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2012/07/03

Neatorama

Neatorama

This Hummer Has A Little Too Much Firepower

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 03:43 AM PDT

This way too heavily armed Black Knight Hummer H2 is the most extreme act of vehicular overcompensation I’ve ever seen on the interwebs.

Bristling with guns and bad attitude, this Hummer screams “get the hell outta my way!” while the driver holds himself and cries “love me, want me, hug me!” to a world hung up on outward appearance.

SRSLY, this thing is armed to the teeth, with a fierce fantasy paint job to match. Hit the link if you want to see the full list of on-board weapons and watch this wicked vehicular weapon let some rounds fly!

Link

So That’s Where the Magic Comes From

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 03:09 AM PDT

The source of power from Thor’s hammer has finally been discovered after a lengthy scientific analysis.

Link Via Geeks Are Sexy

Fireworks Safety PSA From The Early 90s

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 02:42 AM PDT

(YouTube Link)

This PSA from the early 90s was made by the Office of the California State Fire Marshal to warn kids about how dangerous it is to play with fireworks.

The ad has some terrible dialog and the overall cheese factor you’ve come to expect from retro PSAs, but the superhero star of the ad known as The Preventor has a pretty sweet costume!

–via Laughing Squid

Build Your Own LEGO CD Case

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 02:02 AM PDT

UK band Camp America recently released a new album. While I’ve never even heard of the band, I’ve gotta say, I like their idea for a limited edition cd case. These special cases come in 125 pieces with instructions on how to put them together in order to build your own CD case. Now that’s some good geek marketing.

Link Via Craftzine

Street Art Advertising For Pest Control

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 12:56 AM PDT

These clever street art installations were created by TBWA Hunt Lascaris Johannesburg as a fun way to advertise pest control sprays by letting people see the insects living inside the walls.

Mini furniture and real dead cockroaches were used to created comical dioramas of roaches living the good life, the idea being that the roach fogger can reach into the cracks in the walls and kill those happy little roach families where they live.

I’ve never felt so bad for a bunch of cockroaches in my life!

Link  –via Super Punch

This Monster Book Cover Can Help Protect Your Diary

Posted: 03 Jul 2012 12:56 AM PDT

If only there was a quick spell available to make this book cover come to life, he would serve as an awesome guardian against privacy invaders. Of course, anyone who saw the movies or read the book would know that all you have to do is scratch his spine and he’ll open right up for you. Oh well, it’s still pretty cute, even if it is inanimate.

Link Via io9

The Perfect Target Practice For Geeks

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 11:45 PM PDT

This delightful target artwork by DeviantArt user thecrow65 is titled “Stormtrooper Target VIII,” but I think anyone who hated Episode One would be just as happy to take aim at Jar Jar. Of course, the rest of the Stormtrooper targets are characters that many geeks would defend with their lives. Still it’s nice to know we all have some common ground.

Link

That’s One Heck of A Kiss

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 10:34 PM PDT

(Video Link)

This incredibly romantic clip is part of an IMAX documentary called Dolphins. I don’t know about you guys, but I think it would be worth seeing for this scene alone!

Via Laughing Squid

Anime Expo 2012 Cosplay

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 08:00 PM PDT

AX2012_Sat_300

Anime Expo 2012 is going on right now in Los Angeles. Geeks Are Sexy has collected some of the hottest photographs of cosplayers at the Los Angeles Convention Center for your enjoyment. And there’s a video so you can get the feel of being there! Link

(Image credit: Flickr user Rick R. 1)

Skull And Flower Tote Bag

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:48 PM PDT

Skull And Flower Tote Bag – $55.96

Are you mad with desire for an unusual  new bag? You need the Skull And Flower Tote Bag from the NeatoShop. This bewitching  bag is made of durable canvas and includes an angelic flower lining. It is perfect for transporting all your most important earthly possessions.

Matching Skull Flower Clutch Purse also available.

Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more fantastic Bags & Totes!

Link

World’s Largest Crocodile

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:45 PM PDT

That's one big croc! A killer giant saltwater crocodile, captured in the Philippines, has set a new world record: Link

Where have I seen that beast before? Oh yeah. 

US Government Insists: Mermaids Aren’t Real

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:30 PM PDT

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, a scientific agency of the United States government, would appreciate it if you’d stop talking about mermaids. Why? Because “No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.” Then what are we paying you for? Get back to work.

Link -via Slate | Photo: Erling A

Previously: Little Mermaids around the World

The Rise in Sea Level Cannot be Stopped Over the Next Several Hundred Years

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:00 PM PDT

Say goodbye to Tuvalu, because, according to climate scientists, the raising sea levels cannot be stopped over the next several hundred years, even if we made drastic cuts to emissions today:

... even if the most ambitious emissions cuts are made, it might not be enough to stop sea levels rising due to the thermal expansion of sea water, said scientists at the United States' National Centre for Atmospheric Research, U.S. research organisation Climate Central and Centre for Australian Weather and Climate Research in Melbourne.

"Even with aggressive mitigation measures that limit global warming to less than 2 degrees above pre-industrial values by 2100, and with decreases of global temperature in the 22nd and 23rd centuries ... sea level continues to rise after 2100," they said in the journal Nature Climate Change.

This is because as warmer temperatures penetrate deep into the sea, the water warms and expands as the heat mixes through different ocean regions.

Even if global average temperatures fall and the surface layer of the sea cools, heat would still be mixed down into the deeper layers of the ocean, causing continued rises in sea levels.

Link (Photo: Shutterstock)

You know what we can do to solve this problem? Simply outlaw the rise in sea level just like what North Carolina did. Problem solved!

Amazing Sculpture: A Slim Jim Shoved through Two Coconut Snowballs and Balanced between Two Chairs

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 06:30 PM PDT

Brad Troemel calls his work a “PERFECT chair decoration for two chairs very close together that no one can sit in.” Sure, it takes up space. But consider this addition to your art collection to be an important part of your legacy:

You’re going to want to educate your grandchildren and give this to them when you enter your twilight years so that they too may one day give the gift of chair decor to their offspring.

It’s now for sale on Etsy.

Link -via Jogging | Photo: Troemel’s Website

The Cop Who Can’t Be Fired

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 06:00 PM PDT

Cracking the head of handcuffed suspect, beating juveniles, hiding cocaine in his police car, calling in sick to go on vacation, and even arrested and jailed over and over again? Not enough to get this Florida cop stay fired.

Meet Sgt. German Bosque, the cop who can't be fired:

Opa-locka has the dubious distinction of employing the cop who can’t be fired. Though the city keeps on trying.

Sgt. German Bosque of the Opa-locka Police Department has been disciplined, suspended, fined and sent home with pay more than any officer in the state.

He has been accused of cracking the head of a handcuffed suspect, beating juveniles, hiding drugs in his police car, stealing from suspects, defying direct orders and lying and falsifying police reports. He once called in sick to take a vacation to Cancún and has engaged in a rash of unauthorized police chases, including one in which four people were killed.

Arrested and jailed three times, Bosque, 48, has been fired at least six times. Now under suspension pending yet another investigation into misconduct, Bosque stays home and collects his $60,000-a-year paycheck for doing nothing.

Before he was ever hired in Opa-locka 19 years ago, Bosque, whose nickname is GB, was tossed out of the police academy twice and fired from two police departments. Each time he has faced trouble he has been reinstated with back pay. He boldly brags about his ability to work a law enforcement system that allows bad cops to keep their certification even in the face of criminal charges.

