Man Drops Phone, Whale Takes Care Of Business and more...

In This Issue...

Man Drops Phone, Whale Takes Care Of Business

7th Grade Guitarist Plays Metal At School Talent Show, Shreds It

Old Dude Paints Crisp, Straight Parking Lines

Bride Expects Turtles With Lit Candles On Their Backs At Reception

Blessed Images To Boost Your Life With Positive Vibes

Karen Throws Away Expensive Cake, Office Fights Back

Man Tells Sister She Should Lower Her Dating Standards

Literal Moments and Memes that are Technically Correct

Things People Said Under Anesthesia

Wholesome Tumblr Dragon Story Makes Way for Dumb Pun

Wrong Number Texts That Inspired Hilarious Results

Twitter Thread: Inuit Shares Insane Food Prices Up North

Property Manager Ends Up Being Terrible, Gets Canned

Times People Unexpectedly Struck Gold

Flat Earthers Disproving Themselves With An Experiment

More Recent Articles

Man Drops Phone, Whale Takes Care Of Business

The whale is clearly some kind of paid actor. Also, whale was clearly trying to keep their ocean clean. Understandable.

Submitted by: (via tuuuben)

Tagged: awesome , whale , ridiculous , Video , win

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7th Grade Guitarist Plays Metal At School Talent Show, Shreds It

Whoever had to follow up this young legend's performance was doomed before they even started. The kid absolutely crushed it!

Submitted by: (via Tanner Benedict)

Tagged: metal , Music , school , awesome , talented , Video , win

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Old Dude Paints Crisp, Straight Parking Lines

There's nothing like getting all the proper equipment out and doing some crisp, perfectly aligned lines of paint. Look at that. Perfectly straight, and right on the money. Do they sell ride-on line painters online? Why is this video only 40 seconds long. There's a movie here.

Submitted by: (via Vision Guy)

Tagged: satisfying , nice , painting , crisp , oddly satisfying

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Bride Expects Turtles With Lit Candles On Their Backs At Reception

Wow, it's not every day you come across a bridezilla case involving a request right out of left field to have turtles with lit candles on their backs at the wedding reception. I can appreciate the creativity, but that's about it. The turtles definitely wouldn't be stoked about having to lug around lit candles on their backs.

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Text - r/bridezillas + JOIN u/sarabeth616 • 3d Turtle bride This would have been about 2000 in Florida, so crazy-times. Young bride, about 20 with an indulgent father, from a culture where the wedding was a huge show-off family event. In her religion or culture or family (I don't really know) turtles were a symbol of good luck and mere weeks before the wedding she came up with the idea to have turtles at the reception. How you ask? She wanted live turtles

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Text - walking around the reception hall with lit candles glued to their backs. Lit flaming candles. She saw no issues with this plan. We tried to explain that turtles carry salmonella, could get crushed or stepped on (splatted turtle is not a good look), could bite a guest or child, that it was cruel overall but extra cruel to glue candles to their backs and most importantly that a lit candle on a ground level could catch her guests on fire, or tablecloths or linens or whatever. Just a bad idea

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Text - decorations (decorated shells, figurines, glass, etc early Etsy type stuff). Because that wasn't good enough for our bridezilla we teamed up with some local reptile wranglers to line the walls with giant aquariums that had live turtles swimming in them. It was insane and terrifying. We had to have a staff for the turtles and extra insurance for the hall. But we pulled it off for the turtle bride. This is my first time writing out one of my bridezilla memories even though I tell them all t

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Text - icky-chu • 2d My sister wanted snow for her daughters winter wonderland. She hired the people who make it snow at the local theater (big city, globally known theater) that hosts the nutcracker every year. The logic was they know how to do it with out ruining the venue or causing excessive cleanup. Glad my wealthy relatives are sane with their extravagance. It was lovely for the bride and groom to walk back down the aisle in a light flurry of snow.

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Text - OliveBug2420 • 2d Holy crap this reminds me of a wedding I went to as a kid- it was on the beach in NC. The bride loved butterflies so she wanted to do a ceremony where we would “release the butterflies" into the sky to symbolize their love taking off or some basic shit like that. They must have shipped the butterflies in from somewhere, because the officiant started handing out these wax paper envelopes from a cardboard UPS box. She gave the cue and then we were all supposed to open the

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Text - Crisis_Redditor • 2d I also want to point out that turtles can feel through/via their shells. It's not the same as touching skin, but they would feel that hot wax, and the candles being ripped off, among everything else. If she loved turtles so much, you'd think she'd know that. Not to mention, every one of those turtles would go find a hidey hole and pull into their shells, so it's not like they'd actually be walking around!

