Boss Responds to Unreasonable Review with Fire and more...

Leaving a review isn't always as simple as saying whatever you want about what happened. Case in point, this lying Karen getting decimated by an owner's response. Some business owners watch their reviews like a hawk, and they make time go into serious detail about what actually went down.

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Text - 20/4/2013 行0 01 I asked a representative for a $9 discount on a screen and this was the reply I got: "Your offer is a joke, and a good part of our reputation is responding to that kind of silliness in kind. You want us to sell this part for less than our wholesale cost - that is ridiculous, I would say on par with the ridiculousness of your question" ..Unprofessional and unwarranted harassment..

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Text - Comment by PRepair Group: I define unwarranted harassment as repeatedly asking for a $9 discount on a part that is being sold with a $0.86 profit margin. Then, going on to explain how your offer is "reasonable", and how we are being "rookies" by not considering your below cost offer. This is like going to a bodega and asking for a pack of cigarettes for $2.50, over and over, then acting surprised when the bodega owner asks you to leave. Asking for the pack of cigarettes for $2.50 takes ba

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Text - him: "Your offer is a joke, and a good part of our reputation is responding to that kind of silliness in kind. You want us to sell| this part for less than our wholesale cost - that is ridiculous, I would say on par with the ridiculousness of your question" | stand behind those words. We go out of our way to help people, and routinely do so at below market pricing because we love what we do. This allows me to retain a clean conscience telling degenerates like themselves when the opportuni

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Tagged: boss , review , owner , customers , response , lol , business

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Things That Seem to Take Ages

Our perception of time can be seriously altered by what's going on, especially if we're under incredible stress, experiencing uncertainty, or microwaving a burrito in a completely quiet house. Time and space can also change based on where you live, as evidenced by this Tumblr thread on cultures colliding over time and space.

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Text - PipelinePunch_71 21 points · 5 days ago Heating something up in the microwave at 2 am because it sounds like a jet taking off in your house

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Text - Text - ExtraMediumGonzo 57.9k points · 6 days ago 12 18 & 41 More The moments after sending a risky text and you see, "So-and-so is typing..", but it keeps starting and stopping. Reminds me of a tweet that went something like: "You ever send a text that's so risky, you clean your entire house?"

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Text - Text - ScottNilsson1 23.2k points · 6 days ago & 7 More unskippable 30 second ad

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Text - Text - Kmm123 20.1k points · 6 days ago 3 5 3 & 8 More Having "Happy Birthday" sung to you

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Text - Text - Cooper_brain 18.5k points · 6 days ago e & 13 More Trying to put my change back in my wallet in line at the convenience store with people in line behind me Or when your card won't read in the debit machine, but you know you have the money in your account so you have to run it two or three more times

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Text - Text - gravityfalls-fan 18.1k points · 6 days ago 4 4 Waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom

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Text - Text - -EDGAR- 16.1k points · 6 days ago Getting past the sex scene while watching a movie with your parents & 2 More

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Text - Text - kaazgranaat2309 14.9k points · 6 days ago 2 2 e When someone says "we need to talk"

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Text - Text - becelav 13.3k points · 6 days ago · edited 5 days ago 3 & 4 More My toothbrush vibrates every 30 seconds letting me know it's time to switch sides. Sometimes it feels like i brushed for 4 minutes and it vibrates again.

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Text - Text - PhoenixsCurse 9.4k points · 6 days ago Before your scores are announced

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Text - Text - Time_Significance 9.1k points · 6 days ago You are on a bus, going home, when 3/4 of the way through you have the overwhelming urge to pee.

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Text - Text - MrFrogmanwerr 8.9k points · 6 days ago · edited 6 days ago Washing machine says 30sec... It is never 30sec:(

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Text - Text - LoneBear1 8.7k points · 6 days ago Being in a CT scanner when they tell you to be perfectly still.

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Text - Text - Xxsarahhah 8.5k points · 6 days ago 3 & 7 More plank Bleenwithcream 2.7k points · 6 days ago + I don't think I've ever experienced the slowing of time until I did a plank. There's some kind of time warp.

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Text - Text - Boogiyg2003 7.5k points · 6 days ago When the traffic light changes from red to green

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Text - Text - danidaliquijote 6.2k points · 6 days ago · edited 5 days ago 93 3 3 My mom had a surgery to save her life and when her surgeon walked across the waiting room to update me those were the longest seconds of my life. About halfway towards me he gave a thumbs- up and wow-happiest moment!

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Text - Text - mousicle 4.3k points · 6 days ago Gotta be drowning or almost drowning. Gordon Lightfoot wasn't kidding when he said the waves turn the minutes to hours. Two incidents still stick in my head decades after they happened, once at swimming lessons before i could tread water and the instructor wasn't paying attention to me and i started going under. It was probably only 30 seconds but i thought that was it. Another time having a Canoe overturn in lake Erie and trying to get it righted.

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Text - Text - TatterCatYT 3.6k points · 5 days ago The time in between a baby falling and crying. (Thump) ... ... ... WAAAAAAAA

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Text - Text - 50ShadesOfPalmBay 1.2k points · 6 days ago Paying by debit while there's people in line behind you in the grocery store. Will it go through? Do I have enough? What if I looked at my account wrong and I don't have the money? Nono, I do. Wait, what if there was some withdrawal that happened that I forgot about? Oh shit. Was that the right PIN number? The right account I clicked on? -Approved. You sure? Ok, phew /s

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Text - Text - DRW0813 1.1k points · 6 days ago Waiting on a pregnancy test to see the level of fucked your life is about to be.

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Text - Text - Leoprrrd 791 points · 5 days ago I don't know about 30 seconds, but the longest 5 seconds you'll ever experience: getting tased. Source: had to get zapped and sprayed as a part of MP training. OC hurts a hell of a lot more, but the taser makes five seconds feel like an eternity.

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Text - Text - Holaroooo 756 points · 5 days ago When putting a fixed amount of gas in the car in the freezing cold and the pump slows down for the last half dollar.

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Text - hinterloper 509 points · 5 days ago Running as fast as you can on a treadmill

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Text - browneyedgrl26 173 points · 6 days ago Leg cramp

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Text - SingleDadGamer 41 points · 6 days ago Whenever Chef Ramsay calls up a contestant during elimination. "Paula <camera cuts to reaction shots for 30 seconds> give me your jacket". Even worse though is when they delay it first by going: "James <camera cuts to reactionary shots> back in line"

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Text - Notmiefault 172 points · 6 days ago As someone who does intermittent fasting, the final 30 seconds before the clock flips over and I'm allowed to eat.

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Text - I_ama_Borat 22 points · 5 days ago Drawing blood. The doc: "doing good, just two more vials" Me: 0_0

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Text - jdubs2006 22 points · 5 days ago Flushing the toilet at a friend's house and just praying it goes down

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Tagged: crazy , activities , time , wtf , 30 seconds , strange , everyday , weird

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Dude is Absolute Beast on Dance Arcade

If everyone put as much effort and dedication into their passion as this guy has put into mastering this dance arcade, the world would be a completely perfect place. No hunger, no conflict, just perfectly executed spins and poses set to high pitched, catchy choruses.

Submitted by: (via MR OWL)

Tagged: arcade , wtf , lol , amazing , dance , Video , win

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Manager Assumes Employee's Job Is Unnecessary, It's Not

We love a nice nuclear revenge. Especially when the character involved is a presumptuous manager who makes sweeping, wrongful assumptions about just how necessary an employee's job is to the functional flow of a company's operations. This presumptuous manager certainly got humbled.

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Text - r/NuclearRevenge u/theFoot58 • 327d + JOIN 3 Manager thought my job role was unnessacary, finds out the hard way it wasn't Here is a case of two distinct acts of revenge, combining in spectacular fashion to create nuclear revenge. (thanks to redditors in r/ProRevenge for rewrite help)

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Text - About 20 years ago, I was a sales engineering supporting sales reps at Douchebag Tech Company, (DTC) A new sales manager joins the team, he was a former co-worker from a prior job, a petty little man. Prior were were peers, now he was a manager over the sales reps I supported. I had a seperate chain of command, he was not my manager, but felt he should be. He was resentful of the power that sales engineers in this new company had. In an attempt to show me up he closed a very large deal wi

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Text - Later, the manager calls me in a panic, and we talk with the customer. The sales rep and the rep sales manager totally fucked things up, and sold the customer an incompatible set of solutions. I say that the customer could exchange one bit of stuff for another bit of stuff, everything would work, and they're roughly the same price so nobody would lose any money.

