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2020/10/09

Hilarious Will Ferrel Outtakes From "Eastbound And Down" and more...

Will Ferrel's costars had their work cut out for them when it came to keeping serious faces during his absolutely absurd rants.
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Hilarious Will Ferrel Outtakes From "Eastbound And Down" and more...


 In This Issue...


Hilarious Will Ferrel Outtakes From "Eastbound And Down"
 

Will Ferrel's costars had their work cut out for them when it came to keeping serious faces during his absolutely absurd rants. 

Submitted by: (via Vidmanheart)

       
 

90s Femme Fatales Killed Everybody With Their Legs
 

Our friends at Cracked are back at it again with a fresh video that does a deep dive into figuring out where the mysterious trope of women wrapping their legs around characters in movies to kill them. Strange stuff, indeed. 

Submitted by: (via Cracked)

       
 

Coworker Pranks Call Center Employee, Hilarity Ensues
 

Poor dude was just trying to see if Tess was around. By the time he went and connected the dots it was far too late. 

Submitted by: (via J C)

       
 

Revenge Of The Week: Grandpa Takes Wholesome Revenge On Pranksters

Not only was grandpa able to execute a successful wholesome revenge, but he also might've managed to save some lives in the process. If you enjoyed this sweet tale of revenge, check out another revenge with this property manager who ended up being terrible, and got canned in the process.

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Text - r/ProRevenge U u/borderlinenihilist • 22h + JOIN Friend pranks my parents on their wedding day, my Grandpa takes care of that My Grandpa was a quiet guy. He loved his family more than anything. And he was very, very observant.

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Text - Grandpa walks over and says “your tools and light are in the coat closet, I hope your car is comfy, because the building won't be unlocked until morning." Of course Grandpa tells Grandma, they laugh, and Grandma tells mom and dad. My Grandpa was the best.

Submitted by:

       
 

Dumb and Bad Life Pro Tips to Not Do

There's a lot of good advice in the form of life pro tips, and that just means that there's gonna be a whole lot more hilariously dumb and bad advice. Whether it's incorrect, dangerous or straight up dumb, there's a lot of bad life tips with zero shame. So if you like being eaten by wild animals and alienating everyone around you, go for it.

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Landlord's Jealous Of Tenant's Income, Raises Rent, Gets Defeated Years Later

Enough of all the landlords in the world trying to take advantage of their kindhearted tenants just trying to plant their roots. Seriously, this landlord thought they'd be able to pull a fast one on the tenant and raise their rent by $500 just because they knew the tenant had the money to pay that. Fortunately, the landlord was stopped in their tracks. 

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Text - r/RegularRevenge u/RockyMoose • 3y + Join Landlord is jealous of my income, raises my rent $500. I screw him years later for $20k. Pro EDIT: original post is back on O r/prorevenge Just a little mix-up, thanks to the mods there for being cool. Is keeping the repost here ok? (This post was mod-removed from O r/prorevenge and I'm not exactly sure why. No rules were broken and all names are made up and changed!. I hope the repost is ok and that O r/RegularRevenge is a more appropriate subred

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Text - TLDR is the same as the title: Landlord is jealous of my income, raises my rent 50%. I screw him years later for $20k. In the late '90s wife and I were just married, just getting started, and we decided to DINK ("double income, no kids") it for a few years to save up for a down payment on a house. The dotcom bubble was still rising and I was a newly minted software developer. I had an entry-level job for a while and then got recruited to a new city and a new job that paid 3x what I was ma

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Text - We rented an apartment in the new city that was listed for $950/mo. The landlord was a real estate agent who owned a two-bedroom condo as an investment property. Let's call him "Hank Wazowski". Hank was a thin, gray, no-nonsense guy. He was pleasant enough, but perfunctory, dry, and had no sense of humor. He made a point of explaining that under no circumstances was he responsible for maintaining the garbage disposal and that it was NOT included in the rental agreement and he would not be

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Text - We filled out the rental agreement and the credit check, and this is where my troubles began. Hank looked hard at the credit application where I listed my job title, "Software Developer", and my income, $75k. For a 23- year-old in his second year out of college, in the late 1990's, this is a small fortune. Throw in my wife's salary and we were over six figures in income, renting an apartment far beneath our means. Like I said, DINK is the way to go when starting out. "I can't believe how

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Text - I explained we were saving to buy a house and that we were only going to stay in the apartment a year. "We might stay a few months after the term is over, would month-to-month be ok after a year?" Hank assured us that would be fine. We saw Hank only once during the year and he again mentioned my salary and how he couldn't believe that's what software developers were making. It was awkward and I gave a vague reply.

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Text - Anyway, a year later we had found a house to buy, signed all the papers, and were making plans to move. The new house wasn't going to be ready until two months after our rental lease was up, so I called Hank to ask if we could, as discussed, simply extend the lease by two months before moving out. Hank assured me on the phone it would be no problem and he would send over an extension for us to sign. The extension arrived in the mail and it included a month-to-month clause and a $500 incre

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Text - He was super condescending to me, "RockyMoose, it's what the apartment goes for now. I would be losing money by renting it for less." I tried to reason with him but it was very clear he knew we could afford the $500, had no choice in the matter, and he was going to screw us over as best he could. He got angry with me for arguing my point, and l'll never forget his parting words: "You don't have to like it, RockyMoose, you just have to pay it." My wife and I tried to figure out a way to mo

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Text - I swallowed my pride and wrote out the check for $1450 for the extra month. A month later I wrote a similar check, and then we moved out. I made sure the apartment was spotless before moving, but still Hank withheld $300 from our security deposit for bullshit things that were just a way for him to squeeze a few more dollars from the kids who made too much money. $100 for cleaning, sure? But $300 was obscene. In my mind, he had screwed me over for $1200 and there was nothing I could do abo

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Text - What made is even more infuriating is that I saw the ad Hank put in the paper after we moved out and he listed the apartment for rent at only $150 more than we had been paying originally, not the grossly-inflated $500 increase. And it didn't rent. A month later I saw the same ad and he had lowered the price to $75 more than we had been paying, and I assume it got rented since the ads stopped appearing. Fast-forward about five years. Life is good, the house is good, we have a baby, and eve

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Text - "Hey, Mike, I'm expecting someone to drop off some paperwork for me. If a Hank Wazowski asks for me, tell him l'll be right out." I freeze and get a taste of bile in my mouth remembering how I had to write out that name on those checks all those years ago. There's no way it's the same guy, right?I walk over to the Phil who is still by the reception desk. "Phil," I say, "How do you know that name, Hank Wazowski?"