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Text - Javaman1960 • 2d Terrible, horrible idea, BUT-- there are such things as LED lights. -3-

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Tagged: bride , marriage , FAIL , cringe , wedding , ridiculous , bridezilla

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Blessed Images To Boost Your Life With Positive Vibes

It's a dark and difficult and sometimes scary world, and now more than ever we can all benefit from some sweet wholesome, positively blessed images. These will take your mind off the dystopian reality we're all sharing, for a bit.

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Tagged: blessed , wholesome , good feels , awesome , Reddit , positivity

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Karen Throws Away Expensive Cake, Office Fights Back

Karen power tripped a little too hard and made a big, unpopular authority flex. It just so happens there were a lot of employees around to maliciously comply with that authority she brandished so haphazardly. Misuse of authority can backfire, like this VP who got canned for pulling rank.

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance - Posted by u/NFkappaBalpha 1 day ago You need to check all of our food? Fine. oc L So this happened like 7 or 8 years ago when I was jobbing at a driving service while I was a student. The driving service was one for people with disabilities that could not drive ot walk on their own. Our main office was in the building of a housing/working facility for disabled people. The two companies (our drivers service and the housing facility) were loosely connected as they we

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Text - We were about 15 drivers at this location and we shared our lunch/social room with about 10 caretakers. Since our schedules were horribly organized, the drivers often had idle time so the social room was where everybody hung around waiting for work. One day my boss, call him Tom, brought cake to work because he became 60. The cake was enormous. Like, a wedding cake could hide behind it twice, I can only imagine how expensive it must've been. At 9 every driver had eaten some pieces and the

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Text - Then Karen happened. She was something like the security inspector of the facility. So she had authority over the caretakers but no dealings with the driving service. Her job was to watch for potential hazards, organize the caretakers' schedule and generally having an eye on everything happening. When she heard there was cake, she was FURIOUS. She and Tom couldn't stand each other, so she was always trying to ruin his day. In this particular instance, she claimed the cake was a health haz

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Text - To make matters worse, she doubled down and demanded that every food that was brought into the social room had to be inspected by her first. Cue malicious compliance. Obviously, all the drivers were mad at Karen for upsetting Tom and for throwing away a oerfectly fine cake. So the next day, first thing in the morning, 15 drivefs went to her office. Everyone with his lunch demanding she inspect it. It took her roughly 10 minutes looking at sandwiches and answering questions whether mayonna

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Text - This went on for the whole week, each day our questions about hazardous foods becoming more dumb and degenerate. On Friday it toon her more than 2 hours to "inspect" our lunch as we would collectively steal her time. Afternoon she said she got the message and that sandwiches got a general OK and not to bother her with it anymore. Fine. The following week we went out of our way to eat anything but sandwiches. Salads, cake, pretzels, normal lunch stuff; everyday there was a line in front of

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Text - Then at the end of week two of food checking, Tom brought a bucket for lunch. When he entered Karens office to have his lunch checked, like he did every day, and opened the lid of his lunch pot the smell hit everyone in vicinity like a brick to the face. Apparently he had made some unholy mix of garlic, cream, pickles and herring which he called fish soup. It looked like what happens if you leave something dead in the sun for too long, all brownish and sluggy with some green specks in it

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Text - Tom asked if she didn't wanna check it, since he could imagine the cooling chain could have been broken during transport or some time in the last two weeks. The lot of us drivers laughed so hard, I swear some nearly choked from laughter. This was roughly the time that Karen had to admit defeat. Food checking stopped immediately and the following week Tom brought another cake. Sorry for any typos.

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Tagged: cake , employee , work , Office , lol , stories , flex , funny , karen

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Man Tells Sister She Should Lower Her Dating Standards

Man oh man, nothing can bring the blood to a boil like having to deal with family members dishing out their toxic opinions on matters they were never asked to get involved with in the first place. This particular scenario involves a brother asking the morality defenders of Reddit's AITA community whether or not he was in the wrong for telling his sister to lower her dating standards based off the fact that she's a single mother.