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Text - But the sales manager doesn't want to do it, because admitting he fucked up would make him look bad. And he bitches at me for bringing up price, because that's supposed to be the rep's job. He calls my boss and shits all over me. My boss took his side, and shits all over me too, so I'm like fuck you I quit. A sent a very lengthy, detailed letter to HR explaining how the sales rep fucked up, lied to the customer, and how the sales manager and my boss tried to make me the scapegoat instead

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Text - I move on. Get a new job, do other things. At some point, I'm chatting with an old friend from DTC, and he mentions they fucked up a huge deal that they spent a year on. I'm still bitter about the douchebag sales rep manager and my asshole boss, so I post about it on a forum a bunch of investors use. The stock crashed $13 the next day. This will be important later.

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Text - I find out ABC is suing DTC for fucking up the deal. The deal that the douchebag sales rep manager fucked up, and tried to pin on me. I reach out to ABC, send them a copy of the letter I sent to HR, in which I detailed precisely how badly DTC fucked them over. I talk with one of their lawyers and he's very happy, especially the part in my letter where I describe how the sales rep lied to ABC.

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Text - DTC subpoenas me for a deposition. I have to tell DTC's lawyers everything that I told ABC's lawyers. Lawyer stuff. The day before the deposition, DTC sues me directly. Remember DTC's stock crashing? They're suing me for badmouthing the company and attempting to short their stock. (which I wasn't) However, there's a twist: Because DTC is suing me directly, I don't have to say shit to them at the deposition. Their preparation for the lawsuit goes completely out the window. They know they'r

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Text - They're dumbfounded. No idea how they could have fucked this up this badly. Turns out there were two legal teams: One defending against ABC's lawsuit, and another trying to scare people away from talking shit about the company on the internet by indiscriminately suing their critics. They don't communicate with each other, and the one team didn't mention to the other team that they would be suing a key witness in their case.

9.

Text - DTC settles the lawsuit with ABC. And they drop the lawsuit against me. And they fire the sales rep, the sale rep manager, and his manager too. 4.1k 83 1 Share

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Tagged: employee , FAIL , job , revenge , Reddit , win

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Twitter Thread: Man Discovers Ancient Computer

Man, oh man, this ancient artifact of a computer actually looks like it'd be a whole lot of fun to play around with. A true throwback.

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Text - LOCKED John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff · 10h IN Oh. Му. God. An Apple lle. Sat in my parents' attic for years. Decades. And it works. Put in an old game disk. Asks if I want to restore a saved game. And finds one! It must be 30 years old. I'm 10 years old again. >

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Personal computer - WANTETO-RESTORE PREVIOU +

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff This is tricky, because three decades later I can't quite remember where I left off this round of Adventureland.

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Technology - N THE SHORE OF A LAKE. VISIBLE NきEBSNe5"。 SIGN SAYS "NO HERE" SOME EXITS ARE: NORTH SOUTH WEST WHAT SHALL I 007

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff Hm. I rocked this version of One on One. Could hit a three from anywhere. But the boxes my mom sent have no joystick! Will GameStop have one that fits these ports? >

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$Technology - 20 P... ..... E:CTEONIC AETS ERIC H T\. JUOLOUSE$

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff My kids thought things were insanely retro when my wife and I played NES Super Mario on the oldest's Switch. Tomorrow morning their definition of retro is going to shift significantly.

8.

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Text - LOCKED John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff : 10h. IN Replying to @JohnFPfaff My dad typed up labels for all my floppies, which is really sweet to remember. He was so thorough that he even included... who hacked the games. (I'm the only person in my immediately family who went to law school.) >

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Text - APPLE GAN D17 alife Hard Hat Lemmings 18158 single sidedidouble density soft sectored, cert. 40 tracks Vabotin Nashua.

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff Hacker screens! And ASCII art! On a 35 year old 5.25" magnetic disk from the first Reagan Administration. >

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Green - MILLION WAIR CK) COPY/CR YOUR-0 T PO N RONG OF MLIO g monitor 42214Mi coe. /HH/ WARE LORDS - WARE BUS AAAAAA AAAA APPLE HANOR THIEVES DEN (716) 654- C512) 441- COPZICAT CATWARE DISKRIBUTED montor THE HARE-NCLF O954

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff Wow. So this was an old trivia game I loved (Millionware). This screen gets to the point where it says "Say 'Hello' to our contestants Donna." And then the disk drive whirs w its little red light. Then you get "Thank you, Donna." 1984 computer humor.

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Screen - AS ALHAYS, I'LL BE ASSISTED BY THE LOVELY AND TALENTED DONNA DISKDRIVE. SAY HELLO TO OUR CONTESTANTS DONNA. THANK YOU, DONNA. monitor. CONTR TYPE ANY LETTER TO CONTINUE.

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff Of course, there is the downside. Here's everything I wrote my senior year in high school, unreadable thanks to the absence of the necessary program disk (AppleWorks). That, though...may be for the best.

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Material property - APPLEWORKS APPLEWORKS International Baccalaureate 3M APPLEWORKS APPLEWORKS Program APPLEWORKS Oct 1989 SS,DD,RH single side double density MEMOREX Flexible Disk

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff It's like riding a bicycle. But need to get that 100m dash time down a bit. That was respectable in the 1980s, but not anymore. >

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Green - f Olympic Decathlon A THE FIRST CUENT I8 montor THE 100-ETER DASH CO LBY TENO LFIOTS EI montor / ACED 12e

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Text - LUCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff This game... never got past the first level despite HOURS of (pre-internet cheating) trying. Now w the web, I have a shot. The music, tho. That classic Apple lle music. >

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Screen - monitor /// NEUROMANCER TROMH ThES INTERPLAY PHODUCTIONsINC 0:08

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Text - "No, look, kids. This computer has.no. hard-drive. The reason those giant disks say 'Disk Side' 1-4 is you had to keep flipping them over as you played." Hi-def Mario Kart 8 for the Switch there for comparison.

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Technology - 300A6 EUROMANCER 300 EUROMANCER File, fic BGS/7 d The Be BOS w/ ond compatibles Disk side 1 &2 Disk side 3&4 & 7. ESC 8.

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff I FOUND THE APPLEWORKS PROGRAM DISK. Insanely, it had been sitting in the disk drive for 30 years. I took it out without looking at the title. Going w 1995 to avoid any Y2K issues. And look: "folders."

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Green - GETTENG STARTED Dik Orive 2 MAIN MEMU 416 1. 2 Nork with one of the Files on the Desktop 1 Save Depitos Piles to disk 4 Funove Files from the Desktop The date must be 1983 or later, and in this form 28/84 S Other Activities 6. Quit SPESE today's date or prass Return /25/95 347X wail

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Text - LOCKED IN John Pfaff @JohnFPfaff Maybe l'll stop complaining about Word's clunkiness. That's a lie-l'm Scrivener thru and thru -but still... >

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Screen - REVIEN/ADD/CHANGE Escape Main Meru s sss as FLLA Nerourial OF Margin .5 inches Botton Rargin 1.5 inches john Pa English Centarad English Period l Mercurial» justified CoMmon English axpression refers to soneone as being In orde to understand this word. ve Rust look DUTUBO S4af a4a pue sóutureu URSud DUR e AI oc benind this vord is Mercury. He wag the son of ala He vas the Mastar Theif and the God of va the nessenger for the gods because he vas SONTR Ttry or usa orcnds for Hela Line 1 Co

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Text - Also, in the days before the Cloud, kids, you had to make sure you backed up your backups, bc those floppies could betray you. My dad wrote a computer financial modeling textbook. He... wasn't joking abt backups. Not sure why he went w the fancy Roman numerals tho (w "6" too!).

