Neatorama

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• Cats Would Be Terrible Jedi
• Nurse Saves Her Own Legs After Crash
• Baby Born in Flight Becomes Flight Attendant
• Welcome To Dismaland, Banksy's Bemusement Park
• Beautiful Trumpets Made of Glass
• Perry the Corpse Flower
• Breast Milk Soap
• Boxers Designed To Help Pubescent Boys Avoid Embarrassing Erection Moments
• Every Year, For 60 Years, This Couple Has Celebrated Their Anniversary by Eating a Piece of Their Original Wedding Cake
• 8-Bit Power Rangers - Go Go Console Gaming!
• 8 More Unsolved Internet Mysteries of the Shadowy Online Realm
• Please Search for This Missing Cat
• The Black And White Realities Of Working As An Animator
• <i>Guardians of the Galaxy</i> Helped a Little Boy Learn How to Speak
• The Rube Goldberg Machine that Post-Its Built
• The 19th Century's Seance Queen
• The Looney Tunes And DC Superheroes Collide On These Variant Covers
• Bizarre Buses of the World
• Purchase Buffalo Bill's Place for $300,000
• Cats and Metronomes
• Opinion: Snoopy Ruined The Peanuts Comics
• Awesome Facts About Apocalypse Now
• Palpatine 2016 - Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Jabba!
• SketchShe in SandCARstle Sync
• Pac-Man Is A Kafkaesque Nightmare
• One Odd Octopus
• NeatoShop Mystery Sale and Sweepstakes is Back!
• Cryonics: Miracle on Ice

Cats Would Be Terrible Jedi Posted: 21 Aug 2015 04:00 AM PDT (Sephko) This was your father's lightsaber. He killed several dozen kittens with it. Don't point it at your face and you'll be fine. Later, Luke Catwalker would attribute the loss of his paw to a great duel against a mighty opponent. Obidog never revealed the truth.

Nurse Saves Her Own Legs After Crash Posted: 21 Aug 2015 03:00 AM PDT Stacie Reis doesn’t remember the accident she had when driving home from visiting her grandfather in the hospital. All she knew was that she woke up a half-hour later in her upside-down car at the bottom of a ravine. Her phone had no service. Reis is a nurse, and knew she had to perform first aid as best she could, because it might be some time before she was found.   "I don't remember what happened," said Reis from Vancouver General Hospital, six weeks after the July 4 accident that left her with two broken legs, a broken pelvis, a broken sternum, multiple rib and spine fractures and feet that bore mostly broken bones. In the minutes after she became conscious, she knew it was bad. Both legs twisted awkwardly to the left at the knee. "The way they were pinned, it wasn't natural," she said. "The nurse in me was like, 'You need to straighten these out otherwise you're going to cut off your blood supply, you'll lose your legs." So she did. A group of Reis’ friends found her at 8 the next morning, 14 hours after the crash. Emergency services soon followed. Reis remembers hearing someone say her legs would have to be amputated, but doctors later said that her actions in straightening out her legs, no matter how painful, likely saved them. Reis has undergone several surgeries and is looking forward to the day she can walk again. -via Buzzfeed (Image source: Go Fund Me)

Baby Born in Flight Becomes Flight Attendant Posted: 21 Aug 2015 02:00 AM PDT (Photo: Turkish Airlines) Some people become flight attendants. But, truly, Erkan Geldi was born for this kind of work. His mother gave birth to him midair while on a Turkish Airlines flight from Izmir, Turkey to Frankfurt, Germany in 1990. Now he's a steward for that same airline. Road Warrior Voices interviewed Geldi about his career choice: RWV: What did you study and when did you start as a flight attendant? EG: I have a bachelor’s diploma in teaching English from Bakılesir University and began work as a flight attendant last year. During the interview process, they asked me why I picked this occupation. I replied that actually the occupation chose me! When my father’s friends came to visit, they would always say, “Hello, little pilot!” -via Nag on the Lake

