Neatorama

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• The Woman Emperor
• X-Ray Lamp Shade
• The Haunted Sewer - Beware Of Hitchhiking Krangs
• 20 Sugary Sweet Facts About Peeps
• <i>The Fresh Prince of Bel Air</i> Calls C-SPAN
• 23 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About <i>Mad Men</i>
• Chocolate Easter Bunny Jello Shots
• Big CAT Scan
• How The Average Woman Might Be Photoshopped if on a Magazine Cover
• 10 High Flying Facts About Evel Knievel
• Pop-Tart Stuffed Donuts
• All Eyes Are on You
• With the Encouragement of a Cop, Woman Who Lost 272 Pounds Completes 10K
• The Cthulhu Signal Is On - Time To Go Batty!
• Attending a Stranger’s Bachelor Party
• Don't You Weep! -- A Tissue Box Filled with Motivational Quotes
• Groaners
• The Elevator Weatherman Prank

The Woman Emperor Posted: 23 Mar 2015 05:00 AM PDT The following is an article from the bookUncle John's Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader. In a civilization ruled by men for thousands of years, only one woman ever made it to the top in imperial China -Empress Wu. HIGH CHINA China hasn’t had a monarchy since the Communist Revolution of 1949. But of more than 4,000 years before that, it ruled by 308 different emperors spanning 14 dynastic periods. Of those 308, only one was a woman. It happened during the T’ang dynasty, which ruled China from AD 618-907, an era commonly considered the height of Chinese art, literature, philosophy, trade, and technology. The capital city, Chang’an (modern day Xi’an), was the largest and most culturally advanced city in the world, with a population of more than a million. This was also a rare era of freedom for women in China; women had long been treated as inferior, but now enjoyed such freedoms as the right to be educated, to divorce, to own land, and to take part -to a degree- in politics. But no one could have expected a woman to take as large a role as the girl known as Wu Zhao. LUCKY GIRL? Wu Zhao was born in 624 into a noble and wealthy family, and was educated from an early age in music, art, literature, and philosophy. That education would help her immensely. When she was 13 years old, her family’s connections allowed her the great privilege of becoming a Cairen, one of nine “fifth-tier” concubines of the Emperor Tai-tsung. Her education, her musical talent, her beauty, and her wit made her stand out from the other girls, and she soon became one of the emperor’s favorites. He gave her the title Meinang, or “Charming Lady,” and assigned her to work in the imperial study. There she would add to her knowledge the workings of government- knowledge that she would put to great use in the coming years. In 649, when Wu Zhao was 25, Emperor Tai-tsung died -not a good thing for a concubine: in keeping with tradition, all the concubines were sent to a Buddhist convent, where they were to spend the rest of their lives. But Tai-tsung’s son, Kao-tsung, became emperor and soon began visiting Wu at the convent. Many historians believe that Wu Zhao had been having an affair with the prince for a number of years, possibly because she knew he could get her out of the convent when his father died. True or not, two years later the new emperor broke tradition and had Wu Zhao returned to the palace, where she became Wu Zhaoyi, Zhaoyi signifying the highest rank of the second-tier concubines. There were now only two women above her in what became her quest for the throne: Kao-tsung’s wife, Empress Wang, and his first consort, Xiaoshu. HEIR REPLACEMENTS Within a few years, Wu Zhaoyi had two sons by the emperor -two possible heirs to the emperor’s throne if she got rid of the two women in her way. And she soon did. When Wu Zhaoyi’s newborn daughter died during childbirth, Wu accused Empress Wang of infanticide. Some versions of the story say that Wu actually killed her own daughter, then blamed it on the empress. In any case, in 655 the emperor imprisoned his own wife and made Wu Zhaoyi empress. She quickly used her new power to have the former empress and first concubine, Xiaoshu, executed. Wu Zhao now became Empress Wu Zetian. But she still wanted more. Emperor Kao-tsung allowed Wu Zetian to take an active role in the government, and historians say she did it very well. Implementing such changes as improved agricultural practices, tax reductions, and increased efficiency in government administration, the empress helped bolster an already-thriving empire. She also began to eliminate people who dared oppose her, replacing them with her supporters. Emperor Kao-tsung became aware of what she was doing, but historians believe he was either afraid of her or powerless to stop her. In 660 Kao-tsung, just 32 years old, had a debilitating stroke. He survived, but Empress Wu now essentially took his place, becoming the actual, if not named, ruler of China. That still wasn’t enough. ONE MORE STEP Wu now began a brutal purge of the royal court. Anyone who opposed her was imprisoned, exiled, or executed -including family members. When the emperor finally died in 683, Wu’s eldest son, Hung, would have been first in line for the throne. (By this time, she had four sons.) But he was already gone, having died mysteriously a year earlier after complaining about his mother’s rule. Her second son was also out of the picture; he had once complained about an affair his mother was having, so she had him exiled (he eventually committed suicide). The third son, Li Xian, was put on the throne… and was exiled 54 days later, apparently too difficult for the empress to control. That left the fourth son, Li Dan, to become emperor -in name only- and to carry out his mother’s wishes. By 690 Wu Zetian had eliminated enough of her enemies to do what had never been done by a woman in Chinese history: she deposed her puppet son and declared herself the sole ruler of China -giving herself the male name Emperor Shengshen. BIG WU Emperor Shengshen declared the end of the T’ang dynasty and a return to the Zhou dynasty (Wu Zetian believed herself to be descended from the ancient Zhou warriors). She ruled China for the next 15 years. It was an ironically brutal rule during which she spread the compassionate teachings of Buddhism while ruthlessly butchering her enemies. In 695 she expanded her royal name, taking the Buddhist title Emperor Tiance Jinlun Shengshen -the Divine Emperor Who Rules the Universe. In 705, now 80 years old, her rule was ended by a successful palace coup. Her third son once again became emperor, ending the Zhou dynasty after having just one ruler and restoring the T’ang dynasty. She died nine months later. Wu Zetian was vilified by Chinese scholars for centuries after her rule. Stories of her brutality and “immoral behavior” may even be false histories written by her critics in the centuries following her death. Many historians point out that her actions as ruler stand out only because she was a woman and were not very different from from the actions of male emperors of the time. In all, the former concubine ruled China for nearly 45 years, 15 of them as emperor. No woman would ever rule China again.   _________________________ The article above is reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader. Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!

