3 Random Strangers Make An Awesome Song and more...

In This Issue...

3 Random Strangers Make An Awesome Song

Emergency Crash Landing A Plane After The Door Flies Off

South Park Satan Explains Dopamine Response And Addictive Behavior

Entitled Family Demands House Sitter Pay Their Utilities Bill

Smooth Scotsman Turns Wrong Number Into Job Interview

Stupid Mistakes Tattoo Artists Witnessed

Karen Rages At Innocent Grocery Store Employee, Other Customer Takes Petty Revenge

"Poor" Student Tries To Buy Photography Lens

Dumbest Things People Have Said With Full Confidence

Guy Wastes Time of Predatory PS5 Scalper

Twitter Scientist Air Fries a Hotdog For Two Hours

Exasperated Husband Buys Whole Truck Of Rice, Meltdown Ensues

Sister Steal's Hacker Brother's iPod, Brother Gives Sister's Computer A Stroke

Absolutely Epic Storytelling By Rob From Cyanide & Happiness

1993 "Magic: The Gathering" Beta Cards Antiques Roadshow

Sorely Mistaken People Not Getting Satire

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3 Random Strangers Make An Awesome Song

If the aliens ever show up to take over our strange little rock that's falling through space, they might feel compelled to give us a second chance if they see this performance. These guys crushed it.

Submitted by: (via Jaime Maldonado)

Tagged: Music , song , awesome , Video , win , positivity

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Emergency Crash Landing A Plane After The Door Flies Off

The way that she is able to crack jokes amidst such a truly terrifying, adrenaline-charged situation is nothing short of heroic. Sheesh.

Submitted by: (via Steve Le Van)

Tagged: crazy , scary , surprising , ridiculous , dangerous , airplane

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South Park Satan Explains Dopamine Response And Addictive Behavior

Let's never forget the iconic moment in South Park when Satan rolled through to break down the basic principle of naturalism to Stan. Guess everyone is trying to fill the void brought on by human existence at some level.

Submitted by: (via Albert Åkesson)

Tagged: animation , South Park , satan , naturalism , cartoons , ridiculous , funny

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Entitled Family Demands House Sitter Pay Their Utilities Bill

This person gets someone to housesit and feed their pets for a week, then they turn around and make up a bunch of charges for the person? Sounds like the cartoonish demands of an entitled person. And even if paying the utilities was part of the deal, which it wasn't, that number is still way too high. It's impossible to understand what's going on in the heads of entitled folks with audacious demands.

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Text - Posted by u/22022004 1 day ago 15 4 7 S 12 E7 AITA for refusing to pay bills for a house i house-sitted a month ago Not the A-hole I don't really think i'm the asshole in this situation but the family member, her boyfriend and her mum sure do. Although the fact that the family member recently lost her job due to the pandemic does make me feel like i'm being an AH. A little less than a month ago, i decided to house sit for a family member and her boyfriend for a week while they were going

2.

Text - House-sitting went fine and i'd pretty much forgotten about it until today. The family member sent me a paypal request with no explanation. She requested $184 and i immediately called and her and asked why she was doing this. She stated that it was my share of the bills for when i stayed. I was in shock, i told her i took a week off of work to care for her house free of charge, she said that i sill had to pay utilities. Keep in mind, i was never once made aware of this otherwise i would o

3.

Text - I told her to go fuck herself and hung up, ever since she's been messaging me saying she's gonna call the police and tell everyone on facebook about what a horrible piece of shit i am. I haven't responded to any of these messages and don't plan too. Am i the asshole?

4.

Text - Sentient111 Partassipant [2] 30.3k points 1 day ago 2 4 4 3 2 NTA. Send her a bill for pet services. The going rate in my area is $70/day. This should have been discussed beforehand, not argued about afterwards. And if she calls the police, let the police know about her marijuana stash.

5.

Text - Garlic-dough-balls Certified Proctologist [22] 11.2k points · 1 day ago 2 e S 8 2 I don't know what minimum wage is but send her a bill for $5 an hour. 5 X 24 hours X 7 days. =840 Assume one pet. 5 per feeding days. 5x7 = 35. You'll pay her 184 when she pays you $875 Offer her a discount and charge her $2 per hour. Still works out. $350. NTA you were doing them a favour. If they had put the pet in to boarding or elsewhere they would have a much higher bill.

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Text - lucyken Partassipant [2] 7.6k points · 1 day ago · edited 21 hours ago 2 S Nta, pre-empt her by making your own facebook post. "Here's gratitude for you, I mind X's house for a week, free. I feed their pets for a week, free. Now she is trying to bill me for the utilities. "

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Text - ChewMyFudge Certified Proctologist [26] 3.0k points · 1 day ago NTA. That's no different than someone asking you to babysit their kids for a week while they take vacation, then tell you to pay for bills during the time you were in the house. What will they tell the police? Make sure to save any text messages sent to you they sound insane.

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Text - Natalorian Asshole Enthusiast [8] 2.3k points · 1 day ago What a weird situation. I've never heard of someone house sitting who had to pay for any house related bills. NTA.

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Text - Gonebabythoughts Commander in Cheeks [263] 1.8k points · 1 day ago NTA Find a local kennel and get some rates for what they would have charged her to take care of her pets, then look up the fees for how much it would have cost to have someone paid to stay in her house to do the same. Present her with an invoice for both and ask her which one she wants to pay.

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Text - Cat_in_an_oak_tree Partassipant [2] 1.1k points · 1 day ago · edited 21 hours ago NTA. I have hired people to house sit. You NEVER charge them utilities unless there is egregious breach like $600 in phone calls or the electric jumped 250%. Further they should have been compensating you for your time and energy. Never house sit for them again and tell them to stuff that bill where the sun doesn't shine.

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Text - lanibgoode 877 points · 1 day ago nta, everyone else has good points, but I'm still stuck on the amount. how on earth could you possibly have used up enough of anything in a week to cost almost $200?? i don't think you could rack up that amount having every electronic device on and running water 24/7 for the whole week! 22022004 983 points · 1 day ago Considering she tried to add all of her insurances as reasoning for a bill so high, she's probably just trying to get the most money she ca

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Tagged: wtf , stealing , house , absurd , demanding , lol , ridiculous , entitled , money

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Smooth Scotsman Turns Wrong Number Into Job Interview

The guys used some silken words to get that coveted interview spot right from under Annette's nose. Some wouldn't take the risk to get so informal with a potential employer, but it ended up working out here. You've gotta feel bad for Annette, wherever she is. For some less fortuitous job foibles, here are hiring managers sharing signs someone lied on their resume.

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Blue - Add contact Report spam 14:49 Good afternoon Annette, this is Erin from the MTU site. I've phoned twice today for a phone interview but unfortunately have missed you both times. If you're available and would still like to be considered for the role I could phone again around 6PM this evening or I can schedule you in for the 2nd. Please let me know. Erin

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Blue - Add contact Report spam Hi Erin, I just realised you phoned due to being at work but I'm a 27 year old Scottish Guy Called Steven. So I think Annette has either entered the wrong number or I have a high achieving transgender split personality I don't know about. If you want I can do the interview on her behalf? I don't know her but I give a cracking reference, drop me a text if you want to proceed. Also Happy New Year.

