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2020/10/27

Conan Reacts To Set Being Burglarized and more...

Man, these burglars were swinging low when they decided to break in and steal some stuff from Conan O'Brien's set.
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Conan Reacts To Set Being Burglarized and more...



Conan Reacts To Set Being Burglarized
 

Man, these burglars were swinging low when they decided to break in and steal some stuff from Conan O'Brien's set. 

Submitted by: (via Team Coco)

       
 

F1 Driver Takes Wife For Ride In Honda Civic, Meltdown Ensues
 

Clearly, Ricardo's wife had no idea what she was signing up for when she got in that car. 

Submitted by: (via Rbksmn)

       
 

Dude Fails Squat, Shows Why Spotters are Important
 

When lifting heavy, it's helpful to have someone around in case you get into a jam. This guy didn't have a spotter, but he did have a camera around to document what happens when you don't.

Submitted by: (via Matt Gibson)

       
 

Woman Takes Revenge On Evil Bank

This bank just refused to be considerate and treat a human being going through a profoundly hard time, with a bit of humanity. No, instead it all boiled down to playing everything strictly by the book, even when playing it by the book was devoid of logic altogether. Fortunately, she was able to take her revenge eventually, to the tune of a five figure sum of money. Check out some more juicy pro revenge drama with this story about a scummy collection agency messing with a guy's credit score.

1.

Text - "No changes can be made without the account holder" (Malicious Complaince thought this belonged here and a power-tripping mod over there decided to remove the original post after breaking his own commenting rules and getting called out) A recent story reminded me of this act of malicious compliance by a family member. This family member's spouse passed was involved in an accident that left them critically injured. They were in ICU for months and would face permanent disability upon return

2.

Text - As she worked on all of this, it was clear that large expenditures were going to be needed and it was going to take time to draw money out of long-term savings and retirement accounts. So she called the credit card companies to get their limit increased. Sadly, before the renovations were complete, her spouse passed away after almost 6 months of hospitalization and therapy. Now attention turned to final arrangements. The couple had always been very frugal and maintained nearly perfect cre

3.

Text - The problem is one major credit card company refused to work with her. She tried to access the account and was told "Sorry, I have to speak the account holder." She explained that her spouse had passed away and she was wanting to pay what was left on the card, she also explained that she was an account holder. Evil Bank stated that she was not on the account, she was a mere card holder and she had no rights to the account. The person on the phone explained that her husband opened the acco

4.

Text - This was a lie, the couple had always been joint account holders on everything since they were first married for exactly this reason. They had done extensive estate planning and made sure that all their assets were protected in trusts should the worst occur; they knew their kids would be cared for and their partner would be able to access everything. Also, she ran the couple's business for over a decade, navigating a sea of regulations, insurance company billing, and payroll/ finances/tax

5.

Text - Unfortunately, Evil Bank would not budge. They would not allow any access to the account for any reason, but for some reason they didn't cancel the card after finding out the sole account holder had passed away. This back-and-forth went on for weeks with multiple calls to the Evil Bank and trying to escalate the issue to supervisors to address the state of the account. In a final attempt to show Evil Bank that they were hurting themselves by this: "So l'm unable to access any part of the

6.

Text - Evil Bank: "Only the account holder, ma'am." "So what does that mean for card holders and being able to charge on the account." Evil Bank: "Only the account holder can deactivate a card or modify the account." "So what happens if a card holder uses their card." Evil Bank: "They can continue to use the card until the Account Holder tells us otherwise." "The deceased account holder." Evil Bank: "Yes. I can't help you with anything else, you need to put the account holder on the phone if you

7.

Text - She broke down crying immediately after, but decided that they set the rules, so she would play by them. All the final expenses, medical bills, and as much construction cost as possible was put onto that credit card. She maxed it out and then let it sit until the credit card company started calling for payment. "I'm sorry, per your policy, I'm just the card holder and I'm not responsible for any balance." "Ma'am, this balance needs to be paid or it will affect your credit."

8.

Text - "It better not, Il'm not on the account. This is an illegal collections call and I will be reporting it to the FTC and the Attorneys General in your home state and mine. I still have his number on speed dial. You can make your case to the court." (She was used to getting medical insurance companies to pay claims for the last decade or so; you didn't want to play hardball with her.) Remember how all the assets were in trusts? On paper, her partner had no assets to place a lien on; all the

9.

Text - from long term savings were sent to her account, not the joint account. They had agreed to move all exposed assets shortly after her partner regained consciousness, fearing the worst. Plus, all the income from the business had been brought home in her name for more than a decade so she would actually get some kind of Social Security payment when she got older. So not only did his estate have no assets to go after, he didn't have an "income" for the last decade!

10.