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Text - Phil explains that Hank is his real estate agent. "I bought my condo through him several years ago. I'm selling my condo now so I can buy a house. So I'm going to ask him to be my agent again. Do you know him?" I tell Phil that I used to rent an apartment from Hank and described what he looks like. Phil confirms the description: it's the same guy, wow small world, right? And on cue, right then the front door to the office opens and in walks Hank Wazowski. I stare in disbelief. He's carryi

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Text - Phil and Hank shake hands and they talk for a few moments. I stand there silently, wondering what to do. Phil finally says, "Hank, this is my friend RockyMoose, I think you may have already met?" "Yes, hello Hank. Good to see you again. My wife and I were your tenants a few years ago on ---- Street. Remember, the software developer who rented for a year saving to buy a house? Well, this is where I work. Here. With Phil." Hanks eyes indicate he now remembers me, and he's starting to put it

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Text - Hanks nods pleasantly. He still doesn't remember the details of our last conversation. I do some quick math in my head. This is the early/mid 2000's, the real estate market is very strong and easy money for any agent. The crash of 2008 is still a few years in the future. I start to think out loud. "Selling the condo for around $150 to 200 thousand, and you're looking at houses in the $500 thousand range, so that's $650 to 700 thousand in total transactions. An agent getting 3% on the sale

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Text - Hank deflects my question, saying it's complicated, and tells Phil to send back the papers as soon as possible. He shakes hands with Phil, looks at me, nods, and goes to leave. "It was really good to see you again, Hank." | call behind him. He exits the building. As the door is still shutting, I say a bit too loudly, so that Hank can hear, "Phil, don't sign anything just yet, I have a story to tell you." Phil looks at me and says, "Rocky, what the hell was that all about?!" He looks pisse

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Text - So the great thing about Phil is that, well, he's a great guy. He says he's a little surprised at my story and has always known Hank as a straightforward guy. "But I totally see him doing that to you," he admits. "There's no way I could use him now. What a dick!" Then Phil's eyes lit up a bit, "What do you want me to say when I fire him?" (I have special feelings for Phil now.) We came up with a plan and I made sure there were some key phrases in Phil's repertoire. We planned it all out t

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Text - "No no, you shouldn't give a discount. You'd be losing money if you did that ... [pause] "No, this is just a decision I've made ... no, it has nothing to do with RockyMoose ... [pause] "Well, you don't have to like it, Hank. You just have to accept it. Good bye." CLICK And it was the greatest revenge I could have ever imagined: through a chance meeting years later, Hank got screwed out of twenty thousand dollars in easy commissions. And the best part is Hank absolutely KNEW it had EVERYTH

Submitted by:

       
 

Man Returns Lost Wallet By Sending Messages Through Transactions

Talk about a creative way to go about ensuring someone gets their lost wallet returned to them. Every now and again it's nice to have the pleasant reminder that the world has its fair share of considerate, awesome human beings. 

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Text - Tim Cameron Follow @Timcammm I just lost my wallet on the way home from work. I didn't have much identifying info in there so a good Samaritan got in touch with my via my... bank account 4x transfers of £0.01 each with a reference up to 18 chars

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Text - TRANSACTION TYPE REFCRENCE Faster Payments Incoming (FPI) ? TEXT OR CALL! > Help with this transaction 14 Oct 19 SIMON E FPI 0.01 A Faster Payment of £0.01 was paid into your acccount. -Phone no. TRANSACTION TYPE RLIERENCE Faster Payments Incoming (FPI) ? 077 > Help with this transaction

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Text - 14 Oct 19 SIMON FPI 0.01 A Faster Payment of £0.01 was paid into your acccount. TRANSACTION TYPE REFERENCE: Faster Payments Incoming (FPI) ? WALLET IN THE ROAD > Help with this transaction 14 Oct 19 SIMON E FPI 0.01 A Faster Payment of £0.01 was paid into your acccount. TRANSACTIONTYPE REFERENCE: Faster Payments Incoming (FPI) ? HII FOUND YOUR

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Text - G. Taylor McKnight Follow @gtmcknight Replying to @Timcammm My first reaction is holy crap this is cool! Dying for more context here. Please indulge me. How did they know your bank account number? Also the Swift/routing number for the bank? You had a paper check in your wallet but no ID?

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Text - Tim Cameron Follow @Timcammm Replying to @gtmcknight Haha. In the UK it's standard for your bank account details to be printed on your bank card.

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Text - Mark Moriarty O #podcastin... Follow @MbyM Replying to @Timcammm My Dad found a Kindle. No way to see owner's email. Amazon support no help. Owner had another device in her a/c. He renamed the found device "Call XXX", and moved to "last position" of the book she was reading. She saw prompt, "Would you like to resume from...?" She called him V

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Text - pickwick the dodo Follow @LesleyHustler1 Replying to @Timcammm @jimallthetime My son lost his wallet in central London and feared the worst. However someone popped it in a postbox and Royal Mail found his address on his driving license and sent it to us. Nothing was missing, there are more good people about than we think.