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Text - AITA for telling my single mom sister she should get more realistic when it comes to her dating standards? Asshole For context: My older sister 32(f) is a single mother of two (7m and 5f) because her marriage ended after 4 years. He is still around and pays child, but she's mostly raising the kids on her own. She has been single for quite some time and recently tried to start dating again. My sister thinks of herself as a 'good catch' (college degree, well traveled, good job, above averag

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Text - I told her she should get more realistic when it comes to her dating standards. While she has a lot of things going for her most guys don't want to date single moms. It's not that it's her fault, but there's a host of shit a guy can end up having to deal with, like the ex being a fixture in your life, the kid giving you shit about not being their real dad, you not being her first priority, etc. My sister got bitter over this and hung up on me and is not returning my texts and calls. AITA

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Text - ladygirlperson • 1d • Partassipant [1] INFO....are you the same person who made almost the exact same post recently, except you included in the first post how you told your sister she's "damaged goods" and that her children are "baggage"? Reply 198 ...

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Text - PlanetOfKittens • 1d You need to have good and high standards as a mother, in my opinion. I'm a single mother and I don't want just anyone around my kids. There are good men out there who will date single mothers. I found no end of decent, attractive, stable men who were willing to be with me even with three children. In fact, I rejected a lot of them because I was not ready to date after a bad divorce. My current boyfriend came to me unexpectedly and he is everything I could hope for and

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Text - Krystaaaan • 2d NAH but the focus of your opinion is messed up. She asked for your opinion & it doesn't seem like you were rude about it, but damn it sure does seem like you overlooked her actual situation to make general sweeping comments that really undermine single parents trying to do healthy dating. She's complaining about really shitty guys & your response is "well people don't like dating others with children" instead of "yeah those guys are really shitty, try to avoid them." Do yo

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Text - MythicalBoop • 2d 1 Award YTA she sounds educated and well versed herself, so its not like she's looking for someone out of her range. As a single mom and a person who carries her own weight, she should expect her partner to be able to do the same thing. She's 32, she doesn't have time for some bachelor without his own place/car. The fact that she has kids is even more of a reason for her to be picky about who she chooses because she can't just bring anyone into their lives. Reply 588

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Text - cubbiegthrow • 2d • Supreme Court Just-ass [103] ΥΤΑ What's with all these posts of brothers putting down their single mom sisters and telling them they have to lower their standards. Her standards as listed are "no credit card debt" or a weed addiction. That's not hard to meet. Reply 1.0k ...

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Text - msbeesechurger • 1d • Partassipant [1] 1 Award YTA. neither the original standards you mentioned or the ones you edited to add are unreasonable. even height - people are allowed to have a preference. and she's allowed to be frustrated about not finding a person that meets her standards yet. putting women down and telling them to lower their standards is awful. it lowers our self worth and makes us feel like we aren't worth what we want. and you just accept what the people that meet the wo

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Text - brickboxeee • 1d YTA, her standards aren't high... wanting to date someone she is attracted to, that is self sufficient, treats her nicely and respects the fact her children are a priority is honestly the bare minimum she should be looking for. Okay the income thing may be unrealistic. But why would you as her brother want her to date anyone that doesn't fit the rest of that description?!?! I hate that women are so often guilted for going after what they deserve and not accepting less. Be

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Text - Wonderwoman2707 • 1d YTA. Your sister should maintain her standards, she deserves to have somebody great. And she will find them, even if it takes time. What's she is asking is far from unreasonable for somebody who is attractive, educated etc. Damn there are some shitty attitudes towards single mums, you're her brother, stop perpetuating this shit. I know plenty of single mums who have met fantastic guys, and they've taken the kids on as much or as little as agreed. She deserves happines

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Text - noirpun • 1d • Partassipant [1] YTA. But she's a little naive to ask a 25 year old for dating advice. Reading the comment about her standards are actually very realistic. To assume that there aren't guys her age also with children is very one sided. She's in her 30s. You were projecting what YOU wouldn't date on to her. Reply 1 6 ...

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Tagged: aita , relationships , family , sister , reaction , Reddit , dating

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Literal Moments and Memes that are Technically Correct

If there's one thing that makes us feel less stupid than we actually are, it's our ability to be technically accurate. Sure, being technically correct about something doesn't make us any smarter, but it helps us further avoid the fact that we know way less than we think. Man is that comforting, just kicking your own stupid-can down the road.