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Text - Hi Steven, I must say that's an absolutely cracking response! I've just crossed referenced my lists and yes I do have the wrong number for Annette however do you happen to be from Motherwell a that applied for a Mobile Testing Unit job recently? 21 min Well thank you and yes that is myself. We do actually have you shortlisted for an interview as well, and if you're free I'm more than happy to do it at 6PM? Yeah that sounds great, looking forward to it, thanks. 17 min · Read

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Tagged: chance , wrong number , job , work , lol , nice , job interview , interview , funny , win

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Stupid Mistakes Tattoo Artists Witnessed

Tattoos can be tricky business. One typo or slip of the hand can have someone wearing "I love moom" on their bicep for the rest of their life. Tattoo artists take multiple precautions to idiot-proof the process, but we still end up with tattoo choices that have people asking questions. Sometimes the customers themselves are uncontrollable, like in the case of this male Karen who didn't believe a tattoo shop owner.

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Text - ALasagnaForOne 35.8k points · 17 hours ago · edited 4 hours ago 2 & 6 More I had a client email me asking for a four-letter acronym. I don't do freehand script so I put the letters into a font generator and sent him back some options. He picked the one he liked best and we set an appointment date. On the day of his session, I showed him the acronym again and we chose a size. I placed the stencil and he approved it and I got started. Midway through the tattoo I asked him what the letters s

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Text - willieyobslayer 28.0k points · 16 hours ago · edited 6 hours ago 6 Once had a client call the shop who was crying 10 & 26 More hysterically because, according to her, I had done her tattoo backwards. It took a few minutes to get her to calm down to the point where we realized she was looking at it in the mirror. She apologized and hung up.

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Text - RideAndShoot 24.6k points · 14 hours ago 3 3 10 S 2 & 6 More I was getting tattooed by my artist one time. I had been tattooed by him exclusively for over 10 years at that point. There was a girl getting tattooed at the next station over with a talkative friend. The friend was talking about her shitty tattoo on the back of her neck. It was supposed to be a genie lamp, but looked more like a shitty teapot as she described it. She says something about her hometown, and my artist perks up, a

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Text - mt995 20.1k points · 18 hours ago I've never really made any big mistakes that garnered a reaction, but one of my clients has a tattoo from another artist in a local studio that says "Gradad" instead of Grandad. The studio fired the artist and wouldn't take any responsibility for what had happened

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Text - Totally_Not_Hitler_ 18.2k points · 19 hours ago 4 3 2 & 10 More Just posted this in the other thread but here it is again: I'll bite. I misspelled "forward". It was a line of script on the side of a foot, and a last minute addition to a couple other tattoos they were getting. I quickly knocked it together on photoshop and nothing looked out of place, the client approved, so I made the stencil. The real fuckup is that I didn't ask them to spellcheck... I ALWAYS ask them to spellcheck, exce

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Text - Fixing the O was easy and I was able to turn the E and W into a wide loopy W and add a bit of extra loops and flourish to other letters so that it looked totally fine in the end albeit a bit stylized. She was happy in the end and still comes to get work from me. Ten years of tattooing and that one still haunts me. There have been other mistakes but they're mostly the clients fault... things like dads getting their children's birthdays wrong (happens a lot actually. Dude, I don't know what

7.

Text - "What E?" I reply in dismay! "The E! Bently has an E!" So I show him what he had written down, and he groans, "oh man, I always fuck that up... my wife is going to kill me!" So I sit down with the original drawing and manage to turn part of the L and the Y into an E, add another couple lines to re-form the L and Y, and boom: Bentley. It worked out in the end and I felt like and absolute wizard, but fuck, DUDE, it's your kid's name and you didn't notice the spelling was wrong the 10 times

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Text - xfactotumx 17.4k points · 17 hours ago · edited 6 hours ago 3 2 S 2 Worked as a piercer in a shop a decade ago. A guy came in and wanted "Murphys law"...the artist freehanded a design on him, he green lit it after watching in the mirror and they did a beautiful piece with a banner saying "murpys law". Seemed fitting. The guy loved the fact that his one messed up tattoo was the murphys law one.

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Text - eccoothedolphin 38.0k points · 18 hours ago · 3 O 2 5 & 12 More edited 15 hours ago I was a receptionist at a tattoo shop. One of the artists misspelled “neighborhood" on this guys neck. He spelled it "neigborhood", leaving out the first "H". Neighborhood was the guys nickname. It was a pretty large, elaborate tattoo so there was no fixing it. I don't think I have ever cringed so hard in my life. The guy was surprisingly really cool about it. He did see the drawing and approved it before

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Text - srhfy 119 points · 14 hours ago · edited 14 hours ago Dang, I'm late to the party. This didn't happen to me, but to an artist that used to work in the booth next to me. Some lady comes in and wants a pocket watch with roses in her arm, so my coworker agrees to do it. The client specifically wanted the pocket watch to be stopped at "4:20" He draws it up for her right arm and she's soooo excited, but for some reason she decides to change it to the left arm last minute. No problem, he runs i

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Text - gnitelove 12.0k points · 19 hours ago My ex did a large scarification on the client's abdomen. The client had brought in a piece of paper with the stylized word " preserverence". I was invited in mid-way to see the progress and had to tap my ex on the shoulder for a spelling lesson.

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Text - Mars_The_68thMedic 8.8k points · 16 hours ago· edited 16 hours ago ( A few years ago I was tattooing a client who had apparently lost a bet, his buddies were allowed to tattoo something behind his shoulder as long as it wasn't racist or offensive. Turns out the guy drew up a design of “A Leprechaun throwing up on a book"... Sure, why not, everyone was sober and they were paying pounds upfront. Easy work- the drawing was really simple and the shading was easier than I thought it'd be. Turn

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Text - Comes in about ten days later, demanding a refund of money HE didn't pay or the studio, not me, cover it up. Nope, management said you signed for it in your right mind and than damaged it yourself, personally I was yelled at and told NEVER tattoo anyone like that, it only works in television series or film. Did I make a mistake? Yes and no. The lesson here is don't get involved in others drama when permanent body marking are involved.