Text - Evil Bank was left with a maxed out credit card and no assets in the estate they could file against for payment. The handful of other credit cards companies worked with her to raise limits temporarily or remove daily spending caps for large expenditures - and they were all paid without a single missed, late, or partial payment. Evil Bank had to eat a 5-figure loss - all because they decided that The Wife didn't deserve to be on the account from day 1. She had every intention to pay every

Submitted by:

Tagged: bank , FAIL , revenge , finance , mean , ridiculous , Reddit
       
 

People's Funniest Halloween Traditions

Halloween's obviously going to be a much different story this year. Thus, Jimmy Fallon got one of his trending Twitter hashtag games going about what kinds of new "traditions" this year could hold. 

1.

Text - jimmy fallon @jimmyfallon 000 Replying to @jimmyfallon Witches now meet up at broomstick's-length distance from each other. #NewHalloweenTraditions

2.

Text - jason foote @jasonfoote4 000 The fog machine on the door step is converted into a Lysol spray cloud #NewHalloweenTraditions

3.

Text - 000 @aLittleBitAnita Replying to @jimmyfallon Zombies do a temperature check before eating your brains. #NewHalloweenTraditions

4.

Text - metalsolter 000 @MetaLSolter Replying to @jimmyfallon Super Hero costumes are now Nurse, Doctor and Mask Enforcer outfits. #NewHalloweenTraditions

5.

Text - Lep @JLeppyy 00 People now scream when you take your mask OFF #NewHalloweenTraditions

6.

Product - Ziggy @mrjafri 000 Socially Distanced Candy Blaster #NewHalloweenTraditions adam.the.creator CANDY BLASTER 3000 UNCH SNICKERS CRUNC

7.

Text - Mick the Hallow-Queen 00 @mickru79 #NewHalloweenTraditions Dressing up as "Zoom attendee" so with no pants and mouthing your words because you're on mute.

8.

Text - AtlanticFlow 000 @atlantic_flow Making sure to find 6ft long Twix bars for the kids to socially distance themselves with. #NewHalloweenTraditions

9.

Text - Tatian e. @Tatianeboot26 Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 8 months now, I don't think I need a day dedicated to it anymore... #NewHalloweenTraditions

10.

Text - Jen 00 @djazzyjen #NewHalloweenTraditions Kids Say PPE instead of Trick or Treat!

11.

Text - Natalia B 00 @natalia8450 Instead of passing out toothbrushes the lame houses now pass out mini purell bottles. #NewHalloweenTraditions @FallonTonight

12.

Text - A&M A & M Digital Tech @amdigitaltech 00 Digital Technologles Finding new things to cover the neighbors house in due to the toilet paper shortages. #NewHalloweenTraditions

13.

Text - Proud Radical Leftist 00 @PeacelsEarned Instead of trick or treat, now we track and tweet. (Contact tracing) #NewHalloweenTraditions

14.

Text - bay @BayleyJunes 00 my family chooses a scary movie for Halloween each year, this year we've decided to turn on Fox News #NewHalloweenTraditions

15.

Text - Jake Anderson 000 @dadsaidbaloney So glad we bought the hand sanitizer that smells like tequila. I can tell my kids that Daddy is sanitizing from the inside. #NewHalloweenTraditions @FallonTonight @jimmyfallon

16.

Text - Kunphuzn @kunphuzn 000 Bragging on Twitter that you're giving out full sized hand sanitizers. #FunSizedAintFun #NewHalloweenTraditions

17.

Text - Atarikari 00 @atarikari Trick or treat, stay 6 feet, throw me candy from the street #NewHalloweenTraditions

18.

Text - Ophelia Reine @OpheliaReine 000 Replying to @jimmyfallon Scary sound effects will now include people coughing and telling you about the crowded restaurant they went to. #NewHalloweenTraditions

Submitted by:

       
 

Old People Who Wrangled With Social Media

Old people are trying their best on social media, but some are still trying to get the hang of it. Whether it's messaging the Walmart Facebook page some extremely personal information or being real rude about close family members, it's always a party when grandma gets her computer driving gloves on.

1.

People - LIKE керіу Write a reply... Great family photo. Dennis has a head shaped like Homer Simpson 1d Like Reply

2.

Grass - Be Kinch Get rid of the foreigners

3.

Gadget - BOTTOM

4.

Cartoon - mnutes age Like Reply DON'T CARE GIPHY Write a comment. Y'all how can mom delete this comment? Someone's husband died and for some reason it commented this from her

5.

Text - GGTOHO.BLOGSPOT.COM My name is Maria and today is my 107 Birthday and nobody wants to SHARE my post because am old O Like Comment Share 8 7 shares Hi Maria, Happy birthday! I won't share because will not respond to threats or bribes, Have A great day

6.

Cartoon - Truth Boomer Humour: I hate my wife millenial humour I hate my life Gen Z: STONKS Diane 3 Comments O Like Comment Share Diane God loves you and is by your side Like Reply 5w

7.

Community - Women's Humor ... Women's Humor 7 hrs · People in their thirties discussing TikTok: 4.1K 1K Comments 1.8K Shares O Like Comment A Share ne Hey! I'm 54 and love tic tacs. Minty Tmahumanist

8.