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Text - tilthat TIL there is no physical description of Jesus in the Bible. via ift.tt volcel-official False Luke 2:52 He's larger than a baby amateuropinions By the description of him driving the moneylenders from the temple, we can also tell that he fit inside the temple, which gives us an upper bound as well as a lower bound on his size. veraxplus It's been said that Jesus Christ was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple Source: tilthat 3,075 notes

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Font - Chemistry books are just a bunch of atoms explaining atoms to a bunch of atoms. Chemistry PRENTICE HALL Wilbraham Staley Matta Waterman Chemistry

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Text - 100T Classy @Classify Wtf I can't believe after all that shit, they back together 4:41 PM 8/4/19 Twitter for iPhone 18 Retweets 381 Likes sidney @Viperous 17m Replying to @Classify Who? 02 103 100T Classy @Classify 16m MY ASS CHEEKS LMFAO0000 O 27 t7 24 467

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Album cover - Warning: this image contains sax and violins. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Text - Abbie @AbbieEvansXO yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist

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Fictional character - You either die a hero, or live long enough to become a Sherlock Holmes FAN COMIC MAM SHERLOCK HOLMES SHERLOCK ENOLA HOLMES

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Tank - Mengo It works Spookamel Anybody Remember that stealth tank Poland unveiled back in 2013 What the fuck ever happened to it Show this thread

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House - Shoplifters when they see a shop

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Computer keyboard - Q W E Tab A S A Shift Ctrl Alt N ATTIDS

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Text - I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I said, "the muppet from Sesame Street." They told me, “he doesn't count!" | replied, "I assure you, he does."

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Library - Yes, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare. Which one? William. u/danceswithshrews

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Photography - PHOTO TAKEN WITHOUT FLASH PHOTO TAKEN WITH FLASH

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Motor vehicle - A very rare photo of the first ever mobile phone

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Text - Her:(whispers) I want you to make me scream with your fingers Me:"pokes her in the eyes super hard*

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Design - 36 155.8° Who are you, who are so wise Lin the ways of science?

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Text - Hey hon. Can a blond and a redhead have a kid with black hair? Today 10:37 AM Nope Someone cheated Sou Laimen Aboubacker What u mean by someone , obviously it's the mother 18 4 h Like Reply

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Canidae - Purebread dogs vs. inbread dogs

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Text - Talk To The Hatter @Talk_To_T... 22h 1) Butt and booty are synonyms. 2) Dial and call are synonyms. 3) YET Butt dialing is really different than a booty call. O 60 27857 3,889 1 Gabor Javorszky this is fine . @javorszky Replying to @Talk_To_The_Hat and @DrJenGunter "Forgive me father for I have sinned" And "I'm sorry daddy, I've been a bad girl" Have the same problem :D

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Room - Jacob TM @yourloyalpal Breakfast in bed

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Crab - If you hold a crab up to your ear YOU CAN HEAR WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ATTACKED BY A CRAB

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Hair - Obi-Wan Kenobi @the negotiator Who is this? Wrong answers only Mace Windu etakeaseat Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master

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Cartoon - In an atom, the number of electrons 1 point is equal to: the number of neutrons. the number of electrons. the number of protons. That sounds sciency enough to be true

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Text - PUSH If That Doesn't Work PULL If That Doesn't Work We Must Be Closed.

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Face - Bullets only do their jobs after they're fired.

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Tagged: clever , puns , Memes , literalism , dumb , technically correct , funny , stupid , accurate

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Things People Said Under Anesthesia

People have a lot on their minds, and surgery drugs have a special way of letting all those things fall out. With that precious little filter stripped away, things get said that might be regrettable or completely nonsensical. Maybe the only thing that makes it all okay is that it's extremely common for people to say wild stuff while waking from anesthesia.

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Text - PoppingKittens 17.3k points · 7 hours ago O 2 2 e10 3 & 7 More My dad (italian) was waking up from anesthesia and kept looking at his asian nurse and saying he was so glad his daughter was with him. And that he loved his daughter. The nurses were confused, so they went out into the waiting to check for his daughter. I was the only one in the waiting area, and when they saw me and started hysteically laughing. I am korean by birth, but what adopted by my lovely Italian family :)

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Text - ThrowawayB2255 16.8k points · 7 hours ago This woman undergoing C-section under spinal anaesthesia + ketamine said 'Show my baby first to my brother-in- law, he deserves to see her first'. I sometimes wonder what happened to her marriage after that.