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Text - Darkroomist 8.6k points · 18 hours ago I got a tatt from an apprentice once and the process was rough. I was his 4th customer and he had a mentor "guiding" him. By guiding I mean roasting everything he was doing. It was a fairly simple Sailor Jerry pinup maybe 3 colors. The guide made him use 6 colors. Like the skin color on it is skin colored ink. It took 5 hours. The whole time the guide is saying stuff like "why the fck did you pick that color next?" Or "No, no, no! Don't do that you'l

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Text - JoshSidekick 8.3k points · 16 hours ago I was working at a place when a guy came in for a full back piece of 3 different cars. It took like 4 visits to finish and each visit he'd look at it and say it looks awesome and then he would take off. On the last visit, they call me in to look at it to show me how awesome it turned out. Well, all the steering wheels were on the wrong side and the reason no one caught it was because the dude was looking in a mirror to check his progress so they loo

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Text - tinawww 7.2k points · 16 hours ago So I didn't mess up but I had a client scare me, I was tattooing his sister's name on him (she passed away). "Gabriela" with 1 (L) in it. Past the point of no return he asks me "there's 2 L's, right?" I think I had a heart attack, and he started laughing. He thought it was hilarious, I died a little and pretended to laugh

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Text - WhenInDoubtBolt 6.5k points · 18 hours ago Did my first one on an old schoolmate who was aware of my artistic abilities, despite having never applied ink before, and he offered me his back. I had 3 pros watching as I drew a geisha freehanded on his back while he was hunched over. When the design was laid out, he checked it in the mirror and was good with it so I began lining it. The thing is, the other artists said it looked great but unfortunately I was doing something else when he check

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Text - cantstopgetitgetit 5.9k points · 13 hours ago 2 I was getting a wrap-around ankle piece of a beach scene. The artist is one who had done most of my other tattoos. He was freehanding most of it. At one point, he hit a really sensitive spot and I involuntarily kicked. "Oops, well that's a rock now" is all he said and made it blend in seamlessly with the rest of the piece.

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Text - Graverobber13 5.6k points · 18 hours ago 4 I was doing a big ol' tattoo of Cringer (aka Battlecat) on a really cool client's leg. I got so into doing this big, awesome tiger head that I forgot that it WASN'T a goddamn tiger and colored the stripes black. I realized about a third of the way through filling them in and let the guy know. He was disappointed, but mostly okay with it; I felt like I was going to puke. I finished the thing feeling so fucking sick and then refused payment. Man, g

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Text - Zornamental 4.0k points · 14 hours ago My ONLY spelling mistake ever was in Italian. Girl wants a phrase in Italian. She writes it down no less than 5x on a paper. I tell her to make sure it is correct, I don't speak Italian. She insists it is correct. I draw up some nice script, tattoo it with no issues, bandage, pay and she leaves. She comes back in hysterical and tells me I spelled it wrong. I hadn't thrown out the paper. I spelled it exactly how she spelled it. I asked what she wanted

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Text - hazard0666 1.7k points · 15 hours ago I tattooed Philippines 4:13 instead of Philippians 4:13 on a girl one time. Fortunately I was able fix it though

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Text - sagestudio 1.2k points · 16 hours ago I watched my boss turn a stylized "Tierny" (mistress's name) into “Diane" (wife's name) once. I'd never believe it if I didn't see it with my eyes.

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Text - Right_Entertainer_91 260 points · 15 hours ago · edited 15 hours ago S Tattoo artist here. Best case I ever saw, a guy came into our shop asking about a cover up. The tattoo wasn't done at our place. He had what we call a "belly rocker". One of those lettering tattoos that arcs over the belly. Think Tommy Lee's "mayhem" tattoo. Usually gothic font, gangsta type piece. He had beautifully executed, bold, black, old English letters across his belly that were supposed to read, “scarred for li

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Text - LuckyDevil042071 129 points · 16 hours ago · edited 16 hours ago Misspelled the name Jamie, Jaime. I asked the client for the spelling and showed the client the laid out script before it was applied. So not my fault. The client was very disgusted with himself for not knowing how to spell the name of the woman he loved enough to show it on his skin for life. I felt sorry for the guy so I offered him a cover-up at an incredible discount as well as the name re-applied spelled correctly, Unfo

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Tagged: wtf , art , job , incorrect , mistakes , tattoos , lol , ridiculous , dumb , spelling , funny

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Karen Rages At Innocent Grocery Store Employee, Other Customer Takes Petty Revenge

This tale of petty revenge serves as a great example of what one can do if they ever witness a wild Karen raging at a completely innocent human being working customer service. In this case, Karen was pitching a full on rage fit over the store "not" having her precious black-eyed peas. The thing about it is though that Karen never bothered to inspect the proper aisle closely. Nope, she segued right into unleashing her pent up rage at a poor grocery store employee who was just there trying to be helpful. Fortunately, another customer who has been through the ringer of working customer service was ready to take a swift yet effective petty revenge.

Check out another story of a Karen getting her comeuppance with this tale about a wild Karen getting bested by petty revenge at the airport.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/SkyBlueCorgi17 · 3d No black eyed peas for Karens So I live in the South (Texas specifically), and down here there's a tradition that every good southern home makes and eats black eyed peas for New Years. It's supposed to bring good luck in the coming year. I'm not crazy superstitious but I'm not taking any chances with 2021. Well being the organized human I am, I left this until the last minute and only remembered when my

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Text - boyfriend asked if l'd picked up some peas on my last grocery run. So I bolt out the door and head for the nearest grocery store. I went to four stores looking for these little bastards! But the time I get to the last store I'm ready to take anything (frozen, canned, pre-made whatever) or call it quits. I decide to check the aisle with dried beans first, in the slim hope I could find the real deal. And as I round the corner for the aisle I can see a lady has cornered some poor stock boy a

3.

Text - Karen: what do you mean you don't have any black eyed peas? I saw you restocking these shelves with beans and need them for tonight! Don't you understand tradition?! Employee: Ma'am I don't think we have any left. If they aren't in the display case, then we're probably out. But we do have canned and frozen- Karen: NO! I don't want canned or frozen! I need REAL BLACK EYED PEAS!

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Text - She continues to ream out this poor kid as I walk to the other side of them and to the shelf where the black eyed peas are usually stored. Call it a hunch or a blind hope but I crouched down to look all the way in the back and sure enough there were two bags left, tucked away in the shadows. I fished them out with a little difficulty (yay for having short arms) and by the time I got them both out, Karen had taken notice. When she saw me pull out the peas she gasped. Literally gasped like

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Text - She then holds out one hand and curls her fingers in a "fork 'em over" motion. Now I could have given her the bag. I only needed one. But dammit, I used to work retail and I can tell you that poor employee was not paid enough to deal with her attitude. Especially not this year. So I put on my best smile and said, "Sorry ma'am. I need these for my own New Years Eve. Tradition, you know?" And plopped them into my basket. She had a fit! Called me a selfish millennial brat with no respect for

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Tagged: customer service , satisfying , revenge , petty , karma , karen

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"Poor" Student Tries To Buy Photography Lens

The fact that this cheap and delusional choosing beggar came right out of the gate dishing out the "dear" left and right, was already a bright red flag. We're not sure what compels these cheap choosing beggars to stubbornly continue onward in their ways, but it's truly a spectacle to behold. At the end of the day though, they're just wasting the time of the sellers trying to get rid of their stuff in an efficient, timely manner. Check out some more ridiculous choosing beggars content with this entitled goof who tried to get a designer to work for free.