Text - Memes MEMES Tuesday at 5:00 PM · O Not happening 2:00pm: Gonna save the other half of this sandwich for later 2:06pm: Time to finish that sandwich 46.5K 12.8K Comments 24.5K Shares O Like Comment Share You must have needed it!

9.

Text - Barbara Mark of FACЕВОOK WHAT DOES THE GREEN DOT ON MY PICTURE MEAN OR WHAT IS IT FOR???? 5h Like Reply THE FEMALE LEAD The Female Lead Barbar a Barbara, so glad you stopped by. Mark might not be free to answer your question but we can! It means you're Have a great online day x 1 3h Like Reply

10.

Picture frame

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Text - 08:31 .l 0.29 KB/S GA google.com/search?q= 14 OVERVIEW REVIEWS PHOTOS АBOUT 6 reviews · 1 photo 9 months ago Had a steak when it came it tasted more like a pork chop and was the driest piece of meat I've ever had Response from the owner 9 months ago H believe you have wrote this on the wrong business as I am a dog groomers. If you could remove this review please Local Guide · 36 reviews · 24 photos a year ago Brilliant

12.

Text - Mary 1h - e ... I would very much like to become a member of this page 7 2 comments Like Comment Sharelle and added by Maria You have been a member since 29 January 2018 9 Like Reply 1h Mary - Sharelle oh ok thank you 1 Like Reply - 1h

13.

Text - I'm scared to get to this age and start doing shit like this

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Text - TKE Oklahoma City Thunder O Sunday at 10:18 AM · O Thunder Takes on Wizards in Sunday Matinee. (11:30am on FOX Sports Oklahoma) .. See More OR ENABLE MIDFIRST BANK de MIDSTREAM PARTNERS devon CHESAP ENABLE MID SO BAN MIDSTREAM PARTNERS MIDFU BANK LE OK NG CHRIS PAUL LIVI EGE DU 108 22 Comments 5 Shares 4.2K Views O Like Comment A Share I am an 84 year old female from Wi, do not like basketball plus know nothing about Oklahoma thunder. Have no idea how this is on my site. Would like it rem

15.

Face - live PEOPLE.COM Sia Reveals She's a Grandmother After Her Son 'Had 2 Babies': 'They Call Me Nana' O Like Comment Share 00S 28 1 share Most Relevant v Glad he can have babies. My sons cant 12h Like Reply OJEC

16.

Text - is looking for recommendations. 11 mins • 8 Hey guys ,can anybody recommend an electrician in the area ?? United States of America Mexico Cuba NO RECOMMENDATION YET 5 Comments O Like Comment

17.

Text - 7:56 Peggy Contact Staff 3 hrs • Is candy crush saga not working? O Like Comment Share Johan I believe you contacted the wrong staff A A 2h Like Reply 18 L Joy Hi Peggy! This is a page for people who practice a circus art that's called "contact staff". Unfortunately not one where Candy Crush Saga's staff can help you out. That being said- you can always try forcing a restart of the app on your phone or deleting and then redownloading it. Message me privately if you'd like some help on how

18.

Carrot - Today Show ... 1h · O That big bag of carrots lurking in your fridge is destined for great things. TODAY.COM Carrots have a season - and it's right now. Here are 10 ways to cook them O Like Comment A Share 347 79 Shares Most Relevant v Beth I just unfriended the TODAY show. I am done with you folks. But you probably don't care. 262 53m Like Reply

19.

Face - Judi Whats up in 16h i 6ABC.COM Amber Alert: Child abducted in by man in body armor 8 Comments Like לן Comment Carole Thank God

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Text - doesn't recommend Tattoos. 21 Apr 2019·O I don't like any tattoos they are not nice Like ל1 Comment Share

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Text - Cool Kmart Hacks & Styling Ideas 6m • To admin My opinion should be respected 14 21 Comments Like לי Comment Sorry wrong Kmart site

22.

Text - Diane Yesterday at 6:30 PM O.. ... Started New Job at I do not WORK !!! Yesterday O Like Comment A Share

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Text - BOSTON.CBSLOCAL.COM County Commissioner Criticized For 'Civil War' Poll Question Like ל1 Comment A Share 41 3 shares Most relevant v Judy I am so sick of this station interrupting prigrams for the Patriots. Judge Judy was interrupted now..for nothing. Why cant this station wait a half hour and put it on the news. I wish another station would broadcast Judge Judy. I hate this station. 30 2 h Like Reply Judy Judy Agee 02 2 h Like Reply

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Hair - 4 mins Delete this delete photo Reply.. (GIF

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Text - Bob 1d . naked women with big breast O Bob 5 Comments O Like Q Comment Send

Submitted by:

       
 

Worker Deploys Petty Revenge on Elevator Rule Stickler

Most of us would agree that safety rules are important to follow. But when rules are enforced not on their utility but on the satisfactions of the people getting to abuse them, that's where people get petty. For another story of pettiness, here's a coworker who complained too much about free pizza and encouraged a petty feast.