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Text - 361 Nashua ADDEEWORKS Fin Model Book Backup VI 6. TM Single Sided, Double Density. Solt seatored Nashua Professional Magnetic Media

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Text - Just found this letter my dad typed to me in 1986, when I was 11 and at summer camp. IREALLY WONDER what my theory abt the daily newspaper comics Spider- Man was. My dad passed away almost exactly a year ago. It's amazing to come across something so "ordinary" from him.

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Screen - File Let John 6Jul86 SO8EE s ss PUpper. e have our usual luck. We got off at exit 7 (which Looked promising, but really waan't), and aftar we ata, got back on exit 6, In other vords, we repeated part of the GCAP But we also got a large Coke plastic 'glass" which has Enjoy Coke' urittan on it in a number of different Languagesone of which your nother isn't even sure of. REVIEN/A00/CHANGE ss sss s Escape Main Menu 2333 s Un the way home Bog Smith read your cartoon paper, and ly enjoyed it

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Tagged: twitter , technology , awesome , computer , social media , win

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Choosing Beggar Doesn't Grasp Meaning Of Deposit

Ah, man, you can't make these choosing beggar cases up. This particularly clueless choosing beggar goes for the double back on a deposit that they'd already agreed to pay. They refuse to accept the reality staring back right in front of them. That can make for tough negotiations. Check out some more entitled people and their demanding boldness over here.

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Text - Hey I need to cancel today I'm not feeling well, thanks I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for letting me know. We can reschedule at a different time. Thanks u can just send my deposit back through PayPal or Venmo com

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Text - Unfortunately, I wasn't given enough notice so the deposit isn't going to be refundable. Hopefully we can reschedule for another time. Feel better! Soooo Ur going to just keep the money Without providing a service What a fucking scam

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Text - I think your definition of "deposit" is a little skewed. A deposit covers your appointment in the event that you cancel unexpectedly. I'm not "charging" you.. You made the appointment 100% aware that it wasn't refundable if I didn't have enough notice. gave u notice I could've just not showed

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Text - And I appreciate that but unfortunately it wasn't within the 24 hours that I needed the notice. I could've filled that spot if l'd had notice. That's why there is a deposit. I don't think u know what a deposit is or how to run a business A deposit just secures ur spot 2 I went to business school Maybe u should I did

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Text - I sat behind you You don't remember? What? When? Well, this has to be so embarrassing for you. You copied my homework that one time because you said you couldn't get it done... because you weren't feeling well.

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Text - U must have me mistaken with someone because I didn't have any classes with u You probably don't remember because you were absent a lot... because you weren't feeling well. No I wasn't. U don't know me like that

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Text - Just send me the deposit back and we are good I feel like you owe me anyway. I let you borrow lunch money like 25 times in business school. Call it even? U DID NOT FUCKING GO TO MY SCHOOL But u need to go back because u are clearly unprofessional and immature

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Text - That's what our instructor told me. Remember? It was the day we went over what a deposit was. Nevermind, you weren't there that day. Because you weren't feeling well. Something is seriously wrong with u. Wholeheartedly agree.

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Text - Nevermind, you weren't there that day. Because you weren't feeling well. Something is seriously wrong with u. Wholeheartedly agree. U are taking people's money. U are a scam artist. I will report u to the business Buereu The what?

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Text - U should know if u went to "business school" 5 Hope u lose ur license have a WONDERFUL day! Also my uncle is a cop so I will be letting him know I know. I know him personally. We went to Cop School together. Don't text me again

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Tagged: FAIL , cringe , ridiculous , cheap , choosing beggar

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Incompetent Boss Fires Employee At Beginning Of Meeting, Learns Lesson

It doesn't behoove a boss to not know what their employees do, and this boss set himself up for a world of pain in the form pointed and effective malicious compliance. It should be simple enough to understand that it's hard to get someone to do anything when they're effectively not working for you.

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Text - Text - r/MaliciousCompliance · Posted by u/exie610 21 hours ago Don't start a meeting by ending the meeting. oc XL My work environment is less an environment and more- so a conglomeration of duct tape, spit, and cussing. I managed, among many things, a set of rentals, accounts receivable, and customer database analysis. Essentially, our company's bus factor was far too highlow. Another important bit that I handled were various legal documents that the State requires meticulous processes t

2.

Text - Now, my boss kindly provided me a Pentium 4 dual core computer that he found at the bargain warehouse for about $40. I had the most sophisticated work station in the business, for context. This wasn't quite enough for database management and analytical software to boot up - more or less process a dataset, so I called up our IT guy. Who worked for the boss's friend's sister-in-law's business. 200 miles away. I go, "Hey Tim! I need to add my personal laptop to the company network. Can you m

3.

Text - Text - So Tim shows up. We get the boss to rubber stamp that this is all OK, and I have remote access to the servers and some annoying corporate* mandated securities on my laptop. Which, no big deal, they stay out of the way. *Tim's corporate. My boss doesn't know a computer from a VCR We didn't have anything like a software policy, either. I think some computers had Office 2007 installed, but that's clunky and makes data transfer complicated. It's the 20 teens, there's no need for that.

4.

Text - Text - Anyways. Things have been tense recently. I've moved almost all of my job to digital, and the boss thinks that means I don't work any more. Obviously, an office monkey with no papers is an office monkey with not enough work. Now, he wasn't EXACTLY wrong. I had been automating things, and was doing the job of about 6 people. How can I do the job of 6 people without the boss knowing? Easy. He likes to manage by the seat of his pants. One day he fired a maintenance person and just "ro

5.

Text - Text - Moving on, after two years of "shuffling" I had accumulated a large amount of jobs. Many of them tedious. And, with the right tools (made by me, at home, on my personal laptop that happens to be able to connect to the network), a good 4 hour job can be completed with about 10 minutes of sorting and parsing data. So the time comes. We all know its coming - one of the suits tipped me off that the particular suit who's payroll is wasted on chumps like me had propositioned the boss tha

6.

Text - Knowing that, I backed up everything to my personal google.drive account - but of course did not delete anything from the company owned one. Like I said, the State has a vested interest in these processes, and I knew in my heart-of-hearts that the company couldn't be trusted to maintain records. I didn't want to be on the hook for that in 6 years, so I kept a copy. I figured it would go smoothly. I'm called to the big office for a meeting. There's too many suits, my supervisor gives me so

7.

Text - Text - Well... that was blunt. And rude. So I stand up, extend my hand across the table, and prepare to thank him for the last few years. "NOT so fast. Sit down, we have things to discuss." Hahaha... what? I sit down for a moment, in brief shock. The adrenaline starts to pump and my finger tips are cold. Boss begins to tell me all of things they need from me. Contacts. Account statuses. Explanation of discrepancies on AR accounts. documentation for State interests. All things that, as his

8.

Text - Text - He exploded. Think of Karen, a millionaire Karen with little-brother syndrome who wants to be John Wayne but looks a bit too much like Smoky the Bear's fat cousin to get the role. His explosion was violent. Spit everywhere. I'll save you the details of how he stalked me to my car and demanded the employees "form a barrier". He called me a few times. They went to voicemail as I drove to a public wifi hotspot. I carefully removed my laptop from their network. I drove home, unpacked m

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Text - Text - The company doesn't flounder, of course. Bossman is a millionaire, and has been very carefully losing tens of thousands of dollars a year while operating his business. He may have lost some more in the interim. But that's not my concern. My concern is collecting my unemployment. And wouldn't you know, I was fired a few days before fall college class selection begins. I decide to take a few master level classes - I've had my BA for awhile, might as well get some more school in on th

10.

Text - Text - The bossman calls me this morning. I coyly thank him for firing me without cause a year ago, and let him know I made the Dean's list last semester. He tells me to fuck off, he called to take me up on my deal - he'll hire me at 5x my rate to give him some information. I remind him, "Wasn't the deal 10 times my rate?" Fuck you, 5x is too much. And I only need you for an afternoon. "Well, I've been thinking about it. My unemployment benefits run out in a week or two. So I'll do it. I'

11.

