This Saturday is Derby Day, which means that I will drag everyone I can find to a local watering hole, plunk giant hats on their heads, and force them to watch horse racing while drinking mint juleps.
If this doesn't sound like a good time to you, you are either a poor sport ... or haven't yet found the right hat. I will give you a hint: The bigger, the better.
I would like to construct a hat with mint juleps on it, perhaps affixed to straws like those beer helmets people wear to baseball games. ONLY SO MUCH MORE ELEGANT.
Unless, of course, you're lucky enough to be in Louisville today, and then you'll hear more about horses in the next 24 hours than you did during the whole of your life previously. (This goes for horse people as well as for newbies.)
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Keep a civil tongue.