Julie K. Brown of Miami Herald has the story: Link (Photo: Dan Wagner/Sarasota Herald-Times)

 

R.I.P., Count de Badass

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 05:29 PM PDT

Count Robert de La Rochefoucauld passed away at the age of 88. He was a man of many talents, particularly (1) escaping captivity and (2) killing Nazis. During World War II, while in the French Resistance, he did a lot of both. Here’s just one of the many episodes featured in his obituary:

Instead he faked an epileptic fit and, when the guard opened the door to his cell, hit him over the head with a table leg before breaking his neck. ("Thank Goodness for that pitilessly efficient training," he noted). After putting on the German's uniform, La Rochefoucauld walked into the guardroom and shot the two other German jailers. He then simply walked out of the fort, through the deserted town, and to the address of an underground contact.

Once there, however, he found that joining the rest of his escape line was impossible, as checks and patrols had been stepped up. Then the man harbouring him, whose sister was a nun, suggested that La Rochefoucauld slip into her habit. Thus dressed, he slowly walked through the city, eventually knocking on the door of Roger Landes, code-named Aristide, a bilingual Briton whom he hoped would take care of his return to England. In fact, Aristide's orders were to hide La Rochefoucauld. D-Day was days away, and he was, by his own admission, "the last of their worries in London"

Link -via The Agitator | Photo: Daily Telegraph

Not So Useless After All: The Appendix’s Function is to “Re-Boot” the Digestive System

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 05:00 PM PDT

Appendix, the "useless" organ that has been the butt (heh) of jokes for ages (like the function of the appendix is to rupture, thus ensuring your doctor would be able to pay for his summer vacation - bursting with laughter yet?), turns out not to be so useless after all:

The US scientists found that the appendix acted as a "good safe house" for bacteria essential for healthy digestion, in effect re-booting the digestive system after the host has contracted diseases such as amoebic dysentery or cholera, which kill off helpful germs and purge the gut.

This function has been made obsolete by modern, industrialised society; populations are now so dense that people pick up essential bacteria from each other, allowing gut organisms to regrow without help from the appendix, the researchers said.

But in earlier centuries, when vast tracts of land were more sparsely populated and whole regions could be wiped out by an epidemic of cholera, the appendix provided survivors with a vital individual stockpile of suitable bacteria.

Link

 

Fried Pig’s Ears Salad

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 04:00 PM PDT

"Make sure your pig's ears are free of hair" starts this recipe for fried pig's ear salad by chef April Bloomfield.

Wait, that's gross you said? Chances are, you love bacon but why not also love the rest of the pig? In this interview with NPR's Linda Wertheimer explains her love of pigs. All parts of them:

Bloomfield really does use the whole animal — and not just in the form of a suckling pig. One part of the book is called "The Not-So-Nasty Bits," which exemplifies her nose-to-tail philosophy, though it's not for readers who shy away from the idea of eating ears.

"I love anything crispy so, you know, it's very natural for me to have crispy pigs ears," she says. "It's basically like a big, crispy, sticky pork scratching, really." Bloomfield serves the fried ears on a salad of bitter greens with a lemon and caper dressing. "It sounds heavy, but when you eat it, it kind of refreshes your palate."

Link

By the way, I have eaten pig's ears (in a soup, not fried in a salad) and I can tell you it's crunchily delicious.

 

World’s Smallest Fly

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 03:00 PM PDT


Photo: Inna-Marie Strazhnik; (inset) S.D. Porter/ARS/USDA

Scientists have discovered a new fly so small that it's tinier than a grain of salt. But small size ain't the only weird thing about the tiny phorid fly Euryplatea nanaknihali: it lives inside the decapitated head of ants.

The flies lay their eggs in the body of the ant; the eggs develop and migrate to the ant's head where they feed on the huge muscles used to open and close the ant's mouthparts. They eventually devour the ant's brain as well, causing it to wander aimlessly for two weeks. The head then falls off after the fly larva dissolve the membrane that keeps it attached.

The fly then takes up residence in the decapitated ant head for another two weeks, before hatching out as a full-grown adult. In this case, researchers think the fly parasitizes tiny acrobat ants, whose heads are about as large as the fly itself and grow to about 0.16 inches (4 millimeters) long.