Welcome To Dismaland, Banksy's Bemusement Park Posted: 21 Aug 2015 01:00 AM PDT It's a world of sadness, a world of tears, an ugly world full of all our fears, it's a world full of pain and fluids that stain, it's a dark world after all! This may very well become the theme song for Banksy's newest social commentary creation- Dismaland Bemusement Park, the saddest place on Earth! Dismaland is a 2.5 acre underground art attraction built on the site of a long derelict seaside swimming resort in Weston-super-Mare, UK, and this time Banksy is sharing his space with 50 other artists to really wow the world. Banksy is such a household name these days that this park could actually make some good money, but true to Banksy form "The UK's most disappointing new visitor attraction" will be open for five weeks and cost visitors only £3 for admission. -Via Bored Panda

Beautiful Trumpets Made of Glass Posted: 21 Aug 2015 12:00 AM PDT Etai Rahmil is an artist in Oakland, California who specializes in glassblowing. For his series Symphony of the Seasons, he made glass versions of trumpets, as well as the hands which play them. They are delicate, precise, and seemingly magical in their execution. You can almost hear the music flow with the glass. -via My Modern Met

Perry the Corpse Flower Posted: 20 Aug 2015 11:00 PM PDT Titan Arum (Amorphophallus titanum), also known as the Corpse Flower, is the biggest unbranched flower in the world. It also smells like rotting meat, which is where it got its nickname. It takes years to come into bloom. Would you like to see one bloom without having to experience the smell?    (YouTube link) This Corpse Flower is named Perry T. Titan, and it lives at Gustavus Adolphus College in St. Peter, Minnesota. This time-lapse video was taken over 45 days as the plant grew from a corm to its full flower in the fall of 2013. The accompanying music is, appropriately enough, “Dance of the Flowers” from The Nutcracker Suite. -via Digg

Breast Milk Soap Posted: 20 Aug 2015 10:00 PM PDT (Photo: Ena's Soap) It's the perfect gift for any occasion: breast milk soap. Ah, human breast milk! You can make just about anything with it, including cheese, jewelry, ice cream, and lollipops. Hand soap made from breast milk is becoming a stylish luxury product in China. The craze can be traced back to a woman named Qi in Wuhan, which is in central China. As a new mother, she produced more milk than her baby could consume. So she stocked up 10 liters of it, bought a soap making kit off the internet, and produced a line of fancy soaps under the brand Ena's Soap. The Daily Mail reports: There are currently close to 1,000 online outlets in China selling either breast milk soaps or soap-making kits. Many of the breast milk soaps are shaped into flowers, hearts and Hello Kitty. Ms Qi says that the soaps not only mark the first time a woman becomes a mother but is also a nice gift for friends. A recipient of the gift, named only as Ms Ding, said: 'This is the most unique gift I've ever seen'. -via Marginal Revolution

Boxers Designed To Help Pubescent Boys Avoid Embarrassing Erection Moments Posted: 20 Aug 2015 09:00 PM PDT Young men have to deal with an embarrassing issue during puberty- accidental erections. This may seem funny to those who have forgotten how horrifying it is to have an erection when the bell rings and class is over, but at the time that walk of shame felt like the end of the world. So how are young men supposed to retain their dignity when that pesky erection keeps popping up at the most inopportune times? Well, thanks to Chris Wood and his Bloxers pubescent boys no longer need to carry around an extra large notebook to cover up their shame, because Bloxers have erection concealing technology. Here's how they work: Bloxers are made to look like a pair of regular boxer shorts using all cotton fabric.  The difference between ordinary boxers and Bloxers is a hypoallergenic stretch material they call "the deflector shield" sewn along the inseam and also around the legs which keeps Mr. Happy comfortably concealed. Each pair costs a whopping $30, 25% of which is donated to the Movember Foundation, but isn't that a small price to pay to retain your dignity during those formulative years? -Via Inventor Spot