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Text - Jessica Willis Follow @Jessatbookends Replying to @Timcammm @_bronni Lost my car and house keys once, had a library card fob, person brought it into the library and they traced me from there

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Times People Were Awkwardly Misjudged

Sometimes people are all-too ready to make assumptions about other people, and those assumptions get in the way of empirical facts. You hope someone doesn't misjudge you so publicly that they make a total fool of themselves. Or maybe you do. Everyone knows wrongful times people were misjudged tend to stick in their memory for years.

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Text - KillerRex666 460 points · 2 days ago When I moved to my group home at 16 they gave me a bright pink colored room and Katy perry music to get me comfortable never said anything because I was nervous as heck being in a new home. Everyone kinda rolled with it for a few months and everyone got a giant surprise when I asked for stuff from hot topic and tickets to a Slipknot concert for Christmas.

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Text - Danne660 127 points · 2 days ago My 7th grade class was visiting a court for educational purposes, i was a tall person with glasses talking with the teachers when somebody who works there walks up to me to inform me that the students can enter the courtroom and to go over some rules with the people in charge of the class. The thing is i was one of the students and not one of the teachers. He looked pretty embarrassed to have mistaken a teenager for an adult.

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Text - FakeCraig 41.0k points · 3 days ago A O 3 29 3 2 & 3 More One time in Japan I asked an old lady for directions (in Japanese). I was still a beginner but I tried my best to speak in their language rather than asking stuff in English. So this lady assumed I spoke very good Japanese and started chatting. I tried telling her I couldn't understand and everyone else on the bus was trying to hide their laughter. The conversation went on for 10 minutes and I still have no idea what she was saying

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Text - MAXIMILIAN-MV 32.6k points · 3 days ago My ex wife was convinced I had another family in another state. Simply because she heard a kids voice in the background when I was traveling for work and sitting in a restaurant once. During divorce depositions, i once spent a full day being questioned, and half the questions were slightly different wordings of "so you have another family/child/spouse/kid/dependent/etc."

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Text - Ok-Bit-9338 22.1k points · 3 days ago A bloke from Scotland thought I was Canadian Canadian, rather than naturalised Canadian, and thought the Russian accent was how Canadians speak lol

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Text - FreckledPyrographer 19.4k points · 2 days ago 12 I was at a dinner party and people kept offering me drinks that I continued to decline. Eventually one woman's eyes lit up as she looked between me and my husband and then she asked, "oh my gosh, are you pregnant?" Everyone around us got quiet and I laughed and said "no, I have epilepsy." I was handed no more glasses of wine after that!

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Text - StraightSalt7 18.2k points · 2 days ago 3 I live in a very Hispanic/Latino area and one woman heard me speak English and yelled at me for not speaking Spanish, calling me a traitor to my ancestors and bringing shame to my past family history in Mexico and Puerto Rico. Imagine her surprise when I told her I was Arab and Middle-Eastern. Still felt guilty for not knowing Spanish for some reason Imao.

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Text - paleo2002 15.3k points · 2 days ago Around the holidays my students often wish me Happy Hanukah. The exchange usually follows this pattern: Student: Happy Hanukah, professor! Me: Uh ... thanks, Happy Hanukah! Student: Oh, I'm not Jewish. Me: Neither am I... but thanks for the sentiment. Наррy Holidays! I'm a college teacher in a Brooklyn school, so a lot of my students simply assume I'm Jewish.

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Text - BananApocalypse 14.1k points · 3 days ago I sound like a major nerd and often talk to work contacts for months over the phone before meeting them in person. I've lost count of the number of times someone has told me they thought I had glasses. But my vision is perfect.

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Text - Fluttermun 10.7k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago F Had a friend I was crushing on that I felt liked me too. We were talking online one day and he had to go to work, he says "I'll bbl and then get to spend more time with my favorite Asian." I asked, "who's that?" For as long as I knew him he thought I was Asian. Once he found out I wasn't he ghosted me. ETA: Just to say, I'm Hispanic American lol enough ppl were wondering I figured it was a good enough reason to add it here.

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Text - Hwhiteeee 10.3k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago 92 I started at a new high school my junior year. For starters, I looked like a hippy. I have very long wavy hair and dressed pretty boyish. Everyone, including the school administrators/nuns, assumed I was a drug dealer of sorts. I had never even seen weed or any drug at that point. I got "randomly" chosen for our schools monthly drug tests several months in a row and periodically there after. People constantly asked me for hookups

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Text - yeetgodmcnechass 8.3k points · 3 days ago 2 People in high school assumed I was gay based on...I'm not actually even sure. And it wasn't even like them being curious, they straight up assigned that sexuality to me and refused to believe otherwise. The things they would use as "proof" were some of the biggest stretches I've ever heard. One time they took a look at my nails and were like "you paint your nails, you're clearly gay!" My nails weren't painted, it just didn't look like I clawed

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Text - FloorSwimming2384 5.8k points · 3 days ago · edited 2 days ago 3 That i am clever because I like to read and wear glasses. Then they see my grades and are really suprised

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Text - RyeDoll13 5.6k points · 2 days ago My MIL assumed I couldn't cook, even though I've been cooking my entire life and enjoy doing it. She always insisted that we go out to eat when they visited, to the extent that she would ruin our family plans because she was that adamant about not eating at our house. Until one time, after about 3 years of being together, my husband refused to eat out and insisted that I cook. After eating she turned to my husband in surprise and said, "wow! This is real

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Text - Ihlita 4.2k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago Usually my age. I've had people guess 15, 17, and even 12 once. I'm almost 31. Guess I walked into this one. No, I won't be sharing any pics.