1.

Text - O r/pettyrevenge · Posted by u/-BigBadBeef- 11 hours ago O 2 e2 S 6 E 8 2 Petty revenge against petty shipyard security I work in a shipyard. COVID has seen to some pretty harsh measures which I actually endorse, since the shipyard attracts workers from all over the world. One of these measures lists the maximum amount of people that can occupy the elevator at once. Only 3 can use the elevator at any given time, but only one if you transport materials alongside.

2.

Text - Cue the petty fireman. We (me and my coworkers) were going up the elevator. We had a metal bar with us, that does technically constitute as material transport but that bar is barely 40mm in diameter and 1.5m long. Not a problem for creating a covid risk situation. As soon as we reach our floor of choice, a fireman was standing outside and gave us a write up for violating covid safety measures. That basically means that our next offense will result in a temporary ban from the yard.

3.

Text - I was very angry, and I go into full blown petty revenge mode. I grab a size 20 long bolt and carry it with me for the rest of the work, waiting for an opportunity to stick it to the fireman. Just as my shift has ended, and wait for my elevator, the very same fireman queues up behind me. The elevator opens, I enter, the fireman tries to follow. A grin comes into me face as I stop him and show him the bolt. He looks like an idiot as I tell him: "Material transport! YOUR rules! Now get out

4.

Text - EDIT: I can understand why it might be confusing for someone who endorses the rules to take revenge on someone else for enforcing them. The problem is that those rules are lossely written and open to interpretation that can be used as a hammer for disrespectful, grumpy security to abuse and beat down on unsuspecting workers as a means of venting their frustrations.

5.

Text - I endorse the rules because they provide work viral security to which is otherwise a germ spreading environment. I feel no remorse, and would even shove that bolt right up his a*** and tighten it with a wrench if it hadn't gotten me into jail.

Submitted by:

Tagged: rules , elevator , petty , lol , silly , story , dumb , funny
       
 

Eye-Twisting Moments of Strange Perspective

The world isn't always straight forward. Sometimes you're looking at it from the side, or some other angle that obscures your view of someone's face. It's these illusions of eye-defying double-takery that can make us go "waaahhh" while trying to figure out if that's a dog or a boat. Foreground be damned, doubletake inducing photos of skewed perspective are here to stay.

1.

Office

2. The ocean? Just a rock.

Rock

3.

Transport

4. two dogs

Dog

5.

Vertebrate

6.

Bovine

7.

Vertebrate

8.

Brickwork

9. wall looks like a pond

Property

10. Street skyscraper

Cityscape

11. high jump

Sports - COFFEE BLACK RIFLE COFFEE COMPANY CRMPRRD

12.

Player - E1O

13.

People

14. Looks like a laptop, actually a theater

Screen - st O02 1/3

15.

Sky - 910 1911 1915 1927 DIO TEN CHAMPIONSMIh

16.

Facial hair

17.

Residential area

18.

Tree

19. Beach levitation

Vacation

20.

Fishing rod

21. Looks like a picture, actually just a cat

Cat - Be Carefui DO NOT OPEN WITH SHARP OBJECTS

22. On a TV but it looks like a hologram

Job - 100K WIDISON Bloomberg presents

23.

Grass

24.

People

25.

Flagstone

Submitted by:

       
 

Tumblr Post: Kids' Hilarious Misconceptions About Teachers

Apparently a fair number of kids have a hard time believing that teachers are real people. Many of us have had those experiences where we came across our teachers out in the wild, far removed from the classroom, and were genuinely puzzled at how the teachers were outside the classroom. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about how dwarves' beards are too smart for their own good.

1.

Text - icouldwritebooks I love it when the little kids l'm teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what's going on. So far, I've encountered the following: 1. T had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you're a real person, not an app. If you're a real person, show me your husband."

2.

Text - 2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn't want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program. 3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What's your apartment number? IPII come up and help you find it!" The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in th

3.

Text - 4. Thad been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, "Wait, you're an adult????" She’d thought I was twelve. icouldwritebooks 5. Ijust finished my last class of the night. At the end of it, the three year old girl (in China) wanted to know if she could come over and we could have the next class at my house. 3,180 notes

Submitted by:

       
 

Sayings People Realized Were Unique to Their Families

Most every family has a general repertoire of stock sayings and inside jokes that they use in all instances of the day. Some sayings are much rarer than others. For some drama among families, here's a family who thought they lost the cat, but the cat showed them otherwise. And here's a kid who pulled the nuclear option on his dad in monopoly.

1.

Text - DuxofOregon 1.7k points · 1 day ago S Dad would always say, “hotter than a garlic fart." Never heard anyone else say that.

2.

