny

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2020/09/26