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Text - 76% Sigma 70-200mm f... How much you gave me Asking price is $350 after some consideration due to the mark on the lens I am willing to go down to $250 Which mark

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Blue - Small scratch on front element - mentioned in the post and should have photos in comments Ok shit Yes that's why price is very low Used selling price is $700

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Blue - Yeh but thats i dont know No worries I will pay for 100 It doesn't impact image quality or leave marks on image Nope got a camera store buying at $200 Never its scratched never give up the store m sure

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Text - Depends who you sell to. I use Keh that also do repairs so it's not an issue for them to fix it's still a quality lens with a minor inconvenience if you're not interested then move on I'll make sure to show you the invoice once it's sold Dear last 100 Nope ->

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Text - Bro last 120 then keep it bye Good bye a Bye bye dear take care OCT 30, 2020, 3:14 PM Jog offered you $350.00 This offer is not a payment. Purchase details are arranged later with the buyer. Decline Аcсept 300

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Text - Too late selling it within the hour sorry 350 рау сash Now I'm sorry but respect for the buyer and their time I have to decline Please dear m a student i cant afford expensive lens please gave me dear

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Text - I'm sorry man but I have to be fair in this situation you had your opportunity earlier and chose not to act on it. The buyer is committed and coming a long way I can't do that to them that's extremely disrespectful Please please help me the poor student please

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Text - Sorry man I can't do that but I do have a 28-85mm 3.5-4.5, 28mm 2.8 (manual focus) and a 200mm f4 (manual focus) I can sell you for $175 which would $75 less than asking price I want this one you never help poor guy ok as wish As you wish I'm sorry it's too late but are you interested in the other offer

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Tagged: FAIL , cringe , ridiculous , cheap , choosing beggar

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Dumbest Things People Have Said With Full Confidence

It's remarkable to witness the ungodly displays of confidence that can end up encircling completely ignorant statements. This particular AskReddit thread pays homage to those very moments. You've likely been out in the wild at one point or another and heard something reminiscent of one of these at one point in your life. From there, it's really up to you as the listener to either intervene or just let the ignorance carry on as it seems to so stubbornly do.

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Text - Equal-Self • 5d 1 Award When you drill a hole, you need to place your hand behind the spot where you're drilling. He said It'll make it easier to drill. I really didn't want to add a hole to my hand. E Q Reply 1 2.2k ...

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Text - BigBossHonchoPizza • 5d 8 2 Awards people in high school didn't believe me when I told them that English came from England and was indigenous to England similarly, for some reason, someone in college insisted that English was indigenous to America Reply 7.1k ..

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Text - casegreen201 • 5d 8 1 Award If they don't teach cursive in schools anymore, who will be the next great writer? Reply 1 1.5k 3 ...

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Text - Createdbjm · 5d 1 Award My front desk gym rep... "I gave them a 1 week free gym membership"... "March 27th to March 35th". Reply 19.1k 3 ...

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Text - Skyc2re · 5d 1 Award That government spies on people through dead pixels in their screens. smh | Reply 488 ...

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Text - shartnado3 • 5d 2 Awards Space was created by Disney to further the hoax of space/earth being round. He was dead serious, and he quoted "his own brain after much research" as his source. I wish I was kidding. Reply 1 19.6k 3 ...

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Text - BobioliCommentoli • 5d 3 1 Award A few of my coworkers and I went out to eat after work to a local bar and grill, one of my coworkers is pescatarian. Another one of my coworkers, Chris, is prone to speaking with absolute confidence about things he has incredibly little knowledge about. Janise (pescetarian) orders Buffalo shrimp (which is listed under a header of "wings and bites") Chris with supreme confidence corrects her and says "no dear those are wings" he got possibly the dirtiest lo

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Text - SC2sam • 5d 1 Award My SSgt whileI was on active duty fairly new to the base said straight up "why are you always trying to learn all the time, just stop it it's stupid". He didn't like it that I asked questions about wtf I was doing and why I was doing it. How else was I supposed to know how to do my job? Reply 1 6.1k 3 •..

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Text - kahrissay · 5d 3 1 Award My 6th grade science teacher told the class that the moon was bigger than the sun because the moon covered the sun during an eclipse.

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Text - TexJester • 5d 24 Awards That she could never use a sperm donor to have a kid....because she wasn't 100% sure that the baby/child would speak English.... Reply 1 32.3k + ...

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Text - MostlySpiders · 5d 9 Awards I used to work in a lab where origami was a pretty big thing, so there were origami figurines all over the place. Some guy comes to visit and comments on the figures and says "Those are nice, what are they called? Macramé?" I said "They're origami." He responded, "I'm pretty sure it's macramé. I'm usually right about this sort of thing." I'm usually right about this sort of thing! Edit: Didn't expect that to blow up. You are all the best! (And l'm definitely ri

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Text - kira82 · 5d S 10 Awards "I wish there was a window in between us so I didn't have to look at you." Q Reply 1 21.3k ...

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Text - Notmiefault • 5d 3 2 Awards You shouldn't wear a seatbelt because, in the event of a crash, you're better off being thrown out of the car than being trapped in it. Reply 25.0k ...

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Text - tequilitas • 5d 3 1 Award The sun is made of gold. We debated for hours, he still refused to believe it was not. + Reply 2.9k ...

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Text - rrl · 5d 3 4 Awards 1/4 is greater than 1/2 Reply 14.2k ...

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Text - ljr55555 · 5d I worked in IT support and provided escalation support for the help desk and desktop support teams. One day a desktop support tech came into my office for help: the laptop couldn't access the Internet. I asked her to open a command prompt and ping the router IP, and she got request time outs. A point at which any halfway reasonable tech would stop and say "Oh, the computer's not on the network!". She, on the other hand, got the most know-it-all snotty tone and said to me "I

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Text - discostud1515•5d My buddy just told me he gave $2500 to an influencer on YouTube to help sell his book. It resulted in zero new sales. Reply 990 ...

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Text - alias319 · 5d 1 Award "I don't know the number for 9-1-1" + Reply 4.4k ...

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Text - OneCatch • 5d 1 Award I had a teacher in school who confidently claimed that sharks were mammals. Reply 3.9k ...

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Text - Vaganhope_UAE • 5d That dinosaur bones are man made by scientist to convince us there is no god Reply 1 3.8k 3 + ...

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Text - littlepinkcupcake · 5d 3 1 Award Someone once told me that smoking cigs will help treat my asthma bc my lungs would be building a tolerance to the smoking and that means that I won't have such a hard time during asthma attacks bc my lungs would already be used to the strain that smoking causes. He even tried to back it up with "my friends have asthma and they smoke" Reply 4.1k ...

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Text - hoboshuffle • 5d Why would I stir my coffee? Sugar floats. Reply 1.7k ...

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Text - Ochoytnik · 5d S 17 Awards If you ever fall out of a plane without a parachute you should grab onto the ground when you hit it so that you don't bounce because that is the bounce that kills you not the first impact. He swore that it was true and that a skydiving instructor had told him. Reply 16.3k ...