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Text - Iacon_Pearce 2.7k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago I have a high voice as well as a high vocal range, but people always assume I'm a woman on the phone, it's hilarious when the scam callers say "'ma'am you have a virus on your computer" and i lower my voice an octave and proceed to scream monkey noises for a minute and a half until they hang up.

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Text - rissaro0o 976 points · 2 days ago i'm 26, almost 27, and female. i'm 4'11" and have resting nice face. people either baby me or are awful to me because they think i'm a teenager. people constantly ask me what grade i'm going into. i get into places for free sometimes or at kids price, especially if i'm with my family and my nieces and nephews are present. it's a blessing and a curse. but people assume a lot about me. i like it, i'm often underestimated.

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Text - chessshark 488 points · 2 days ago I lost all my hair and eyebrows during chemo, and someone I hadn't seen in a while asked when I was getting my Make-a- Wish, thinking I had shaved for the hell of it. They had no idea I actually had cancer

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Landlord Encourages Tenant To Research Rights, Tenant's Victory Ensues

Man, any time we see a landlord try to pull a fast one on a tenant, and then the tenant proceeds to teach them a lesson, it warms our hearts. In this case, it really just seems like the landlord didn't expect the tenant to do their research. From there, soon as the truth came to light, you can pick up the clear scent of resignation from the landlord trying to continue onward with their antics. Check out another time a shady landlord was defeated by a moral enforcer.

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Text - Hi L friday? you sent the payment on 11:03 a.m. Hi no I didn't. I was waiting for you to tell me if I'm leaving or staying like you said. If I stay, l'll pay rent. If I'm not staying, then I don't have to pay rent for October, as I paid first and last when I moved in. Right? 11:09 a.m. No i said you will continue to make regular payments and I will refund you your security deposit which us equal to one month of rent when you vacate. That way you get back your last month rent.

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Text - Ok no problem 11:20 a.m. Thanks. Security deposits are not allowed in Ontario. . For example, a landlord cannot charge a "key deposit," or a repair deposit, or any amount other than a last month's rent deposit. If the landlord charges a rent deposit, it must be held and used to cover the tenant's last month's rent. T www.legalline.ca » legal-answers » . Rent and security deposits, and interest - FREE Legal Information | Legal Line About Featured Snippets B Feedback D

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Text - People also ask How does First and last month rent work in Ontario? How does last month rent work in Ontario? Can a landlord ask for first last and security deposit in Vermont? Feedback MMS 11:21 a.m. understood 11:23 a.m. + D

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Lazy, Shady, And Lame Liars Getting Outed Online

Nothing's quite as sweet as seeing a liar who thought they could pull a fast one on people, getting outed for their antics online. As long as we've had social media, we've had people trying to garner attention, cultivate clout, and just generally trick people with an onslaught of silly lies. Fortunately, we have other folks online that are dedicated to calling the lies out as they see them. 

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Text - 1 review ***** 3 months ago The worst nightclub in London. RUN AWAY. the nightclub does not deserve even a star. We put you out for no reason after spending £ 100 in their club. The manager is catastophic and uncompromising. It only screams and insults tourists like us. My worst experience lived in all my life. Do not go there or you will be disappointed. For ever (Owner) 3 months ago

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Text - Hi fail to clarify is that you were asked to leave because you stole a bottle from behind the bar. You got caught and was asked to leave. No amount of money you can spend in the venue entitles you to steal from the club. We are not hiding this, anyone caught stealing will be asked to leave and pay for the drinks they stole. Although, it would have been embarrassing for the manager last night to ask you to pay for it as it was a bottle of strawberry Thank you for your review. What you syru

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Games - I made this train Gaming ↑ 1.8k + 76 * Share BEST COMMENTS Ah I,` the guy that photoshopped his name on other peoples builds and claims hes the best builder on ps4.

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Text - I'm sorry for your experience. However you came in 2 minutes before closing and our workers clearly warned you several times that we were closing, while you were paying and that the dining area was close. They warned both you and your kids. Not only that, we have a sign right in front of the register, where you pay, next to the scale, where the yogurt has to be placed, that clearly said the dining area was closed. I'm sorry that you did not read the sign and did not understand my workers

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Text - First to Review OO 3 months ago Bad first impression. Dude in the front desk was playing videogames and he didn't help whatsoever. I asked multiple times for help but he waved me off and concentrated on CSGO. Won't be back here for a while. Such a shame. Business Owner Hello. You didnt describe what happened truthfully, so here it is:

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Text - -The employee mentioned you wanted to use an inappropriate username upon creation of your account, and you insisted on it even though he told you it's not allowed. Then you got angry and offensive with him -You were cussing and using foul language loudly after you were seated, as if it's on purpose. We understand if you cuss in the game in the heat of the moment, not constantly and offensively like you were. We strive to provide a friendly inoffensive environment for all ages to come and

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Text - Text Message Today 3:55 pm Westpac Alert-We have detected a potential issue and blocked your Internet Banking. Visit https:// westpac.com.au.personal- device.services to confirm your device I don't have internet banking I'm 13

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Text - 7 days ago The Best I'm so glad I bought this early. The devs let me play early and it's epic I finished in 3 hours. Length of ownership 1 month O Yes, I recommend this product. Helpful? Yes · 1 No· 42 Report

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Text - Comm · 4 days ago No one can finish a Warriors game in 3 hours. Just saying. Helpful? Yes · 16 No ·0 Report

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Text - My kid could nearly throw a baseball 102 mph at 16 years old. Other parents think it's dangerous and have signed a petition to ban him from league play. Legally, can they do this? Jay Douglas · Updated Sat Studied USC School of Cinematic Arts at University of Southern California I call shenanigans on this question. If your kid could throw even in the mid 90's with a smidge of accuracy you would be too busy fielding scouting calls and college visits that you wouldn't have time to ask a que

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Foods Being Eaten Improperly

Sometimes we discover things that we didn't realize we were passionate about. For example, there's a right and wrong way to eat a burrito, and no one is allowed to argue otherwise. Sure, there are people out there making cursed foods from lucifer's larder all the time, but to go as far as to eat basic stuff the wrong way? That's asking for a fight.