X-Ray Lamp Shade Posted: 23 Mar 2015 04:00 AM PDT (Photo: unknown) This clever lamp shade design makes good use of old x-ray radiographs. The craftsmanship looks precise. It would be ideal for macabre settings, such as a preschool classroom or a wedding chapel. -via Recyclart

The Haunted Sewer - Beware Of Hitchhiking Krangs Posted: 23 Mar 2015 03:00 AM PDT The Haunted Sewer by Ninjaink The ninja turtles had been hearing noises in the sewers for quite some time, but they were normally just the sounds of fluids sloshing and Splinter's kin scurrying. This time the noises were different, as if made by a human foot, and they came to the realization that the sewers may be haunted. They called April down from her two bedroom mansion to help them explore the sewer system, but aside from a few of their fellow mutants and a vat full of ooze they found nothing of note. And then things started to creak and groan, and an otherworldly voice told them they were all doomed to live as teenage turtles for the rest of eternity... Bring a masterful mashup to your geeky wardrobe with this The Haunted Sewer t-shirt by Ninjaink, it's the fun way to show your love of sewers haunted by mutants and mansions haunted by goofy ghosts! Visit Ninjaink's Facebook fan page, official website, Tumblr and Twitter, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more fantastically geeky designs: Bay Former 6 The "I.T." Girl Better Call Murdock! Heart Of Ice View more designs by Ninjaink | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

20 Sugary Sweet Facts About Peeps Posted: 23 Mar 2015 03:00 AM PDT Every Easter little sugary puffs of marshmallow fluff shaped like chicks and bunnies invade the candy aisle, and are bought up by the billions. (Image Link) The Peeps brand is so popular that they now make little puffs of fluff in shapes for nearly every holiday, and every day over 5 million Peeps brand treats are made in the Just Born factory in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. What is it about those cute little marshmallow treats that make them such an enduring part of our candy loving lives? Is it the fact that Bob Born's recipe for Peeps has remained virtually unchanged for over 60 years? Or maybe it's the fact that, despite the core recipe staying the same, Just Born has been creating new flavors and varieties that are just as delicious as the original. Whatever the allure, one thing's for certain- it wouldn't be Easter without a bunch of Peeps staring at ya with those cute little carnauba wax eyes! Read 20 Delicious Facts About Peeps at mental_floss