Link 

Anti-Fart Pad

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 02:00 PM PDT

Toot! Air Quality Alert! Before you let one rip, mitigate the damage with this:

Laced with activated charcoal, these ingenious (but not particularly sexy) adhesive pads help neutralize even the most odoriferous of releases. Just think, no more embarrassing silent-but-deadlies midmeeting or blaming that noxious smell on the dog. They're surely a lifesaver for anyone suffering from intestinal issues ...

Link 

Egg Spatula Turner

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 01:38 PM PDT

Egg Spatula Turner – $9.95

Are you looking for an egg-strodinary spatula to include in your kitchen arsenal? You need the egg-cellant Egg Spatula Turner from the NeatoShop. This sunny-side up egg shaped spatula is egg-sactly the artful kitchen tool you have been looking for.  Just think of the egg-ceptional culinary egg-sperimentation you could conduct with the Egg Spatula Turner.

Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more deliciously fun Kitchen Stuff.

Link

Tiger Tug: Tug of War with a Tiger

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 01:30 PM PDT


Photo: Busch Gardens Zoo

Think you're stronger than a tiger? Test your strength by playing a tug of war with a full-grown tiger at the Busch Gardens: Link

A Line Millions of People Long

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 01:00 PM PDT


Photo via Steve McCurry's Simple Act of Waiting

Think that you're queueing in the longest supermarket checkout line ever? Well, at least you're not in this line of millions of people waiting to bathe in the Ganges river, as photographed by Steve McCurry. What an amazing sight!

Alice Yoo of My Modern Met wrote:

The Kumbh Mela is a mass Hindu pilgrimage that's been called the world’s largest act of faith, the greatest show on earth and the largest gathering on the planet. In 2001 it was held in Allahabad, India where the India government estimates that about 70 million people came to bathe in the holy river Ganges where it meets with the also holy Yamuna river. Bathing in the holy waters at this particular time is said to wash away your karmic debt or cleanse you from your sins. It's literally a shortcut to spiritual liberation.

In this particular photo, it shows people traversing temporary pontoon bridges built along the Ganges River to facilitate movement. Fascinating.

Don’t Bother with Positive Thinking, Do Positive Actions Instead!

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 12:30 PM PDT

Want to be happy? Don't try to think yourself happy, just smile instead (regardless of how you feel). Want to boost your will power? Tense up.

Countless self-help books advocate that you think yourself rich/thin/happy, but that won't work according to author Richard Wiseman. Instead of positive thinking, he said in his new book Rip It Up, the best thing is to do positive action, as he explained in this article in The Guardian:

HAPPINESS: Smile

This is the granddaddy of them all. As Laird's study demonstrated, smile and you will feel happier. To get the most out of this exercise, make the smile as wide as possible, extend your eyebrow muscles slightly upward, and hold the resulting expression for about 20 seconds.

WILLPOWER: Tense up

As Hung's experiments show, tensing your muscles boosts your willpower. Next time you feel the need to avoid that cigarette or cream cake, make a fist, contract your biceps, press your thumb and first finger together, or grip a pen in your hand.

DIETING: Use your non-dominant hand

When you eat with your non-dominant hand you are acting as if you are carrying out an unusual behaviour. Because of that you place more attention on your action, do not simply consume food without thinking about it, and so eat less.

PROCRASTINATION: Make a start

To overcome procrastination, act as if you are interested in what it is that you have to do. Spend just a few minutes carrying out the first part of whatever it is you are avoiding, and suddenly you will feel a strong need to complete the task.