Every Year, For 60 Years, This Couple Has Celebrated Their Anniversary by Eating a Piece of Their Original Wedding Cake Posted: 20 Aug 2015 08:00 PM PDT (Photo: Tim Shortt/Florida Today) Ann and Ken Fredericks of Satellite Beach, Florida were married 60 years ago in Nyack, New York. Ann's grandmother baked their cake, which is a dark fruit cake, then had it iced by a baker. They ate most of the cake at the wedding reception, but saved the top layer. On their first anniversary, they ate a small portion of that cake. And on their second anniversary, they ate another. Now, 60 years after they got married, they're still eating a little slice of that same wedding cake. They wrap the cake in plastic wrap, place it inside an old coffee can, then place the can inside a room-temperature closet. Florida Today (auto-start video) reports: The Fredericks get a kick out of teasing their children. They said they've offered all three a bite of the cake over the years, but it has always been refused. "They won't taste it," Ken said. "And we tell them, it tastes fine," Ann said. "They always say, 'Oh, there's not that much. You two keep it for yourself.' I don't know, we may have to be buried with it." After the annual bite, the cake, which is now about 4-by-3 inches big, will be wrapped in Saran and nestled back into its coffee can with a yellowed slip of paper that reads: "Top tier, Ann's wedding cake." "We're hoping we can do it again next year," Ken said. "It has lasted us 60 years, and so has the marriage," Ann said, "which is much more important than the wedding cake." -via AP

8-Bit Power Rangers - Go Go Console Gaming! Posted: 20 Aug 2015 07:00 PM PDT 8-Bit Power Rangers by Steven Reeves The Power Rangers don't spend all their time fighting creatures from another planet, and when they're in-between battles they enjoy playing old school video games. Their favorite game is the Megazord Entertainment System classic based on their Mighty Morphin' selves, but seeing as how they're the stars of the game you'd think they'd be better at it. Truth is, they know fightin', morphin', pilotin' Zords and slingin' one liners but pushing all those buttons in rapid succession is too much for them to handle! Transform your geeky style with this 8-Bit Power Rangers t-shirt by Steven Reeves, it's one game your fellow Power Rangers fans will wish they'd played back in the day! Visit Steven Reeves's Facebook fan page and Twitter, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more superheroic designs: Digital World Optimus Prime / Convoy Bogreenian Rhapsody Megazord / Daizyujin View more designs by Steven Reeves | More Sci-fi T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

8 More Unsolved Internet Mysteries of the Shadowy Online Realm Posted: 20 Aug 2015 07:00 PM PDT In a follow-up post to 8 Weird Mysteries of the Internet, we find that there are more weird things going on that we realized. Websites and messages come online, and then disappear before anyone can figure out what they really are. Some are still around, but have never been fully explained, like Oct282011.  A website that appeared way back in 2011, Oct282011 had all the markings of a cult recruitment page. There was the fixation on a future date, and the mysterious text. There was talk of ‘mysteries behind the eyelids.’ But when its appointed date came and went, things started to get weird. The site itself remained active. In curiosity, people began to call the number. What they heard was creepy, to say the least. There would be an unnatural silence followed by a loud beep. Some swore they could hear heavy breathing in the distance. One or two reported awful, muffled voices. At least one person heard something heavy being dragged across the floor. In a YouTube video one person claimed they called three times, and heard something so disturbing, so disgusting that they can’t even describe what it was. One person who called six times heard a sinister voice whisper “it’s him again.” Then suddenly, the website went dark. Just as Reddit got involved the whole thing shut down and vanished. You can go see for yourself. All that remains are banner ads, presumably put up by the enterprising new owner. Who was behind the original site, or what those horrible phone messages were, no-one can say. Read the rest of the mysteries at Urban Ghosts. Did I say the rest? It would just be the rest of this list of eight. No doubt there will be more internet creepiness to come. PS: Rudolph says the Oct282011 site redirects to malware, so I would NOT recommend looking at it. Just read about it at Urban Ghosts.

Please Search for This Missing Cat Posted: 20 Aug 2015 06:00 PM PDT (Photo: Brian M. Cassidy) If you know the whereabouts of this dearly loved cat, please inform his owners immediately. They're especially worried as he's not one to wander around--an indoor cat, really. -via Lost at E Minor

The Black And White Realities Of Working As An Animator Posted: 20 Aug 2015 05:00 PM PDT Animators often start out wishing they could tell the world a visual story via their own cartoon show, but that goal is often short-lived because you gotta pay your rent and cranking out cartoons doesn't pay much. And those who are lucky enough to land a job as an animator, or anything in the realm of visual arts, often feel like their creative job kills their drive to do their own stuff, and the cycle of animated abuse begins. Each episode of an animated show takes months to bring to life (unless you’re working on South Park, they crank out an episode in a week), and can cost millions to make (Family Guycosts $2 million per episode). A group of animation industry alum put together an awfully informative article on Cracked that reveals some of the sad truths about working as an animator. Now I'm really glad I still owe tens of thousands of dollars for animation school! Read 5 Dark Realities Of Animating Shows Like "The Simpsons" here