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Text - DakPara · 5d 1 Award "When I went into the Nuclear Navy, I got the equivalent to a PhD in Nuclear Engineering in six-months." All the real Nuclear Engineers just fell down laughing. Talk about brainwashing. Reply 1 7.0k 3 ...

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Text - TrashyMcTrashacct · 5d 'Amsterdam is a city in London'. I couldn't even begin to explain how wrong she was. Reply 2.5k ...

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Tagged: clueless , askreddit , ridiculous , dumb , Reddit , stupid

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Guy Wastes Time of Predatory PS5 Scalper

Sold out PlayStation 5s have been a boon to predatory scalpers everywhere, who are able to buy the consoles, continue the cycle of scarcity and resell them for a stupidly high price. It's unclear who'd be willing to pay upwards of a thousand dollars for a new game console, but people are dumb, so it's probably worth a shot. This guy got the attention of a dude trying to sell a PS5 for 900 dollars with a straight face, and decided to inconvenience him. For more messing with scammers, here's a guy who used made up neighbor drama to troll a scammer.

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Text - 7:13 e LTE PlayStation 5 • $900 48316 Rate Seller See Details Robert · PlayStation 5 Joined Facebook in 2014 Youssef doesn't have any seller ratings yet. ADD PEOPLE See Latest Updates Hi, is this available? Youssef Yes, it's available. okay awesome im interested. whats the best you can do THU I ? PM Youssef Aa

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Text - 7:13 e Robert · PlayStation 5 PlayStation 5 • $900 48316 Rate Seller See Details Youssef How much do you want it for I have gotten offers of 850 and sold 3 for that piece 800 best i can do Youssef If you can do 850 l'll meet you tomorrow and give it to you It's never been opened and I have online геceipt It still has it sticker that closes the box If you want it for 825 l'll give u if you get two of them i can only do 850 if we can meet in grand rapids. You are really far from me and th l

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Blue - 7:13 e Robert · PlayStation 5 PlayStation 5 • $900 48316 Rate Seller See Details That's a 3 hour drive for me Maybe meet half way ? thought you were in shelby? half way is okay. im in farmington hills Youssef I'm on the far edge of Sterling Heights Send me an address of a police station that's half way And l'll be able to meet you tmr Would like one ps5 for two Bec I you have one more just the one ps5 for me Youssef Okay no problem Aa

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Text - 7:13 e Robert · PlayStation 5 PlayStation 5 $900 48316 Rate Seller See Details ill find a police station halfway. Im free around 230 tomorrow Youssef Send me an afternoon and l'll see you tomorrow morning 2:30 is fine 14112 Woodward Ave, Highland Park, MI 48203 11:46 AM We still on for today Youssef Yes we are Do you want to meet earlier or still at 2:30 ? 12:27 PM No I can only do 230 Aa

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Text - 7:13 e Robert · PlayStation 5 PlayStation 5 $900 48316 Rate Seller See Details Okay l'll see you then 2:21 PM Hey I just stopped by Walmart while I was making my way to highland Park. I found a ps5 in stock for 500. Just wanted to let you know as quick as possible

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Blue - Youssef My man I'm here I drove 30 mins Sorry bud. That's what you get for scalping. Youssef it's called a hustle u wouldn't know 2:54 PM You're right I wouldnt know. I don't have to screw people over for a living e Aa :)

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Tagged: playstation , frustrating , scammer , scalper , annoying , price , ps5 , revenge , lol , inconvenient

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Twitter Scientist Air Fries a Hotdog For Two Hours

Ask around, visit a friend's house, and it seems like everyone has an air fryer all of a sudden. They seem pretty cool, but such new technology has yet to be experimented upon by the home scientists among us. @KLobstar went ahead and did some cutting edge science, seeing what would happen if you left this newfangled device to operate on a hot dog for 120 minutes. For some more loose handling of the science, Here's a handy tumblr list of the lickable sciences.

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar gonna air fry a hotdog for 120 minutes and see what happens

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Orange - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar gotta do it in intervals S950 A CAUTION HOT SURFACE Glass, meta, and inner pot are hat dung and after cooking DO NOT TOUCH AVERTISSEMENT SURFACE CHAUDE Le verte mear aro appanet sont chucurnte NE PAS TOUCHER N HOT SURFACE

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Orange - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar at 10 minutes now

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar my wife is not happy

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Carmine - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar an object must remain undisturbed in any scientific experiment, otherwise you, the researcher, have invalidated the findings flip the hotdog over mgtip.com JAKE-CLARK.TUmBLA

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Orange - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 20 minutes had elapsed, 100 minutes remain Translate Tweet

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Orange - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 30 minutes has elapsed, 90 minutes remains. Hotdog will be extracted and examined

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Food - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar Tassure you the smell is worse than it looks

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Orange - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 40 minutes at 300° has elapsed, 80 minutes remain. Wife is increasingly displeased and reports the hotdog smell is "overwhelming"

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 50 minutes has elapsed, 70 minutes remain. My wife and son have gone outside and I have opened the kitchen window

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Amber - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 60 minutes has elapsed, 60 minutes remain. I have been advised by fellow scientists to allow the hotdog and the air fryer to cool off before continuing. The air is thick with hotdog flavor.

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar I'm gonna be honest I don't think this bad boy is gonna last another 60 minutes without catching fire guess we'll see

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Light - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar another 60 minutes at 300° begins now -5937 CAUTION HOT SURFAC DO NOT TO 4. 4VERTISSEM SURFACE CU CAUTION: HOT SURFACE

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar this may not have been a great idea

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Yellow - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 70 minutes has elapsed Translate Tweet CAL CAU

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 80 minutes has elapsed, and the kitchen has been taken over by truly the worst smell imaginable

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Product - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar out of precaution I have obtained a bottle of FIRE GONE USE IN CASE OF FI FIRE SUPPRESSAN FIRE Gone STOP FIRES FAST Fabric/Wood Mome, Grea Boat, Auto, BBQ, RV Fi Kitchen, Office Use Sat Clean Easy to Fast

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar as we pass 90 minutes I think about the mistakes l've made, specifically not doing this outside, where it almost surely would not smell as though someone had placed a pig into a heated car for 8-10 weeks

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar update: my wife is still not happy

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Yellow - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 20 minutes remain, and it has become clear to me that I should change careers into being a scientist CAUT

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 10 minutes remain, and it appears the hotdog has entered its final form, I wonder if it is still delicious

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Ingredient - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 120 minutes at 300°, and this hotdog has become completely mummified, and smells like fire

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Rock - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar looks like shit

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar it tastes terrible, it's not even remotely a hotdog anymore, it's just carbon in the shape ofa dick

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Text - kendrick lobstar @KLobstar 6 hours has passed and there is still a faint hotdog smell throughout the house

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Tagged: hot dog , twitter , thread , gross , lol , dumb , science , air fyer , funny , stupid

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Exasperated Husband Buys Whole Truck Of Rice, Meltdown Ensues

You probably didn't get your day started thinking that you'd end up reading an engaging emotional rollercoaster of a tale about a family's total meltdown over a truckload of rice, but here we are. Writer Shiv Ramdas, delivers us readers a thoroughly engaging read about the kind of fallout that can ensue when you disregard your partner's requests for a certain amount of rice, and overdo the whole thing just to spare yourself the extra trips. Sounds like it doesn't shake out to be a fun scenario at all.

