The Onion Daily Dispatch - December 08, 2011

Thu Dec 08, 2011 www.theonion.com

Study Finds Getting Smacked Right In The Mouth With A Goddamn Tree Branch Really Sucks 12.08.11 BOSTON—According to a study published Monday in The New England Journal Of Medicine, getting smacked right across the mouth with a goddamn tree branch really fucking sucks, but after a minute or so, you're pretty much fine. The study, in which resea... News in Brief » 6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room American Voices » Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought "Is it okay if I pretend that statistic doesn't exist? You see, I'm a producer for a nationally televised morning news show." opinion » Did Someone Say Bison? by Dave Carter, Executive Director, National Bison Association Hi, hello there, sorry. I apologize if I'm interrupting, but did someone over here just say bison? I swear I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, but I was just standing over there and I couldn't help but notice that somebody mentioned something about bison,... Radio News » Kentucky Senior Finds A Human Thong In His Driveway

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Once upon a time, a king cast his three children out to make their way in the world. Their adventure will continue soon, in my next letter. — Brad Ashley, Portland, ME Most Popular » Study Finds Getting Smacked Right In The Mouth With A Goddamn Tree Branch Really Sucks In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down Least Corrupt Politician In Illinois History Sentenced To 14 Years In Prison Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought Kentucky Senior Finds A Human Thong In His Driveway 6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.