Cops Lob a Hail Mary, Ask Mystery Owner to Come Claim Their Homeless 5-Pound Bag of Weed Well, there you have it: today in shit that never happens, we have what shows all signs of a legit police station taking to Twitter to kindly invite the mystery owner of a homeless, sweet five-pounds of the Mary Jane to step forward and claim what's theirs. You know what though. It's 2017. We're having a hell of a first week as far as the extreme and unexpected, generally far-fetched news goes. So, is it really that hard to fathom mystery dude coming out the dark to reclaim his stash? Yeah, but for the sake of a solid story, please let something develop here. Please. 
Employers Reveal the 13 Craziest Excuses Employees Give For Being Late  If you’re running late to work, “my dog ate my homework” ain’t gonna cut it. Especially considering you don’t have homework at work. Because there’s no equivalent in the workplace, people end up giving insane-o reasons for being late — even though they could just say that they had car and/or train problems. Thankfully, the team at Career Builder surveyed employers about the stupidest reasons employees give for being late, and some of them are pretty amazing (I’m looking at you “I was cornered by a moose. So without further adieu, here are 13 things not to say next time your late: - I forgot it wasn't the weekend.
- I put petroleum jelly in my eyes.
- I had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
- I thought Flag Day was a legal holiday.
- My pet turtle needed to visit the exotic animal clinic.
- The wind blew the deck off my house.
- I overslept because my kids changed all the clocks in the house.
- I was cornered by a moose.
- My mother locked me in the closet.
- The pizza I ordered was late being delivered, and I had to be home to accept/pay for it.
- The sunrise was so beautiful that I had to stop and take it in.
- My mother-in-law wouldn't stop talking.
- My dad offered to make me a grilled cheese sandwich, and I couldn't say no.
via Vh1 
49 Hilarious Moments, Bios, and Conversations That Perfectly Capture the Ups and Downs of That Crazy Little Thing Called Tinder Tinder is a melting pot of shamelessly thirsty sex fiends and respectable put together denizens looking to find love, and self-proclaimed extroverts that act more like introverts, and people 'not looking to hook up'....and honestly, so much more. To go on with the endless series of strange and entertaining and wildly unexpected encounters you're bound to experience while fucking around on Tinder would be pointless. Let's just say it's invited a whole new source, venue as it were for relatable, humorous struggles. Cause that's gotta be the core component of dating, right? It's a damn struggle. So sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the many ridiculous and surprisingly frequently relatable Tinder moments shared for our pleasure. 
This Photoshop Battle of Trump Trying to Close a Pen Is A Christmas Gift 332 Days Early Nothing better than a good Photoshop battle, especially when it's a picture of a reality-TV gameshow host who is now our president. There's a great one happening over on Reddit featuring Trump trying to put his pen back in its cap. 
For some reason, his intense concentration toward putting that pen back in its cap makes for the perfect photoshop subject. Enjoy! 
10 Male/Female Double Standards That People Absolutely Can't Stand Ah, double standards. I could almost hear the groans and sighs of irritation from some of you out there, no doubt off put by the very fact we invite these kinds of discussions in online forums. If there's one thing that became glaringly evident, scrolling through the rants and tangents of this AskReddit to pull some decent pointers (at least I hope so), it's that a relationship is a game of give and take. The playing field between romantic partners is continually shifting, and sure, norms, gender stereotypes suck; but we're not going to break down standards that have stood the test of time up to this point in a day. So we can all just point 'em out, shine a spotlight on 'em, and maybe figure out why they're there and ultimately, why they shouldn't be. I'm trying to remain neutral here for the sake of spurring discussion between you guys, the audience; but I'll be sure to jump in on dat comments section if the discussion really gets going. 
Guy Finds Himself In Breast Case Scenario With Girl on Tinder, Proceeds in Perfectly Punny Fashion These Tinder-themed conversations making the rounds across the internet right now are vastly improved by the dudes that take it upon themselves to inject some solid puns into their dialogue for good measure. In this case we have a smalltime Pun Lord who clearly has a lot of potential with that last twist. He saw an unmistakably upset woman who was outright against objectification, and well, he pounced with the puns.
Whoopsie-Doodles, It Looks Like Sean Spicer Tweeted His Password Because The Cyber Is Hard After a week of arguing with futuristic ice cream, the media, and the very definition of the word "facts," Sean Spicer decided that now would be a good time to Tweet out a series of random characters that very much seem like his password. Spicer tweeted and quickly deleted this cryptic message: 
Now, we're not toally sure what this means, but Twitter has been running with the idea that it's his password, and considering how hard and important the cyber is, it makes sense. The cyber is the future, and this guy is not so good at the cyber. Anyway, here are a bunch of people making fun of Spicer and hsi use of "the cyber." 
Girl Falls in Frozen Lake, Her Good Friend, Nay, Best Friend Watches, Records, and Laughs With friends like these, am I right?
I am, aren't I?
This video entitled "Girl Plays On Thin Ice and Pays The Price" is the story of all of us. We regularly tap our feet on ice, hoping that it's frozen enough to support us. Unfortunately, we are disappointed by ice and left screaming and grasping for safety.
Our friends, our dear, dear friends, they do not help. But rather watch and laugh. Later, after everyone's had a nice mug of warm cocoa, they'll upload the video of that time you nearly died of hypothermia to YouTube.
via Blingee 
Lego Champion Constructs Gigantic Lego Rooster, So You Can Bask In Its Glory How did you celebrate the New Year? Get drunk? Thought so. Well, not to make you feel bad, but this dude put together a 200,000-piece Lego Rooster for a Lego float to celebrate the Chinese New Year and the Year of the Rooster.
via Pop Key Commissioned by the Hong Kong Tourism Board, the rooster stands at six-and-a-half feet tall (that’s taller than my dad!) and took five people a month and a half to complete. Andy Hung, Hong Kong’s only certified Lego Professional builder says, "I wanted to use Lego pieces that resonate with people from the East and impress my audience. Congratulations, Andy, you’ve succeeded. Now get on that float and take a bow.
This Dash Cam Footage of a Train Hitting a FedEx Truck Is Crazy, Scary, and Crazy Scary We put a lot of faith in traffic lights, and when they fail, Jesus, it's not good.
This is one of those situation where a malfunctioning warning light caused this terrible accident in Utah. Luckily no one was hurt in this real-life Michael Bay movie, but damn, this is one crazy close call.
via Cheezburger Utah Transit Authority has said that they've "never had an accident like this before." Let's hope it's the last one because, whoa, it's a miracle no one was killed. Stay safe out there, kids. 
A Hero Rises to the Challenge When The World Needs It Most and Climbs 19 Milk Crates Guts. It’s what this world is made of. From storming the beaches at Normandy to putting a man on the moon, humanity has met adversity and responded with ingenuity. We aim for greater heights, and dammit, we reach them. Few moments can reach such achievement, but this one comes close. YouTuber SB knew his nephew had the right stuff, so he filmed his climb to the top of 19 milk crates. And at the end, a glorious, mid-air victory dance. Take a load off, kid. You earned it.
via GIPHY 
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