<i>Guardians of the Galaxy</i> Helped a Little Boy Learn How to Speak Posted: 20 Aug 2015 04:00 PM PDT (Image: Disney) Groot, a tree-like creature in the Marvel superhero movie Guardians of the Galaxy, says only one thing: "I am Groot." When 4-year old Sawyer Dunlap saw the movie a year ago, he connected with Groot in a special way. Sawyer has the dyspraxia, which inhibits his ability to speak. Groot has helped him overcome this obstacle. Sawyer's father, Josh Dunlap, recently wrote on Facebook: When Guardians came out Sawyer could only say about three words and would communicate to his mother and I by other means. When he saw Groot, something clicked inside him and he connected with him on a level I haven't seen. He began to mimic him and he would use the word "Bah" for a lot, but after he saw the film, he would change the tone in which he said it to convey a different meaning. He would also start saying Groot for many things as well. Since that, he was finally able to go to a speech class and it has helped amazingly. I just wanted to thank you though, for a script and movie that was written so well that a four year old, three at that time, could connect with someone who had the same language barrier. -via Popehat

The Rube Goldberg Machine that Post-Its Built Posted: 20 Aug 2015 03:00 PM PDT YouTube Link The 3M Corp built this interesting and colorful Rube Goldberg machine consisting of — among other things — 25,000 Post-its and 75 rolls of blue painter tape. Like most machines of this type, it is satisfying to watch all the components work concurrently to complete the sequence. Via Gizmodo

The 19th Century's Seance Queen Posted: 20 Aug 2015 02:00 PM PDT The name Madame Helena Blavatsky was only familiar to me through Kurt Vonnegut references, and I wasn’t too sure that she was a real person. Now I know. Blavatsky was a real person, but how real any of the things she claimed to be are still in doubt. She said she was born in Russia in 1831, and had many adventures before she became famous for contacting spirits at American seances.   But the usual ghosts weren’t good enough for Blavatsky. In 1875, in a Manhattan drawing room, she launched a group with the grand title of the Theosophical Society. Setting ghosts aside, it would search out a higher class of supernatural beings: the “Mahatmas,” whom Blavatsky had allegedly met in Tibet. These men, she said, could ship their souls anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice through “astral projection.” They could also ship other things—notably letters. Theosophists marveled at the projectile missives that flew through the windows of moving trains or were delivered by enigmatic turbaned men sneaking into tents at midnight. In the 1870s, instantaneous delivery of a message still felt downright miraculous. There is, however, such a thing as too many miracles. At some point, the would-be wonderworker has to call on a friend to keep up with demand—and friends are unreliable. Hiring an assistant was to become Madame Blavatsky’s downfall. Read what happened at Atlas Obscura.

The Looney Tunes And DC Superheroes Collide On These Variant Covers Posted: 20 Aug 2015 01:00 PM PDT The Looney Tunes have found themselves in all sorts of different universes doing all kinds of strange and exciting things, from playing B-Ball with Michael Jordan to making Brendan Fraser seem funny. Since DC Comics is part of Warner Bros. Entertainment the animated superstars of the Looney Tunes universe can visit a new world way more exciting than the rest, the world of the DC Superheroes! Here's more info about this upcoming crossover event: This November, Superman and many of his fellow DC Comics heroes will find themselves teaming up with the likes of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig and all the rest of the Looney Tunes (including everyone’s second favorite Martian) in over two dozen hilarious variant covers. GeekTyrant has collected 24 of these DC Comics/Looney Tunes variant covers for your eyeballs to enjoy, now if only they could turn this crazy cool crossover into an animated series...