Text - McNamee93SAFC 30.6k points · 2 days go O & 6 A 4 & 23 More My dad always used "it's broke with a capital F" - as his way of saying "it's completely fucked" but without swearing in front of us as kids.

3.

Text - slothbarns7 29.5k points · 1 day ago 2 2 23 3 3 9 & 7 More Growing up with an Asian mom that was working on perfecting her English, she would often say "Aw that is the suck" instead of, you know, "that sucks". Didn't take long for us to catch on and correct her but it was so funny we just kinda stuck to it, so when something is shitty now I'll instinctively say in my head "well that is the suck"

4.

Text - Mikkle80 20.2k points - 1 day ago "She's got an arse like a harvest frog." From my Irish Grandad. I still don't know what it means, though I do know it wasn't a compliment

5.

Text - dtrippy 19.7k points · 1 day ago 4 26 3 Whenever I didn't like something, my dad would say, "Well it likes you. It called the other day and said so". It could be anything: broccoli, a hamburger, the neighbor's cat. Whatever I didn't like or want to try, he had always gotten a call.

6.

Text - MyThrOHAcct 15.6k points · 2 days ago 2 When something new turned up and we'd ask my dad where it came from his reply was always "stole it from a blind man down on the corner"

7.

Text - Back2Bach 12.1k points · 1 day ago When Mom was angry about something and we'd ask her "what's for lunch?", she'd put her hands on her hips and exclaim: "Fried Assholes!"

8.

Text - Ibenthinkin2much 11.4k points · 1 day ago 2 e Mom: You'd never notice on a galloping horse. No one really looks closely at you.

9.

Text - maryhallie 10.2k points · 1 day ago 2 2 S3 8 My nan and mum would always say "you're nosey for a cabbage", when I would try to ask about stuff that wasn't my business, not sure if it's unique to us but I've never heard anyone else say it

10.

Text - willowgrl 10.2k points · 1 day ago 9 If we were having a hard time doing a puzzle or something, mom would tell us "you gotta hold your teeth right". Whenever she bought us presents they came from "the gettin place".

11.

Text - theothersoul 9.4k points · 1 day ago 2 3 32 "You got goats" My family's way of saying you had a wedgie, because it looked like there was a goat in your crack eating your pants. Quite embarrasing when I found out that wasn't a common phrase

12.

Text - iBelieveInSpace 8.4k points · 1 day ago 2 8 One I still don't understand is "What are you doing? Posing for animal crackers?" I mean, I understood the meaning but the reference was beyond me. Basically when I was standing around during work and not doing anything. Dad had a lot of weird ones.

13.

Text - scottsmith7 8.4k points · 1 day ago Me: "What are you doing?" Dad, obviously just watching TV: “I'm digging a hole."

14.

Text - blitherblather425 7.8k points · 1 day ago My dad doesn't swear so he always uses the word "suck". "What the suck is going on here?" "You're all sucked up" It would always make me and my friends laugh. He also uses the word bunghole. “That guys a real bunghole" he has a ton of other phrases I can't think of right now.

15.

Text - Mydaley 7.2k points · 1 day ago The term 'to disconcur' meaning to disagree. Tried using it once in a class and got some serious sideways looks. Teacher had to break it to me that it is not a valid word.

16.

Text - 2 @ 2 I'm sure this is actually super common, but it comes from my Great Grandma. She only lome88 7.2k points · 1 day ago spoke Hungarian and what little english she did know were translations of her favorite Hungarian swears. She would often call people, especially my father, "bitch-bastard" in both languages. It stuck and most of my family on that side refer to each other as "bitch-bastards", which does cover most bases.

17.

Text - something98123 7.0k points · 1 day ago 2 & 3 More "What time dark" was something we would say to ask like the general question of when was like dinner and down time. Turns out my parents were ass face drunk on vacation in a different part of the world before me and my sister were born when my mom turned to my dad and proclaimed "what time dark". Because she wanted to see the sun set but couldn't get the thoughts together. So from 1-16 I thought it was a common saying, and from 16-24 when

18.

Text - Thatdewd57 6.2k points · 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago i My dad always said “Life is like a bowl of cherries but you just gotta watch out for the shit underneath." And to this day I have no fucking clue what it means. I asked him and he said one day you'll get it. Well Dad I'm 36 and have no clue.

19.

Text - Mancsnotlancs 6.0k points · 1 day ago I used to run a pub. I had to refuse to serve a rather inebriated young man. Rather than say you think you're the best thing since sliced bread' he actually said: you think you're a slice of bread'. Since then, in our family, anytime one of us does something rather clever, we are accused of thinking we are a slice of bread.

20.

Text - Carpe_Musicam 4.6k points · 1 day ago Any time I'd ask my mom where she was going she'd shout, "Crazy! Want to go with me?" Also, if you asked her to make you a sandwich she'd always say "Poof! You're a sandwich!" My Dad also used the word 'dumberd' a lot. Like his own personal synonym for dumbass.

21.