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Text - shitty_owl_lamp 9.3k points · 7 hours ago · edited 7 hour 2 I had double jaw surgery to correct my underbite. I took sign language in college. They typically don't wire your jaw shut anymore, they just use strong rubber bands, but you can still talk. I knew I'd be able to talk. Yet when I woke up from the surgery, apparently I kept trying to sign. The nurses were like: "Uhh, we don't know sign language, honey." Based on how little I remember from college, I'm certain it wasn't even good s

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Text - BjornBeetleBorg 7.5k points · 8 hours ago "I'm preparing to salsa dance"

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Text - neeeeerrrrrddddd 6.9k points · 7 hours ago The most memorable funny one was a guy who sat bolt upright, mime rolling a cigarette and tuck it behind his ear "saving it for 'ron" when I asked what he was doing. Anaesthesia can be a wild trip. The kids will always scream when they wake up

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Text - Audginator 6.2k points · 9 hours ago Not a medical professional, but my mom was 2 coming out from under anesthesia after a procedure a few years ago and I was trying to help her. She puckered her lips so I picked up her water cup and asked if she wanted some. She turned her face toward me and said, "Do I LOOK like an AIRPLANE?!" The nurses and I completely lost it. I still tease her about it sometimes.

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Text - rainbowsandlolipops 84 points · 3 hours ago Vet tech here. Dogs and cats come out of anesthesia in an assortment of different ways. But this one husky I swear lifted his head and said. “thank you" in that strange way that some dogs can actually sound human in their bark/voice. The other tech and I just looked at each other and said, “holy shit, did he literally just say that?!?!

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Text - Dachbodenluke 5.5k points · 8 hours ago I always start to compliment everyone I see after waking up from anesthesia. It's super important to me to 25 & 8 More compliment them it seems. "You nurses are doing such a good job! I hope you know that! Such a great job!" "Wow, you're all so beautiful! Why is everyone so beautiful?!" "Thank you for taking care of me. That's really nice of you!" "I love your eyes, they look kind and pretty!" I am not fully there yet, but I still always react the s

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Text - bc_poop_is_funny 13.3k points · 8 hours ago 2 Not anesthesia but delirium. Introduced the oncoming nurse to the patient. The patient gestured grandly around the room and said “(nurse's name), meet all my friends!!" ..to an empty room

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Text - kristenshortley 5.1k points · 6 hours ago Not medic but patient: I had appendix surgery after a preventive 2 day fasting (water was ok) and anesthesia hit me pretty hard. When I was told I had to use one of those plastic urinals or whatever because they said the abdominal effort could make me faint I just said: "I ain't gonna poop on a plastic tupper, If I pass out in the toilet like a hero, then let it be"

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Text - Songspiritutah 5.0k points · 7 hours ago e2 I was the patient, but right before Christmas a couple of years ago I had my gallbladder removed. In the recovery room as I was waking up I became obsessed with singing the 12 Days of Christmas song. I kept asking the nurses what order the verses were in. As they were wheeling me out of the room I heard a nurse belt out "Five golden rings!" Which was followed by everyone's laughter.

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Text - askmemyopinion 4.9k points · 8 hours ago That I look like a guy who worked for Bon Jovi

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Text - PLANETshaker22 4.7k points ·6 hours ago 2 Obligatory not a doctor, but I was the patient. I had to get my wisdom teeth removed at the hospital because they were, for lack of a better term, fucked. When I woke up, the nurse was going through the routine to make sure I was not brain dead. She asks me my name by saying "who are you?" I respond with, "I'm a lesbian." My parents were in the room. They didn't know at the time. That was how I came out.

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Text - original_4degrees 4.3k points · 7 hours ago 2 3 2 dislocated my shoulder in a way that my arm ended up stuck up over my head. Apparently, while all hopped up on demarol I was laughing hysterically while the doctor was standing on the table/gurney wrestling with my arm to get it back into the socket. I don't remember a thing.

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Text - JamesLilian 2.5k points · 6 hours ago 2 Oh god I woke up sobbing. I was convinced that I was married to Cedric Diggory and he had just been killed by Voldemort. I'm cringing so hard just thinking about it. I was inconsolable.

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Text - EllaCassi 2.3k points · 6 hours ago I gave a kid methoxyflurane after he broke his arm. When we got to the hospital he went into the paediatric section of the ED and there were stickers on the wall of sesame Street characters. He started talking about this unicorn on the wall (there wasn't one) and how it was trying to be friends with elmo but elmo didn't want to be friends with him. His mum and I had a chuckle and I had to pry the whistle out of his hands.

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Text - fatiguedaardvark 1.7k points · 6 hours ago edited 53 minutes ago The very first time I was under I was in third grade and was relatively scared. What kept me brave was the promise of burger king breakfast afterwards. It was an early morning procedure that required fasting and I rarely got fast food. They ended up running behind that day so it was up in the air if I would wake up and get out in time to get my breakfast (which ended at 10). The first words out of my mouth were "What time is

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Text - Feisty_Monkey 1.4k points · 7 hours ago When my brother was waking up after a surgery, my mother was there taking care of him but he couldn't stop laughing. When he was finally able to squeeze out a few words he said: "mom, hahaha, mom your so ugly!"