Text - Text - I hang up. He calls back an hour later, just moments before I started writing this, actually. It's actually his daughter, the comptroller of the company. She says she spoke some reason to the boss. He'll hire me at 20x my rate for 40 hours of work, half paid up front. "Actually, it was 100% up front, not half." Fine. she starts telling me what needs done. Turns out, they're failing a State audit quite badly. Like, "Boss is not a millionaire if this isn't fixed" kind of badly. They

12.

Text - Edit / Update: I got a call. They seem to have decided that the daughter/comptroller would be the best point of contact, which is fine with me. We got along fine, she has a nice kid that used to run around the office. It seems like the bulk of the issue is the information that they can't find. That's roughly zero work. But since they can't find that information at all, auditors are nitpicking very fine details that my replacements have bungled up. From the way she told it, it sounds like

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Text - "You don't understand, we only have until the end of the month. This needs started on today." I work fast, and it sounds like you should hire someone who knows how to write contracts fast, too. "Whatever. If you don't fix this you're.... you know what, nevermind. I'll email you something in the morning." Sounds like a plan, good night. 1 1 2 12 1 10 5 8 11 11 12 1 2 CO

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Text - HeadBonk Score hidden · 20 hours ago Why would you fire someone before getting what you need from them beforehand. You wouldn't tell a restaurant you want to dine and dash before the meal and expect to be fed... exie610, Score hidden · 20 hours ago You don't understand. See, Boss is a millionaire, and nobody tells John Wayne what to do and expects to live. How dare you question Boss. He's been in the business longer than you've been alive, Kiddo.

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Tagged: boss , employee , funny stories , revenge , work , lol , win

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Tumblr Story: Avengers Meet The Death Star

Now that's a fun way to put Ant-Man's iconic toys to good use. We can always count on Tumblr to deliver on the universe crossovers. It would be awesome to watch various Avengers react to a sighting of the Death Star. Thanos would've probably been stoked.

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Text - steveharrington scott lang, completely misunderstanding peter parker's power: hey if u want man we could get tiny and just like hang out, i don't know if you've ever been in a lego castle but it's pretty sweet peter parker: u have no idea how much physical pain having to turn this offer down is causing me but, north-star-lesbian Scott Lang, upon realizing Peter Parker can't shrink: oh okay no biggee, we'll just make the LEGO castle big

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Text - magical-awesome-kid Peter, ready to cry from joy: do you like Star Wars? Because I have a replica... and my friend Ned and I got it to fly... Scott Lang, a mechanical engineer and nerd: kid you are my people

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Text - letitrainathousandflames Tony, calling peter: ...and may I know WHY THE HELL IS SHIELD CALLING ME ABOUT A LIFE-SIZED DEATH STAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?! Peter: we didn't want it to crush any buildings so we brought it out here! Tony: THATS NOTMY POINT!!!

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Text - gingersnapwolves #and then Tony wonders when the hell HE became the responsible one#and promptly abandons his responsibilities#and jumps in his armor#to go zoom around the life size death star#pretending he's Luke doing the trench run (via) 153-centimeters-of-sass It got better!

5.

Text - aqueerkettleofish I was gonna SAY, Tony would fly out there, look at the thing, and go... No, this isn't life size. Impressive though. Okay, bugs, put on these helmets, we're taking this into orbit and doing this at 1:1 scale. joasakura Sam: Barnes is gonna make an awesome Chewbacca. Bucky: --

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Text - iconuk01 Guardians arriving back in Earth orbit for a visit: Rocket : When the **** did Earth get another moon? Peter Qull (with an indescribable look on his face, but knowing his entire life has built to this moment): That's no moon!

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Photo caption - literateterrarian (so this face?)

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Text - C a-court-of-dreams-and-assassins Yes Source: steveharrington #Ant-Man #Spider-Man #MCU #Marvel #Iron Man #GotG #Guardians of the Galaxy 271,937 notes

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Tagged: marvel , star wars , tumblr , awesome , superheroes , story , avengers , funny tumblr

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People That Hit Their Own Self-Destruct Buttons

Sometimes, we don't even need the clueless people of the online world to get called out. Sometimes, they do our jobs for us. The following collection of human beings were their own worst enemies on the internet. They accomplished this by tweet/posting statuses with minimal brain exertion.

1.

Text - @kaylasheagg *opens instagram* yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren

2.

Text - r/Showerthoughts u/SavageManO615 · 3h If you are 1 in a million there are 7000 people just like you 67 14 i Share BEST COMMENTS asoupo • 3h Poor bastards. + Reply 1 15

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Text - James Blunt O @JamesBlunt · 2h It's called the menopause, Matt. Matt Burns @RealMattBurns · 2d Can't believe l'm saying this, but I'm really enjoying @JamesBlunt's new album. What is happening to me?! O 109 27 655 ♡ 10.5K

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Text - mo @classically The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn't have a body wash called Knees and Toes disappoints me almost as much as I disappoint my parents.

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Text - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba I'm instantly attracted to people who have regrettable tattoos because it shows that they are able to live with a mistake, like being in a relationship with me would be

6.

Product - Lance Ulanoff O @LanceUlanoff · 13m There's your new iPhone 11! #AppleEvent 131 2I 1,632 1,983 ruby @l3avethecity · 12m That's the ugliest thing l've ever fuckin seen 6. 27 18 302 ruby @l3avethecity Replying to @13avethecity and @LanceUlanoff And I've looked in the mirror 10:58 AM · 10 Sep 19 · Twitter for iPhone 1 Retweet 78 Likes

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Text - She passed on the scalloped potatoes because. "I dont really like seafood." It was at that moment where I knew she was dumb enough to sleep with me.

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Organism - jules @cowboij about to comment "twin" on a pretty girls post to ruin her day >

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Text - aha ha • 5 months ago Yo mama so blind,she called me pretty. 5.6K 1 目 222

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Text - maritza @mariitzaaxx · 1h the earth is flat 1 sharkmeguy theory debunker . · 1h And I have a gf maritza @mariitzaaxx Replying to @sharkmeguy awe im happy for you 22:22 · 28 Apr 20 · Twitter Web App sharkmeguy theory debunker . · 2m Replying to @mariitzaaxx No we are both lying

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Text - Antwoorden valerie • 6 maanden geleden her cough is faker than all my friendships combined 12K 113

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Text - 1 Okay? Why do I feel like your iq has actually dropped recently Like - Reply 13m - Edited |Because i am interacting with idiots like you Like - Reply · 1m

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Text - fred nietzsche @cognitarians · 5h Posting about group chats is the lowest form of posting 4 ♡ 48 i'm sam spooner and i'm back from... @mezhraiontsy Replying to @cognitarians not invited to any either huh

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Text - J Munoz · 2 lata temu I never flirt with a girl who flirts back, I just can't go out with someone with standards that low. 6,1 tys. 目 25

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Text - * Cold Splidgy * Replying to @YouTube @_Splidgy_· 17h anyone else wish there was a dislike button on twitter? O 23 2736 3,799 YouTube O @YouTube · 13h we have one on YouTube :) 163 27 138 ♡ 4,070

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Eyewear - Comments 4.1K 芒 X Unfortunate Circumstances • 1 day ago Arnold can only smoke his stogies if his wife lets him. Unlike me, who doesn't have anyone to love or actually care about me. So, I can smoke my stogies whenever I want. Checkmate, Austrians.

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Text - Patricia @patriciarose_ Replying to @MaxZatlin Anyone who can't spell or use punctuation is in no poisition to questions people's intelligence. 4:38 AM · 8/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Bess Kalb @bessbell The only thing a blue checkmark means is you did not have many friends in high school and then went into media or entertainment. Eg by @petersagal 11m • 7/16/20 • 11:37 AM

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Text - YOU MATCHED WITI | 2019-12-03 You got plans tonight? I'm thinking we can get together, split a bottle of slivovitz, and make some mistakes Today 16:06 I never make mistakes Sorry You swiped right on me so you've made at least one Sent

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Text - Kim Kardashian West @go... ·5m v my check mark is real Eggward @Eggward2305 Replying to @govrnmentvenus @HomeAlonQTPIE and @chescaleigh That check mark is as real as my YouTube career POWERED BY 16 Tube Buddy -1 SUBSCRIBERS MILESTONE Jan 01, 0001 Eggward

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Tagged: twitter , FAIL , facebook , social media , ridiculous , Reddit

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Entitled People and Their Demanding Boldness

If you know anyone who you haven't talked to in months, but is so entitled and laughably bold that they'd demand that you renew your subscription service on their behalf, go ahead and cancel that service. Entitled and absurd audacity can come from a family member, boss or stranger, and it never stops being aggravating and perplexing.