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Product - INDIGO @rockindigo Only a serial killer would carry pizzas like this piz a.co piz

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Food - CUTechBuff @CUTechBuff Love my daughter - but suddenly concerned she may skin me in my sleep. WHO EATS A BURRITO LIKE THIS.... Served wich Rice.and ST FOR KID

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Food

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Nail - nutella

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Food

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Banana family

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Food

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Food

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Comfort food

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Chocolate - KEK Kat

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Facial hair

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Hand

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Dish

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Food

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Food - LOISSIW soft

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Dish

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Ice cream

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Tagged: wtf , bad idea , cringe , lol , dumb , food , eating , weird , stupid
       
 

Twitter Thread: Mentally Dealing with 6 Months of Global Crisis

For a lot of people, daily life doesn't look like how it used to, and it won't go back to normal tomorrow or the next day. Aisha Ahmad explains that part of getting through it is having a strategy to deal with that 6 month wall and learning how to adapt to a somehow stagnating but also everchanging reality. If it's worth anything, here are some wholesome memes.

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Text - Dr Aisha Ahmad @ProfAishaAhmad The 6 month mark in any sustained crisis is always difficult. We have all adjusted to this "new normal", but might now feel like we're running out of steam. Yet, at best, we are only 1/3 the way through this marathon. How can we keep going? THREAD /x 11:07 AM · Sep 20, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 Replying to @ProfAishaAhmad First, in my experience, this is a very normal time to struggle or slump. I *always* hit a wall 6 months into a tough assignment in a disaster zone. The desire to "get away" or "make it stop" is intense. I've done this many times, and at 6 months, it's like clockwork. /2 16 t7 326 3.9K Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 This time, our crisis is global and there is nowhere to run. That's OK. l've had to power through that 6 month h

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Text - Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 This is my first pandemic, but not my first 6 month wall. So, what can I share to help you? First, the wall is real and normal. And frankly, it's not productive to try to ram your head through it. It will break naturally in about 4-6 weeks if you ride it out. /5 7 27 379 3.5K Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 Of course, there are things we have to do. Work. Teach. Cook. Exercise. But just don't expect to be sparklingly happy or wildly creative in the middle

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Text - Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 Frankly, even though we cannot physically leave this disaster zone, try to give yourself a mental or figurative "shore leave". Short mental escapes can offer respite and distance from the everyday struggle. Take more mental "leave" until you clear the wall. /8 4 27 203 3K Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 In my experience, this 6 month wall both arrives and dissipates like clockwork. So I don't fight it anymore. I don't beat myself up over it. I just know t

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Text - Dr Aisha Ahmad @Prof... · Sep 20 So, dear friends, do not despair of the 6 month wall. It's not permanent, nor will it define you in this period of adversity. Trust that the magic that helped you through the first phase is still there. Take a breath & a pause. You'll be on the other side in no time. /end 228 17 539 6.8K

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Totally Random And Hilarious Tumblr Nuggets

The world of Tumblr is filled with rabbit holes and strange, yet hilarious observations about this strange thing we called existence. If you haven't gotten lost in a Tumblr thread about how Magenta isn't really a color, or maybe fallen down a different rabbit hole that was all about the scary monster plant that is Kudzu, then you clearly haven't really lived yet. 

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Text - bisexualbarbaragordon Evidence against the argument that Superman's disguise wouldn't fool anyone: adventurecomics • Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look alike contest to a fucking drag queen. • Charlie Chaplin once failed to even place at a Charlie Chaplin impersonator contest. Hugh Jackman went to comic con as Wolverine, only 2 people noticed him and one told him he was too tall. • Christopher Reeve use to go to a restaurant in costume when filming Superman. When he went in the Su

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Text - Freya C @Spdrcstl "What a nice sheep," I think as I gaze out at a field. The sheep, facing away, starts to raise its head. I stare in mounting horror as the head keeps rising, rising, neck elongating in some cursed spectacle that roots me to the spot in fear until I realise, oh, it's an alpaca brawltogethernow Thought this was going to be horror short fiction, but no, it's just rural. annaschmendrick the veil between rural and eldritch is far thinner than anyone wishes to guess Source:the

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Text - errorsanitynotfound: internetexplorers: why hasn't anyone offered my parents 5 camels for my hand in marriage yet what am i doing wrong its because you are worth at least 10 camels and they just cant afford you this is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

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Text - biggest-gaudiest-patronuses imagine you're a middle-aged mom & you let your teenager invite some friends over & you bring them like, lemonade & cookies and crap, and 10 years later u find out one of those kids joined a band & wrote a top 100 song about how you were his puberty-fueled teenage sex dream and u have to spend the early 2000s listening to it play on overhead speakers every time u visit the mall all bc you tried to let your teenage daughter Stacy have a social life 2,037 notes >

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Text - E geistverrse I am literally begging, BEGGING modern media to portray healthy relationships. enough cheating. enough infidelity. enough disrespect. show me people who love each other, proper communication, and a strong mental as well as physical connection. I want plots about people who are madly in love with each other and STAY madly in love with each other. please. I am losing my mind.