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Text - thedreamlan6 1.3k points · 7 hours ago IANAD but when my sister got her wisdom teeth out she screamed in the car until we stopped and let her out (near our house) and she sprinted back to the house because she wanted to race the car... I need to go find that video

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Text - theseattlegirl 957 points · 7 hours ago I sat straight up in the bed (they tell me) and shouted "I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!" Then I turned to a nurse and pleaded, "Okay, ma'am?"

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Text - FunnyQueer 921 points · 6 hours ago Woman woke up from surgery and said to her husband, “David! That alarm clock has a nose and it's running! Wipe it!"

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Text - sparecoochmaam 510 points · 5 hours ago I had gotten 4 wisdom teeth out in July, and I was under anesthesia for an hour. When I was done, I woke up in a chair and asked the nurse where I was. She said I was at the dentist and I said "STILL?????? JESUS CHRIST." And she thought that was funny. On the drive home, there was a turtle in the road! My mom stopped to let him pass and I got out and tried to catch him. I have a video of me laughing at the turtle.

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Text - ForgeDwarf 282 points · 8 hours ago I didn't hear this directly but I was told about a guy that made a Futurama reference and told the doctor to tell his wife he said hello. Guy was single.

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Text - laurencelara22 3.6k points · 5 hours ago S Had a patient come into recovery after surgery. She farted so long and loud the entire 20 bed unit heard her. Then she said "I was trying to clear my throat, excuse me. And I want a vanilla latte, I got a headache". As medical professionals, we had to hold in the laughter but that didn't stop patients from turning into hyenas.

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Tagged: medicine , lol , nonsense , stories , funny , weird , stupid , surgery , anesthesia

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Wholesome Tumblr Dragon Story Makes Way for Dumb Pun

Tumblr ain't nothing without a writing prompt or two, and this short dragon thing is at least a little nugget of wholesomeness to spend some time on. For a bigger one, here's a tumblr thread on angels and demons bonding over sandwiches. The cogs of Tumblr are always turning out random tumblr gems.

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Text - write-it-motherfuckers Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside. archmarastyden Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

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Text - After a week of repeating this process you make him a little bed complete with whatever pocket change you have left over from the day to give him a little treasure hoard, he is ecstatic with his new treasure, but nevertheless every morning when you go for your coffee there he is; snuggled up inside the small cup. Another few days pass and when you decide to move his bed into the cabinet to see if he'll choose the cup or the treasure, and for some reason he values the cup more highly than

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Text - up. You decide to place the cup inside the bed, and offer it to the dragon as his latest addition to his hoard. You think to yourself that if he's going to stay this dragon will need a name and you start sorting through several intimidating, dragonly names before finally deciding to call him Folgers; after all, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. E write-it-motherfuckers That pun was heinous, I love it. Very well done Darling. #i in no way endorse puns #but it was very nice

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Tagged: dragon , wholesome , tumblr , clever , puns , lol , silly , story , dumb

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Wrong Number Texts That Inspired Hilarious Results

Every wrong number text is an opportunity waiting to be seized. These wrong number texts absolutely inspired hilarious results. Beautiful work by whoever it was that came back with that photoshopped Nicholas Cage pic.

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Face - Call Add to Contacts Text Message Sep 7, 2013, 11:03 PM Sorry wrong number Sep 8, 2013, 8:21 AM Text Message Sen

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Text - You s t.. I hate ur guts.. u ave ruined my lyf. y did u ave 2 sleep wiv my man?? we was soo happy tilu came along ( your dead iflcu. *sighs* ok where shall I begin. your* you* have* life*why* you* have to with* until* you're* see* you* Gosh did you even go to school? WTF?? Who do YOU think YOU are? Your dead meat bi h:© You're** F K YOU BI

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Text - Hey baby im jus chillin if you wanna come over.. She gave you the wrong number brotha Read 2:48 PM FLk

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Text - Hey mate my names Mario, just wanted to know if I could come and take a look at the car you have for sale ? After 5pm is good for me, when r u available? Cheers I should be should be available after 6 tomorrow 19/10/2011 9:31 PM Good night beautiful can not wait to have u in my arms love n miss u heaps Хохох Look man l'm just interested in the car.