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Text - 10:01 9 N M ll 25% Active just now hi took me a while to find you I'm hi who is this I'm you sold me your laptop a few years ago oh I remember now whats up well today I dropped my laptop and was wondering when you can come and fix it for me or take it to the apple store to fix it wtf Write a message ...

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Text - WHATSAPP 3m ago Your Netflix expires tomorrow. I know you aint talking to me and shit but could you please just renew it?

3.

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Text - 15h • Seeking clothes. Donation or for cheap in good nice condition for winter. Want zip up hoodies. Like aroepostale. Ambercrombie. Billibonng and brands like that. Want jeans brands silver and maurices and others. Size 14 length 27 but probably have to try on. Want think long John shirts bigger sizes. Probably have to try on. Stocking hat with a bill. Where some men's clothes. Like all colors. All of the Rochester groups where people harassed me then I was kicked have had pictures taken

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Text - Hey can I get you to do a full body detail of my OC??? Sure, that'll be anywhere from $25- $50 depending on the design and how many colors and if you'd like shadows or a background, can you send a pic of the OC? Uh I can't afford that can you do free? No? I could do a chibi head shot for free but there is no way l'm doing a full body detailed for free.. You sound like a scammer l'll report you and you'll never get anymore work OH NO! ANYWAY Your rude as fuck! Message...

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Blackboard - Miler DRINKING LINGO• GENUINE DRAFT Good call: MAKE IT STRONG you WANT FREE EXTRA BO0ZE. THATS NOT A THING You WANT TWICE THE BOOZE ND WLL BE CHARGED ACCORDIASLY "MAKE IT A DOUBLE "MAKE IT TALL → You THINK =MORE BOOZE ACTUALLY = MORE MIX "EASY ON THE ICE → MEANS YouRE THAT GUY 'ON THE ROCKS→ ICE BooRE.GLASS PERFECT IT'U TAKE CARE OF You" ...La. OK. "I KNOW THE OWNER→ so Do WEI WE WILL TELL HIM You SAY HI. @THE PIT_BAR #XTREMEACTIONPARK

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Text - ... 40m 0 What a racket! I watched my kids so excited to see the ice 00 ele they grabbed a $5 bill from their cream truck come around & braclet s only to be able to buy just 2 things because everything was $2, $3, $4! How do you turn away a 2-yr old who is holding a $1 bill Like ל Comment Share

8.

Text - Yesterday at 11:01 AM · O This is my first actual post . I'm looking for a collaborative partner to help me co write my first script. It's a comedy . I have the bones but am not a writer. Prefer someone with experience . I'm an artist but not a script writer . But I think it's pretty funny . This is not a paying job but I will split any future profits 50/50 if its made 1 15 Comments O Like Comment Author You have to have a sense of comedy . I'll reveal the details and script ideas if you

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Text - GUTA Jared Dines O 100 ... 3 j.O how dare l.. Please reply to me ... please...just one time.. I really need a guitar. Tue 9:00 PM Please Wed 2:03 PM Please reply to me. Wed 9:15 PM Hallo . please reply to me Please Thu 8:32 PM Ok I get it. You are also like others. Playing with people's emotions... Or you are a famous man so you don't want to talk to them, who made you famous... You don't care about your fans .so please don't make emotional video... just play guitar and time after time sa

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Text - ll Metro by T-Mobile ? 3:18 PM 47% O 20m · A Does anyone know who owns ? I just offered $3,000 for a bird and the young lady there would not even negotiate with me. Their business must be really good to walk away from cash!! Like לו Comment Author I asked if he was for sale and everyone said yes. They are asking $5k and I offered $3k-for my mother. 15m Like Reply View 1 previous reply... #choosingbeggar O3 13m Like Reply so you think asking them to take 40% less is a reasonable offer? Wri

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Product - Wawa Pease share that you work in one of the felds belew with our ansociate at the register to recelve your free collee Wiwe wiwa wawa Wawa With Our Heartfelt Thanks We invite all Teachers, Faculty and School Administration to enjoy Ofer extended to Teachen, facutx School Adminsution and Support Perionget FREE COFFEE (FOR A LIMITED TIME) O Like Comment A Share on us to thank you for everything you do, especially during this challenging time, to support students this new school year (1)

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Product - > Living in ... 2h · O Today's (9/4) LCS Meals from Heritage High School. Pick up at the school entree choice is Cheesy Beef Nachos or Pepperoni Pizza! Bus delivery entree is Cheesy Beef Nachos. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack included!! wHO PEL YOSTHOS CEMA DairyPure RISPY Cinnamn Toasi cřunch. ROLD GOLD hole Gr Cheddar orang heartzels Oniginal 113 83 Comments 6 Shares O Like Comment Share It's just so sad that not all children are included now. Broke my kids' hearts. View 3 previ

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Text - Living in 2h - 0 2h Like Reply It's just so sad that not all children are included now. Broke my kids' hearts. 2h Like Reply I agree! 2h Like Reply thought all kids in the city were included 1h Like Reply * thats bc someone doesn't live in the city... 1h Like Reply rao live in the city, but my kids are not enrolled in an LcS school. In the

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Text - l Superdrug 21:18 @ 1 75% 4 Tutor Message FREE O Bishop's Stortford, England Any tutors willing to do free work for a #singlemum you will gain valuable experience and a once in a lifetime opportunity to educate my little angel. Roll on the PM's XX O Like Comment Share

15.

Text - Today 1:15 AM hi i'm interested in working with u guys Today 7:26 AM how so? Today 1:37 PM so you guys could send me something & id post on my story and tag u guys & go live promoting you guys No thanks. I don't feel comfortable working with a private account weird ass bitch Imaoooo imagine coming into MY story asking for free stuff then getting upset cause I said no O bitch i didn't text u it was my manager your shit ugly as fuck anyways or deserves to be burnt now stfu before i take a h

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Text - WOULD ALL MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC PLEASE REFRAIN FROM WALKING DOWN THE STREET AS IT IS ĐỊSTUREING MY DOGS AND CAUSING THEM TO SOME MEMBERS OF OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD ARE FINDING THIS INT OLERA BLE! BARK. I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR CO-OPERATION IN. THIS MATTER.

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Tagged: wtf , absurd , bold , demanding , lol , entitled , cheap , money , stupid

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People's Trippiest Glitch In The Matrix Moments

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about people's most trippy, "glitch in the matrix" moments. Apparently, Neil deGrasse Tyson suggests that there's more than 50/50 odds that we're living in some kind of simulation. Even if that's true, there isn't much of anything to be done about it. This simulation still has its rules. That being said, some of these stories are chilling. Like, the dude who went for the bike ride that never happened, but it actually did.

1.

Text - nitrOzeus133 • 15h I have this weird thing where l'll be out somewhere, at a mall for example, and I see someone I know, but upon closer inspection it's not the person I was thinking of. It's just someone who looks like them. Then later on during the day l'll actually end up seeing the very person I thought I saw earlier. It's fucking weird and happens all the time. And it's not usually people I see on the regular. Often it's people I haven't seen in years. It sometimes happens with other

2.

Text - 37bagsofdragonass • 20h 適1Award I don't think l've ever actually told anyone this before, but here it goes. About a decade ago I was dating a girl who lived out of town. It was Friday, she got out of classes early, so she was going to come and visit me for the weekend. It was one of the first really warm evenings of Spring so decided that I would have enough time to do a quick bike ride and then clean up before she got to my apartment. The plan was to bike out on this dirt road up in the

3.