<i>The Fresh Prince of Bel Air</i> Calls C-SPAN Posted: 23 Mar 2015 02:00 AM PDT (Image: NBC) C-SPAN, the American cable television network that broadcasts government events and holds political discussions, hosts the show Washington Journal. This show invites viewers to call in and share their opinions. One recurring caller, known only as "Jack Strickland," uses the opportunity to play pranks. On Tuesday, Strickland called in and, in a serious tone, read from the lyrics of the opening song to the sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. (Video Link) -via Legal Insurrection

23 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About <i>Mad Men</i> Posted: 23 Mar 2015 01:00 AM PDT   View image | gettyimages.com The final half-season, seven episodes, of Mad Men will begin in two weeks. To get you in the mood for the last go-round, here are some tidbits from the series creator Matt Weiner and the cast from reminiscences they shared during a Film Society event at Lincoln Center in New York City over the weekend. For example: 4. Everyone makes fun of the way Aaron Staton (Ken Cosgrove) smokes. “I had a rule that no one could fake-smoke on the set if they’d never smoked,” Weiner said, fearing their naiveté would show on screen. “I made the horrible mistake with Aaron Staton, where I was like, you have never smoked before. You look terrible at it. And he was like, actually I did smoke for, like, 10 years. And I was like, like that? Like a douchebag? He’s the sweetest person in the world and he still brings it up. He goes, ‘Remember that time you told me I smoked like a douchebag?’” Staton still smokes “like a douchebag” for consistency purposes. “You can see them sort of giving him a hard time in the scene … you can actually see it,” Weiner said of the rest of the cast when filming a smoking scene with Staton. 5. Roger was almost killed off in Season 1. “The only thing that’s ever been reversed is that I did think that Roger Sterling was going to die in the first season,” Weiner said. “John had another job, and I didn’t know if he wanted to stay with the show.” There’s plenty more, strictly for Mad Men fans, because a lot of it won’t make any sense unless you’ve followed the series these past few years, in a list at Buzzfeed.

Chocolate Easter Bunny Jello Shots Posted: 23 Mar 2015 12:00 AM PDT Chocolate Easter Bunnies are traditionally hollow. This is to teach children at an early age how to be disappointed with life. But Amy of the food blog Oh, Bite It! discovered another purpose: a decapitated chocolate bunny can serve as a cup! In a step-by-step tutorial, Amy shows you how to saw off the heads of chocolate bunnies, then convert them into completely edible jello shots. She used strawberry Jell-o, vodka, sprinkles, and whipped cream. Once assembled, re-attach the top of the rabbit's skull and serve.

Big CAT Scan Posted: 22 Mar 2015 10:00 PM PDT You may have been tempted to put your cat in a copy machine at one time or another, but this is taking that urge to a whole new level! The Leibniz Institute for Zoo and Wildlife Research (IZW) in Germany has a Toshiba Aquilon CX CT-scanner that can accommodate patients up to around 300 kilograms. That’s necessary when you want to scan an unconscious zoo animal like a lion or a bear. IZW has scanned around 80 different species so far, from the tiny naked mole-rat to a two-meter-long fish. You can see the scans of many of those animals at EZW’s website. See how big a leopard’s fangs really are inside its face. The elephant skull appears to revolve around teeth, instead of the trunk. And somehow, the chameleon looks the same inside as it does outside. -via Metafilter (Image credit: IZW)

How The Average Woman Might Be Photoshopped if on a Magazine Cover Posted: 22 Mar 2015 08:00 PM PDT A hilariously named photo finishing business called "True You Retouching" edited photos of average women, as seen on the left, in the industry standard for people on the covers of magazines. Realistically, these models would not be on the cover of a fashion magazine unless they were public figures known for other reasons. This is ostensibly how their photos would be altered if they were famous authors or political figures featured as cover models, for instance (although something tells me these edits might be the tip of the proverbial iceberg). See the rest of the series here.What are your thoughts, readers?

