The Onion Daily Dispatch - July 30, 2012

Mon Jul 30, 2012 www.theonion.com

Dying Lion Sure Doesn’t Feel As Though He's Completing Some Great Cosmic Circle 07.30.12 THE SERENGETI—According to a male lion currently dying on the Serengeti Plain, his agonizing demise certainly doesn't seem as though it's part of some transcendent cosmic circle of life, but rather as if he’s slowly and painfully bleeding to d... News in Brief » Disastrous Ad Campaign Appeals To Basic Human Intelligence American Voices » Storms Could Deplete Ozone Layer Above U.S. “At least this will get all my friends from Oklahoma to shut up about how great their ozone is.” opinion » Holy Shit, I Just Realized People Want To Kill My Dad by Sasha Obama By Sasha Obama Radio News » CEO Needs $30 Million Aspen Home To Recharge Batteries

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You'll find it difficult to point out your assailant in court next week, but that's mainly because of what he’ll have done to your hands. Most Popular » Dying Lion Sure Doesn’t Feel As Though He's Completing Some Great Cosmic Circle Texas A&M Fans Celebrate 1999 Alamo Bowl Victory Over Penn State Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities Onion Sports' Guide To London's Olympic Park Nation's Moms On Olympic Opening Ceremony: 'Buckle The Fuck Up, It's Going To Be A Wild-Ass Ride'

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