Curating the best and worst of the internet Thursday December 28, 2023 | Hello fellow citizens of the internet! Andrew here. Welcome to today's edition of web_crawlr.
2023 had a ton of political fails—and that's what today's top 10 list is all about. Our Senior Politics and Technology Editor David came up with a list that really sums up the year well. Check that out below.
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See you around the internet,
— A.W.
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Each day we'll have a different prize, so be sure to check out the newsletter every day this week to see what you could win! | 🗳️ Top 10 Political Fails of 2023 | Camilo Concha/Shutterstock (Licensed) | 10) Democrats gas stove ban blows up | Any time the Democrats put forth a mere suggestion of a mildly progressive policy—not with even the intention of implementing it, just with the offering into the discourse that "hey, this might help the world"—they manage to step on a rake with firecrackers tied every prong. Suggestions banning gas stoves this Spring, which might cause childhood asthma, was viewed by most Republicans as akin to appealing the Second Amendment. The backlash was so bad, Biden hasn't mentioned it since. | In 2023, it's cool to be poly! More Americans are openly declaring they're in relationships with more than one person. But these same Dems couldn't even get good press from a State of the Union snafu, where First Lady Jill Biden and First Gentleman Doug Emhoff greeted each other extremely open-mouth-edly. Instead of leaning in and proclaiming the president poly— BI-den or some shit—they just pretended it never happened on national TV, wasting a perfectly gift wrapped PR opportunity.
Think of the Gen Z votes lost. | 8) VCs see new Holocaust online | When Silicon Valley Bank melted down this summer, VC bros melted down even worse. As insulated, protected, and vindictive a class American has ever seen, the venture titans of the Valley took the mild criticism of their role in a bank run as akin to hate speech. "This sort of rhetoric is how you end up with things like the Rwandan genocide," wrote one VC, despite VCs being, essentially… responsible for the whole thing. What's the opposite of victim-blaming? | The dissolution of a marriage can happen for a number of reasons, both personal and private, and should thus never be dubbed a fail. Except when you are a public figure and it leads to your soon-to-be ex-husband being accused of pulling a gun on a process server, and you were outed for vaping at a musical while having the entire world see a man you claim you barely know grab your boob. | At a time where everyone feels squeezed—rising house prices, inflation, layoffs—it takes a brave bold CEO to say, you know what, things need to be worse. But never underestimate a wealthy man's inability to grasp the realities of life for everyone except him. Tim Gurner—of avocado toast purchases present homeownership fame— called for greater unemployment and " pain in the economy" to help improve what he deemed society's lack of productivity since COVID hit. It sparked an outcry so sharp he apologized. | 5) Ron DeSantis self destruct mode | Ron DeSantis' quixotic campaign to become president has been declared dead several times over. Every time he sweats through a shirt and wipes a booger on an Iowan, it seems impossible this man could ever become president. But in reality, DeSantis effort ended when he literally went into self-destruct mode when pressed if he would run before he announced, his head bouncing about like an overheating robot entering self-destruct mode after being told to divide by zero. Also, he hired a Nazi. | Sometimes, you think you have the zinger of a lifetime lined up, the kind of viral moment that will captivate and entrance not just your supporters, but will be so profoundly good the cult-like followers of your opponent will be shaken out of their mind control shackles, and suddenly, instantly, catapult you to the highest office in the land. Mike Pence's "I fucked a teacher" was not that. | 2) Biden's luggage-stealing nuke guy | It's one thing to be accused by various police departments of kleptomanical tendencies for filching bags from airports that aren't yours. Especially when you are in charge of U.S. nukes. Sam Brinton wasn't exactly living his best life when the Biden admin cut ties with him over the crimes, but, in a way, it's a crime one can live with, even if convicted. There's deniability to it that no one can really prove. Maybe you just grabbed the wrong bag and haven't had a chance to return it. But you really were gonna! There's lots of Samsonite's out there. Until a somewhat obscure Tanzanian fashion designer happens upon the news story, and also happens to have had some luggage stolen from an airport that included her unique designs. And you were repeatedly photographed wearing them to grab Starbucks. That is a cascade of fails that probably can't be topped this year. But it was. | 1) Titanic billionaire stepson | When your billionaire stepdad goes missing two miles beneath the ocean— captivating the world—and you decide you still want to go to a concert that day, maybe just go. Maybe just don't post about it. But Brian Szasz told his Facebook friends he was going to Blink-182. That meme post led him to ….. Calling Cardi B a bitch, using a racial slur, revealing he's been arrested for robbery and threatening to shoot up a music festival, getting outed for using the tragedy to meet OnlyFans models, and losing his job. All in a couple days. | Be sure to check tomorrow's newsletter for the
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