10 High Flying Facts About Evel Knievel Posted: 22 Mar 2015 06:00 PM PDT People often think of Evel Knievel as a madman because he spent over 25 years performing death defying stunts on the back of a motorcycle, and yet as it turns out Evel was quite mad before he became a famous daredevil. A new documentary called Being Evel tells the true story behind the larger-than-life persona, and shows how Evel lived up to his bad boy title in every way. From the time he kidnapped his future wife (twice, in fact) to the time he waved a gun in George Hamilton's face, forcing the actor to read from the screenplay for Knievel's 1971 biopic, there's no denying Evel was one colorful character! Read 10 Things We Learned About Evel Knievel From Being Evel at Esquire

Pop-Tart Stuffed Donuts Posted: 22 Mar 2015 04:00 PM PDT (Photos: Donut Bar) These mesmerizing beauties are called Big Poppa Tart donuts. They're the latest creation of Santiago Campa, the owner of the Donut Bar, a small donut shop chain in southern California. Each of the Big Poppa Tart donuts has a whole Pop-Tart stuffed inside. It's 2 inches tall and weighs about 1 pound. ABC7 describes how Campa developed it: Campa says his son helped him come up with the idea of using Pop Tarts. "I laughed for about ten seconds and then I said, 'Well, actually you might be on to something,'" Campa said. That was six months ago. Since then, the "Poppa Tart Donut" has become popular through social media. What was supposed to be a one week special is now permanently on the menu. "It tastes like heaven," says Orange County resident Andrew Biggins after trying the doughnut for the first time. "It's like a Pop Tart on steroids." The store also sells a second flavor that uses S'mores Pop Tarts. It has a huge toasted homemade marshmallow on top and is dipped in fudge chocolate. -via AP

All Eyes Are on You Posted: 22 Mar 2015 02:00 PM PDT Commercial illustrator Jason Edminston's new exhibition at Mondo Gallery in Austin, Texas is called Eyes Without A Face. Ongoing until April 4, Edminston's popular optitude will follow patrons all around the gallery. One hundred and fifty pairs of eyes from movies, music and television will lend observers windows into their souls, should pop culture icons have souls, that is. See more of Edminston'sEyes Without a Face here, and check out his site to see more of his work.

With the Encouragement of a Cop, Woman Who Lost 272 Pounds Completes 10K Posted: 22 Mar 2015 12:00 PM PDT (Photo: Jonathan Roberts) Asia Ford of Louisville, Kentucky has always struggled with her weight. At her heaviest, she weighed 474 pounds. When her then-husband lost a limb to diabetes, she knew that she had take action to avoid a similar fate. So she began exercising vigorously and losing weight. To motivate herself, Ford set a goal: she would complete the Rodes City Run, a 10-kilometer race that was held yesterday. Even though she had lost an impressive 217 pounds, the race was a great struggle for her. Thankfully, her son Terrance and a police officer that Ford describes as her "angel" intervened to encourage her. Wave 3 News reports: "He was like my angel," said Ford. "He came at the moment I really needed him." Ford said Lt. Gregory shared stories of his mother and her struggle with diabetes. Step after step, Ford realized Lt. Gregory had kept her mind off the pain - and on the goal. Hand in hand, Asia, Lt. Gregory and Asia's son Terrance crossed the finish line. "Watching her cross the finish line," said Lt. Gregory, "I felt it all over. it was great moment and I'm glad she let me be a part of it." Asia's son Terrance calls her a hero. "Looking at her and how she used to be, it's inspirational and makes me push harder to do the things I want to do in life," said Terrance. Hand in hand, the three crossed the finish line together. -via reddit

The Cthulhu Signal Is On - Time To Go Batty! Posted: 22 Mar 2015 10:00 AM PDT The Cthulhu Signal Is On by Legendary Phoenix The city was under attack by clown faced forces, so the police commissioner called for the bat signal to be lit, but some bumbling patrolman had misplaced the bat and instead used the most terrifying of all signals- the Cthulhu signal! They smelled the Great Old One as he approached the city, a heady stench of sulphur and rotten fish, and everywhere he went citizens lost their minds at the sheer scale of his horrible magnificence. The clowns who were once terrorizing the city now found themselves in the same boat as the rest of the populace, realizing that not even a superhero could save them now... Summon forth some geeky style with this The Cthulhu Signal Is On t-shirt by Legendary Phoenix, and watch your fellow Lovecraft fans light up when they see you wearing this cool shirt! Visit Legendary Phoenix's Facebook fan page, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more mighty geeky designs: J McGills Lawyer Vintage Ad Appetite For Hamburgers Be Back The Legend Of The Golden Cartridge (Vintage Ed.) View more designs by Legendary Phoenix | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