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Text - Nov 20, 2012, 1:43 PM Wrong number. Yep. My bad

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Text - Messages Dude Edit Dude are you ready to party!!! Umm who is this? Oh sorry wrong number Bye .but I want to party.

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Text - Heyy girl Paige gave me ya number send me the pic ! This one? OMG WRONG NUMBER BUT AHAHHАНАНАА THAT JUST MADE MY DAY Glad to be of service

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Text - Who's this? why Are you a boy or girll I'm a grill What's yourr name? :) George foreman I thought u were a girl? no, im a grill Oh

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Canidae - Who this Who is this Aug 4, 2013, 1:58 PM Stop sending me pictures of a cat

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Text - Hey Sophie! :D Who is this? Lol you gave me your number no more than five minutes ago. I think she gave you the wrong number... Ouch I KNOW THAT FEEL BRO

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Face - Jesica Jessica? Do I look like a Jessica? Delivered

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Text - This is the standard cable This is a standard cat. Who is this? Delivered Hahahaha wrong person, nice cat!

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Bald eagle - hey are you free on Tuesday? I want to see a movie or something damn right i'm free this is america

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Text - Aug 5, 2011 8:55 PM Your father just died Took him long enough, he's been buried since 1994 You're a ruder , all you had to say was wrong number No, YOU are the rude a if someone's dad dies they deserve an actual phone call, not an F'n text

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Cartoon - T-Rex you raisin' the roof tonight yo'? If I were a t-Rex there would be ZERO possibility of me raising a roof with those tiny arms. Wrong number brontosaurus!

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Text - Hey girl it's Melanie from old navy could you take my 4:45-9 shift tonight? Yea l'd love to take your hours Yay thanks you're the best! Aug 23, 2011 16:00 Btw you have the wrong number, you should probably get ready for work...

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Text - Jul 29, 2012 12:16 PM Hey I just met you. And this is crazy. You have the wrong number. I don't know that baby.

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Text - Hey this is maria Nov 6, 2012, 12:19 PM Hello! This is Dog! Wht up Is tht ur dog Text Message Send ner

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Text - Hi im looking for a girl that is single Who is this lol I don't know u..but u got the txt.so So you got this number how?... By txting a random number.im chill ok..but if u don't want to talk kool. Wow that's ridiculously creepy.

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Photography - ( Messages Sending... Details PU RED iMessage

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Text - Text Message Apr 13, 2012 8:54 PM Why did you break up with Dani? Cuz she tried licking my b thole one time and you know homie don't play that sh. Ohh. Woww. Lmao Hahahaha l'm jk you got the wrong number

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Text - Mom wants you to call her 6:20 PM Who is this 8:51 PM Andrea 10:22 PM Wrong number and you got me in an unnecessary 30 min conversation with my mother so thank you for that. 10:23 PM

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Product - Wrong number Wait I want one This number was listed as a vets office I take good care of dogs For free No No one needs 7 dogs You are being selfish

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Product - Text Message Today 1:34 PM Can you text me some pics of me that you have in your phone we took that night Who is this? Dorothy Good times.

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Text - I'm in love with you To whom do I owe the pleasure? I must have the wrong number is this not Ashley? No...but don't let that stop you from loving me. I'm worth it. Lol send me a picture

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Text - U know I kinda like u to 3:34PM Me? MMS 3:39PM Nooooo 3:40PM

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Text - Hey Mary, need to come in for a hair cut. Let me know a time. Thanks, Jeff Will either if these styles work for you? Ahh no Then you should probably call Mary instead

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Text - Yo is this kelsi? It's brian No this is Jake from State Farm. What ru wearing jake from state farm Uh. Khakis? Well u sound hideous Yo jake my girlfriend cheated on me. am I covered? You're covered Brian! We will replace your girlfriend with a newer model. Sweet but will my rates go up The only thing going up is your future, bro.

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Text - Hey rachyl do you remember me it's tajlea Hey rachyl do you remember me it's tajlea Wrong number Whats your number then Whats your number then

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Face - Sunday 12:29 PM Good afternoon Who is this Wrong number guy, sorry Tony from the bar last night Deliverec

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Washing - Hey, this is anthony from bread co are you coming to work today? Yes When? You know... Whenever. 'll get there. Scheduled at 4, kinda need you now!