Text - BPD_whut 4.4k points · 2 days ago "Red shoes, no knickers." My mum said this, that there's an implication women wearing red shoes weren't wearing any undies. Still haven't met anyone who has ever heard of it.

22.

Text - Skinnybet 4.2k points · 1 day ago 2 My dad would tell us to “ cough it up it could be a gold watch “ if you were coughing. I never understand it.

23.

Text - Not_Used_To_People 3.6k points · 1 day ago Whenever we were to fend for ourselves for dinner, my mom called it "getchuroni" (getchu-your-oni)

24.

Text - iwiwdascsttaraf 3.4k points · 1 day ago - 2 3 My mom said something really funny edited 1 day ago once while we were getting ready to run out. She said, “Mirror mirror on the wall, you better fucking lie to me!" Since then it's stuck and we say it before we leave to go out.

25.

Text - Poes_Laaitie 3.1k points · 1 day ago · edited 23 hours ago "Born up a tree" is my family version of Bon Appétit

26.

Text - nkmos19 2.6k points · 1 day ago Younger Me: “Dad I don't want to walk downstairs at night. It's too dark." Dad: "There's no monsters. We can't afford monsters."

27.

Text - Nashmimi 2.5k points · 1 day ago S As a kid whenever I would say 'I don't know what to wear!' my Grandma would say 'Put a raisin in your belly button and go as a cookie'

28.

Text - zardoz_lives 2.5k points · 2 days ago 2 "Whoa Jackson!" Was something my dad always said. He swore it was a thing in the 70's, which my mom would always shake her head behind him and mouth, "it was never a thing."

29.

Text - savetheaglet 2.3k points - 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago S My mom would always say "it's behind the milk!" when we would look for something and couldn't find it. Inevitably whatever we were looking for one day was simply behind the milk in the fridge and we couldn't find it. My mom exclaimed this from across the house in frustration and it became the exclamation for anything someone is trying to find. Meaning look harder, actually move other objects instead of just blankly staring.

30.

Text - arwenorange 2.1k points · 1 day ago edited 21 hours ago e "Just like downtown" My immigrant dad has picked up a lot of American idioms, but some of them he's made up. He uses this whenever he thinks he done something really well, like a perfect parking job. He also uses actual phrases excessively. Like he'll also say "call it a day" after a perfect parking job. Really, he's just super proud of his parking skills.

Submitted by:

Tagged: sayings , lol , dad , family , stories , unique , mom , funny
       
 

Gaming Memes for The Highly Leveled

In this day and age, you'd be hard pressed to find someone on the street who has no interest at all in video games. Everyone has the potential to be a type of gamer in a sense. Sure, not everyone knows the heartbreak of a mid 2000s COD Xbox live lobby or the disappointment of almost any water level, but gaming is a thing near and dear to many of us. Here's a kid who's stepmom sold his PS4 so he rented out her house.

1.

Cartoon - If you have an organ donor card, you drop loot when you die

2.

Cg artwork - Main Side Quests Storyline

3.

Child - Psychopaths Serial killers People who intentionally pick rude dialogue options in games just to make the NPCS feel bad

4.

Text - TOP DEFINITION npc energy When you only talk to people if they talk to you. Person 1: why don't you ever start conversations Person 2: because l have npc energy by Bearboy69 January 24, 2019

5.

Text - jorratedlegs i have NPC energy cause most of my replies consist on • ok • NICE • hell ye! • no.... • yes? sdfghjhghjkjDFGHJKGHJJDFGSS • thank you so much! • fuck! jorratedlegs more reasons im a NPC: • if i stand still for too long i start doing idle animations • will only talk to people if they start conversation first • my walking speed is too fast to be walking and too slow to be running • if you talk to me too many times i start repeating dialogue if you do a small favor for me i will

6.

Vehicle - Above is beta footage for a new game called "Outside". It is slated to release whenever you decide to shut off that game console. fwurp I went outside once. The graphics were great but the story was horrible. Reply 703 i 1 month ago tvap1122 1 month ago the respawn time sucked as well 523 in reply to fwurp Reply 27Decius 1 month ago I wasn't too fond of many of the characters, either. Reply 400 i in reply to tvap1122 1 month ago It had a pretty shitty physics engine too. Reply · 330 i

7.

Nature - THAT GAMING MOMENT WHEN YOU JUST STOP GOING ANYWHERE AND JUST ENJOY THE AWESOME VIEW

8.

Dog - When your Dog hits level 20 before you facebook.com/dndmemes WON TICCX

9.

Painting - when your girlfriend says you need to replace your childish posters with real artwork A STA

10.

Drink - Lamps in video games are using real electricity

11.

Cartoon - Brothers and Sisters Like Star Wars fans are natural enemies. and Star Trek fans. Or Star Wars fans and Lord of the Rings fans. Or Star Wars fans and Harry Potter fans. Sera C Or Star Wars fans and other Star Wars fans. Damn Star Wars fans! They ruined Star Wars

12.