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Text - prokopetz Honestly, if you see an angel that's all eyes and wings and wheels of fire, you should be worried. Like, not because it's going to hurt you or anything, but because scripturally, angels invariably appear to ordinary people in human form. In general, they only show their inhuman true forms to prophets - which | means if you're seeing them like that, they come bearing responsibility. domina-honoribila I woke up today with the phrase "spooky scary seraphim" in my head today, looks

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Facial expression - Dinner is on me! Yes! Nothing is better than free food! horizonindigo: #CollegeStudents fred you live in a mansion Source: dark-sexy-metal

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Text - xtraterrestrials my personal curse is the knowledge that I function best with rigid structure and strict routine but am almost totally incapable of independently establishing or maintaining that structure and routine curlyfrywho Don't forget this special feature: at the same time hating when people tell you what to do #me 61,754 notes

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Sand - rifa: therandominmyhead A wild MACHAMP appeared! Go! DUGTRIO! I tried to scroll past this but its too damn clever It has to be awkward being buried so close like that.

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Text - ironychan TIL astronaut Jack Schmidt discovered he was allergic to moon dust, which is a thing millions of other people have probably gone their whole lives never knowing. ironychan Imagine being one of only twelve guys ever to have the honour of walking on the moon and then when you get there you're allergic to it. sanctferum NASA scientist: you're back early Jack Schmidt: moon's an allergen NASA scientist: ...what? Jack Schmidt, loading an epipen and climbing back into the shuttle: moon

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Text - claup777 I admire people who do exercise with no music like you are putting your body in pain while being alone with your thoughts... that's double torture one-for-all-plus-ultra jaboukie young-white @jaboukie anyone at the gym with no headphones is training to avenge someone's death 7/3/18, 11:03 AM

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Text - the-last-girl-scout Boil up some mountain dew. It's gonna be a long night. cartoonfreack You could have said anything else E stopmakingthosedecisions Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble 4,194 notes

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Text - flashhwing we all make fun of Zuko for "that's rough buddy" but like. how the fuck are you supposed to respond when someone just nonchalantly says “my girlfriend turned into the moon" ככ #atla 63,261 notes

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Text - skeletOnx: theblogchoseme: If I text you back fast its not because Im thirsty its because my phone was in my hand at the time. The waiting to text people back on purpose shit is childish Finally somebody said it Source: theblogchoseme 309,761 notes ...

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Text - leftboob-enthusiast (to the tune of The Final Countdown) it's a mental breakdown thesilencedmasses *off-key kazoo* agoodkind After vine died we are reduced to text form vines

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Text - writing-prompt-s As you die, you wake up in a fiery place. You quickly realize you're in hell. You ask the next demon why you are there, as you lived a very good life. "You're not being punished", he says. “You are the punishment." E deadbonessinderhellaton You honk in joy. It's a lovely morning in Hell, and you are a horrible goose. Source: writing-prompt-s 28,112 notes

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Text - thistherapylife 2 sw-or-gtfo tumblr Follow someone: it starts at 4 so you should be here by 3:45 me: *arrives at 3:30 because I have to be early to being early* sw-or-gtfo left at 2:45, arrived at 3:15, sat in the car for 15 minutes so it wouldn't be weird thistherapylife It's me

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Text - cherenigans: do you think whoever was designing the default netflix avatar made a mistake somewhere but just sat there laughing at the result for so long that the whole design team decided to keep it

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Text - princesstigerbelle If cats knew what sin was they wouldn't even care imlizy I don't care either fuck trigonometry

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Text - smuganimebitch i don't really think the relationship between generation z and millennials is comparable to the relationship between baby boomers and millennials mostly because largely speaking. baby boomers are the parents of millennials but millennials aren't the parents of generation z smuganimebitch your older sibling telling you you're an idiot for eating laundry detergent just isn't the same thing as your parents berating you for not having a job in a shitty economy

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People Describe Their Paranormal Experiences

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about people's wildest paranormal experiences. Can we also take a minute to appreciate just how terrifying that dude's story about his Tinder date is? Paranormal or not it sounds like he had a very close brush with something extremely shady. 

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Text - Midtenn86 • 14h 2 Awards My father died less than 6 months after my daughter was born. She was not a good sleeper for her first year or so. Waking up screaming and crying at all hours of the night. My wife and I would trade times getting up to soothe her. One evening not too long after my father past I was having a dream that my daughter was screaming in her bedroom. In the dream I got up and went to her room, but before I got there my dad came out of the room and just said, "she'll be ok

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Text - LadyBernVictim • 14h My husband and I stayed at a super old hotel in Santa Fe, NM. At the time I did not really believe in paranormal things/ghosts, mainly because nothing had ever happened to me. The old room we were staying in had this decorative wooden chair that had a slanted seat. I took note of the slant, because I wound up putting my computer bag on this chair and felt comfortable doing so-- I'm super careful with my electronics, and the slanted seat made it so my bag slid all the

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Text - My husband and I were laying in bed in the dark talking, almost falling asleep, when suddenly we hear a super loud SLAM! It was so loud, we shot awake and turned on the light. There on the OTHER SIDE of the room, a good 10 or 15 feet from the chair, was my computer bag. It was like someone had lifted it and threw it down, there's no way it just "fell" off the chair that far away (and the chair seat was slanted, it would be hard for anything to just fall off it!). And it was a SLAM to the

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Text - The next morning my husband asked the front desk if the hotel was known to be haunted, and the guy just laughed and said "oh what, did you see the little girl?" Reply 842 ...