Bizarre Buses of the World Posted: 20 Aug 2015 12:00 PM PDT Mass transit doesn’t have to be boring. Since multi-passenger vehicles were first drawn by horses, their owners have tried all kinds of ways to draw paying passengers or get more of them on board at a time. The latest hi-tech buses compete with whimsical designs, and they all are worth a look. Dark Roasted Blend has a roundup of the most unusual and eye-catching busses from history and from around the world. (Image credit: Marc Ryckaert)

Purchase Buffalo Bill's Place for $300,000 Posted: 20 Aug 2015 11:00 AM PDT Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs | Image: Orion Pictures Silence of the Lambs fans will remember Buffalo Bill's creepshow of a house, teeming with Death's-Head Hawkmoths, screams and sewing supplies. If you happen to be within a stone's throw of Perry Township Fay, Pennsylvania, you may be lucky enough to visit Bill's digs, as the home has recently been put on the market for $300,000.  Owners Scott and Barbara Lloyd​ have called the place home since December 1976.  YouTube Link According to an article in the Pittsburgh Tribune Review,  the property was ultimately selected as a location in the film due to the house's entryway. "They were looking for a home in which you entered the front door and had a straight line through," Barbara Lloyd said. "They wanted it to look like a spider web, with Buffalo Bill drawing Jodie Foster into the foyer, into the kitchen, then into the basement." Those looking for the dungeon basement replete with deep hole to house kidnap victims will be disappointed, however. That part of Bill's home was filmed on a movie soundstage. The house isn't actually near as creepy as one might imagine. See a gallery of 25 photos at its realtor's listing. Via Esquire

Cats and Metronomes Posted: 20 Aug 2015 10:00 AM PDT Cats are compelled to attention by metronomes. Some can’t figure out what makes it move, while others know how to start it themselves. Some cats are startled by the clicking, and some just want to kill the infernal contraption. (YouTube link) Here’s a collection of all those kinds of cats from MrFunnyMals. -via Tastefully Offensive

Opinion: Snoopy Ruined The Peanuts Comics Posted: 20 Aug 2015 09:00 AM PDT As a kid I tuned in to the Peanuts animated specials to see Snoopy doing some ridiculously undoglike things, like flying a plane or preparing a Thanksgiving meal, and he definitely stole the show away from Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang. However, Peanuts purists saw Snoopy as the dog who singlehandedly sank the strip. Peanuts was a much more serious strip to begin with, dealing with the trials and tribulations faced by children and then Charles Schulz started using the Peanuts kids as a mouthpiece for bigger, more adult (and more American) issues. Then along came Snoopy to silly the whole thing up, which is ironic considering he's had some of the saddest moments in the animated specials (remember Snoopy, Come Home?) (Image Link) Kevin Wong of Kotaku isn't afraid to share what might be an unpopular opinion about Snoopy in his article How Snoopy Killed Peanuts, give it a read and see if you agree.

Awesome Facts About Apocalypse Now Posted: 20 Aug 2015 08:30 AM PDT If you know anything about Apocalypse Now's creation, you probably already know that it was a pretty strange scene from the start. Even if you know about the drugs, blood and money problems on set, you probably still don't know all the fascinating facts from this great article.  For example, did you know that Robert Redford, Jack Nicholson, Steve McQueen, and Al Pacino were all offered the role eventually played by Martin Sheen, but they all turned it down? Additionally, Harvey Keitel was cast in the role before Sheen, but he was eventually fired. Check out the rest of the strange and interesting trivia over at Flavorwire. http://flavorwire.com/533076/20-things-you-didnt-know-about-apocalypse-now/view-all

Palpatine 2016 - Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Jabba! Posted: 20 Aug 2015 08:00 AM PDT Palpatine 2016 by Nyeland Are you having a hard time deciding which candidate you'll be voting for in the upcoming election? Then let the Empire decide for you, because Palpatine is the star candidate to watch in 2016! Have a problem with his foreign policies? Lightning bolts. Dealing with a destructive group of rebels in your neck of the galaxy? Lightning bolts. Getting flack from your Secretary of State about your decision to go to war with our supposed "allies"? Force choke. Thought I was gonna say lightning bolts there, didn't ya! In 2016 there is only one name to vote for, Palpatine for Emperor, I mean, President. Vote or die! Force your fellow voters to cast a vote for the mightiest candidate on the ballot, wear this Palpatine 2016 t-shirt and hand the election over to the Imperial forces we all know and fear! Visit Nyeland's official website and Tumblr, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more ridiculously cool designs: Dead Hillary Eazy-E: Straight Outta NeatoShop Gangsta Rap Sugar Skulls Halloween Monsters View more designs by Nyeland | More Funny T-shirts | New T-Shirts Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

