The Onion Weekly Dispatch - March 07, 2012

Wed Mar 07, 2012 www.theonion.com

Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer 03.06.12 VATICAN CITY—Anonymous sources within the Vatican confirmed Tuesday that Pope Benedict XVI has dispatched a crack team of six highly skilled bishops to sabotage the New York headquarters of pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, a leading contraceptive manufa... Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth News in Brief » Media Reminds Public Not To Overemphasize Super Tuesday Results And Draw Any Sort Of Wide Reaching Conclusions Poll: 63% Of Americans Say They Have A Problem With A Mormon President Who Is Also Mitt Romney Going Out To Dinner With Food-Loving Friend A Huge Ordeal American Voices » ‘Lorax’ No. 1 “I guess if you’re going to bastardize the work of Dr. Seuss, you might as well make a ton of money from it.” Sleep Improves With Age video » Romney Now Flaunting His Wealth To Impress Voters Instead of downplaying his millionaire status, Mitt Romney is now wearing fur coats and gold chains. opinion » I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN! by Jackie Harvey For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! Radio News » Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted Of Murder On 'Law And Order'

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The sudden premature arrival of your baby can still be a cause for joy, despite the fact that you were completely unaware you were pregnant, female, or had ever had sex. Most Popular » Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth Media Reminds Public Not To Overemphasize Super Tuesday Results And Draw Any Sort Of Wide Reaching Conclusions Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer Romney Now Flaunting His Wealth To Impress Voters Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 6, 2012 Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted Of Murder On 'Law And Order'

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