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv OMG my brother in law, the gift that never stops giving, was tired of being sent to get rice every day so he decided buy in bulk, talked to the shop about it, wires got crossed, now there is a literal TRUCK FILLED WITH RICE outside the house and my sister is losing her shit Imfao 10:06 AM · 03 Sep 20 · Twitter Web App 49.4K Retweets 22.5K Quote Tweets 302K Likes Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Replying to @nameshiv If you have never heard a woman destroy a man with

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 To clarify, this is India so when I say truck, I don't mean SUV, IT IS A LITERAL LORRY FILLED WITH RICE 47 27 754 32.4K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: BIL is now negotiating with lorry driver. My requests to keep phone on speaker so I can here have been coldly rebuffed. I can however confirm that bribe has been offered and rejected. I cannot say whether this was a question of principle or price 19 27 301 22.4K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update to Drama: BIL had come in to explain that driver insists they'll have to take the rice(and pay) but midway through thouht better of it and is now negotiating with driver again. An excellent demonstration of the flight instinct in mammals when confronted with mortal peril 9 12 27 322 23.4K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Side update: They also apparently have to unload the rice themselves. 28 t7 230 18.5K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update:

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Also all of you enjoying this need to join me in thanking Mom for going above and beyond the call of duty and carrying phone between locations & also relaying key info while somehow also social distancing so we can continue bringing you our live reporting on this unfolding crisis 99 17 298 27.1K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: BIL is making headway. Lorry driver and helper have accepted cigarettes from him. Negotiations have resumed while all 3

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Key Update: Cigarettes were in fact a huge strategic blunder because BIL apparently assured sis that he's definitely finally quit smoking on Sunday and in no way shape or form was supposed to have packs of cigs just there in pocket ready to be used as negotiating aid. 102 17 661 36.3K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Bereft of victims for the moment, sister is now asking me if I knew about this. There may be a slight lull in updates while I swear

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BIL Update: Warehouse Owner still not taking calls but they have reached some chappu of his who told them to call someone called Manu, he'll take care of it. Thats all we know about him. He's Manu, this his number and he'll take care of it. He is the Mr Wolf of warehouse cockups 40 27 288 19.2K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Manu is not answering the phone. 14 t7 163 15K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Dad has also come outside and jo

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Brown - Manu is now speaking to lorry driver. Driver is getting animated. He is the real victim(I kinda agree) 27 145 17.7K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu is now speaking to BIL. 8 17 104 11.7K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BIL is getting animated 27 104 12K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu has asked to speak to lorry driver again 27 101 11.7K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu clearly believes in getting all sides in a conflict before coming to a decision because he is now

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Mom is scolding dad for demanding to speak to Manu. Dad has been banished back inside as punishment. 17 27 220 19.9K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Meanwhile Manu and BIL do not appear close to a resolution. 27 102 11.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Dad attemped to break curfew and come back out. He has now claimed he's done with the whole thing and doesnt care and also where the hell is dinner and he is going to room to watch news because state o

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BREAKING NEWS: Manu Is Coming 49 17 263 18.3K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 First however, Manu obv has to talk to driver again. Manu seems to be a talker, he has lots to say to everyone. Still nothing to say to me though. Hey Manu, nobody likes a snob, you know. I'm a person too. 60 27 160 16.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Phone has been hung up. We are now waiting for Manu. 62 t7 109 10.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 holy shit a lot of y

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Organism - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 also since whats an ad break without ads, I talk about storytelling, humour etc here: Shiv Ramdas is creating writing/journalism and communities | Patreon patreon.com 9 44 27 470 12.7K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Manu called again. He is lost and needs directions. 23 27 130 12.9K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv 03 Sep 20 Mom is making everyone eat food while we wait. Ironically there is no rice on menu. O 78 t7 434 25.7K

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Mom just called back. I think Manu may have arrived. O 31 27 99 10.3K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Ok we're outside(sorry bout delay, but we're dependent on mom who DGAF about anyone during dinner, even Manu) O 19 17 106 12.1K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Since I know I cared about this and was wondering, Manu kinda looks disappointingly average. He's just normal, random desi uncle in shirt pant. Sad! 47 t7 142 13.5K Shiv Ramdas @nameshi

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BIL just played the "are you married" card. This is escalating. Manu's sense of husbandly empathy has been invoked. 25 t7 262 17.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 It turns out Manu is indeed married. BIL is visibly relieved. 19 27 104 13K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Lorry Driver wants them both to know that he too is married. 25 17 253 21K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 In a tragic twist, Lorry Drivers marriage was not deemed worthy of discuss

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Apparently compromise is that if BIL buys some sacks of rice* and then Manu will make the rest just go away. *Number under negotiation 35 27 121 12.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu has opened aggressively with a you take half I take half offer. BIL has counetered by pointing out in that case Manu will need to take him too 93 27 177 12.9K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BIL is now saying he can do 10 bags but does Manu want a bottle of scotch th

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 The lorry driver has shared that he however, would rather like a bottle of whisky. He is also willing to accept rum. He's accomodating like that. 23 17 188 17.8K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu has informed him he won't be getting anything of the sort. Lorry driver looks unhappy 69 27 122 12.1K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Lorry driver is no longer speaking up when Manu wants him to chime in. Heel turn. O 31 27 112 11.7K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Update: Mom is not going to bed just yet, I invoked this ridiculously large audience and it swayed her. I think she may be judging y'all for caring this much about rice, but she's been judging me my whole life too, you'll be fine 169 t7 526 31.9K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Neighbour Uncle has emerged wearing kurta pajama. He wants to solve the problem himself. 40 t7 212 14K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Neighbour Uncle has unemerged because he

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 They are now shaking hands. I believe we may have an accord. 88 27 129 11.2K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Final terms: 23 bags, one bottle Old Monk, one bottle scotch*. Everyone is exhausted. * Lorry driver is the best fucking negotiator of the lot O 170 17 554 27.8K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 ITS NOT OVER OH GOD NOW WHO WILL UNLOAD 23 BAGS ARGUMENT HAS STARTED O 144 17 303 15.8K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Lorry driver is sick of this s

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Text - Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Manu's work is done. He is leaving. This is not the only crisis he needs to solve tonight, no doubt. No rest for the elite specialist Q 77 27 198 17.2K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Neighbour Uncle has re-emerged, now wearing mask. Q 44 t7 122 11.6K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 BIL just asked Neighbour Uncle to help with bags. I don't think I've ever seen a senior citizen walk home that fast. 56 t7 264 19.8K Shiv Ramdas @nameshiv · 03 Sep 20 Corr

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Tagged: twitter , social media , food

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Sister Steal's Hacker Brother's iPod, Brother Gives Sister's Computer A Stroke

Now this is sibling rivalry at its very finest. If you have any siblings and you happen to know that they're well trained in the dark art of computer hacking, it's probably best to never consider lifting their iPod/personal device. This brother was certainly ready to leap at his chance to carry out a brutal pro revenge.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/feelingsupersonic · 6h 2 3 2 8 1 Steal my iPod? Fuck your laptop. A story from 2007. I posted this on pettyrevenge, but after thinking about it, it actually may be better suited here. Imagine being in high school, back in the latter days of George Bush and finally buying that iPod of your dreams. After saving up your allowance and the money you made around the neighborhood doing random ass work, and lifeguarding at the local pool. Yup... that was me. And I was that d

2.

