'Sobbing down the phone'

The Independent Women newsletter

SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE January 19, 2023 View in browser Women seeking abortions face 'cruel' delays due to NHS funding row If you are pregnant and want an abortion, it is highly, highly likely you will want it as soon as possible. I know I certainly did. This is because abortions are time-sensitive procedures and dealing with the side effects of a pregnancy you don't want is not fun. On the contrary, it is frustrating, unsettling, and disorientating.    "As crippling exhaustion left me struggling to do day-to-day tasks, the prospect of continuing with a pregnancy I didn't want felt like torture": These were the exact words I used to describe the process of awaiting an abortion in a story I wrote last year titled I had an abortion – and my experience shows how broken the UK system truly is.   Given the time-sensitivity of abortions, it was especially troubling to recently learn of the issues plaguing abortion services in the UK. A story of mine published earlier this week looked at warnings women seeking abortions are facing "cruel" delays because they are being blocked from choosing where they can get treatment.   Charities have said that the failure of some NHS funding bodies to pay for out-of-area terminations is a breach of NHS rules and standards and is putting patients at risk. Dr Jonathan Lord, the medical director of MSI Reproductive Choices, a leading UK abortion provider, told me that the "complex and heavily bureaucratic rules" result in patients being forced to use their sole local provider or to travel long distances to a service run by that same provider elsewhere. While the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists warned that women must be given the right to choose their preferred abortion treatment, as well as where they receive healthcare.   Dr Lord said there were a number of reasons why a woman would choose to access treatment elsewhere, including shorter waiting times, privacy or choice of procedure, and his organisation had women calling in tears due to having their request denied.   "I remember a woman from the Oxford region who had to have a repeat abortion," Dr Lord, a consultant gynaecologist at the Royal Cornwall Hospitals NHS Trust, told me. "She was so fertile the contraception failed twice. She had an incredibly traumatic first experience of an abortion which was not the fault of the provider but she did not want to go back there. The funding bodies refused point blank. She was sobbing down the phone. She was utterly distraught." 'Compounded trauma': Ministers urged to introduce paid miscarriage leave for parents It did not surprise me one little bit when Angela Crawley, an MP for the SNP, told me women and their partners feel unable to tell their employer they have suffered a miscarriage or another pregnancy loss. If I were to have endured a miscarriage while working under some former bosses - chiefly managers in the hospitality sector - there is not a hope in hell I would have told them.   Crawley has a special interest in pregnancy loss because she is behind a piece of critical legislation I recently wrote about; a private members' bill which would provide at least three days of paid leave for anyone who had experienced a miscarriage prior to the 24-week cut-off point is her brainchild. The government is facing renewed calls to introduce paid leave for parents who experience miscarriage to ensure they do not endure further trauma. Crawley told me parents forced back to work after going through pregnancy loss face their grief being "compounded". Most of the parents she had spoken to who have experienced pregnancy loss struggled at returning to work, she said.   "Some had used up all their sick leave or paid leave," Crawley explained. "There is no statutory entitlement. It is fundamentally wrong for a parent who experiences a miscarriage not to be entitled to statutory leave of some kind. Most parents said having to go back to work only compounded their grief and trauma." Enjoying this newsletter? Unlock unlimited, ad-free reading on the website and in The Independent app when you subscribe – plus, benefit from our welcome offer when you join today. QUOTE OF THE WEEK "I do not wish them [women] to have power over men; but over themselves." Mary Wollstonecraft  A clean break: The wellness industry isn't well, and people are finally waking up to it Eloise Hendy From a vampire repellant spray to recommendations of being stung by bees to alleviate injuries to steaming your vagina to balance hormones and cleanses your uterus, Gwyneth Paltrow's wellness brand Goop has frequently found itself accused of pushing bizarre baseless pseudoscience. Eloise Hendy touches on this and much more in a new story for The Independent's lifestyle section in which she explores people's growing apprehension about the wellness industry.   "It's a powerful and hugely profitable global industry, valued at $4.4 trillion in 2020," Hendy writes. "That's more than three times larger than the worldwide pharmaceutical industry. So, if wellness is now just an everyday word, surely we must ask: is everyone feeling good? Are we all well? Unfortunately, as with many individual wellness fads and trends, the evidence isn't looking good."   The article also cites a poignant quote from feminist scholar Dr Carol-Ann Farkas, who summarises wellness culture as "a radical turning inward of agency toward the goal of transformation of one's own body, in contrast to a turning outward to mobilise for collective action". STAT OF THE WEEK Around seven in ten police raids reported as being linked to modern slavery and sex trafficking are not resulting in any trafficking victims being referred to support services. Source: Emily Kenway and Frankie Miren Generation Tate: How can we stop losing vulnerable men to the 'manosphere'? Videos and posts on social media provide the perfect gateway drug for influencers who hold toxic, hateful perspectives to covertly lure people into their worldview. Andrew Tate being a case in point. The 36-year-old self-avowed "success coach", famed for his misogynist views, is arguably enticing viewers with his self-help videos and lavish lifestyle characterised by ostentatious cars, private jets, and opulent properties.   But there is a much darker side to the former Big Brother star famed for his misogynist views. I previously covered research by the Centre for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH) which unearthed 47 videos of Tate pushing what it describes as "extreme misogyny". The report unearthed ads on videos where Tate discusses fighting women, saying "grip her up by the neck" in a video, which has been viewed 1.6 million times, as well as referring to putting his "imprint" on 18-19 year-old girls in footage which has accrued 8.4 million views. While another video where he states, "being a man" means "being territorial" of women, has been viewed 3.3 million times.   Nevertheless, whether you like it or not, there is no doubt that some men adore Tate. If you are eager to understand why, Matthew Neale has written about the rise of Tate in a powerful story. Ali Ross, a psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), who regularly talks to men finding it difficult to work out where they fit into the world, spoke to Neale for the story.   "Despite the aggressive language of such influencers, he believes that what makes them so appealing to men isn't just the invective, but the comforting message that sits at the heart of their narratives: it's not your fault," Neale writes, as he paraphrases and sums up Ross' views.  Something I wholeheartedly agree with. "The reason why men connect with what people like Tate are saying is because they're feeling disenfranchised and misunderstood," Dr Ross, the psychotherapist, tells Neale. "But like many men, they don't know how to be vulnerable, how to review their choices or take responsibility for their lives." We noticed that you might not be registered By registering, you will enjoy limited access to Independent Premium articles, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists REGISTER FOR FREE Essential reading Maya Oppenheim, The Independent: Ex-police officer 'sexually assaulted by colleague' says she was 'gaslighted' over complaint Hannah Lattimer, The Independent: As a Samaritan, I know that dismantling the 'Blue Monday' myth will help save lives Talia Loderick, The Independent: It's 'divorce month' and we need to talk about the gender pensions gap Articles available exclusively to subscribers Jeff Stein, Samantha Schmidt and Kostiantyn Khudov, The Independent: How has war changed love and relationships in Ukraine? OTHER NEWSLETTERS YOU MIGHT LIKE Health Check Every Thursday, 7am (UK time) Written by Rebecca Thomas Join now The Race Report Fortnightly, 7am (UK time) Written by Nadine White Join now If you can spare a minute we'd love your feedback on our newsletters. 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