Text - The last thing that I remember was turning around at the 45 minute mark and seeing a path that went more or less straight up a mountain into the dense forest. It looked like a game trail. I couldn't bike it so i left the bike beside the road and curiosity got the best of me and i just started walking up the path even though i knew i was on a tight schedule and I didn't have any time to spare. Next thing I know I'm back in front of my apartment. Just laying in the grass staring up at the c

4.

Text - The mind is a funny thing. When presented with a solution to missing memories or any other type of glitch in the matrix, the brain will quickly adapt and suddenly you're like "I guess that makes sense." But something in the back of my mind kept whispering to me that something wasn't quite right. Goosebumps on my arm, but I didn't know why they were there. Through the entirety of the shower and cleaning up I was telling my girlfriend that, yes I went for a bike ride, yes, i guess it wiped

5.

Text - We drove out there and as we came to the game trail suddenly chills all down my body and my mind caught up with my subconscious and asked the question that I was avoiding: WHERE THE HELL IS MY BIKE? Because I saw it. It was where I left it. On the side of the road. How the fuck did I end up back at my place in time for my girlfriend to be there if I walked back when it took me 45 minutes to bike out there (not include time it took to walk up the path)? Why the fuck did I decide to leave m

6.

Text - -AboveAverageJoe • 21h I was home alone one weekend, and decided to make myself scrambled eggs for breakfast. Took a full carton out of the fridge. Grabbed an egg, cracked it. Went to a grab a second egg, only to notice the carton was...full. Again. I stood there and stared at the full carton for a few minutes (expecting one to disappear maybe? Idk), then I just threw them all out. Wasn't gonna fuck around with phantom eggs. There is probably a rational explanation but I know what I saw.

7.

Text - SnooMaps3695 • 18h My friend still to this day after 25 years swears he saw me at the shopping centre we went and had lunch at the food hall. He said I seemed distant. I was 200km away visiting my sister at the time. Reply 231

8.

Text - Labunadium • 21h I feel déjà vu too much. Sometimes something happens, and i remember it from years ago. And it's not once or twice. It happened a lot. Reply 539 ...

9.

Text - valiantAcquaintance • 13h I swear to God there's a glitch that turns socks into Tupperware lids that has yet to be patched. I have like, 30 Tupperware lids and maybe 5 of the actual tubs. Meanwhile I can't find a matching pair of socks for the life of me. Reply 55 ...

10.

Text - PepeTheFRQG• 20h I've told this story a few times, my mum came back from grocery shopping with this huge ass rockmelon, and we planned to eat it that night. Fast forward two hours or so, we open the fridge and the rockmelon's nowhere to be found. We check everywhere but still don't find it. How can something that big go missing?? Reply ↑ 55 ...

11.

Text - notetaking83 • 16h So I borrowed a history book on a very niche topic through an inter library loan program. This was for a senior thesis in 2008 in my final year of college. I underlined certain passages in pencil and made notes, and was too lazy to erase everything before returning the item. Cut to 5 years later, I'm visiting a friend in a large city. I had time to kill, so I walk around the city and happen upon a seemingly random university campus. It's a nice urban campus, and I remin

12.

Text - Avicii_DrWho • 21h Once I couldn't find the tv remote. I gave up and just watched the YouTube vids that were autoplaying. Maybe 30 minutes later it appeared right next to me while I was sitting, too obvious to have been missed. Reply 82 ...

13.

Text - uhthatsdebateable • 18h When I was a kid it was the middle of a weekend, my parents were out on the porch talking to our neighbors, and I was playing on my Xbox 360 I had gotten as a gift in the living room. I went into the kitchen to grab a drink and I walk back in. My Xbox is off, and my parents and sister are inside eating dinner. It was like right after lunch when I went to get a drink. I always wonder where those six hours of my life went. Creeped me out. Reply 65 ...

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Text - Rhinocerous-rear-end • 18h I passed the scene of an accident involving a silver suzuki 4x4. About 3 seconds later I drove past another silver suzuki 4x4, looked in the mirror, and saw that the accident was gone and that the SUV was driving casually over the horizon. Reply 1 32 ...

15.

Text - It was a very odd situation, and perhaps the largest "glitch in the matrix" scenario of my life. I went into the locker room of my gym after my workout to change into my regular clothes, get my stuff, and leave. I forgot exactly which locker was mine, but knew the general area it was in, so I decided to just open up each locker (many lockers locked with 3-digit- combination padlock Masterlocks in that section) until I found mine. So, I kept putting in my combination to every new lock, but

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Text - Naturally, I started freaking out. My clothes, phone, wallet, and metrocard were in my locker, and I just started walking in circles, thinking what to do. I thought that the devil who stole from me must have picked my lock, got all of the stuff out, and then closed the lock to not arouse suspicion before he went on his merry way. Just as I was about to walk out of the lockeroom, I had a strong urge to try to open the lock on the locker right next to the one I just opened. So, I attempted

17.

Text - That locker was mine, and the lock RIGHT next to mine opened to the SAME, EXACT COMBINATION. The padlock has 40 numbers, and each number of the 3- number combo can be any of those 40. Can you believe how unbelievably small the odds are to have two locks open to the same combination, side-by-side??? Even engraved factory number on the back of the locks were one digit apart! Well, I decided that it would be absolutely amazing to have 2 locks with the same combo, so I relocked the lock that

18.

Text - Welp, it didn't last for long, as the matrix had to rectify itself. A couple of months later, I came to the lockerroom after my workout to change, with the same story: didn't remember which lock was mine, but I would just try my combo out until I found it. I tried ALL of the locks in the locker room multiple times, and none of them opened to my combo. Again, I started freaking out, believing I had been robbed. Welp, I got another strange urge to open an empty locker right before I left th

19.

Text - The catch? The lock that was clipped was the same lock that I took home months prior. EDIT: Here are the pics of the locks with a stamped code differing by 1 digit, and the clipped lock, the note, and the $5 (not $10) surprise I received a couple of months later. Reply 107 ...

20.

Text - creep-in-the-corner • 21h went to get sheets for my bed and there were 2 neatly folded sheets right were i was just sitting. Reply 48 ...

21.

Text - SliceofVie • 21h I don't turn on the lights in my room, I just have natural light or fairy lights but I swear to god sometimes it's just dark, not like blinking but just for a second it is completely dark in the middle of the day before going back to normal Reply 93 ...

22.

Text - blobster110 • 17h I felt like i lived a day 3 times. Everything was the same. But people wore different clothes. But the conversations I had were the exact same. Weird asf. Reply 16 ...

23.

Text - OshikuruDemon • 17h One time, I made myself some brownies. I ate two over the course of a day, and when I went back to the tray the next day it was only missing one. I experience deja vu very consistently, and it can be triggered by the same event happening a second time. I woke up one morning and it was dark outside. I stared at my window for a second and it suddenly became bright, as if someone took the light slider and set it to max. This was accompanied by a strange .. moan? Screech?

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Tagged: crazy , the matrix , wtf , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit , weird

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Tumblr Post: Humans Fail At Accurately Identifying Flirting

If you've ever felt like the struggle is painfully real for you when it comes to identifying flirting, this quick Tumblr thread is here to reassure you that you are not alone. No, it turns out that studies have been conducted showing that humans are generally challenged when it comes to being able to identify actual flirting signals. Yeah, we're not out here reading minds. Facial expressions, underlying social habits of different individuals in different situations make for a disorienting melting pot, where it's pretty much impossible to tell what's going on.

Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this Tumblr post about humans' willful ignorance. We're terribly forgetful creatures.