Nose - Me: I need help with the school presentation My mom: I can't, I'm cooking Me: Just pause it Listen here, you little shit

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Facial expression - Dungeons and Dragons? Is that some sort of sex thing? POLLAKU Far from it, Jen

14.

Atmospheric phenomenon - Me checking my inventory in the middle of a boss fight

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Furniture - random I carried friend request me

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Facial expression - PICK PICK UP UP LOOT LOOT PICK UP LOOT EXTINGUISH CANDLE

17.

Cartoon - when your opponent is better than expected.

18.

Text - the reason why smart people don't see well is because they lower their graphics to max their fps intellecc

19.

Text - Bro there's nothing like when your game loads for a second and you see yourself in the black mirror of your monitor and you have that brief clearness of mind and think "What the fuck am I doing with my life" Then the happy colors come back and you forget all your problems.

20.

Product - When your custom character appears in a cutscene OVERTIME DUDE

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Facial expression - There's an NPC in a game somewhere still waiting on you to finish that side quest you forgot about that would change their life.

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Cartoon - When youve died 12 times on a boss fight with an unskippable cutscene

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Cartoon - Toxic overcompetitive players People that play for fun

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Human - Them: gaming is for kids, grow up Me and the squad in 60 years:

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Organism - When you're playing as the medic, but you have the most kills HARMACIST TIHE

Submitted by:

Tagged: jokes , gaming , Memes , lol , video games , funny
       
 

Hilarious Photoshop Trolls From The Master, James Fridman

James Fridman makes an art form of the photoshop trolling. People submit their photoshop requests, and Fridman always delivers. His finished products might not be what people were originally looking for when they reached out, but their hilarious abominations in their own regard. Check out some more hilarious photoshop trolls from James Fridman over here.

1.

Eyewear - James Fridmano Hi James! Me and my boyfriend where trying to take a photo with the ducks, but we didn't manage to get any in the photo! Could you put some ducks in please? efjamie013 There you go. SHINESE

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Photograph - Kim @hotmail.com> James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> to me - Good morning James, I love our family picture, it is almost perfect, No problem. but my sons crooked bow tie makes me cringe!! Can you straighten his bow tie, PLEASE????

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Product - fjamie013 Saskia v. der Osten Hi James, your pictures are so great! Can you please make it look as if I'm not standing in a hole in the floor? Best regards, Saskia Sorted.

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People in nature - Heather @gmail.com> James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> to me - Can you make me look like im in the tree Done.

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Transport - James Fridman efjamie013 hey james my hands look weird can you make it look like i'm holding the pole instead? Sure.

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White - alex fjamie013 rdsEye Hey can you make me look like im in a really cool place and not a lake in the background Sure.

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People - Bryan to me @gmail.com> James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> Hi James Fixed. I'm hoping you can help. I love this picture of my wife and I in Venice, but she dressed just like the gondolier! Can you fix it so it doesn't look so awkward?

8.

Text - Jonas @gmx.net> to me - James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> Hey James, could you do it so that the water goes in my mouth in this foto? I would really really appreciate that. Thank you! :) Wrong fountain.

9.

Product - Hi mate, that's me with the golf tee in my mouth, any chance you could make it look like my friend has taken a shot? James Fridmano efjamie013 No doubt.

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Product - jacob fjamie013 Jacob You and the boys are outside. Hey James! Would you be able to make me and the boys look like we are outside? Thanks!

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Hair - Lindsey @att.net> to me - Hi! James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> Can you somehow adjust my hands and make it look like I'm holding a glowing orb /ball? Thank you There you go. let Let

12.

Dog - Anastacio @gmail.com> to me - James Fridman <fjamie013@gmail.com> Hey Jamie Here you go, buddy. Really fan of what you do, can you please erase the guy in the back, he kinda messes my pic. Thanks a lot!

Submitted by:

       
 

Guy Feeds Crows, Crows Get Back At Bully Neighbors For Him

This is why you don't mess with crows, or better yet, why it pays off to have some feathered friends in high places. This guy's neighbors sound like they were a real piece of work, and generally unfortunate people to be around. Fortunately, he was able to befriend some crows that would appear to have picked up wind of this, and proceeded to stand up for him. With all the wild stories of people's experiences with intelligent, devilishly clever crows, it's really no big surprise. 

For another glorious tale of petty revenge, check out this story about a sister who always stole their sibling's food, so the sibling took revenge at graduation.

1.

Text - r/pettyrevenge u/tempthethrowaway • 1d + Join 1 2 e 2 3 2 Feathered Friends in High Places Not sure if this belongs here, so let me know ok? TL;DR: Had issues with a neighbor over parking. Local crows l'd made friends with vandalized his cars in retaliation. So for background: The day we moved into this apartment complex our across the hall neighbors started bullying us. Why? We parked in the handicap spot next to the sidewalk to the building. Why? I'm handicapped.