Text - But every story needs an antagonist - my sister happened to find that role many times. We are very close now, but back then, it wasn't so rosy. She was a teenager as well and spent most of those years resenting me. If I had something nice, fuck you for having that. I was quite protective of my precious iPod - she raised quite the shitstorm when my parents refused to buy her one. "Your brother saved his money, we didn't pay for it - we are not stopping you from buying one too if you save y

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Text - Well, that iPod goes missing one day at home when I knew damn well I had left it charging at the family computer. I left it unattended. My parents confirmed they did not touch it, and all eyes were on my sister. l'll jump ahead here - as it turned out, she had indeed taken it and had one of her friends temporarily store it until the heat was off of her. She knew my parents would essentially strip search her. After this unraveled (one of my buddies saw her with the iPod at school several d

4.

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Text - It doesn't take a genius (because as much as I thought I was one, I wasn't) to devise a plan here. I put a script together with the worst shit I could muster, and gave it the Internet Explorer icon. This went on to my sister's computer, which was an old Pentium M laptop which barely had enough ass to load MySpace at the time. My "hacker" abilities allowed me to log into the administrator account by booting into safe mode or something and simply replacing the iexplorer.exe main file with m

6.

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Text - The whole script plays out and she's left with a paperweight until someone can get around to sorting it, unfortunately the "computer guy" in the family took quite a while to get around to it. My dad knew damn well that I had something to do with this, even if he didn't understand it fully. He made my sister apologize to me before I helped her with her laptop and made her buy me a new case for it, after she threw away the one I had to try and make it less identifiable. Well, that's the sto

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Text - EDIT: here is the video. I made this after submitting this to prorevenge in 2013, I forgot completely I had done that back then. My old account got banned in 2013 because I told someone on ShitRedditSays to grow up or something. This version used the Chrome icon and I remember tweaking it a little so it would execute most of the payload on reboot. I had uploaded it at one point after some people requested a copy. I can try to find it, but I am almost certa died after I dropped it years ag

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Tagged: satisfying , siblings , revenge , awesome , ridiculous , family , Reddit , funny

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Absolutely Epic Storytelling By Rob From Cyanide & Happiness

Nothing gets the reader going like a good old fashioned "choose your own adventure" story. This particular adventuresome tale by Rob from Cyanide & Happiness is as well written as it is comically absurd. You've got to hand it to Rob for really keeping the readers on their toes with all the twists we witness with a very loyal and helpful, Tim Cruise. That dragon never stood a chance.

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Text - Thread F DenBleyker enBleyker ... You wake up in a dark room. There is a door to your left, a door to your right, and a chest. Go left 10% Go right 7% Open chest 83% 591 votes · Final results 1:53 PM · 2021-01-02 · Twitter for Android 62 Retweets 29 Quote Tweets 374 Likes

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD 3h Replying to @RobDen™ You found a wooden sword. You equip it. It smells moldy and low damagey. Go left 55% Go right 45% 555 votes · Final results 106

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Text - Bleyker @Rob... · 3h … You walk through the left door, ... and into a cavernous room with columns as wide as a large man. There's also a large man, in a cloak. "Who goes there??" He asks You say: "It's just me, chill yo" 55% "Where am l?" 21% (say nothing) 24% 492 votes · Final results 3 97

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD... · 3h "It's just me, chill yo" you say and do a deuce sign with your hand. ... "Oh shit I couldn't tell, it's so dark and cinematic in here" he replies. He offers up a chalice. "I'm Tim, you must be the player character. Wanna drink some magic juice?" he asks. Accept the juice 53% Decline the juice 7% Kill Tim 40% 426 votes · Final results 273 97

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Text - Rob DenBleyker ORobD.. 3h You chug-a-lug the dragon jiz or whatever the fuck, leaving none ... for Tim. "Damn boy you are thirsty lol" says Tim, laughing out loud. "Turn that cup over for a surprise" You turn it over and notice the base has three buttons that let you choose the magic power you get. Flight 23% Invisibility 40% Fast punching 37% 401 votes · Final results 95

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Text - Rob De Bleyker @RobD... "I CHOOSE INVISIBILITY!" you shout, startling Tim. You then remember it's button-based, so ... you press the button, ashamed. Tim says "You just press the button. You don't yell the power out loud." He sounds disappointed. You respond: I was drunk on the juice 30% I'm sorry 6% (turn invisible) 64% 389 votes · Final results 100

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Text - Fob DenBleyker @Ro D... · 3h •… ... You turn invisible. Tim stares awkwardly for a minute, then sits down like a shitty Skyrim character and puts on a shirt that says "you can't interact with me anymore" There is another door to the left labeled KEEP OUT. Go left 25% Go right 9% Interact with Tim 66% 410 votes · Final results 272 86

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD... · 2h ... "You good Tim?" Tim weeps, for he has run out of dialogue options. Go left 19% Go right 8% Interact with Tim 73% 415 votes · Final results 100

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Text - Kob DenBle er @RobD... · 2h "I'm sorry, Tim. I'm sorry I didn't say the right things, to keep you talking. I wish I could go back, and perhaps befriend you, but I chose the wrong things to say ... and now you are silent and sad. I hope you one day forgive me, Tim" Tim de-spawns in front of you. He is gone. Go left 60% Go right 40% 403 votes · Final results 13 106

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Text - ..ob DenBleyker @ROBD... · 2h … You go left through the door labeled KEEP OUT, and enter a hallway lit with candles. ... 10 feet ahead of you, a goblin with a spear jabs at the air angrily. "Who the fuck opened the door that says KEEP OUT??" You remember that you are still invisible. You reply "It's just the wind" 33% "Door did that by itself" 31% (sneak past) 36% 404 votes · Final results 92

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Text - Fob DenBleyker @bD... · 2h After a close 3-way vote inside your brain, you sneak past the goblin. ... The goblin spends the rest of his life questioning his sanity and drinking a lot (and goblins live a thousand years so it's even more fucked up) At the end of the hall you find two doors, one green, one red. Enter the green door 54% Enter the red door 46% 364 votes · Final results 27 111