SketchShe in SandCARstle Sync Posted: 20 Aug 2015 08:00 AM PDT SketchShe, the group that brought us Mime Through Time, is back with a lip-synch video featuring beach songs! It’s like a last hurrah for fun on the beach before school. (YouTube link) Watch them playfully mock beach-themed music from the 1960s through modern hit songs, from the vantage point of a sand castle car (the SandCARstle). There are plenty of funny moments; my favorite has to be the Baywatch sequence.  -via Tastefully Offensive

Pac-Man Is A Kafkaesque Nightmare Posted: 20 Aug 2015 07:30 AM PDT Pac-Man seems like it has a pretty simple storyline- hungry round-headed dude goes on a munchies tear, which upsets the resident ghosts who have sworn to protect the pellets they use to propagate their unique spectral species. Oh, and sometimes the ghosts make themselves some tasty food like pretzels or glazed cherries which Pac-Man proceeds to gobble up like a fiend. Turns out I've had the tale of that Pac attacker all wrong since childhood, because according to this radical strip by SMBC comics the Pac-Man storyline is “like Kafka wrote a Lovecraft story”. Now I'm going to have nightmares about Pac-Man! -Via GeekXGirls

One Odd Octopus Posted: 20 Aug 2015 07:00 AM PDT YouTube Link The octopus in this video is unlike any other octopus species, one reason being for its unusual hunting technique. Rather than pouncing on its prey from a distance like other octopus species, the larger Pacific striped octopus (shown in footage above) has a sneaky way of approaching and announcing its presence to its prey. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said marine biologist Roy Caldwell, a University of California, Berkeley, professor of integrative biology. “Octopuses typically pounce on their prey or poke around in holes until they find something. When this octopus sees a shrimp at a distance, it compresses itself and creeps up, extends an arm up and over the shrimp, touches it on the far side and either catches it or scares it into its other arms.” The species is also a standout due to its highly unusual mating habits. Quite the eight-legged individual. Via i09

NeatoShop Mystery Sale and Sweepstakes is Back! Posted: 20 Aug 2015 06:00 AM PDT It's been a long while since we had a one on Neatorama, so we're excited to announce that the NeatoShop Mystery Sale and Sweepstakes is back in celebration of our 10th anniversary! What mysterious item will you get? We're not telling - that's the whole point of a Mystery Sale. But here's what we can tell you: you'll get something (or a combination of things) with retail value of at least $9.95. It will be a physical item. If you buy more than one Mystery item, you'll get different items. And there's more: if you are eligible, you will automatically enter you in a drawing of a BIG Mystery Item. What is it? Again, we're not telling - but we can tell you, this one is pretty nifty. If you're a long-time reader of Neatorama, then you'll know that we've given away geeky watches, cool electronics, limited edition collectibles and more. What will you get? Don't miss out on the fun: get yours today! Ends at 11:59:59 PM PST August 23, 2015. No purchase necessary. Open to legal US residents 18 or older. See complete rules. Void where prohibited or restricted.

