The Onion Daily Dispatch - December 06, 2011

Tue Dec 06, 2011 www.theonion.com

Excited Mike Krzyzewski: Duke Squad Hasn't Been This Unlikable In Years 12.05.11 DURHAM, NC—Though cautioning that it is still early in the season, a beaming Mike Krzyzewski told reporters Monday he has not seen a Duke team this unlikable in many years, and is optimistic about the Blue Devils' chances to grow even more repulsive... News in Brief » Nation's Moms Demand Christmas List American Voices » Android Phones May Be Harvesting Data “What a relief! Now I can stop writing down detailed accounts of my day to send to my phone company.” opinion » Even Annoying Twentysomething Shits Like Me Deserve To Have A Future by Jared Arrington While the Declaration of Independence guarantees each of us the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, today's economic uncertainty has kept those sacred rights out of reach for many of our newest college graduates. Radio News » Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, So here’s the deal. I talk up how great your paper is for a few weeks and you agree to snip my indecent exposure arrest out of the police blotter. What do you say? — Greg O’Neil, Twin Falls, ID Most Popular » Report: Global Warming May Be Irreversible By 2006 Android Phones May Be Harvesting Data Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks Nation's Moms Demand Christmas List Rumors Of Extramarital Affair End Campaign Of Presidential Candidate Who Didn't Know China Has Nuclear Weapons Zoo-Illogical

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