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Text - Lexocracy • 13h I was visiting family and staying in a hotel with my boyfriend (husband now). The first night there we went to bed and I woke up in the middle of the night facing the window. I noticed there was a dark shadow in the corner of the room that looked human shaped. After staring a while I realized it must have been a floor lamp since that corner was kind of bare and that's the logical choice. I rolled over and went back to bed. The following morning I remembered this and turned

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Text - UltraRunner42 • 15h 5 Awards I had a friend who was very sick at the hospital this past Spring (not Covid, but sepsis from an operation on his back). I went to bed, and in that in-between stage where you're not awake and not quite asleep, I could sense him standing by the side of my bed. We said a few words to each other, and then he hugged me. When I woke up the next morning, I found out that he'd passed not long after l'd gone to bed. Many people would say it was just a dream, but I kno

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Text - cantuseasingleone • 15h Not mine but one I think of a lot. I was at work one night and my mom was visiting my newborn son and wife. I get home and my mom tells me she heard my dad talking to my son. My dad died 8 years prior but she swears up and down it was his voice. My wife heard it too but never met my dad, so she couldn't say much about it. Just that it was a mans voice. Then it happened again when my daughter was born. I really want to believe my dad is watching the kids grow up but

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Text - SalzyJ 16h S 2 Awards l'll add my own in here. I once was laying in my bed with my dog at the foot of it. I was on the cusp of sleep when suddenly my dogs pop her head up and locks on to something in the middle of my room. Her head then slowly turns and follows something I cant see. Her head stops again and my backpack gets knocked over, after having been in the same spot for hours. Then all of the sudden a loud BANG on my bedroom window (I was on the second floor of the house). I ran out

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Text - DemandParticular • 15h Back when I lived in my very first apartment I would hear what sounded like a little child calling for their parent. Now at first I thought it was genuinely some kid who was lost because the complex was big enough for a kid to wander off from their parents. But the voice seemed to always be right next to me. It wasn't until I moved out that I found out a little girl was killed by her abusive father in the 80s. TDLR: Little ghost girl was calling for her dad Reply 1

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Text - MartytheeParty • 14h Weird you posted this today. I am a real estate broker and flip houses. We buy old beat up houses, some of them are the worst of the worst as you could imagine. Anyway we bought one and went to see it today. It had been vacant for 10 years and when we went inside there was a blood stain on the floor. Come to find out that somebody killed themselves in that house 10 years ago. Pretty creepy. My partner and I were taking walkthrough videos to share with our contractors

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Text - dog_under_water • 13h A couple of years ago I had a dream reliving one of my childhood experiences where I was playing with my cousin and at the end of the dream when he was getting ready to go home, I said goodbye to him and for some reason it felt different that time. A couple of days later he ended up passing away due to Sudden death syndrome. (basically a heart attack but he was 25 so it was very unusual) 3 years later to this day, every 2-3 weeks, I'm having very vivid dreams where I

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Text - MickeyMouse789 • 15h Idk if this is paranormal but it's definitely a bit freaky. So it was just a normal night, I go to bed. I'm still a youngish kid and I end up having a dream. So it was my uncle who came to me in this dream and his face was caved in and he had blood all over him, his arms and legs were broken. All this gory stuff. Anyway, I have this dream and he says to me take care of your mother (so this is my mums older brother). Anyway mum comes and wakes me up in the middle of th

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Text - SirLeos • 15h The only paranormal thing that have happened to me and I really, really don't know how it was possible happened at my aunt's place when I was a kid. Every once in a while, we went to her house and stayed the night and I always ended up sleeping on the couch/ sofa. Well, this was an old house with a room full of creepy dolls and the likes but with those nothing weird happened (although my cousins would say that the dolls moved around). It had two floors with a stair in the mi

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Text - Ahnamal • 15h I was hanging out on a friends back porch in a suburban neighborhood with a few people, maybe three other people, it was about dusk. This was during high school so before 2005. The back porch faced our over a small creek valley of open space. A blue green ball of light came zooming in over the open space from the left and stopped about 100 feet away, maybe 40 feet off the ground. It was maybe the size of a soft ball. Then it zoomed over to about 15 feet away and 15 feet up i

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Text - koolturkey • 14h So me and my buddy are 14ish, we are sitting in his living room playing pokemon and watching T.V. When out of the blue his sister who was 15 comes running in the room crying like a 3 year old who dropped her ice creamcone. After a short time she calms down enough to get us to follow us in her room. she was in a A.P. flute class and had to record herself playing some music. She had left the record botton playing, and in that blank space she had recorded a clear as day youn

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Text - Tiouls • 14h Well, I'm not sure if it is really paranormal but have a weird instinct. For example, when I was a teen I missed my job three times juste because I couldn't force myself to go. Every time, there was a shooting, either at my job or on the route I would've taken to get there. Another day, out of the blue I decided at the last minute to spend the night at my aunt's place for the first time, so I informed the people I use to carpool with everyday and get out of the car. Important

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Text - _Illuminati_ • 12h I'm a pilot, one time I was flying and I saw this bright Orange glowing thing hovering over the trees. It was kind of bouncing around like if you had a ball on an elastic string and you just bounced it around and whatnot. Anyways, since my course would have brought me near it I asked Air Traffic Control if they saw anything on their radar which they said no. They asked me what I saw so I described it and they said they weren't showing anything and were not aware of any

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Text - magusjosh • 14h I've told this one before, but it's woth a retelling. One summer while I was in college, I was acting as RA for a small two-story, 15-room dorm that was housing a couple of students for the summer. One evening, the three of us were sitting in the first floor lounge watching a movie when we heard a female voice very clearly call my name from upstairs, twice. All three of us heard it, and we went to look together (because we were all scared out of our skulls and none of us w

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Text - Definitely_Not_Frodo • 15h Oh i have a few! I'll go with this one though: I went to the movies with my pals in HS and carpooled with a few to get there. I drove. The film: The Evil Dead. Movie ended, they were all going to get some food but I had to get home. The guys I drove were gonna go home with some of the others. It was getting late so I took the backroads that I knew I could speed on. I get onto X road that's like, 6 miles long, and someone had his brights on. I flash him a few tim

