The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 23, 2012

Wed May 23, 2012 www.theonion.com

Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest 05.23.12 MANAUS, BRAZIL—A team of scientists studying the Amazon Rainforest announced the remarkable discovery this week of thousands of previously undiscovered mammals, reptiles, birds and other species desperately cowering for dear life under rocks ... News in Brief » Couple Has Nest Egg Of Debt To Make Sure They've Got Some Money To Owe Down The Road American Voices » Posthumously-Conceived Children Get No Benefits "In that case, I might as well defrost all that sperm I’ve been banking for my future widow and use it now." opinion » Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who's Been Molested by Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor By Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor Radio News » 14 Feelings Hurt In Local Teasing Incident

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 No one can argue effectively without the correct set of tools, so make sure you have a hammer in each hand. Most Popular » Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest Kentucky Derby Winner Hoping He Won't Have To Repeat What Was Easily Most Traumatic Experience Of Life Posthumously-Conceived Children Get No Benefits Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who's Been Molested Alabama School System's Lone Textbook Falling Apart Your Horoscopes – Week Of May 22, 2012

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