Link

Image: Have A Great Day T-Shirt from the NeatoShop

Robot Restaurant

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 12:00 PM PDT


Photo: My399.com

If the food is bad at this restaurant, you can blame the chip. That is, the microchip in the waiters and chef because they are all robots:

A restaurant located in Harbin, China has recently adopted a full robotic staff to serve its customers. This robot-friendly restaurant features 18 different robots that are capable of doing everything from cooking to serving. Equipped with motion detectors, these innovative new workers are capable of expressing ten different facial expressions and able to converse in basic Chinese. Once a diner walks in, an “usher robot” directs him to an empty booth while reciting a clever greeting: ‘Earth Person, Hello, Welcome to the Robot Restaurant.’

Depending on what the customers order, cooking robots such as the “dumpling robot” and “noodle robot” gets to cooking. And finally, when the dish is prepared, a robot waiter, which runs along tracks on the floor, carries it from kitchen to table.

Alice Chan of PSFK has the story: Link

What Makes America the Greatest Country in the World?

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 11:30 AM PDT


[YouTube Clip] - via VideoSift

In the premiere of HBO's new Aaron Sorkin series The Newsroom, news anchor Will McAvoy played by Jeff Daniels was asked "what makes America the greatest country in the world." To which he replied that it isn't.

There's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're seventh in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies."

The topic of why America is/isn’t the greatest country in the world (why,
just in time for July 4th) is definitely controversial. In a series about
American exceptionalism, Todd Leopold of CNN remarked that despite the
United States not being number 1 in several objective measures, acknowledging
that the country isn’t the greatest in the world is "the
third rail of American politics."

Good luck in saying that aloud, however. Forget Social Security.
The third rail of American politics is acknowledging we may not be the
greatest country in the world.

"If you can think of a politician who can say consistently
‘We’re not No. 1; we’re not No. 1,’ then I’d be very surprised,"
says Melvyn Levitsky, a retired U.S. Foreign Service officer and former
ambassador to Brazil.

But why can’t we acknowledge the problems? Isn’t that the first step
toward fixing them?

Patent Trolls Cost the Economy $29 Billion in 2011

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 11:11 AM PDT


Troll lure, Patent D378308 by Douglas R. Roe et al.

Patents are supposed to protect inventors from having the results of their blood, sweat, and tears from being stolen by others, but recently, patents are increasingly being used as blackmail ... to the tune of $29 billion last year alone.

Rebecca J. Rosen of The Atlantic wrote:

If you're looking for a swell way to make a few bucks, here's an idea: buy up software patents, don't actually try and develop any products or sell anything, and then just sue people left and right for patent infringement. Congratulations. You're a parasite.

That's basically the only conclusion you can draw from a new study by James Bessen and Michael J. Meurer of Boston University which looks at the costs of patent litigation instigated by "non-practicing entities" (NPEs), the polite term for patent trolls. NPEs own patents, but don't actually use them to make goods or services that people would, you know, want. Rather, they use the patents to prevent other companies from creating goods or services that people might want. Lovely, really. The cost of this vital industry? $29 billion in 2011 alone, and that's just the direct legal costs, not even counting "various indirect costs ... such as diversion of resources, delays in new products, and loss of market share." The loss for the economy overall -- in terms of immeasurable opportunities -- is surely far greater.

Link - via Boing Boing

It’s Cranes All The Way Down

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 10:17 AM PDT

Crane carrying crane carrying crane carrying ... oh, you get the idea. Just watch this demonstration of a series of German cranes being lifted by even bigger cranes, the last of which is a behemoth LR 13000 which can lift an astounding 6,613,800 lbs at 93 feet (that's about 2,000 cars!)