Attending a Stranger’s Bachelor Party Posted: 22 Mar 2015 10:00 AM PDT Jeff Minetti of Philadelphia is getting married, but first, there’s the bachelor party. All of Jeff’s friends were invited, even Joey DiJulio in Seattle. But Joey DiJulio has never met Jeff or any of his friends -he just got put into the email loop by mistake. DiJulio just read the emails for a while, but got up the courage to respond when final RSVPs were requested. DiJulio sent his regrets.     Hi All,     So, I have no idea who any of you guys are, but I have been enjoying being a fly on the wall hearing about the plans for this bachelor party over the last few months.     I’m assuming my E-Mail address was added to the list by mistake (perhaps a typo of someone else?).     I live out in Seattle, WA and although for a moment I thought it might be funny to just show up and be that guy nobody knows but everyone wonders “who is that guy?”, buying a plane ticket for a cross-country flight just to crash a bachelor’s party might be a bit over the top (although it would be epic!).     Nonetheless, I do hope you guys have a great time and I’d like to take a moment to wish the best of luck in life to the groom!     Cheers!     Joey DiJulio     Seattle, WA Then the rest of the guys -including the groom- insisted that DiJulio was welcome anyway. They noted that he resembled Jeff Minetti and wanted to meet him. One thing led to another, and the stranger from Seattle will be attending the bachelor party in Philadelphia this coming Friday. You can read the whole story so far at Q13Fox-TV and follow the story as it unfolds at DiJulio’s Facebook page.  -via The Chive (Image source: GoFundMe) PS: This experience might remind you of James West, who traveled from Australia to spend Thanksgiving with the Tran family in Florida due to an email mixup.

Don't You Weep! -- A Tissue Box Filled with Motivational Quotes Posted: 22 Mar 2015 08:00 AM PDT (Photos: Maus Hábitos) Hugo Santos is a graduate student in communication design in Porto, Portugal. He wanted to get into a prestigious design fair, but his ideas were rejected, one after another. He felt saddened by this problem, which is what inspired him to develop a project which did get him into the design fair: Don't You Weep! It's a tissue box that opens to reveal messages which (hopefully) motivate the user to keep trying to overcome obstacles. Santos produced 15 of them, all of which sold at the fair. -via Lustik

Groaners Posted: 22 Mar 2015 07:00 AM PDT The students that toured the Seven-Up should have known there would be a pop quiz. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time, too. Would you like this dead battery? It’s free of charge. The soldier who survived attacks of mustard gas and pepper spray is now well-seasoned. I was up all night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. I wondered why the rock was getting larger. Then it hit me. I changed the name of my MP3 player to Titanic, because it was always synching. Despite all our hard work, we couldn’t get the tent up. Too many missed stakes. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. Kim said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I’ve never met herbivore. Did you hear about the indecisive plastic surgeon? He couldn’t pick his own nose. Jon’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro is such a rip off! I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. Studying fungus is a cultured way to mold young minds. The kitchen remodelers were very counterproductive. The cross-eyed teacher was fired because she couldn’t control her pupils. German sausage is the wurst. Don’t you limp in here late with a lame excuse! (Image source: Bad Newspaper) _________________________ This article is reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader. Get ready to be thoroughly entertained while occupied on the throne. Uncle John has ruled the world of information and humor for 25 years, and the anniversary edition is the Fully Loaded Bathroom Reader. Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!

The Elevator Weatherman Prank Posted: 22 Mar 2015 06:00 AM PDT (Video Link) Greg Benson of Mediocre Films pulls off a decidedly non-mediocre prank by acting like a classic weatherman giving his cheery report, all while inside a small elevator. He even has a weather map! And he's just getting started. No morning news broadcast is complete with just the weather. Other reporters have to share their segments, too. -via Ace of Spades HQ

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