'In life we all experience difficulties, whether we have a mental health history or not'

The Independent Women newsletter

SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE January 26, 2023 View in browser Ex-police officer 'sexually assaulted by colleague' says she was 'gaslighted' over complaint If you thought you were having a stressful start to the year at work, imagine how you would feel if you worked in the Metropolitan Police's press office. Britain's largest police force has been plagued with criticism in the wake of Met Officer David Carrick admitting 49 criminal charges including 24 counts of rape against 12 women over an 18-year period.   Sir Mark Rowley, the Met Police Commissioner, has said weak policies and decisions meant Carrick was able to stay in the force for 20 years, despite repeated complaints being made against him. The Met is currently investigating 1,000 sexual and domestic abuse claims involving around 800 of its officers.   In light of this story, I interviewed an ex-police officer last week. The former police officer who says she was sexually assaulted by a colleague has claimed attempts were made during the investigation to "gaslight" her and "bury" the complaint.   Rhianon Argent says she was sexually assaulted by an acting sergeant in a police car when she worked as a constable in Hampshire. After a misconduct hearing he was given a formal written warning. Argent, a 35-year-old who left the force in 2013, said the force had a 'boy's club' culture that meant offenders are given "second, third and fourth chances", and some men were attracted to the role because they had a "thirst for power and control". You can read the whole interview with her here. Dana White hit his wife – why is he still the face of UFC? Imagine going viral for hitting your wife and then launching a show called Power Slap League. You could not make it up. But that is exactly what Dana White, who is the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) president, has done. Last week, I wrote an opinion piece about White, which takes a look at the New Year's Eve incident, the response to the saga, as well as White's allegiances with Trump, links between MMA fighters and right-wing and even far-right politics, and more.   While the full story can be read here, I will include an extract in this newsletter. "Mixed martial arts (MMA) is something of a bubble. While people – namely men who are into the sport – tend to be obsessively interested, others know nothing about it. But this has changed a little in 2023, with MMA dominating the headlines since a video surfaced of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) president Dana White hitting his wife of 27 years twice in a nightclub in Mexico on New Year's Eve.   "In the video, White can be seen walking towards Anne, who then slaps him in the face. White, who has been president of the MMA promotion company for more than 20 years, responds by slapping her in the face multiple times – as well as restraining her. The incident is shocking to watch. Yet, since then, White has faced no repercussions other than some calls to step down from his role. This is troubling, to say the least, and you cannot help but wonder what message having White as president of the modern-day bloodsport's largest promotion firm sends to MMA fans and the wider world?   "White has said sorry for his behaviour, stating that there was alcohol involved but "that's no excuse" for assaulting a woman. His wife, meanwhile, has stated his conduct was "out of character" and "nothing like this has ever happened before". It is impossible to know whether these words have genuine weight behind them or are simply empty, disingenuous PR spin drafted by a publicist." Enjoying this newsletter? Unlock unlimited, ad-free reading on the website and in The Independent app when you subscribe – plus, benefit from our welcome offer when you join today. QUOTE OF THE WEEK "I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free… so other people would be also free." Rosa Parks I was unashamed of my mental illness – so why did it make me question becoming a mum? Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett  When I hear the much-cited statistic one in four in England will experience a mental health issue each year in England, I always think the same thing: That is a serious underestimate. This is partially because so much mental illness and mental health struggles get swept under the proverbial carpet, going undiagnosed or suppressed through self-medication. But it is also the result of mental illness remaining steadfastly stigmatised - in turn making it difficult for people to be open with others, and even themselves, about how they are feeling.   But this is even more the case for parents - as Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett has explored in a poignant story for The Independent. Cosslett examines how mental health struggles made her question whether she wanted to have a child.   "Women especially are told that motherhood requires total sacrifice, and I don't think this idea helps," Cosslett, who has penned written a memoir The Year of the Cat about these issues, writes in the article. "You are supposed to be a pillar of strength and resilience – the latter is a word I have come to dislike because of its frequent use by government and policy wonks. But in life we all experience difficulties, whether we have a mental health history or not. A sudden bereavement might throw a previously well dad into a deep depression; a mum who struggled with low mood in the past might find happiness in caring for her children. I hadn't considered that. The stigma that I was carrying was so strong that it was as though I felt that I had somehow been branded as an unfit and unworthy mother."   But Cosslett goes on to explain she gave birth to a baby boy ten months ago and is ultimately "so glad" she did. "It was frightening at times, and there have been hard moments, but I have also experienced a joy I never thought I would ever feel," she adds. "More importantly, he is happy and secure. Not every story has this outcome, but it's not one we hear very often. So I wanted to offer these words of reassurance, to those who are struggling with the same decision as I was: you are not your mental illness. And with support, you may well be able to give a child the life they deserve." STAT OF THE WEEK One in 10 women in the UK have left their jobs due to suffering menopause symptoms Source: Survey of 4,000 women aged between 45 and 55 by Fawcett Society and Channel 4 'I had people stalking me – it was unbearable': Cheryl on her 'perfect storm' of fame, Sarah Harding, and her West End debut Having interviewed stalking victims, I can tell you, hand on heart, it is as eerie, disturbing and sinister a crime as you would imagine it to be. Take the stalking survivor who told me she felt like she was imprisoned in her own home as she explained the Covid lockdown had exacerbated her situation by making her even more socially isolated.    "I was already living in lockdown as a stalking victim," she told me. "My life was so restricted already. But now I feel like I am living in prison. I can't invite friends over or do the little things I used to do to get by." Sadly, she is not alone, with stalking being one of the most frequently experienced forms of abuse, with official figures showing one in five women and one in 10 men will be stalked in their lifetime.   However, there is another form of so-called "stalking" which gets far less airtime and that is done by certain members of the press - something which Cheryl, the singer and TV personality, has spoken out about in an interview with The Independent. "I had people waiting outside my house, people stalking me, people stalking people I was associated with," she says. "It was quite isolating in the end." Pressed about whether it made her second-guess the motives of individuals around her, she says: "Yeah, it wasn't a healthy state to be in or a healthy level of intrusion."  We noticed that you might not be registered By registering, you will enjoy limited access to Independent Premium articles, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists REGISTER FOR FREE Essential reading Maya Oppenheim, The Independent: Government rejection of menopause leave trial could 'drive women out of work' Nadine White and Rebecca Thomas, The Independent: NHS racism shame: One in three Black and minority ethnic staff face discrimination or bullying Ellie Muir, The Independent: 10 things Nineties teenagers used to do that Gen Z will never have to endure Articles available exclusively to subscribers Rebecca Goodman, The Independent: Many parents are struggling with childcare costs – so how do we solve the crisis? OTHER NEWSLETTERS YOU MIGHT LIKE Health Check Every Thursday, 7am (UK time) Written by Rebecca Thomas Join now Simon Calder's Travel Week Every Friday, 7am (UK time) Written by Simon Calder Join now If you can spare a minute we'd love your feedback on our newsletters. Join the conversation or follow us Please do not reply directly to this email You are currently registered to receive The Independent's Independent Women newsletter. Add us to your safe list of senders.   If you do not want to receive The Independent's Independent Women newsletter, please unsubscribe.   If you no longer wish to receive any newsletters or promotional emails from The Independent, you can unsubscribe here.   This e-mail was sent by Independent Digital News and Media Ltd, 14-18 Finsbury Square, London EC2A 1AH. Registered in England and Wales with company number 07320345. Read our privacy notice and cookie policy.