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Text - teaboot The number of times I have been delighted by witty banter only to find out later that I was "Flirting" is both unfortunate and disappointing. teaboot "haha so what about that guy, huh?" Me: what about him "Well you seemed super into him" Me: what why ..dude you were flirting all night"

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Text - Me: Me: Whoms'TTMTM trainerdelaney I found out several of my female coworkers were planning on trying to get our male coworker to ask me out because "You guys kept flirting" but I was like "We were literally just goofing around. Like we literally just told jokes to each other. Literally just stuff that friends do, the same stuff you and I do." I was definitely 100% NOT flirting but everyone thought I was

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Text - trainerdelaney "You were laughing at everything TJ did!" "He paper clipped a banana to the ceiling, Isabelle. That's fucking bonkers" spindletrees This might be a good time for Ms. Psych degree here to step in and let ye all know that People Are Unable To ldentify Flirting. There are double-blind studies to support this, if you instruct participants to flirt or not flirt with another participant, neither the second

4.

Text - participant nor onlookers are able to accurately tell which instruction the first participant was given. Even if you get the flirting participant to rate their attraction to the person they're flirting with, and only count trials where people are either flirting with people they find attractive, or not flirting with people they don't find attractive NO ONE CAN TELL WHO IS FLIRTING OR WHO ISN'T.

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Text - gallantblade475 I've heard that people actually have a "less than 50% chance" of guess whether someone is flirting or not. saxifraga-x-urbium Thank fuck this isn't just me failing at humanity

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Tagged: flirting , tumblr , relatable , relationships , ridiculous , psychology , dating , funny tumblr

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Tumblr Thread: Timelessly Entertaining Internet Gems

This fun Tumblr thread takes a quick look at some iconic moments in the history of the internet that could likely make civilizations that are thousands of years old, still laugh. Some things are just funny no matter what kind of societal conditioning you've had. Check out another interesting moment from Tumblr with this thread about "Thomas the Pain Engine."

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Text - headspace-hotel S headspace-hotel forget the Internet things that would be incomprehensible 2 years ago phenomenon where is the appreciation for Internet things that you could show to someone from 3000 BC and be almost sure they'd get a kick out of it 1 headspace-hotel

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Text - A short list of things that probably would be funny to humans in any time ever: objects shaped like dicks funky dances dancing badly to bangin music dogs being stupid (we’ve had those idiots domesticated for 30,000 years) teenage boys being stupid slapstick that video where the guy is singing/ chanting while bouncing on a tree branch and it abruptly breaks under him

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Text - that video where two guys are trying to get their phone out from behind a fence with sticks and one loses his stick so the other climbs the fence, gets the stick, and ignores the phone literally any video with animals acting like people headspace-hotel Now what I need is like a bunch of memes and funny shit arranged on a timeline showing the earliest time period where they would be funny/understandable.

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Text - Obviously you'd have a lot that's based on really recent pop culture references, but by like, 2,000 BC...a lot of tropes our stories still use have been established, there are stringed instruments, people have pet cats and dogs...so much would be familiar you know...Ancient Egyptians would love funny cat compilations and you know this is the case and they would probably love the videos of people playing guitars for pleased or unimpressed pets.

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Text - captainlordauditor the “i bring you myrrh..myrrhDER" vine, assuming a universal translator, can go back about 2,000 years headspace-hotel Assuming a universal translator, you know what would absolutely kill an ancient Sumerian or babylonian?

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Brick - ON THIS SITE N 1B91 NOTHING HAPPENED

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Text - this carved monuments to important rulers and their victories are basically the oldest written records we have. imagine an ancient Babylonian seeing this headspace-hotel

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People - GRIER and F Y GRIER and F eshinMyrtie tyrtet PeST YOUR PHOTOS NNRPTRS

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Text - This goes back a few thousand years too, sandals and third wheeling are as old as civilization Source: headspace-hotel #memes #humans #internet #history 2,660 notes

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Tagged: humor , history , tumblr , Memes , ridiculous , funny tumblr , funny tumblr posts

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Kid Keeps Vandalizing Mailbox, Dad Builds Indestructible Mailbox

We don't know what it is about troublemakers and mailboxes. Apparently, people that enjoy breaking the rules, especially enjoy messing with people's mailboxes. This particular pro revenge story involves a kid repeatedly vandalizing a family's mailbox, but we've seen this tale before with different characters. Yes, we're talking about the time that an evil snowplow met its match in the form of a steel enforced mailbox.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/burner_john_doe • ly 30 yrs later and they are still standing TL:DR At the end I grew up on a country road with 4 houses. Our mailboxes were on the main road. Someone kept vandalizing the four mailboxes by driving through them breaking the posts. I recall replacing the mailboxes a few times on weekends. After 4-5 times, my dad and the neighbors hatched a plan. My dad told me to go to bed early we have a lot of work to do in the morning. After breakfast we go to the m

2.

Text - We proceed to dig two very deep holes. Digging holes is very back breaking were I lived, as the land was very rocky region. You only dig about 6 inches before we had to dig out a bunch of rocks in the hole. We took turns digging out the rocks over the entire morning. There was a lot of motivation as this was the last time we were going to fix the mailboxes. We dig two holes 6 feet deep and hoist two uncut 12 foot railroad ties in each hole. We then proceed to fill to the top of each hole

3.

Text - A month goes by, and the kids and I walk to the mailbox to meet the bus. We discover what happens when a moving car meets an unmovable object. There is an old blue Buick Century with smashed up grill and bent wheel, and nobody in the car. This was well before cellphones so we run to the closest house and tell the mom what we saw. We go back to main road and get on the bus with the car still there. We find out later the highway ticketed the driver, 14 yr old kid, and towed the vehicle. Now

4.

Text - The kids dad tried to fight it by saying the mailboxes were not legally built. Turns out mailbox construction is set by the state and county and our state/county did not have any regulations on county mailboxes. I smile every time I go home, after 30 years, the indestructible mailboxes are still standing. TLDR: Kid kept vandalizing our mailbox by running them over, built indestructible mailbox, crashed his car, lost license for 18 months. I smile every time I go home, as 30 years later th

5.

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Tagged: neighbors , satisfying , revenge , smart , Reddit , karma , vandalism , win

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Dumbest Things People Did For No Reason

Sometimes our brains take power naps when we're in the middle of a busy day, proactively trying to not fail. There's no telling when the next profound brain fart might strike, but at the very least these stories will make you feel better about your most memorable, unexplainable dumb moments.

1.

Text - r/AskReddit u/blackwatchdoctor • 2y What is the dumbest thing you've ever done for absolutely no reason?

2.

Text - Sooperwhooper • 2y 2 Awards We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said "get rid of this". So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway. That was over ten years ago, I still get shit for it. 43.5k issathrowaway12• 2y Your unwavering and unquestioning obedience is admirable 19.9k

3.

Text - spaghatta111 • 2y 1 Award One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn't even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing. Why did I do that? Edit: someone spent real money on me because I ate a muffin. I feel so.. dirty... 33.5k

4.

Text - justtosubscribe • 2y 1 Award Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap. I wasn't wearing a watch. I didn't even own a watch. Never have. 29.0k

5.

Text - -fakebirds- • 2y 1 Award My dad was sleeping on the couch and I happened to be holding an avocado. Without giving it a second thought, I chucked the avocado at his head for no reason. It plonked right off his forehead, woke him up of course, and he was so furious he couldn't look at me for the rest of the day I was like 11 years old, and my dad has a temper. The moment it left my hand I knew my life was ending so I just helplessly watched it sail into his sleeping face Edit: chunked to ch

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Text - winsomelosemore • 2y 1 Award Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway. 23.3k

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Text - haccthaplanet • 2y Sometimes I blow on my ice cream before I take a bite. Have no idea why. 22.5k junkhacker • 2y 1 Award here's what i suspect was going on brain: food, is very temperature! also brain: no worry, learned from soup, know what do 27.7k

8.

Text - carrotsandbread • 2y As a kid, my parents would tell me to go brush my teeth, and being the stupid kid that I was, I would go to the bathroom and lock the door, leave the water running, wet my toothbrush and rinsed my mouth to make it look like I brushed my teeth, along with squeezing tiny blobs of toothpaste to make it look used, and would rub the toothbrush across my arm to make the brushing noises, while eating mints to make my breath seem legit. All in all, this process took more time

9.

Text - samanthalynn-s • 2y 1 Award Went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. Barista hands it to me and I put it into my purse with no lid. 17.1k NothingGoodLasts • 2y idk why but that reminds me of the time I saw a customer at this pizza shop I work at turn his pizza box sideways and tuck it under his arm on his way out...what a mess 6.7k

10.