Hit play or go to Link [YouTube] - via Microsiervos

Rainbow School

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 10:16 AM PDT

This is the colorful new look of the Ecole Maternelle Pajol in Paris. The building housing the kindergarten has been around since the 1940s, and was recently updated by French architectural firm Palatre & Leclère. The inside is just as bright! See more pictures at The Cool Hunter. Link -via Boing Boing

Dancing Mercury

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 09:30 AM PDT


(YouTube link)

This video shows the effects of audio tones on a drop of mercury. You can see it in slow motion with music added at mental_floss, but better yet, you can find out how the experiment came about. Link

Politicians in High School

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 09:09 AM PDT

Buzzfeed’s extensive photo collection of political figures as teenagers includes candidates, governors, senators, judges, mayors, political wives, and even a couple of journalists and pundits. As ever, you can sort them into preps, nerds, jocks, and stoners if you like, although fashions change and they are, of course, different ages. They haven’t changed all that much, but seeing Rudy Giuliani with hair is a real hoot! In the photo shown, I’m pretty sure Rick Santorum is the one in the black turtleneck. Link

Beaver-Testicle Tea

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 08:30 AM PDT

Oral contraceptives didn’t start with The Pill. Ancient recipes for preventing pregnancy contained all kinds of natural ingredients for desperate people. Their effectiveness varied, and none are recommended.

Modern testing has revealed that other herbs and plants recommended by ancient authors, such as cow parsnip and the wild yam called Barbasco root, contain chemicals that can influence hormone levels. Of course, not all oral contraceptives had to contain plant matter: Native women in today's New Brunswick brewed tea out of preserved beaver testicles, which could have provided androgen to influence their hormonal balance and decrease fertility.

Read about other historical birth-control schemes at Discoblog. Link

(Image credit: Flickr user faster panda kill kill, altered at Speechable)

Som Sabadell Flashmob

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 08:07 AM PDT


(YouTube link)

You’ve seen a lot of flashmob videos, but this one doesn’t have much flash, and it’s not really a mob, just a beautiful performance for those lucky enough to be in Sabadell, Spain, when they recorded it. A Babelfish translation from the video link says:

In 130º anniversary of the creation of Sabadell Bank we have wanted to pay a tribute to our city with the campaign "Som Sabadell". This is flashmob that we realised like final finishing touch with the participation of more than 100 people of the Orquestra Simfònica of the Vallès and the choirs Lieder and Amics of l’Ã’pera and the Chorale Belles Arts.

So ignore the fact that it’s an ad and enjoy the music. -via reddit

The Muppet Movie Tin Lunch Box

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:52 AM PDT

The Muppet Movie Tin Lunch Box – $11.95

Attention all you star gazing dreamers! Are you still looking for that perfect carry-all to take with you as you seek the rainbow connection? The Muppet Movie Tin Lunch Box from the NeatoShop is calling your name! This beautifully embossed lunch box features Kermit from The Muppets. Now get out there and find your happiness.

Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more great Lunch Boxes and fantastic items featuring The Muppets.

Link

Bone-eating Zombie Worms

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:30 AM PDT

In 2002, scientists from the the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI) discovered deep-sea worms that feasted on, and helped dispose of, skeletons of whales and other large sea animals. The worms belong to the Osedax family and extracted nutrients from bones without any means of drilling into them.

Scientists were perplexed when they only discovered females but further investigation revealed that the males remained in their microscopic larval stage, living inside the female worms.

The unusual group’s name Osedax is Latin for “bone devourer”, and the worms have no mouth, gut or anus yet are still able to remove nutrients from bones.

A team led by Dr. Sigrid Katz of the Scripps Institution of Oceanography have figured out how they do it. The worms use chemistry!

By analysing the worms’ tissues, the team found that acid-secreting enzymes were abundant in the root-like parts that attach to bones.

“The acid is secreted through the skin of the roots region,” said Dr Katz.
Osedax marine worm green “root” structure (c) Greg Rouse The acid released from the green-coloured “root” demineralises the bone

“The skin cells in this region are very long cells and the upper end has lots of [microscopic protrusions, which] enlarge the surface multiple times, so lots of acid can be secreted,” she explained.