Cryonics: Miracle on Ice Posted: 20 Aug 2015 05:00 AM PDT It's impossible to resuscitate a frozen corpse. But that doesn't bother the small legion of cryonauts who are betting that an outlaw science will let them live forever. (Photo courtesy of Alcor Life Extension Foundation.) The thirtysomething man sitting next to me in this hotel conference room has tousled brown hair, blocky glasses, and a thin goatee. He looks like an ordinary guy, an impression that’s confirmed when he turns and introduces himself. “Hi! I’m John. I’m just an ordinary guy,” he says, nodding vigorously as if he’s trying to reassure me. “Just an ordinary guy,” he repeats, as if maybe he’s trying to reassure himself. “I’m not a paid-up member yet. You know. In the program.” “The program” is why John and I and about 300 other people have packed into this auditorium at a resort outside Scottsdale, Arizona. We’re here to learn about the brave science of cryonics. It’s the 40th anniversary of the Alcor Life Extension Foundation conference, and the company’s proposition is clear: to use “ultra-cold temperature to preserve human life with the intent of restoring good health when technology becomes available to do so.” They promise to accomplish this by freezing the bodies of recently deceased people in liquid nitrogen at a chilly -196° C. Then, if all goes according to plan, sometime in the next 1,000 years, these bold voyagers—known as “cryonauts”—will be reanimated to join the living once again. At best, this sounds like weird science. At worst, it’s science fiction. I’m afraid that’s the verdict I’m leaning toward right now. In this niche market, there are only a handful of organizations currently freezing people and Alcor—by far the biggest—has frozen just 124 as of May 2013. (Yes, Ted Williams is one of them). I tell John I’m not in the program either. I’m a little skeptical of the whole freezing-thawing-reanimating idea. John looks at me hard over the rims of his glasses. “I don’t like skeptics,” he says. Indeed, this is not the sort of place that welcomes skeptics. Many in the crowd are here because they’ve already agreed to invest the $200,000 that will buy them a membership into the cryopreservation club when they die. Others have selected the more economical $70,000 option, which preserves the head only. Members typically buy into the program by signing over all or part of their life insurance to cover the costs: pickup, transportation, and—one hopes—very careful maintenance in Alcor’s storage facilities in Scottsdale. If John the ordinary guy doesn’t want to hear my doubts, I imagine those who have already made a sizable down payment on immortality will be even less open-minded. Who are these people? It’s a varied group. Many are inspired, visionary thinkers. Some, like John, are seemingly typical people. More than a few, though, appear to be completely bonkers. To spend a day in a room full of cryonauts is to oscillate between astonished enthusiasm and incredulous cynicism in wild swings, punctuated by sudden and uncontrollable urges to laugh hysterically. Yet I have to wonder: Maybe these 300 people know something the rest of us don’t. That’s what I’m here to figure out. (Image credit: Flickr user Anders Sandberg) The first thing I learn is that freezing someone is very, very difficult. Basically, it does nasty things to our cells: As ice crystals form, they poke holes in our delicate cell membranes. Plus, as we all know, water expands as it solidifies. Have you ever put a can of beer in the freezer for a few minutes to chill it? And have you ever gotten distracted so that the “few minutes” became a few hours? Picture all the cells in a body exploding the same way and you’ll have some idea why this talk about freezing can be nerve-racking. In short, our cells are not made for freezing, and they’re not good at it. When freezing happens, despite their objections, they die. One of the first reports of successful cryopreservation was of chicken sperm in 1949. Since then we’ve learned how to freeze and thaw human sperm, pancreas cells, red blood cells, corneas, and heart valves. All these parts are very small. Small parts are where the most rigorous cryonics research has focused because there’s a lot of interest, and large federal grants, behind efforts to preserve pieces of people—for example, the corneas one might donate after death. Freezing entire human bodies, however, is infinitely more challenging, and the applications are harder to imagine. For this reason, major funders haven’t embraced studies yet, so many of the scientists who work in this field do so as a side job or, more commonly, they’ve gone out on their own and founded companies. (Not surprisingly, more than a few scientists at this conference are funded by Alcor). Basically, even if we can freeze chicken sperm, there’s still a big leap to freezing—and reanimating—a person. The first cryonaut found out the hard way just how difficult freezing can be. After Dr. James Hiram Bedford died of renal cancer in a California nursing home at the age of 73 in 1967, he was stuffed into a sleeping bag packed with ice cubes and zipped up tight. The process back then was very much a DIY proposition, a far cry from the rapid response teams and liquid nitrogen that Alcor promises its members today. Storage, too, was not particularly well organized. Bedford’s body was moved five times before he ended up at Alcor in 1991. Since that (hopefully final) transition required some unpacking, someone decided to use the opportunity