Text - Missy Deanna • 2y I'm 34 years old and my Dad still tells the following story of me doing a dumb thing to anyone willing to listen. When I was 8 years old I got a pack of Big League Chew gum. I was hanging out in the garage with my Dad & when he saw I was about to open the gum he said, "Now whatever you do, do not put this in your eye." I said ok, I won't. I then walked into the house, went upstairs into my bathroom, chewed on a ton of gum, took it out of my mouth and put it on my eye. Th

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Tagged: FAIL , askreddit , ridiculous , dumb , Reddit , stupid

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Parents' Most Absurd Conversations With Their Toddlers

There's no question that parenting is an emotional rollercoaster. Countless sleepless nights, and some kind of temper tantrum are regular occurrences for parents just trying to live some kind of remotely peaceful existence. This particular AskReddit thread considers some parents' most unexpected, absurd conversations that they've had with their toddlers. Some wild conversation topics from the thread include how it's not okay to color the cat, or how one is not advised to take lettuce to bed with them.

1.

Text - SmudgeZelda• 3d 2 Awards We have an almost daily conversation about how its not nice to color the cat. Reply 2.9k

2.

Text - Overthemoon64 • 3d 3 Awards So we were counting down the time on the microwave until her chicken nuggets were done. 3...2...1...END. Not zero. The worst tantrum today was that she wanted to count down to 0 on the microwave, but there is no 0 just END. "No I can't make the microwave be 0 sweetie." Reply 2.5k ...

3.

Text - MadameBurner • 3d 1 Award No, you can't take the lettuce to bed with you. He was 4 at the time and the head of lettuce was his new best friend. Edit 1: Thanks for the award! Edit 2: Glad to hear I'm not the only parent who has a kid that befriended foodstuffs Reply 2.5k ...

4.

Text - therealDannyMartin • 3d Why it isn't nice to lick people..or the dog Reply 1.3k ...

5.

Text - ThatOneWritingPerson • 3d 1 Award "You can't go to school today because it's Saturday!" And then she sulked because who the heck dares close the school two days per week. I hope she'll still be this motivated during her teen years. Reply 1.4k ...

6.

Text - captconfusion • 3d My sister took video if our nephew banging his head on the screen door and him giggling the entire time. On video she said 'if you keep doing that your head will hurt' he just continues. She saved the video to show his mom to prove she wasnt abusing him. Reply 202 ...

7.

Text - landreasen 3d 1 Award I had to explain to my 2 year old today that we don't in fact just wash one hand after using the bathroom. "This ones not dirty!" Followed by a plethora of tears of course. Reply 940 ...

8.

Text - stobbsm • 3d Not that it was today (he's now 12), but the big one was: No, you can't climb in the oven. Happened everyday for about a week.

9.

Text - BlissfulThunderStorm • 3d Cats claws are not called a "foot fork" Reply 64 ...

10.

Text - The_Mr_Pigeon • 3d "No buddy, the iPad doesn't go in the toilet." In the space of 24 hours he's also deposited two fresh nappies, a tin of soup and a plastic froggy into the porcelain throne. The Amazon delivery for a toilet safety lock better arrive this afternoon because he keeps picking up my car keys and smiling at me. Reply 3 ...

11.

Text - bumpywigs • 3d Stop drinking your bath water. Reply 1.7k ...

12.

Text - oilpaint8 • 3d Quit turning all of the lights off while we are eating dinner! Reply 3 ...

13.

Text - AngelMeatPie • 3d "Why are there cars and trains in the fridge?" Yesterday it was "don't lick the dishwasher!" Reply 207 ...

14.

Text - Desidiosus • 3d "No, I don't think baby ostriches are particularly afraid of mummies." She has an active imagination. Reply ...

15.

Text - Casey25 • 3d "Please have a bite of your hamburger, then you can have more veggies." Reply 3

16.

Text - cheezygritz3 • 3d "Yes, that's a beautiful leave you found!! No, i will not eat it." -cue tantrum... Reply 3 ...

17.

Text - clarissaswallowsall • 3d Not today but yesterday in her OT session. Occupational Therapist "so what do you do when you're angry to calm down?" My 4 yr old "I squeeze my voodoo doll" Ot and I look at each other Ot: "do you have a voodoo doll?" 4 yr old "no, but I think about it a lot" Reply 2 + ...

18.

Text - MaleficiumFervor • 3d I once was told: "You can't drive toy cars in your brothers hair" Reply Vote ...

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Tagged: toddler , kids , askreddit , parenting , ridiculous , Reddit , funny

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Employee Pranks Boss, Boss Pulls The Reverse UNO Card

What began as a silly spider prank, evolved into a rollercoaster of unforeseen circumstances. Just picturing a prank backfiring to such an extent that you're literally staring at your boss who looks like he's having a heart attack, is enough to give anyone with a decent head on their shoulders, the fear. As it turns out though, this boss was merely taking the prank to the next level, and pulling the iconic reverse UNO card. Did the boss take it too far, by letting things play out for as long as he did? Maybe so. At least we got this story out of the experience.

1.

Text - r/tifu + Join u/prankeyprank • 1d TIFU by putting my boss in the hospital M I'm typing this from home as my work unexpectedly received a half-day for my antics. So my boss and I have been having a little prank war. Nothing extravagant nothing harmful: just fun little office pranks to keep spirits up. I work in corporate insurance so most of my day is spent behind a desk and it gets very boring at times.

2.

Text - Well my boss pranked me good last week with the help of an IT guy that sent an email which the font size in the email slowly decreased and then all the sudden a picture of a baboons ass popped up with a farting noise (which my boss made sure the sound was all the way up on my little desk speakers). Scared the crap out of me and made my coworkers laugh. Anyway, I'm thinking I gotta get him back. My buddy works on the same floor but has permission to come in a little earlier as he is in man

3.

Text - I waited until after lunch to spring my trap. I walked into his office "what's up boss Blah Blah blah." Hes sitting at his desk, prime position for a spider drop down. Sol go to tie my shoe and unhook the fishing line that I taped to the leg of his desk. I started lowering the spider. Eventually the spider comes down and touches his nose. He starts freaking out and falls out of his chair clutching his chest gasping for air. I just kinda stood there in shock like "SHIT!" Anyway, paramedics

4.

Text - TIFUPDATE putting my boss in the hospital M So l'll begin where I left off yesterday. original post if you haven't seen it Paramedics loaded my boss onto a wheeled stretcher (or whatever they call them) and put him in the back of an ambulance to go off to the hospital. I seriously thought that he was in big trouble because the paramedics were treating him like he was having a severe heart attack. He looked like he was on the verge of dying as they loaded him up.

5.

Text - Anyway, afterwards my other manager tells us all to go home. It was Labor Day so there weren't that many people working. I go home and am freaking out, nervous as hell until my manager called me and told me my boss was stable but it was close. "Come in tomorrow for work at 10am we need to have a discussion" At this point l'm double freaking out because l'm thinking "shit l'm going to get fired over a stupid ass spider prank." I get into work at about 950 and I make the dreaded trip up to

6.

Text - He takes me to my bosses office. Which I thought he was going to ask what the spider on the fishing line was doing there and then, after I answered, fire me. Door was already open and after I walk in my manager tells me to take a seat and then he closes the door after I step in (he stayed out). I sat down, pretty much sweating out of my clothes and all the sudden, to add insult to injury, my boss sneaks up behind me and yells "THOUGHT I WAS DEAD HUH!!!" Well at that point I basically shit

7.

Text - At this point I'm both relieved, terrified, and just generally shook. And he sits down and tells me how he did it. Apparently the manager (my buddy from last post) that let me in early on Labor Day told him about my entire plan. My boss knew about the spider and pretty much planned around my move The fucker literally let a bunch of workers have a half day to foil my prank and got his EMT buddy to make a quick stop by to "treat his heart attack." I'm never pranking my boss again. On a good

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Tagged: boss , employee , FAIL , prank , tifu , Reddit

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2020/09/20