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Text - Fob DenBleyker @RobD... · 2h You try to enter the green door but it's actually not real, it's a painting of a door on the wall probably designed to trick you into running into it or something. These halls are truly cursed. ... Enter the red door 59% Enter the red door 41% 383 votes · Final results 8 78

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD... · 2h You open the red door, and start to enter the room until you realize ... it's not a room but the opening to a huge cavern full of fiery chasms and spikes and shit. Your invisibility turns off because you ran out of mana I guess Paths to the left and right, a rope drops into a pit. Go left 11% Go right 13% Slide down rope 76% 334 votes · Final results 271 69

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD.. · 2h You slide down the rope and suffer severe friction burns, because I forgot to mention you've been naked this whole ... time. Your health is now low, and what's worse, unmistakable boss fight music starts to play! The rope falls down behind you. There is thick fog ahead of you. Get rope 39% Go forward 8% Cry 53% 364 votes · Final results 272 87

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Text - Rob DenB yker @RobD... · 2h You cry for 3 hours which is ... understandable. You are about to do more crying when an apparition appears. It's Tim! He floats in front of you. "It's me, Tim Cruise" "I knew it was you, but I didn't know your whole name." "Yeah. Sorry to interrupt the crying." You reply: I wasn't crying 50% How do I beat the boss? 25% What are y... 25% 377 votes · Final results 8 75

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Text - Ro DenBleyker @RobD... · 2h "I wasn't crying" you reply, "my eyeballs have a rare disease and they just do that sometimes" "Wow that sucks" says Tim. He pulls out a potion. "Perhaps this health potion will help your shitty leaky eyeballs". He hands it to you and you drink it, restoring your HP. You say: I actually WAS crying 41% How do I beat the boss? 42% Bye (end convo) 17% 347 votes · Final results

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Text - Rob LIDIeyker 2h ... "How do I beat the boss?" "The boss is a big dragon, you have to hit him with your sword a bunch. Also your armor level is zero, let's get you fixed up" Tim removes his cloak and underwear and puts them on you. Tim quietly says "btw it's OK to cry sometimes" and flies away. Get rope 73% Go forward 27% 302 votes · Final results 10 65

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Text - Rub DenBleyker @RobD... · 1h … You add the rope to your inventory, and move forward into the fog. ... The boss fight music grows ever louder, and now there's some cool drums intermixed too. You must be getting close. You start to think about your life, in particular the time you Met Tim while naked 30% Saw Tim naked 35% Traumatized a goblin 35% 348 votes · Final results 78

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Text - Ro DenBieyker @RobD. · 1h You reflect on seeing Tim disrobe in front of you. The kindness in his eyes, as he took off his tighty whities and put them on you, still ... warm. Tim Cruise, your only friend. Is he up there watching over you? Is he dead? Who knows? You exit the fog and see a dragon, asleep. Yell at it 24% Sneaky sword attack 23% Tie it up with rope 53% 342 votes · Final results 57

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @Robl 1h ... You quickly move to tie up the dragon, but only have enough rope to tie its feet together. The dragon wakes up with a mighty roar and his mouth smells like garbage so you puke all over the ground. "WHO DARES AWAKE THE FINAL BOSS DRAGON?" he bellows. The music is really cool now Attack with sword 26% Run away 9% Reason with it 65% 357 votes · Final results 55

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @Rob D... ·1h You clear your throat and make your pitch: "You're a bigass dragon, and I'm a guy with a sword sooooo000" You shrug. The dragon considers what you've said, and eventually agrees that this all makes sense. He lunges toward you and bites off your left arm. Sword attack 37% Run away 4% Cry 59% 364 votes · Final results O 10 54

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Text - Rob DenBleyker @F bD... ·1h You use CRY, and it is not effective. The dragon bites off your other arm and throws your sword across the room. Your HP is at 1 and your arms are at 0. Suddenly Tim appears. "Watch out, he's got an eye infection" The dragon stares blankly. "the fuck did you say" You reply Tim is right 46% No I'm actually just sad 14% Ow ow fuck my arms ow 40% 358 votes · Final results 62

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Text - ROw DenBleyker @RobD... ·1h "He's right!" you cry while crying. ... .·· "I'm manly man who never cries but my eyeballs are sick and gross, and highly contagious. They are full of pus that looks like tears but it's not tears because I have never cried before" The dragon lurches back, then turns and starts to flee. Chase dragon 19% Squirt tears at dragon 81% 358 votes · Final results 53

24.

Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD... · 1h ·… ... You squirt weaponized sadness at the beast. "AW FUCK EWW GROSS NOO" yells the dragon, as it begins to run. But its feet are tied up! "Aw SHIT fuck my ass" yells the majestic beast as it trips and falls on your moldy sword, stabbing itself through the heart. You have won. You Do a victory dance 31% Say something badass 38% Stand there stoically 31% 358 votes · Final results Q 15 78

25.

Text - Rob DenBleyker @RobD... ·1h …. "All roped up and nowhere to go. Sword through the heart and I'm to blame. Looks like... eye killed him." "Those we're all pretty badass things to say" Tim interjects "but maybe choose one and workshop it. I can help, I'm good at dialogue now" Which catchphrase do you workshop? The rope one 17% The sword one 33% The eyeball one 50% 355 votes · Final results 8 56

26.

Text - Rob Denbieyker @Rob...·56m "The eyeball one" ... Tim thinks for a moment, then says "I guess looks... CAN kill." You agree that his catchphrase is better. Tim Cruise looks at you sadly. "I guess this is goodbye then. Hey... what should we call you when we write legends about this?" Dragonstabber 10% Stinky Eyeball Man 24% Tim Hanks 39% Señor Invisiblo 27% 298 votes · Final results 64

27.

Text - Rob [enBleyker @Ro... ·48m And thus was born the legend of Tim Hanks. The townspeople cheered for him, and built so ... many statues in his honor that different townspeople got annoyed because there were too many statues. Tim Hanks went on to do many more adventures, and also his arms grew back. The End. O 14 278 244

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Tagged: twitter , awesome , dark humor , social media , ridiculous , storytelling , funny , web comics

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1993 "Magic: The Gathering" Beta Cards Antiques Roadshow

Man, you could tell from the get go that this was going to unfold beautifully. When asked how much she thought those nine cards were worth, she threw out a nice guess of a couple hundred bucks, and proceeded to learn that there was a whole different story at play.

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Tagged: awesome , antiques roadshow , trading cards , auction , magic

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Sorely Mistaken People Not Getting Satire

Even though satirical news has been around for decades, people still have a really hard time parsing out fact from fiction. Sometimes they'll write-off a absurdly funny headline as fake news. Other times they'll react with appropriate shock after reading a "report" that the gates of hell have been opened. It's funny, but also kinda really disappointing when sadly mistaken people don't understand satire.