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Text - -AboveAverageJoe • 16h I don't know if this qualifies as paranormal per se, but I was home alone one weekend, and decided to make myself scrambled eggs for breakfast. Took a full carton out of the fridge. Grabbed an egg, cracked it. Went to a grab a second egg, only to notice the carton was...full. Again. I just stood there and stared at the full carton for a few seconds (expecting one to disappear maybe? Idk), then I just threw them all out. Wasn't gonna fuck around with phantom eggs. Th

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Text - CleverlyCoathanger • 14h My sister had a horse doll that moved around on it's own. Needless to say, we were both freaked out. No way someone was moving it, because nobody was around to move it at 4am when I decided to fact check her theory. Due to high demand, I figured l'd elaborate a little further. My memory is fuzzy because this all happened over a decade ago. Anyway, here's those extra details: to fact check whether or not my sister was telling the truth, I went around the house at n

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Text - girls-pmmeyournudes • 15h I can see the future sometimes. It's fucking weird as shit. Not like deja vu, but also exactly like deja vu at the same time. I'll have a dream and not think much about it except "oh that was pretty realistic" then what happened in the dream will actually happen. It's usually like 10 seconds. I don't really talk about it though because people will think l'm insane or exaggerating. It's fucking weird. Happens like once or twice a month. Reply 743

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Text - habitualinesteppa • 16h Felt really uneasy one night so I went downstairs to sleep instead of in my room. The next day everyone in my family said they saw an ominous orb of light floating around. Reply 204

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Text - Zknot • 16h I was asleep and experiencing sleep paralysis so dreaming/hallucinating. A boy at the end of the bed was taunting me with poking my foot he hadn't quite touched my foot yet but was going to. It carried on for a while I couldn't move then he hit my foot and at that exact moment my partner kicked me in the foot in her sleep. I've never been able to figure out how my hallucinating matched up with a real life real time moment. I consider it to be paranormal. Reply 277 ...

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Text - HahaAaronGoBurr • 15h I used to live in Cambodia. While I was there, I saw a silhouette of a man, but made of smoke; I got scared, and bought a machete; brought the machete home with me (to the U.S.); moved (to somewhere else in the U.S.), and put almost everything I owned into a barn during the move. The barn, and all of its contents burned. I recovered the blade of the machete from the burned barn, and put it in a toolbox which I kept in my room. I am 100% sure I shut, and latched the l

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Text - wid89 • 16h 3 5 Awards I went on a Tinder date a couple of years ago. Everything started out relatively normal. We met at a nice downtown restaurant for dinner. She was even prettier in person and the conversation was flowing. However, it didn't take long for me to realize she was a super private person. For example, she would not tell me her last name, where she worked, or say anything about her family. She made it clear that she was protecting herself, and honestly, I don't blame her. I

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Text - She explained that she recently moved into a new apartment. She lived alone, which was also a new thing. Though she couldn't put her finger on it, she was convinced there was a presence of a sinister and paranormal nature in her apartment. She had hardly slept since she moved in because she was plagued with constant nightmares and strange occurrences. I could see the fear and exhaustion in her eyes. She seemed quite sincere. "I can tell you're a good guy," she said. She elaborated that I

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Text - I was really taken aback by this. It's not every day I get asked to spend the night with a beautiful woman whom I just met. I figured she was either telling the truth or she picked a really odd way to initiate something intimate. Either way, the night would be interesting. We talked for a bit longer and I agreed to spend the night with her. I followed her home, and when I walked into her apartment I was immediately struck with bad vibes. There was just something ominous about that place.

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Text - Slowly I opened the door. I looked to my left, then to my right. Nothing. I walked downstairs to check out the rest of the apartment. Nothing. I went back upstairs to check the bathroom and the guest bedroom. Nothing. When I walked out of the guest room, which was right across from my date's bedroom, I looked to my left and right again. At the end of the hallway, I saw a black, humanoid body standing there perfectly still. It was almost like a shadow, but I could discern that it was a thr

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Text - I ran back into my date's room. To my horror, she wasn't in bed where I left her. I called out her name, but there was no response. I had just walked through the entire apartment, so it literally made no sense to me that she wasn't there. The bed was low to the ground, so she couldn't be under it. The closet was opened too, and it was packed with boxes so I knew she wasn't there either. The window was shut tight, plus it was the second story. It was as if she vanished. I grabbed my things

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Text - bummydicc • 15h I was staying in The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado. Being a massive fan of The Shining, I was so excited to stay a night in the hotel that scared Stephen King so shitless, he wrote one of my favorite books. I was going to have my picture taken next to Room 217. The room is at the end of a verrrrry long hallway, and it was kept as it was while the rest of the doors had been obviously renovated. I was stood opposite side of the door handle, posing next to it with my

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Text - NordyNed • 16h I'm going to preface this by saying I don't believe in ghosts at all. But one night a couple months ago, I was washing a dish in my sink when suddenly two wrinkled hands with long nails grabbed my ankles and yanked backwards, hard. I dropped the dish and cried out in surprise, but the hands weren't there when I turned around. It happened at an angle that was impossible unless the person was laying on their stomach behind me. No markings were left on my ankles, but I felt it

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Text - 4inchoreo • 16h So I was walking downstairs one morning and I stopped after 2-3 steps when I heard the sound of a cabinet opening and closing. I looked at the kitchen and saw a cabinet opening and closing. And the previous night | stayed up late with one of my cousin and her friend, and I swear to God, while we were seeing what would happen if we turned off the lights and just sat there, I heard something call out my name. And when I went to bed that night, I had a dream where there was j

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Husband Frightens Wife Over Course Of Six Years, Hilarity Ensues
 

Now that's what real love looks like. The fact that she never seems to have any rage about the situation would seem to suggest that she's just in a place of grim acceptance. 

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