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2011/12/01

The Onion Daily Dispatch - December 01, 2011

The Onion

Osprey Devours Lion In Massive Food-Chain Shake-Up 12.01.11

DAR ES SALAAM—With its dramatic depiction of an osprey stalking, killing, and eating a lion, a video released Tuesday reveals what alarmed scientists have described as a massive and shocking disruption of the global food chain. The graphic footage, ...

News in Brief »

Radio DJ Invites Whole Town To Some Bullshit

American Voices »

U.S. Horse Slaughter To Resume

"Yuck! What have they been putting in my horse cakes?"

opinion »

Even Annoying Twentysomething Shits Like Me Deserve To Have A Future

by Jared Arrington

While the Declaration of Independence guarantees each of us the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, today's economic uncertainty has kept those sacred rights out of reach for many of our newest college graduates.

Radio News »

New Once-A-Month Vitamin Presents Choking Hazard

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Letters To The Editor »
Dear The Onion,
So here’s the deal. I talk up how great your paper is for a few weeks and you agree to snip my indecent exposure arrest out of the police blotter. What do you say?

— Greg O’Neil, Twin Falls, ID

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