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Text - Turns out one of them liked to park one of his 6 project cars there (illegally) and us using it for it's intended purpose was inconvenient to him. So we'd get a bunch of nasty letters. Eventually this escalated to them filing false noise complaints against us. We are a very quiet, and introverted couple. We don't interact with people, we always wear headphones and do everything possible to cancel out any noise we make. We prefer to live in a way that most people don't know we're here. Ok,

3.

Text - Our building has a decent sized crow population. I've always liked them, so I decided to make friends. Spent some time doing research on them and their diets and went out and got some snacks that would be nutritious for them. Every couple of days l'd chop up some fruits and veggies and grains and take them out to their favorite tree in a little tupperware box. I'd pick it up later and it would be empty. It got to the point where they'd know what days I was coming and gather in the tree. A

4.

Text - This came to a head shortly after I witnessed one of them back into our car and then take off at mach 20. I was visibly frustrated and screaming at them as they drove off. Police didn't much care, so that was a dead end. Or so I thought. A few days later I overheard the neighbors arguing. Apparently one of them wanted to set up cameras because someone was messing with his cars. He thought it was us. Claimed that there were small dents, scratches, and chips in his windshields. Other neighb

5.

Text - They moved a couple of years later. Crows kept it up the whole time while this dude slowly went insane trying to catch the vandals. I don't think they ever figured it out. Edit: Thank you all so much for the awards, and my first gold! That and the comments made my night. Edit 2: Silvers and more neat awards? You guys are great. Thanks so much! 1.1k 81 1 Share

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"Not My Job" Moments that Got the Job Done-ish

What would the world be without impressively unprofessional "not my job" moments? Probably more efficient. It just so happens not every task is as easy as we'd like it to be, but that doesn't stop us from putting in the minimum amount of effort. There's staircases to nowhere, misspelled everything, and a straight up general lack of responsibility. Not bad.

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Blue-collar worker - क

2.

Product - Hand wash only • Spanish Hand wash only • French Hand wush only DC WB BATMAN and all related characters and elements & DC Comics. DC LOGO: TM& O DC. WB SHIELD: TM&OWBEI. (s16) BAT OC Item #. numéro #, articulo # 57503

3.

Font - Ca he on facebook, Jordan after ths i will be lwhiy CAAS TRIES MENTALHEALTHAWAR from now uti -Com azon.co.u! Please satanise your hands here 2 METRES BISTRA CWRI BLED VNNrORES ine KERS EEF

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Text - Clock is 11 10 9- 8 16 2. 3 1-hour ahead rideo Stud 69

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Property

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Toilet

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Tire

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Bag - M BAESBLAL

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Cuisine - 品含國 味精品源于自然 Spare ribs corn yam Spare ribs corn yam 国香肉丝盖饭 西红柿鸡蛋盖饭 RMB 16 08 RMB Spare ribs corn yam Spare ribs corn yam 官保鸡丁盖饭肉流豆腐盖饭 RMB 2 16 00 RMB 100 Spare ribs corn yam Spare ribs corn yam 回锅肉盖饭 土豆丝盖饭 RME RMB 12.00M Spare ribs corn yam Spare ribs corn yam 青超内丝主作 香菇肉片盖饭 16 30 1000 RMB RM Spare ribs corn yam 蛋则饭 RMB 2. 00 Spare ribs corn yam 扬州则饭 RMB 12.00/91 Spare ribs corn yam 青荣腊肉则饭 RMB 12.00/9M

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Motor vehicle - ILLEGALLY PARKED CARS WILL BE FINE PRIVATE PARKING

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Property

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Land vehicle

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Road

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Product - Yesterday at 7:05 PM • O Really!?! How did they screw this up 98¢ celebrate! way to gariands HALLOWEEN HAPPY Garland ALLOWEEN 6 FT (1.83 m) HA PPO WEE b You and 11 others 5 Comments Haha Comment Share

15.

Asphalt

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Dish

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Sport venue - Just gonna eyeball it real quick

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Food - Alpha O @Alpharad I asked for extra cheese on my burrito and this is not what I meant 3:56 PM · 10/18/20 · Twitter for Android >

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Toy - 7-DAY FREE XBOX GAME PASS ULTIMATE ST CA XL UXXL inge Pri ingle 3OX GRME ON XL XL XX finge ingles Pring XBOX S XXL XXL XXL X- GAME ON SNACK ON XL XXL XX XXI Eingle Pri Pring Pr RALO EITE COM O E GA

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Plumbing fixture

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Food

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Medal - WINER

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Drawing - LIFT CORRECTLY

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Product

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Building - PLEASE USE ASHTRAYS

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Bill Burr Reality Checks Obnoxious Interviewer
 

Ah, yes, leave it to Bill Burr to put a painfully obnoxious interviewer in his place with just the kind of ruthless reality check that ignorance deserves. Well done, Bill. 

Submitted by: (via Comedy of Bill Burr)

       
 
 
   
   
   
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