So these worms are not only bone-eaters, but acid-spewers as well. Link -via Breakfast Links

(Image credit: Greg Rouse)

Rocks

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 07:00 AM PDT

Last night, redditor welcometocrazy drew a comic strip out of boredom. It stars two rocks, which may have been a reflection on a point of view that even more boring. However, the response was so positive that she started a blog and promises to post a new comic every week. Link

Eight Awesome Girl Gangs In Movies

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 06:38 AM PDT

Whether you call it a circle of friends or a clique, girls manage to travel in groups quite often, although these groups are relatively rare in film compared to gangs of men (or boys). You are more likely to encounter a gang of guys with a token female on the silver screen. But there are some notable girl gangs in film, which you can see at Unreality magazine. Shown here are the Pink Ladies from the musical Grease. Link

Caption Contest: Crazy Cute Cuscus

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 06:00 AM PDT


Photo: Blake Everson/Originpng - via Trekearth and Arbroath

Hello, Neatoramanauts! Welcome to a new weekly caption contest series with fun prizes from the NeatoShop. Every week on Monday, we'll put up a neat and wonderful image and your job is to provide the funny.

But first, a bit about the photo above. Blake Everson or Origin Papua New Guinea took this wonderful photo of a boy holding a Cuscus, a marsupial native to the island of Papua New Guinea. Blake took the photo at a hunting camp, three days of rugged hike from the nearest road near Mt. Bosavi. Take a look at more marvelous photos (and info about PNG) over at Blake's website.

Now, onto the contest! The rules are simple:

1. Write your caption in the comment section below - make it funny! One caption per comment, please. You can enter as many captions as you'd like.
2. Include your selection of an item from the NeatoShop's Zombie Shop. You can pick any item in stock, $25 or less.
3. Incomplete entries forfeit the prize, mmkay?

May the funniest caption win! Ready, set, go!

The Golden Age of Quackery

Posted: 02 Jul 2012 05:06 AM PDT

The following is an article from the book Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into History Again.

Go ahead and scoff at the cure-alls and tonics concocted in the 1800s, but know this: taken in large enough quantities, they’d make people forget what ailed them.

THE WAY WE WERE

In the 19th century, doctors were few and far between: which may have been a good thing, since medical practices weren’t anywhere near an exact science. Patients took their chances: bloodletting, purging, sweating, and freezing were standard operating procedures. Blistering was also in vogue, based on the notion that the body could harbor only one ailment at a time. The theory was that the pain of raw blisters would drive out the pain of just about anything else. Many doctors carried a supply of acid and other skin scorchers. If they ran short, a hot poker from the hearth worked just as well.

ON THE CUTTING EDGE

Amputations were also popular; hence the nickname “sawbones” for doctors. There also was something called “trepanning” that involved drilling holes in the patient’s skull to relieve pressure on the brain.

 

When electricity came into everyday use in the late 1800s, doctors quickly discovered the healthy jolt it could provide to their incomes. One doctor advertised a range of electric brushes, corsets, hats, and belts to cure everything from constipation to malaria.

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

Calling a doctor was a last resort. In some communities, the doctor moonlighted as the local undertaker. Mothers, who made their own home remedies, did most of the doctoring. Sometimes an apothecary, who could grind together a more exotic medication, was consulted. But in the 19th-century spirit of unbridled and unregulated American capitalism, it wasn’t long before Mom got a little mass-produced help from the medicine men.

Doctor Chilton offered a guaranteed “Fever and Ague Cure,” Doctor Rowell sold an “Invigorating Tonic… unrivaled as a cathartic” -a fancy name for bowel loosener. One of the most successful medicine men was Doctor Ayer, who used saturation newspaper ads to create product demand, and mail order to meet it. No prescriptions were needed to buy Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral for coughs, colds, asthma, consumption; Ayer’s Cathartic Pills for constipation, dyspepsia, biliousness; Ayer’s Sarsaparilla, a surefire blood purifier; or Ayer’s Hair Vigor to put an end to gray hair.