to take a peek at poor Mr. Bedford. So how well did he do? The good news is that once Alcor staff removed Bedford from his sleeping bag, they found ice cubes. If any thawing had taken place in the past quarter century, it hadn’t been severe or prolonged. It also meant that Bedford was surrounded by enough ice cubes for quite a few martinis. The bad news, though, is more involved: “The skin on the upper thorax and neck,” Alcor’s report says, “appears discolored and erythematous from the mandible to approximately two centimeters above the areolas.” (This is the point at which the squeamish will want to skip ahead.) The report continues in the same dispassionate tone: “The nares are flattened out against the face, apparently as a result of being compressed by a slab of dry ice during initial freezing. Close examination of the skin on the chest over the pectoral area disclosed sinuous features that appeared to be fractures.” Apparently, the freezing process leads to cracks. You know, like in an ice cube. Finally, buried in the latter half of the report is this note: “There is frozen blood issuing from the mouth and nose.” From the sound of it, Bedford won’t be jumping for joy when he wakes up. In fact—and I’m going out on a limb here—he doesn’t seem likely to wake at all. Bedford’s story is a sobering cautionary tale, one you’d expect might make prospective cryonauts pause and think very, very hard about what they’re getting themselves into. But those around me at this conference are unaccountably optimistic, and the source of their hope is ... a frog. The American wood frog (Rana sylvatica) has a neat trick: It can freeze for the winter. Actually, it vitrifies, creating its own glucose-based antifreeze that lets it cool below the freezing point, preventing ice crystals from forming. It stops breathing and its heart stops beating. It remains in this chilly state until spring arrives, when its little amphibian heart restarts. Other animals, too, manage to survive very low temperatures without the sort of damage Mr. Bedford suffered. Take the oddly named ocean pout (Macrozoarces americanus), which secretes antifreeze proteins that may protect against the exigencies of freezing. Researchers have managed to use these proteins to preserve frozen rat hearts that, when thawed, started beating again. Even better, one of the speakers at this conference, Dr. Greg Fahy, describes a study in which he removed a kidney from a rabbit, vitrified it, thawed it, and then reimplanted it. (One can only imagine what the rabbit thought about this procedure, which probably seemed rather unnecessary.) The rabbit, Fahy reports happily, lived. Upon further research, I discovered this lucky rabbit lived for only nine additional days. Still, in rabbit years, that’s probably a couple of human months, which isn’t bad. The wild applause that greets Fahy’s lecture suggests that the crowd agrees. Some other advances also have this roomful of cryonauts in raptures of geeky excitement. There’s the company, Suspended Animation Inc., that deploys cardiothoracic surgeons to prepare a recently deceased person for cryostasis. There are neat new techniques of cryopreservation, involving anticoagulation, bypass machines, and even liquid ventilation—all worthy of top-notch science fiction. Today a frog, tomorrow a cryonaut. The crowd is optimistic. (Image credit: Flickr user Anders Sandberg) On my way out the door, I meet up with John again and ask whether he’s impressed. “I guess,” he says, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. He trails off. “But I had no idea it would be this complicated, you know?” He’s not the only one. A few minutes later, I’m walking across the dark parking lot when I hear trudging footsteps behind me, then indistinct muttering. I turn around to see a man in his seventies, slightly hunched over and wrapped in an oversize tweed sport coat despite the warm Arizona night. He catches sight of me and gives a quick bob of his bald head, but he doesn’t slow his pace. I have to hurry to keep up. I ask him what he thought of the conference. “Crap. It’s all crap, isn’t it?” I’m sensing this is a rhetorical question. “Every year I come expecting to hear something new, but I never do.” I protest mildly, noting the good news: the presentation on anticoagulation and liquid ventilation and, of course, Greg Fahy’s rabbit. "Heard that last year,” he interrupts. “And the year before that. Pisses me off. You young guys, you don’t care. You’ve got time. But us? We’re getting old. We could kick off any minute.” I don’t know what to say to that, and without another word, he climbs into a pickup truck with a large white life extension vitamins sign rigged to the back. The diesel starts up, and he roars off into the night. He’s got a point, I suppose. But the science of life and death has a way of leaping forward in unexpected ways. Treatments that were science fiction 50 years ago are now either commonplace (like cardiac resuscitation) or at least plausible (like suspended animation). So even if the impatient skeptic takes his skepticism with him to the grave, those of us with a little more time (and $200,000) might get lucky. __________________________ The above article by David Casarett is reprinted with permission from the August 2014 issue of mental_floss magazine. Don't forget to feed your brain by subscribing to the magazine and visiting mental_floss' extremely entertaining website and blog today for more!

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