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Product - iMessage Yesterday 11:48 PM Today 9:06 AM Read 9:36 AM

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Facial hair - Hi Wendy how are you and your girls Ok i will b there in a bit thank you IMessage Gonna have to cancel-- I'm eating a late lunch. Although, you're probably wanting to meet with Wendy and not me, huh? I ain't never been called Wendy before. Sent as Text Message iMessage Fri, Jul 31, 5:54 PM Hey this is the cake i ordered for my nephew it was 35.00 Looks great! Delivered Na i can go later miss you guys Sorry Keep getting number wrong

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Text - I think i have the wrong number TODAY 21:13 I just thought id should tell you. Youre boyfriend made me pregnant 20:44 a Messages you send to this chat and calls are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info. Oh no! Which boyfriend? 20:45 / What do you mean which boyfriend? this is serious! 2113 20:46 Im sorry 21:13 This is very serious! But you're gonna have to give me a little more to go on here. Well not as sorry as Sam's going to be 20:47 / 21:14 Samuel! Sam knocked me

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Adaptation - H+ AT&T Me: Messages (2) I think you had the wrong number Yesterday, 12:38 PM Yesterday, 12:14 PM t

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Tagged: wrong number , FAIL , ridiculous , texting , funny

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Twitter Thread: Inuit Shares Insane Food Prices Up North

Living in a remote place is a great way to not have access to fresh fruits and vegetables, and this is wild. Twitter user KataraPiujuq showed some of the crazy high prices for fruit and vegetables, and how it's a bit of an issue. Just seeing a bag of oranges go for 20 bucks is enough to make anyone frustrated.

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Tagged: insane , crazy , arctic , vegetables , wtf , prices , expensive , fruit

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Property Manager Ends Up Being Terrible, Gets Canned

Man, nothing is worse than someone who puts on one artificial front, and then ends up being a waking nightmare once you get to know them. Sounds like this property manager was some kind of slimy fool indeed. Fortunately matters were able to get resolved, and he was eventually kicked to the curb.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/AE2AW • 1d Hippity Hoppity, this is no longer your Property (to manage) After graduating college my girlfriend and I moved to a new state where she was accepted into an engineering program. We found a lovely garden apartment style complex that advertised 100 Mbps internet speed included in the price among a few other am When we met the property manager, he seemed strict but well mannered, nothing out of the ordinary. Until we signed the lease... nities. The first pro

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Text - Suddenly, walking into his office was not allowed without an appointment. I had come by to ask a question, saw him browsing social media, and figured he was as available as he made himself to us when we first came by, unannounced, to view a model apartment. Nope. He refused to answer my question and asked me to make an appointment via email. The second problem: The terms of our lease included an attachment to complete within 48 hours of accepting the keys that details all discrepancies wi

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Text - The third problem: The internet speed was not 100 Mbps as advertised. It was less than 15 Mbps off peak and about ~5 Mbps on peak. We again contacted the property manager to complain but were referred to make an appointment. The fourth problem: We made an appointment to address the previous three problems. During this meeting and after I finished voicing our issues, the property manager leans forward and says, "There are other communities in this neighborhood that may be more accepting of

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Text - I had thought he was referencing our no nonsense response to his nonsense (daily communication, scheduling multiple meetings to address these issues, etc) but my girlfriend believed he was speaking towards our skin colors. Her, a black woman, and myself, a white man. My girlfriend jokingly told me to check my privilege before getting serious and explaining to me that we were experiencing discrimination at the very least. The solution: I did some research and discovered the property manage

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Text - The human resources director replied within a few hours and promised us she would look into the issue. About two days later, the property manager called and asked us to come by his office at our convenience. We showed up near the end of the day, and sat down across from him. He then proceeded to ask us if we would be willing to write a letter stating we accepted his apology (despite not yet offering said apology) and in return he would credit us a months rent, accept our damages attachmen

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Text - The property manager was replaced in a week with a super sweet older woman who not only gave us all the things the original property manager had promised; the one month credit, accepting the damages attachment and then further scheduling maintenance to fix said damages, having the ISP assess and upgrade the internet to promised speeds, but she also made it clear her office was always open for anything we may need. I looked up the old property manager about a few months later on LinkedIn.

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Tagged: housing , FAIL , revenge , ridiculous , property , Reddit

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Times People Unexpectedly Struck Gold

Sometimes, you're down on your luck and the universe seems to throw you a bone. You could be stepping out to take the trash out, preoccupied by one of a million stressful thoughts, and then suddenly, you spot a fresh $100 hanging out on the sidewalk. Or maybe you're just going to fill up the car with gas and after spontaneously deciding to buy a lotto ticket, you're up a few grand. These stories of folks striking gold when they were just "hunting for copper" are a boost of secondhand positive feels at the very least.