OPIATE OF THE PEOPLE

Ayer and company had plenty of competition: Parker’s Tonic was among the toughest, a cure for just about any internal ailment. The tonic definitely provided a quick fix -it contained 40 percent alcohol. For children’s coughs, colds, and runny noses, Allen’s Lung Balsam was a staple; for adult ailments there was Perry Davis’s All-Purpose Pain-Killer. Doctor Thomas’ Electric Oil was guaranteed to cure everything from a toothache (five minutes) to a backache (two hours) to lameness (two days) and deafness (two days). All of these tonics shared one characteristic: they contained opium. The Electric Oil was also laced with alcohol and chloroform.

SLIME FEVER SYNDROME

This army of humanitarians busily relieving the suffering of the masses contained a few charlatans and swindlers. Take the Killmer brothers, Andral and Joseph, for example. Doctor Killmer’s U & O Meadow Plant Ointment allegedly eased suffering from more than 45 ailments -some of which he invented himself. Doctor Killmer’s Swamp Root Kidney, Liver, and Bladder Cure worked its magic on pimples, diabetes, syphilis, and something called “internal slime fever.” But best of all was Doctor Killmer’s Ocean-Weed Heart Remedy, which was advertised to cure “sudden death.” Maybe it worked. There’s no record of anyone every demanding a refund on the money-back guarantee.

MARKETING MAGIC

The Killmer brothers became millionaires, as did several other patent medicine moguls. These “wholesale druggists” refined print media advertising, product packaging, and direct mail sales -all hallmarks of American mass-market retailing. Their free samples and revolutionary one-time-only introductory offers were very popular. They also came up with the discreet “plain brown wrapper” for milady’s feminine products, many of which contained alcohol, opium, morphine, cocaine, and even arsenic (in some beauty aids).

But the newly minted millionaires couldn’t have had as much fun as the hucksters who operated the traveling medicine shows that went from town to town like a small carnival, complete with bands, dancers, jugglers, musicians, and skit actors. The entertainment was free, but the inevitable hard sells of exclusive elixirs -a specially blended sarsaparilla, a balsam brew, or a genuine kickapoo cure-all- paid the bills.

SNAKE OIL IN YOUR FACE

Snake oil cures were very popular on the medicine show circuit until exposés by muckraking reporters decreed them to be not only useless but also lacking in authentic snake oil -about the time time that the term snake oil salesman took on its shift connotation.

But that did not stop the self-styled Rattlesnake King, Clark Stanley, from selling his snake oil at the 1893 World Columbian Exposition in Chicago. His routine was to kill and process the rattlesnakes right in front of his potential customers.

 

THE GOVERNMENT GETS IN THE ACT

By the turn of the century, the great cure-all period was drawing to a close. Germs and bacteria had been discovered; bona fide medical doctoring was on the rise. There were pill-making machines that could turn out millions of pills daily, and some large wholesale drug companies were evolving into pharmaceutical giants and retail chains. In 1906 the federal Pure Food and Drug Act was passed; advertising codes of ethics and ingredient labeling weren’t far behind.

Now the ailing public had to go to a drugstore to get their cure. The soda fountain -a fixture in most drugstores- served mineral water (which was thought to be curative) from carbonation machines. Though the medical connection withered away, when Prohibition was enacted, the soda fountain’s success was assured -at least for a little while. Root beer and ice cream sodas were the order of the day.

Unfortunately, in the long run, soda fountains couldn’t compete with the money brought in by the shelves and shelves of mass-produced cold, headache, and heartburn relievers -to say nothing of the beauty aids, school supplies, and canned goods, and batteries. Welcome to the drugstore of today.

______________________________

The article above is reprinted with permission from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into History Again.

The book is a compendium of entertaining information chock-full of facts on a plethora of history topics. Uncle John’s first plunge into history was a smash hit – over half a million copies sold! And this sequel gives you more colorful characters, cultural milestones, historical hindsight, groundbreaking events, and scintillating sagas.

Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. Check out their website here: Bathroom Reader Institute

 
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